RECOMMENDED SONG: DEMONS BY JACOB LEE
"So you have a twin brother."
"Yeah, his name's Osamu. Although I call him Samu," Atsumu said with some nostalgia.
"Is he an omega too?"
"No, a beta."
Kita nodded. He was a year older than Atsumu, a quiet and serious boy who belonged to Sakusa's pack. He was an omega, but much more diligent than Atsumu, it could be seen from the league. He was one of the first to join Sakusa, having previously belonged to Ushijima's pack, the first the alpha had mastered. Now he was in charge of tending to the wounded in battles, just as Yaku did in Kuroo's pack or Yahaba in Oikawa's. But in Kita's case it was different: the omega had warned him that being wounded in a battle under Sakusa's command was not very common, so that was not his main mission.
Atsumu looked at Kita in admiration as he sorted through small vials of medicine. The boy was shorter than him but he was strong, fearless and determined. He was independent, and although that might be strange for an omega —frustrating even— Atsumu, after spending almost two months with Sakusa as his alpha, had realized that the rules that governed the rest of the packs did not work in Sakusa's. They were said to be the most aggressive pack in Japan, but reality didn't fit that either: most were well-trained lycanthropes, lethal in battle, yes, but they didn't kill for no reason. The only one who did it was Sakusa, and he only killed hunters who dared to approach his territory, though Atsumu still didn't know why he did so if they didn't attack first.
Atsumu had already met all the members of the pack, Sakusa had introduced them to him just days after Atsumu joined them. The 37 betas were impressive and it was clear that they obeyed the alpha unopposed. With sharp, searching gazes that seemed to read everything one thought, they all seemed level-headed, intelligent, and committed; there was a feeling of unity, of harmony between them, something that gave Atsumu chills at first but later aroused a deep fascination in him.
On the other hand, the omegas were strong, the strongest Atsumu had ever known. There were only two in such a large pack, Kita and Shirabu, trained in battle to attack with the same power and lethality as a beta. Cold, calculating, and reserved, they were the complete opposite of Atsumu: irrational and stubborn. Atsumu still did not understand what his purpose was in that pack, he did not fit the profile of werewolves that Sakusa had gathered. So he kept thinking that his only use there was on a whim of his alpha, although he had yet to figure out which one it was.
"I have a question, Kita-san," Atsumu said in a small voice. "It's a bit of a personal question."
"Does it have to do with the pack?"
"Yeah, I'd say so."
"Then go ahead, ask. That's what you're here for."
Atsumu considered his words before speaking. He was nervous, he had wanted to ask that for a long time, but now that he was really facing the situation, his nerves and shame were consuming him. How could he ask such a daring question? It was out of place, even thinking about asking was a mistake.
"Atsumu?" Kita called him with a condescending look. Atsumu looked at him with eyes wider than usual, as if he had been taken by surprise. "Are you okay? You seem anxious, what's wrong?"
"I just... I don't know how to ask this," Atsumu stammered, biting his lip.
"Just do it. Sakusa brought you here with me so you could be able to ask what you wanted and learn how to live in this pack."
"I know that, it's just..."
"Atsumu," Kita said with such a calm and relaxed tone that it was threatening.
"Okay, okay... You see, I... I wanted to know if... How can I...? How should I...?" Atsumu bit his lip hard and steeled himself. He sat bolt upright, his hands resting on his knees to offer an image of stability. "What do I have to do to... satisfy my alpha?"
Kita looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He hadn't expected such a question, but that was not what had caught his attention. He wasn't as surprised by the question as he was by the way Atsumu had referred to Sakusa, but he didn't care about that after a few seconds. Then he sighed.
"You mean satisfy him sexually?"
"Y-yes," Atsumu said with flushed cheeks.
"I'm afraid Sakusa doesn't care about that."
Atsumu stared at him with his mouth ajar and confusion painted in his large, expressive brown eyes.
"How is that possible? He's an alpha, what about his instinct?"
"Nobody knows what goes on inside his head, in any way. And when it comes to sexual behaviour, even less. It's a mystery even to us, the members of his pack. He's never been accompanied at night, neither by men, nor by women. Neither betas, nor omegas, nor humans have approached his bed. I'm sorry to tell you that, in this case, I won't be able to help you because I don't even know about it myself."
