_____
''No one saved me until you did.''
_____
Heartbreak kept on drowning around them. Draco was held in a chaotic battle between wanting to leave the house and stay still with Amelie. He didn't know what was for the better.
He was sinking so far beneath the surface in the missing of her that he didn't know if he'd ever make it back up. He was constantly buried in the loss of her.
It was hard to fall asleep, to wake up when he finally found a moment of rest because he dreamt — and he always dreamed of her. He didn't want to leave that protected, safe place in his mind.
Draco wanted to be there with her. In his world of imagination, where he was able to love her freely, unconditionally without ever being questioned. He felt her next to him, her skin brushing against his at night, but it wasn't the same.
She was here, but she wasn't.
It pained him tremendously — so much that he'd put the warmest temperature on in his shower, nearly burning his skin just to feel something, but not even that caused the blond to get in phase with his emotions.
He was a wreck without her.
It wasn't human to feel this way. To have her so close, still with such a distance between them.
Draco turned around, facing her in the darkness as he watched with the small flicker of moonlight lightening up the room, how her chest rose and fell. It felt like it was all he could do, make sure that she was still breathing.
''I miss you,'' He whispered, trailing the tips of his fingers over her arm, ''It's something I never thought I'd say to anyone, but I do...'' The goosebumps coating her skin caused a slight arch in the corner of his mouth, ''I do miss you.''
He was breathing lightly, feeling nauseous at the loss of her, ''I have nightmares again,'' He confessed to her unconscious self. He never spoke about his haunted dreams.
''I have nightmares again, and I could really need you right now,'' His heart ached, the pain of it flushed through his veins, ''I need you to ease my pain like you always said I eased yours.''
He still — somewhere in the constant disbelief that she'd failed to wake up, hoped that she'd answer him, even if he knew she wouldn't. It was as if a piece of her, living inside him, kept that wish alive.
''I need you to ease my pain, Amelie. I don't know—''
He didn't want to speak. He didn't know what to say because he didn't want to bother her, but he felt as if he could be honest with her. As if he could speak his truth and she'd never judge him.
Amelie never did. She never deemed him for what he was. He never spoke much about it, he didn't open up to anyone about the dark secrets he carried, but he still understood that she saw it.
That she was more than well aware of what he'd done and who he was — but she still cared for him the same. Amelie was wise like that. She didn't convict before listening and knowing the brutal truth.
She never held him accountable for what he did in her absence and before she met him. She knew of him, and she carried the reality of him being the boy he was — but she didn't push him, not once.
She held so much grace for being as haunted as she was. She was an angel living in everyone else's hell, and Draco could never compare to that, nevertheless understand it.
He could never grasp just how selfless she was, how much she put everyone else above herself, no matter how sinful they seemed to be. Her heart was gentle, so soft that it constantly melted at the caring of people around her.
That always seemed to be her price to pay, everyone in this world, everyone in her life using her for it.
''I've done things before I took you here before you disappeared after you were gone, and now...'' It was hurtful, admitting to himself what he was — what he'd done to other souls in the protection of hers.
''...and now I've done worse.''
It hurt, confessing to what he was about to, ''Something happened to Theodore and I couldn't—'' Aching pain sored through him, ''—and I couldn't do anything. It was the first time I've ever felt so helpless. I was just lying there, while he...''
Malfoy couldn't tell her about this without her mind being present. He didn't know what it could do to her in her sleep.
It was so quiet in the mansion. Not even the birds that would start chirping at the morning rise did so anymore. Everything was carried in devastation.
''I don't know why—'' Draco swallowed, gently pulling his touch on her arm away as he tucked his hand underneath his pillow, ''—I don't know why I turned out this way. Why I became this horrible person but I did. In the beginning, I was forced into it. You know how my father gets, and you know how your father was...''
It struck him again as his insides coiled in pain. He had killed her father, even if he didn't regret it now — even if he truly believed that he did the right thing, robbing her father of his pathetic excuse of a life, it still hurt because she loved him all the same.
She was mad, she didn't look at him in the way she used to for days after she found out, but she let it go — she let her own suffering slide to save Draco from his.
It was always him to her.
''But after a while,'' He huffed to himself, closing his eyes, and he focused on her breathing, ''After a while, I faded into what everyone expected me to be. I turned colorless in a world full of shades, and I just...''
He sighed, reaching for her hand.
