An inhuman shriek sounded from somewhere deep inside me as I watched Jamie's body fall backwards to the ground. It was not possible, it could not be possible. I would not allow it to be possible.
"Ivan, I am going to strip your flesh from your bones!" I screamed as I ran at him.
He pulled down his mask and grinned coldly at me. "You can try, youngling." He laughed. "But it'll have to wait until next time. It seems that you've got some injured to attend to." He laughed harder, and then stopped with startling abruptness.
He and the remaining attacker disappeared into the thick foliage, as if they had never been there to begin with. Blood thrummed in my vision, and my first enraged thought was to hunt him down and destroy him.
And then my eye caught on Jamie's prone form lying on the leafy ground, and my rage melted into fear. I crumbled down beside him and inspected the damage.
It was bad. Very bad. My eyes leaked; there was no way he was going to live. It was more than a stab. It was a slash that rent his flesh from his abdomen to his chest, slicing through vital organs and exposing bone and flesh. "Jamie..." I whispered, although it came out as more of a whimper. I tried to stem the escape of his precious living fluids with pressure even though I knew it was futile.
I was not ready for this yet. I wanted him to at least open his eyes so that I could look into them again, but my wishes, my prayers went unheeded. I would not even have a chance to say goodbye to him.
Somewhere, a million miles away, a body crouched down beside me.
"Vienne." Drak's voice echoed out of the nothingness surrounding Jamie and me.
My eyes burned.
"Vienne. Turn him."
I tried to hold back my tears. I could barely get the word out. "No."
"Vienne, do it."
"No! He clearly made his choice," I snarled. My heart ached as if it were not merely a useless dead organ. I was so tempted, and it would be so easy to bite him and to simply force my own blood down his throat and wait for time to reverse him to an indefinite shadow of his human self.
My dark desires sang in my own mind. I had inflected so many other things upon him and he had forgiven me, what more would be this one small thing? Would he really want to die when I could save him in a half-life like my own?
We could be together, almost forever.
I wanted it so badly. My fangs ached to keep him by my side.
It would be so easy.
What would it matter if he would hate me for it?
The battle I fought with myself over every human I had cared for surged through me, but with far more fury than I had ever experienced before. I had lost so many, why not this one time? Even Drak thought I should. It was not as if I no longer made fledglings, what reason was there not to make one more?
I was running out of time to decide. His stubborn heart was slowing, fighting for each spasm. It was unbelievable that it still beat at all. Did he yearn to live?
No. He was like me, he did not fear death.
I kissed Jamie, one final time, and stood up. I would never be whole again, but I would honour his choice.
I met Drak's sympathetic blue gaze.
"He didn't want this life."
And I ran, because otherwise I would give in to temptation.
* * * * *
I did not make it far, because my body gave out on me. My arm had already healed and my body was almost unscathed, only a slight weakness from healing a few minor wounds.
But my strength did not care. It had given up.
He had been my downfall.
I would endure until I killed Ivan, and perhaps every other vampire who would dare to lay their violent hands on a human.
I would take up Jamie's mantle of the vampire slayer and I would have my revenge.
It was cold, and hollow, just like my existence. It could return nothing of what was lost. It would bring me no satisfaction. But it was one beacon in the dismal world, not of pure white light, but of dark crimson illumination.
Blood red, like Jamie's, all over the ground. I supposed I won my stupid stubborn little game with him. I had never drank his blood, even until the end. I laughed through my tears.
My games, my teasing, how I hated it all now as sobs wracked my body violently. I didn't even know that a vampire could hurt this much. Why had I wasted so much time messing with him?
I should have taken him from the slave cages in the council and told him everything from the first. I should have thrown away my pride, because how had wrapping myself in it served me?
What had I protected myself from? More time, more peace with him?
I was the mistress of folly, the queen of fools.
If a vampire possessed the capacity to love a human, I had loved him.
He who was gone.
Somehow, my dead heart was still able to break.
* * * * *
The ground beneath the trees was moist and smelled of mouldering earth. There I lay for a lifetime, although the sun barely moved as the centuries slipped by.
And then movement and Drak's voice broke my respite of stillness. He was not the one who I wanted to hear speak to me. I could not understand the sounds coming from his mouth, but it still forced me to face the fact that Jamie was lost to me, forever. "Leave me alone."
"I'm not just going to leave you to give up, Vienne."
