Monkeys were guzzling water at how spicy Lakshman's story was becoming, but Lakshman himself showed no signs of being affected as they ran around with steam blowing out of their ears and mouths puffed with air. "Shall I stop?" he asked confusedly.
"NO!" Angad roared, beating his chest like a mad woman-monkey. "CONTINUE! ALL OF YOU MONKEYS, SIT DOWN AND LET HIM CONTINUE!" Everyone sat down, albeit with bottles of water, adn eagerly leaned in to hear what Lakshman had to say next.
Flashback
"WHAT?!" Urmila shrieked, but Mandavi quickly slapped a hand on her mouth, watching the situation play out, knowing exactly what was happening. "You're adop-mmff?!"
"Um, vut you look the zame." Zubair wondered, with a thick German accent. "I had the intelligence that you all ver tvins." he glanced between the two of them, eyes comically narrowed as Bharat winced.
Shatrughan's eyes popped and he swallowed hard. "No no! No! Yeah, we found my doppelganger. Maa Sumitra chose him out of the thousands of foster royal boys because he looked exactly like me, you see? We adopted him from, um-" Shatrughan swallowed, eyes squinting as if he was really thinking. "He's from the Asmaka Kingdom, you see? And that's how they greet people there, shredding, skin ripping, and blood gushing and all. Not that they actually go through with their promise, of course. So, don't be offended."
Bharat nodded to back Shatrughan up. "Yes, yes, it's true. Haven't you noticed, none of us have his eyes. Well, none of us have each other's eyes either, but that's besides the point! The real point is that Lakshman is adopted!" he cleared his throat convincingly.
"So, who is SiRA?" Zubair asked.
"SiRa means, my life!" Shatrughan quickly made up. "He speaks Asmaka..n! Asmakan!" He looked around, confusedly. "Ah, yes. Asmakan! That's totally a language that I very much did not make up! He doesn't want you to ruin his life." Shatrughan paused.
"Oh, can y'all teach me Asmakan then?" Zubair asked, his voice heavy Southern American.
"Uh noooo!" Shaturghan laughed, at this point, practically leaning on poor Lakshman's shoulder as the rest of the family watched beadily. "It's actually a very sensitive topic! He gets very emotional when we talk about his homeland." Shatrughan glanced uneasily at the impassive and hard-faced Lakshman. "Uh-trust me, he does. That's why we didn't tell any of you. He would have an-um-a breakdown-" Now even Shatrughan was having a hard time believing his own words.
"ARRE!" Urmila cried, hands on her hips angrily as Shatrughan backed up cautiously. "You were supposed to tell me! We wouldn't have minded! But noo, you all and your stupid secrets! What's next, he's killed ten thousand rakshasas?"
Present
"Wait," Angad. "Don't tell me that it's"
"It's about to get spicier!" Neel agreed, gulping down bowls of yogurt as Jal milked a random cow that had wandered in, searching for stories, who mooed in agreement.
Flashback
"Ah yes," Lakshman continued. "I remember in the Akkukar-"
"Asmaka-" Shatrughan hissed.
"Asmukarafraga Kingdom," Lakshman continued. "Children at age infancy are taught how to kill rakshasas. It's a sport. They pitch children and their pet rakshasas against each other. And I of course, remember this, even though I was adopted when I was a baby, because my memory is impeccable and cannot be questioned."
"So you see," Bharat continued where Shatrughan could not. "That kingdom was inhumane! He was such a..." Bharat paused, as if having difficulty, remembering Lakshman's scary demeanour, even as a baby. "....cute, baby that we couldn't just leave him there, where he wouldn't be able to thrive AT ALL!"
"Because killing is definitely what I do worst." Lakshman agreed.
-----O-----
"What's he doing?" Shatrughan asked Lakshman quietly. They, and Bharat of course, watched as Ram paced back and forth. The rest of the family was busy showing Zubair and his humongous procession of four hundred thousand trumpeteers, but the four brothers had claimed collective rash. "Do you think that he might believe my facade that you were adopted, Lakshman bhaiyya?"
"I bet she loves him!" Ram wailed, and pulled Lakshman down with him, putting his head on his shoulder. "Do you think that she loves him?" When Lakshman simply shook his head, Ram sat up, exhaling relief. And then his face crumpled. "Well what would you know?!" Ram asked, dissolving into murmurs of self-consciousness again. "Childhood friends. I can't match that. Maybe Sita and Zubair should marry instead." he stuck his tongue out at that, and then stood up. "NO! Never! Mine first!"
"Then, bhaiyya, you need to act great!" Shatrughan protested. Bharat agreed, nodding along. "She already loves you, so no need to show her! Show Zubes the Aires! Show him why you're perceived as the most capable prince in the land! Go on! Ram bhaiyya, show that-"
Present
Lakshman paused thoughtfully. "You all don't mind if I curse, right? I mean, you're all fifteen plus for sure, but it's a matter of personal preference, so...." he trailed off, and Hanuman waved him off, thinking he must mean 'bloody fool' and stuff like that. "Okay."
Flashback
"KILL HIM!" Lakshman roared, drawing his sword in the excitement, and waving it around. Bharat hastily slapped a hand on his mouth, and Shatrughan quickly wrestled the sword out of his twin's hand and back into its sheath, smiling sheepishly as Ram sighed exasperatedly, his hands hanging limply at his side. There was silence, and then, "Yeah, I agree. I might be adopted."
Ram burst into more tears.
-----O-----
Dinnertime came quicker than anyone could imagine. The brothers walked into the hall, Ram and Shatrughan exchanging a glance as they sat down. "I hope you're all healed now," Janak simpered hopefully, clasping his hands together as the plates were set down. "Maybe we can just relax and chat a little bit with Rajkumar Zubair after recovering from the shock that Rajkumar Lakshman is adopted."