''I just let myself cave. I became the monster I was meant to be, and I did all of the things no one thought I'd do, only because I didn't have anything or anyone.''
His fingers tangled with hers, and he carefully traced them up to his lips.
''No one saved me until you did,''
He kissed her knuckles.
''You saved me when I was meant to take everything away from you, and it made it all so clear that I don't have to be what everyone else expects of me because you're not. You had the same fate as I did. The same father, the same childhood and still...''
Even if he knew the words to speak it, to explain her strength out loud — he couldn't because when it came down to it, every word failed to compare to her.
''And still, you are you...'' His breaths fanned the spine of her hand, ''My Amelie.''
He let her arms rest across her chest again, and he propped himself up on his elbow, gazing over her angelic self.
''I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, but it's just...'' He mumbled, leaning closer as he kissed her head, ''It's just you.''
Draco didn't speak another word. He laid down on his back again, dragging the silk over his exposed chest, and he fell asleep to the sound of her breathing. It was the most soothing thing to him, knowing that she was still alive.
_____
''You're not going alone.'' Theodore yelled out, standing stubbornly in the doorway, ''How many times am I supposed to tell you? You're not going alone. That's the end of it.''
Draco's neck snapped, inhaling sharply through his nose, and he did everything possible not to let all of his emotions out on Theodore, ''Who do you think you are? My father? Someone in charge? You couldn't even defend yourself, and now you have that bloody thing on your arm. How am I supposed to explain that to her?'' Draco's hand gestured towards Amelie, still sleeping on his bed.
''How am I supposed to tell her that I was stupid enough to let you come along?'' His exposed chest heaved as he forced himself off the mattress, ''She's been out for a week, Nott. One damn week and we managed—''
''We?'' Theodore frowned, crossing his arms, ''What do you mean we? You mean, you.''
Draco's mouth dropped, holding onto the firm edge of not exploding right there and then, ''Me?'' He shouted, ''How is you not taking out your bloody wand, my fault? The only reason you got that mark was because you couldn't defend—''
''Oh no, it's not we anymore, it's me?'' Theodore took a step forward, glaring evilly at the blond, ''I just don't think it's fair to her that you go out there alone. What if you get killed? You need help.''
Draco's jaws gritted, his bare muscles clenched. He knew that if he even spared Theodore as much as a glance right now — he'd kill him too.
''And not to think about you,'' Theodore pointed towards him, ''Keeping the two of us in the dark about searching for her mother.''
Draco marched up to his closet, violently slamming the doors to it open, and he dragged out a shirt, threading it over his arms and buttoning it in furious silence. Every move was rough.
''Are you not going to say anything else? You're just comparing me getting the mark to you being killed—''
''You need to shut that bloody mouth of yours, right now.'' Draco warned him, still not meeting his eyes, ''You have no clue about what I have done or not, so I suggest for you to stay out of it. I managed almost three months without you putting your nose where it doesn't belong. I think I'm more than fine without your concern, Nott.''
''What about her?'' Theodore strode up to the bed, making Draco's arms flung out in the air by the lack of privacy as Theo noticed, ''No, don't do that. She's my best friend too. I shouldn't have to ask to come in here—''
''No, but it's our room, hers and mine. I certainly don't appreciate you storming in here in the morning to yell at me,'' Draco stated, marching up to the other side of the bed, ''You can't just come and go as you please.''
''Hell I can,'' Theodore's face fell into a grimace, nearly a mantle of hurt, ''I am allowed to see her too, and this isn't even about that—''
''Then why did you make it about that?'' Draco questioned, his tone dangerous, ''I don't have to answer to you. What I do, and who I choose to look for, isn't any of your business.''
Theodore's sight dropped, and his heart ached as he looked down at her, ''She deserved to know. It's always her being kept in the dark Malfoy, how do you think she'll take this? Knowing that you lied to her even before—''
''Don't,'' Draco snapped, raising a threatening hand in the air to hush the brunet down, ''Don't you dare speak for me. You don't know what I told her or what I kept from her.''
''Well, she certainly didn't know about you looking for her mother on your own, she would've told me,'' Theodore fired back, frustrated that he thinks his own best friend would lie to him, ''This isn't fair, I'm looking out for her, but you're only looking out for yourself.''