I did not bother to meet his eyes. There was no point. "I'm not giving up. I'm taking a little break, and then I am going to destroy Ivan and every person he has ever looked upon kindly for the briefest moment and it will be incredibly sweet."
No longer would entertainment serve as the balm of my existence, revenge would be my new pleasure. It burned the edges of my grief, and the mild relief felt good.
Drak exhaled, sounding wearier than I had ever heard, but I just could not care. "You can't go running after revenge."
"Why not?" I asked, staring at the leaves around me.
"Because they need you."
"No one needs me."
"You started this thing."
I shrugged, most undignified considering I was lying curled up in the dirt, but I no longer cared about such things. "I'm perhaps a figurehead at best, perhaps I serve an advisory capacity. I'm tired of this whole thing. What did my decisions lead to but destruction? And not just...him...the other humans, also."
"You're more than one miscalculation. And you weren't wrong about Whitmore. Someone betrayed her, and she intends to find and destroy whoever it was. You're more than this."
"No, I'm not. They've outgrown my games. I've outgrown my games. This world is dark and painful, and I cannot ignore it any longer. I am going to paint the world darkness with black blood, and then I'll meet the sun."
Drak did not argue further. He pulled me up into his arms, and my limp body rested upon the strong planes of his chest, familiar and slightly comforting. My strength had fled, but it would return, and then I would start my hunt.
Drak's shirt was already soaked with blood, and I wet it further with my tears. The escaping liquid leaked in spite of my best efforts. It was a shame my vampiric condition had not put a stop to this as it had so many of my other biological processes. It was like this unending sadness was swelling so much as to push the excess tears from my eyes.
Perhaps I would still be crying while I dragged Ivan out into the sun. Perhaps I would stand out there and laugh while I burned us both. Would that not be poetic justice, pleasing and dramatic? It would be a fitting end.
Drak's familiar hands rubbed my back, but they were not the hands I wanted to feel on me. Those hands were as cold as I was.
More tears. "Go away, Drak."
"No, Vienne. There's no shame in crying over someone you love."
"I didn't love him," I lied. "It was more like I irrationally felt some level of obsessive affection for him." I sniffled and cried more, ruining my witty retort.
"If that's what you'd like to call it."
We were quiet for long moments, as he swayed gently, and I could not bring myself to argue with him further. For good or ill, he was not going to allow me to be alone, and for once, maybe it was better.
"I have a confession," he said, a hesitant note in his voice capturing my attention even through my haze.
"That you know Whitmore? I'm guessing you slept with her," I said, although I really could not summon the energy to care.
"What? No—" he choked.
"So you didn't sleep with her?"
"I mean, no, that's not what I wanted to say."
"So you did sleep with her. Drak, you sly dog. She's a catch." There was a sort of comfort in the familiarity of plaguing Drak, even if I no longer felt any pleasure or amusement.
He threw out his words. "Vienne, I turned him."
He stopped moving and I stayed completely still for a long moment while his words took root in my brain. "What?"
"We turned all the injured humans who were still alive. I turned Jamie before he died."
A relief I did not want to acknowledge rushed through me, only to be replaced by an anxious fear.
I closed my eyes, shutting out the trees around me. "He'll kill you."
"Perhaps."
"He was clear that did not want this existence."
"So you said."
My temper snapped, fueled by rage and shameful relief. "You did exactly what our sires did to us, Drak. You stole his choice, his life, his..."
"No, Vienne. Ivan stole his life, and I'm giving him another chance to choose. It will be easy to leave this life if he doesn't want it in the end."
"He's going to hate himself."
"I think you're underestimating him."
I shook my head. "No." I pushed myself out of his arms and stared down at my friend, soaked in blood and tears.
"Well, maybe I was selfish. I feared you would not want to live in this world without him, and I did not want to live in this world without you."
My tears had thankfully finally dried up, replaced by a fog of writhing conflicted emotions.
"Come on, it's not safe here. We've got to get back. Everyone has gone ahead of us."
I shoved Drak away from me, my mind swirling. He was right, we needed to get back. I stood up, and ran swiftly to the clearing where it happened. It took little more than a second, since I had not gotten far to begin with.
Though my eyes swept the area, there was little to see. All the casualties and injured had been removed, leaving only the waste of blood on the ground to mark that they had ever been there to begin with. Even the vampires we had taken down had been removed, they would have to be incapacitated until we decided what to do with them.