Ram nodded, smiling softly. "So tell us, Zubair, How large is the Shakya Kingdom? Is the agriculture good there?" Zubair nodded, in the middle of stuffing food in his mouth, and Sita shifted a few inches away from him. Bharat winked at Shatrughan. "Um, alright. The rains must be great there. You're very lucky to be next in line to the throne to that kingdom."
Ram didn't seem to want to brag very much, and Shatrughan rubbed his temples. They needed a bragger. Suddenly, he looked up at Lakshman, who was calmly dining, though keeping two of his dark eyes trained on Sita and Ram, who seemed more lovey dovey than ever, though Sita still occasionally glanced at Zubair out from the corner of her eye. Lakshman couldn't tell if it was with disgust or admiration.
Shatrughan suddenly grinned, and poked Lakshman, whispering something in his ear. Lakshman nodded, and cleared his throat. "You know, when we were children, Ram bhaiyya killed a tiger on his first shot the very first time he went hunting with Papa. We still have the skin. And then, one time in Gurukul, he helped defend the entire ashram from flying demons. And then, just a couple weeks ago, he defeated two giants and an assortment of monsters. It's said that he may as well be the demon-killer of the world."
Sita smacked Ram's arm admiringly as Zubair fumed. But Lakshman wasn't quite done yet. "One time, Ram bhaiyya and Bharat bhaiyya helped cure a mystery disease in the villages of Ayodhya, Ram bhaiyya also is known for his farming skills, and often gives tips. He also oversees the royal consultation, and each day, the subjects ask him questions. There hasn't been even one where he could not find an answer."
Sita grinned as Janak stared at the couple, his gaze warm and kind. Sunaina's eyes sparkled in the evening light. Lakshman still wasn't quite done though. "One time, ten kings approached bhaiyya to practically beg him for help in defeating the rakshasas and animals who were terrorizing their kingdom. Ram bhaiyya did not reject a one of them. He killed all the rakshasas in a single day."
Sita blinked, and hugged Ram's arm. "Ram bhaiyya himself personally oversees the annual feeding of the beggars in Ayodhya, and each time, contributes half of the gold in his vault towards feeding them. We, as of now, have no beggars in the Kingdom of Kosala due to his kindness. Our subjects call him a miracle, certainly some graceful good heavenly deity coming to bless us on Earth."
Sita, now wasn't going to marry Zubair if her life depended on it. Shatrughan cuffed Lakshman's shoulder excitedly.
Present
Hanuman danced around the room, singing praises of Prabhu Shri Ram as Angad and Nal fist-bumped, and Jal and Neel even hugged, before quickly realizing they were betrothed and schooching away from each other (#bluewater). "Spicier!" Angad cried, even while guzzling gallons of milk from the local Mother Dairy.
Flashback
"Fine!" Zubair cried, slamming the table and standing up. "If I can't marry her, I'll just marry Devi Urmila instead!" Ram's eyes darted between him and Urmila, his mouth frozen in alarm and shock as his hands drifted back to his side confusedly.
And then, Lakshman, like the overprotective brother he definitely, very obviously, absolutely certainly was, stood up drawing his sword, as did Shatrughan, for good measure. "Girl, bye!" Shatrughan yelled, pushing Zubair out of the room.
"I'll meet you in hell you bastard, and kill you while you rot in eternal agony!" Lakshman agreed.
Shatrughan paused. "I mean, ten points for consistency! He's adopted, so...."
Present
"The end." Lakshman finished calmly, crossing his arms. "I'm sorry, that was terrible. It really needed to be spicier, but then you should probably get Neel to tell you stories instead." With a sigh, Lakshman stood up as the monkeys stared at him, jaws dropped. "What? What did I do? Is someone standing behind me?" Lakshman turned around, and faced Ram's seething body, arms crossed, and eyes narrowed. "Yes? Oh no."
"LAKSHMAN!" Ram shouted, and dragged him to a cot. "You were supposed to be resting! Now not only did you not rest, I'm sure your wound got infected!"
"You shout at me a damn lot these days." Lakshman grumbled. "What did I do? I did exactly as you asked! I told them a story! Now was I supposed to blatantly disregard your command or what? Besides, it isn't as if they hated it, though some were jumping around with steam coming out of their heads, so they must have been mad about something." Ram groaned, hugging him tightly.
Bonus Scene
When they arrived back at Ayodhya with their wives, Shatrughan immediately hightailed it over to where Sumitra and Dasharath stood, waving at all of them. He held Lakshman's arm tightly. "Maa, Papa, is Lakshman adopted?" he asked, tears filling his eyes. Sumitra shifted from foot to foot guiltily.
"Ah yes!" Dasharath cried airily. "I remember the Asmaka Kingdom, quite a terrible place! People spoke this brutish language called Asmakan and pitched children against each other! We just had to adopt your brother before he killed the rest of the children in the entire kingdom and became the youngest supreme champion, like he was on track to being!" Bharat fainted.
A/N-Yeah, okay, so since Ram's story sucked, I had Lakshman tell them a story instead, you know. I think Lakshman's story was a thousand times better. Romance! Jealousy! Cursing! Humor! Everything the monkeys wanted! The only thing I didn't include was Lakshmila, which I'm sorry, but that's for a later date! You can't expect there to be Lakshmila when the army doesn't even know about Urmila!
I also want to write about when Ram figures out why Lakshman left the cottage, but that's going to be ten thousand years later, and I can't possibly wait that long, even though I want to. Ugh. Whatever. We're going to have a wait. Also, I divided this into two parts. I hope none of you have a problem, but there's going to be a lot of part division in this era. I don't know why, it's just necessary to make it longer. I wonder when the Yudh Kand era started. How many chapters has it been? A lot, that's how many.