Draco's hands flew to his hair, desperately tugging it back as his eyes widened, ''Are you out of your mind? I'm protecting her! I've always—''
''Oh, you mean like you protected her when you kidnapped her?'' Theodore hewed him off, shaking his head disappointingly, ''Or when you lied to her to get her memories, or when you beat the life out of me, or when you killed her father—''
''That is fucking enough, Nott. That is more than fucking enough,'' Draco swallowed his loud voice, talking so calmly that Theo believed him to be mental, ''I'll give you one chance to get out of here right now, one chance.''
''Or what?'' Theodore kept his note severe, ''Are you going to—''
''What on God's earth are the two of you doing?'' Narcissa whispered harshly as the two boys flinched around to watch her, ''Enlighten me, please.''
Her hands gripped her waist, and her head shook angrily, ''Because if you two are doing what I think you are, I will lock you both out of this room, and neither of you will see her.''
Draco gulped, his face shifted in slight fear as Theodore slowly backed away from the bed.
''This is unacceptable,'' Narcissa strode up to the bed, glaring both of the Slytherins down so viciously that shivers trailed their spines, ''Where do you two find the audacity to act like this in front of her? You can fight everywhere in this house, but you will not—''
Narcissa had to restrain herself from yelling as she stroked a soft, motherly hand over Amelie's cheek, fixing the covers, so it fell smoothly over her body. She was so careful with the girl's unconscious self.
She bent back up, wavering her hands in the air for them to walk towards the door, ''I will not have you fight like animals when she is in this state. I am ashamed of you, both of you. Now leave this room, and don't come back until you are ready to apologize to each other and her.''
Draco wasn't used to see his mother like this. He was held in a mess between doing as he was told and completely disobey her.
''Don't even think about it, Draco.'' Narcissa hissed after him, ''I know what you're thinking, and you're not going to fight Theodore anymore. You'll listen, and you'll talk to each other...''
Draco's eyes rolled, marching further down the hallway with Theodore walking beside him. Both of them stormed down the stairs and didn't stop until they were standing in the kitchen, staring evilly at each other from across the kitchen island.
Malfoy cursed underneath his breath, so did Theodore, and it turned so utterly silent again — so quiet that it almost suffocated them for minutes as they let go of the hatred they held upstairs.
Theo's head shook slightly as he dragged a chair out, slipping down at it, ''I just—'' He scratched the back of his neck in theory, a fury between whether he should admit to being wrong or stand his ground, battled within.
''I just think it's unfair,'' Theodore's sight grounded at his own hands as they rested on the table, ''I think it's unfair that you get to look out for her and me, but when I'm doing it, I'm in the wrong?''
Draco's jaws gritted, the muscles in them ticked.
''It's unfair that no one is looking out for you, and I want to help you,'' He sighed, his elbows crossed the woods as he placed his forehead onto his palms. Theo didn't have the strength to fight anymore.
''Don't you think it hurts me to see Amelie like this? That I can't do one single thing to help her? Don't you think I feel useless and helpless and everything in between too? She's my best friend, Malfoy. She was my best friend long before you came into the picture, and we have always looked out for each other—''
It was close to tears, prickling in the corner of his eyes, ''Now imagine not being able to do that anymore, because you are shutting me out. I have always defended you with her. When she didn't want you in the cabin, when she tried to convince herself that she wasn't in love with you, when she didn't trust you—''
Draco couldn't do anything but stare at him blankly.
''I have always tried to help her realize her true feelings, but I'm not allowed to anymore, because you won't let me,'' His voice breathy and his vocals calmed, ''I am more than happy that she has you because she needs you in her life, but you need to understand that she needs me too. You can't keep shutting me out.''
Theo's chin rose, settling in the palm of his hand instead, ''She's mine too, and I would never take her from you, but just as much as you need her — I do too.''
Malfoy was shocked — startled to say at least with Theodore's confession.
He had no clue that the boy felt that way, but he realized that it might be his fault because he never listened. Theodore was right. Draco was unusually protective of her — all because he'd lost her so many times.
He was always in the loss of her, but so was Theodore.
It wasn't a struggle about her anymore — it was a battle for her.
Draco nodded, making a few blond strands of hair fall over his forehead. It had grown longer — his hair since Amelie wasn't there to cut it.
That someone could miss something as simple as a haircut was crazy to him, but he did. He missed her frowning as she stood on her toes, doing absolutely everything she could to reach the top of his head, how her tongue slipped out between her lips as she focused, and the small kisses she left upon him.
It was her touching him that caused the most heartbreak. Amelie had always feared being touched. Draco remembered at the beginning of them, how she flinched when he came close, but also how quickly she stopped.