There was only one vehicle left behind to carry us home, with two of the surviving humans waiting inside. I wished that they had left us to run, but I did not complain. I jumped in one side, and Drak jumped in the other. A glance into the back showed me a pile of vampires with so many weapons stuck inside each one they looked like pin cushions.
No wonder these two humans looked uneasy.
"Let's go," I said, and the vehicle flew into motion.
* * * * *
We could not have gotten home quickly enough to please me. When we did, humans swarmed around the vehicle and unloaded the vampires in the back. Decisions would have to be made about them, but they were as likely as not going to meet the sun, and I did not care.
What I did care about—who I cared about—was nowhere to be seen. "Where have the newest fledglings been taken?" I asked Leif, who had come up to me. He would know that I would need him in a moment like this.
"Marcel is watching over Jamie in your chambers. The other's are in similar situations in their own rooms."
I did not waste time with niceties; I rushed forward at an unnatural speed and was beside my own bed in a moment. Marcel was sitting in the chair all my guards used, but I did not spare him a glance, my focus solely on the man on the bed.
Jamie's eyes were closed and his face was terribly pale, but otherwise did not look so terrible, if only I ignored the significant lack of movement and heat. He was still, like death.
Pulling back the sheet covering him, he looked far worse. His entire abdomen was covered by linens, and I peeked underneath, unable to help myself.
It hurt to look at the destruction of his abdomen. It was as bad as it first had been when I had rushed to him on the battlefield, but now his exposed organs and ripped flesh seemed to be drying, so much blood had escaped him. Pain speared me. What if Drak had been too late, what if the damage had been too severe?
I had never experimented with turning humans damaged to the brink of death. I had no idea if it would work, or if I was merely sitting over a corpse with vain hope.
I recovered Jamie's torso, and lay down on the bed beside Jamie, or what was left of him. I was afraid to hope and guilt swarmed me that it had come to this.
* * * * *
Jamie did not wake before dawn. He was not the only one. Leif came in and reported to me that a couple of the others had woken and had been fed, while the others continued to be watched, although it was unlikely that any of them would rise again before night fell.
I did not move, and when the time came, the darkness swept me under as well.
* * * * *
Unsurprisingly, Jamie had not moved by the time I awoke. I continued to watch, but my restlessness forced me to stalk around the room. Marcel returned and tried to force me to leave to take a break, but I silenced him with a snarl.
I could not contain my worry. Although I could not see it, without even looking at a clock, I could feel the oppression of the sun relax on me. We were in the deep darkness of night.
Still, Jamie did not move.
Drak came by with a pity I could not bear written all across his features. The question of whether Jamie would wake up at all hung between us, but I was too afraid to put it into words.
A short while after Drak had left again, Leif came and convinced me I was needed elsewhere. Jeffry had been one of the fortunate—or unfortunate—casualties who had slipped out of death's cold fingers by the change. I did not want to leave Jamie even for that, and more unspoken words, ideas that he might remain as he was, never to awaken, rushed all around me.
Jeffry was drinking vast amounts of blood when I saw him. The humans we had present were being pushed more and more for the blood supply and it worried me, but I did not blame Jeffry for his needs. He looked disoriented, and it was no wonder, considering he had not expected to make the change.
"How are you faring?" I asked, once he pried his new fangs away from the blood bag.
"So thirsty," he rasped.
"That's likely because you had to heal from your injuries," I explained, watching him closely. He leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. "I feel empty."
"You'll get used to the feeling."
He nodded, and then looked at me. "I didn't want to do this, but I might as well use it to our advantage. How strong am I, now?"
I considered. "You probably can't beat me alone, but you were strong and quite fast as a human, so I'm sure you'll make an impressive vampire, especially once you're older."
He shrugged. "I don't know how old I want to get. I'll fight, but eventually..."
I did not try to dissuade him. Although it hurt, it was a common enough occurrence that new fledglings found their existence impossible to endure. I did not know what other sires did as a rule, but I had seen more than one case of vampires ignoring the struggles of the young. Much like they had forgotten their human lives, they seemed to have little memory of their earliest indefinite years. I suspected they did not want to remember. "You have time to think that through. Please don't make any hasty decisions."
"I won't," he promised, and I was satisfied with at least that much, at least for now.
"Do you need more to drink?" I offered. I did not want him running around unsated, but I also wanted to return to Jamie's side as fast as I possibly could.
Pounding footsteps crashed in the halls and the door burst open.
"Vienne! Jamie's awake!"