Atsumu nodded slowly, unable to fully believe what Kita had told him. He had known Sakusa for two months; it wasn't too long, that was true, but it was long enough to have been able to feel the alpha pheromones. Maybe he hadn't felt them as strong as in other werewolves but the spicy aroma of desire was in him, although very subtle. So what Kita was telling him was... absurd, and very weird, yet at the same time it made sense. Sakusa was distant, with an outcast and detached demeanor; there were only two omegas in his pack, and apparently he hadn't been with either of them, but he had to have been with someone at some point, he wasn't made of stone; he had physical desires like everyone else, human and non-human.
So what's wrong with him?, Atsumu thought.
He shot a glance at Kita as the boy read concentrated the label on a small glass vial. He was not nervous or upset, it seemed that he had spoken the truth. But that meant that if neither he nor Shirabu could help him figure out what to do for Sakusa, no one could.
He was getting more and more frustrated. Was it true that Sakusa wasn't really interested in that? And most shockingly, why did Atsumu really care so much about knowing Sakusa's desires?
***
Sakusa opened the door before Atsumu could tap on it twice with his knuckles. The omega froze, his fist raised and a scowl of surprise and confusion at the piercing black-eyed gaze the alpha threw at him.
"You wanted to see me, Atsumu?" Sakusa asked bored, leaning against the door frame.
"H-how did you—?"
"... know you were here? I smelled you," Sakusa said with a shrug. "What do you want?"
Atsumu bit his lip and looked down at the ground, where his feet moved nonstop in anxiety. He didn't even know what he was doing there, he had gone to Sakusa's house after dusk in an attempt to check... What? What did he hope to find out? It was the first time he had shown up at the alpha's house and he didn't know what to do or say. Maybe he should apologize, turn around, and walk away the way he'd come, but there was something keeping him from leaving without an answer.
"I don't have all night," Sakusa urged him.
Atsumu looked at him hesitantly, fiddling with his fingers. Sakusa snorted in annoyance and leaned out the door to look out at the dark, deserted street. There was no one there, but Sakusa wasn't comfortable in the open, so he stepped aside and nodded, inviting the omega to pass. Atsumu looked at him gratefully and entered the austere dwelling.
The orange light was very dim, coming from several candles scattered around the hall and one of the rooms to the left. Silence reigned in the air. The furniture was very similar to that of Atsumu's house, so a feeling of familiarity and relaxation invaded the omega without realizing it, as he walked down the hall.
Sakusa stared at the omega's back as he walked ahead of him toward the only lighted room other than the hallway, a small makeshift office at home. The boy did not emit the same fear as the first time he had been near Sakusa; now only his natural essence came out through his pores: he smelled sweet and sour, a very characteristic aroma that gave away a strong and rebellious but also passionate and kind character, a mixture of raspberry, blueberry and lemon that Sakusa found strangely alluring.
"Why is there not lights?" Atsumu asked once they entered the small office.
Sakusa tensed. Memories of white spotlights shedding light on his face and blinding him flashed through his mind; a velvety voice crept into the layers of his mind to reassure him, a warm hand held his. He could almost feel the brush of the sheet on his skin. A chill ran up and down him and he had to shake his head and squeeze his eyes for a moment to come back to reality.
"I prefer to use candles," he said simply.
"Ah."
Sakusa stood behind the scratched and paper-covered desk, removed his mask, rested his fists on the table top, and looked at Atsumu. The wax from the candle dripped and fell on the wood, but neither of them paid attention.
Atsumu studied Sakusa. He stared at his face carefully in the warm candlelight: the pit-deep black eyes cold as ice, the eyebrow and lip piercings gleaming under the soft sparkles of the small flame, his lips pressed together in a fine line, his brow slightly furrowed into a scowl of annoyance and boredom at the same time. Sakusa was someone so mysterious and different from what he expected that he couldn't take his eyes off him, wondering everything that was going through his mind, wondering what he was thinking, what he was doing before he arrived. Sakusa awakened in him a strange tranquility, despite the rumors that circulated in Japan about him.
"Tell me what you want," Sakusa said, his eyes as dead and expressionless as ever.
"I... I don't know," Atsumu admitted, looking down. "I just know that I needed to come."
Sakusa's frown deepened even more. He looked at Atsumu with renewed curiosity.
"You're not in heat."
"N-not that kind of need!" Atsumu exclaimed hotly.
"So what is it?"