Amelie always expressed her feelings through touch with the ones she loved, and Malfoy swallowed thickly at the thought of it.
''I know,'' He muttered, breathing heavily, ''I know that I have been...protective of her, but can you truly sit there and blame me for it?''
Now it was Theodore who held in silence.
''Every time I've had her, she slipped between my fingers, Nott. Every damn time I was close to finally having her, she disappeared, something always comes in between and I can't—''
His teeth clasped together, ''And I can't do it anymore. I don't need anything but her, and I'll be dammed if I don't protect her with everything I have.''
It was far from painless for Draco to speak as honestly as he did.
''I can't lose her again because every time I do—'' He gripped the edges of the counter, his knuckles paled around it. His skin ashen, ''—every time I do, I lose a piece of myself, and I can't lose anything else. I'm not trying to take her away from you, I just— I'm scared—''
''She died for you, Malfoy,'' Theodore whispered, and Draco's eyes flickered to his, ''She died for you, and she left me. That's how much she loves you, don't ever question that.''
It was as if a breeze of clarity trapped them both as they looked at each other, both slowly coming to the realization that they had to stop and think about what they were doing to the other.
''She loves you too, Theodore,'' Draco broke the moments of quietness, ''I have never seen anyone love someone as much as she loves you.'' His knuckles eased, and his breaths calmed.
''Just not enough,'' Theodore's fingers combed through his brown curls, ''But that only makes me love her more. She's...''
''She really is,'' Draco hushed as he exhaled, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The tension that embraced them softened, and they didn't have to fight each other anymore.
''I'll bring you with me,'' Draco muttered, forcing himself back as he strode towards the doorway, ''You can come, but you need to—''
''I know,'' Theodore nodded, ''I know.''
''I'll tell mother that we're leaving. Get yourself ready.''
Draco rushed up the stairs, stroking the palms of his hands over his clothed chest, and he dragged a ring-clad hand through his hair as he pushed the door to his room open, watching his mother in his armchair.
''So?'' Narcissa mumbled, turning a page of her book, not looking at her son, ''Did the two of you talk it out?''
Malfoy cleared his throat, muttering yes underneath his breath as he yanked his suit jacket off the desk chair, tugging it over his tensed shoulders before he stepped up to the bed, kneeling next to it.
He peered over his shoulder, sending his mother a swift look, ''We'll be out for the rest of the day. We have...'' He quieted at the recollection that Amelie might hear, ''Matters to deal with.''
''I see, just be home as soon as you can,'' Her note still accusing, not pleased at all of what she'd walked in on earlier.
''I'll be right back,'' Draco whispered, pushing his lips into the side of her head, ''I'll be right back, and I won't leave for a few days.'' He forced himself up to his feet again as his sight stayed on her.
Hell, he'd look at her all day if he could.
''Be careful, please.'' Narcissa called out for him as he stalked out of the room, closing the door behind him, ''And keep an eye on Theodore.''
Narcissa huffed, smiling to herself as her sight dragged over Amelie, ''I suppose it's just you and me today,'' She felt lonely, but she didn't entirely mind. She adored sitting with Amelie during the days.
It felt good to her — feeling as if she was put to use.
She stayed there for what felt like hours and what soonly turned into the whole day. It clocked her mind that the boys had been gone for far more time than Draco had told, and she couldn't help but feel anxious.
Narcissa never had a problem with resting in stillness, but she did now — the world was as uncertain as it could be, and with her son out on yet another mission caused her skin to shiver. She had lost so much already. She couldn't lose Draco too.
''Perhaps we should get you cleaned up for when the boys come back, should we?'' Narcissa whispered, bending over the bed to brush some of Amelie's hair away from her shoulders, ''I'll get the bowl.''
She strode into the bathroom, turning the water on as she picked out the right towels.
She knew that Draco usually wanted to do this, but she couldn't help it. Narcissa needed something else to think about. The bowl filled with heated water as she poured a line of soap into it.
''Here we go, perhaps we can—'' Narcissa's entire face fell as did the bowl, and the porcelain shattered across the ground.
Water and glass coated the whole floor as her eyes flickered. She couldn't breathe, and her skin paled.
Narcissa swallowed the shock with tears pooling in her eyes, ''Amelie?''
Her eyes flickered over the bed, watching as the girl who had been asleep for over a week turned her face towards her,
"Mrs. Malfoy?''
_____