"I don't know, I just... I have a need to help you, so let me do it," Atsumu whispered looking into his eyes.
"You can't help me," Sakusa replied.
"So what's my purpose in this pack? What do I have to do? I've been waiting for your orders for two months, I'm going crazy! Just tell me what to do and I—"
"You can do whatever you want, Atsumu. I have no orders to give you, you're free to do whatever you want."
Atsumu walked over to the desk and leaned against it with the palms of his hands. He leaned forward, his face very close to Sakusa's.
"I want to help you!" he sputtered. "But I don't know how to do it! You're a fucking black box, I don't know what to do, I can't see through you!"
"The first thing you have to do is walk away from me," Sakusa warned threateningly.
"Not until you tell me what to do!"
Atsumu grabbed Sakusa by the arm, but the alpha yanked free and shot him a withering look before pouncing on him with a clenched jaw. Sakusa, oozing the scent of anger and mistrust, grabbed Atsumu with one hand, squeezing both cheeks at the same time so hard that Atsumu's eyes filled with tears from the pain. The omega stirred in fear, and only then did Sakusa realize he was hurting him. He withdrew his hand quickly and stepped back away from Atsumu.
"If you want to help me, don't touch me again," he hissed.
Atsumu staggered away from him, his eyes flooding with tears and so terrified that Sakusa felt guilty seeing his expression, smelling his fear. It had been a disproportionate reaction, but it had not been him but his survival instinct.
"Sorry," Atsumu muttered, swallowing the lump in his throat and blinking several times to wipe the tears away. "I didn't want to..."
Atsumu fell silent and looked at the ground, fiddling with one of the untied laces of his slippers. His breathing was somewhat labored, so he tried to calm it down before continuing to speak. After a long silence, he resumed the conversation.
"I don't want to bother you, but I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. I have no use, I'm useless again. I can't fight like Kita-san and Shirabu-san do, and I need you to guide me, but every time I try, I—"
"Sit down," Sakusa said.
"What?" Atsumu asked confused.
"Do you want to help? Well, sit down."
"How is sitting down gonna help?"
"Fuck, just do it, Atsumu!" Sakusa growled.
Atsumu was startled at the scream but sat down in the chair at his side of the desk. Sakusa glared at him before sitting down in his own chair.
"I didn't mean to be rude. But, just like I'm not gonna touch you without your consent, I don't want you to touch me without mine, do you understand?" Sakusa said.
His voice sounded angry, but also... downcast, sad. Like a cry for help that no one has ever heard. Atsumu looked at him uneasily. He could feel the misery, the annoyance Sakusa was facing deep down. He needed to fix that, but that's where the problem lay: he didn't know how to do it.
Sakusa ran a hand over his face. He was exhausted. Atsumu would show up in front of him, make him feel weak and vulnerable, make his alerts go off, and despite everything, Sakusa didn't think paying for his traumas with Atsumu was the right thing to do. He took a deep breath with his eyes closed and sank back onto the chair. When he opened his eyes again, Atsumu saw such immense sorrow in his black eyes that he felt helpless.
"Why can't I touch you?" asked the omega. "What's happening? I've been in this pack for months, months with you as my alpha. You always keep me by your side as if you protect me or as if you can't stay away from me too long, you're close to me or you leave someone you trust to watch over me. You take me to the omegas to learn to live in this pack, but what do you expect of me? As much as I learn, I can't do anything if you don't tell me what to do. You avoid contact with everyone, you run alone into the forest at midnight and you don't explain anything to anyone, you're elusive, you won't let me touch you. I don't blame you, but... I don't understand. What do you want me for if it's not for that?"
Sakusa looked at him gravely before answering. "I already told you, I'm not looking for something in particular in you. I smelled your skin on the day of the pact. You didn't want to be in your pack, not because you didn't like being there. I smelled fear, anxiety, surrender. There was something about you, something that... made me want to get you out of there. There's nothing else to understand."
"But there must be a reason, something else. A whim, a wish... something," Atsumu insisted in exasperation.
"Maybe there is," Sakusa said with a shrug. "I've lived those same feelings, those and many others. Feeling trapped is not pleasant, it drains you."
"You, feeling trapped?" Atsumu said in amazement. "But... you can get rid of everything that bothers you with only your presence, everyone's afraid of you."
"It wasn't always like this," Sakusa said.
"What are you talking about?"
"I also wanted to flee once, and only when I did did I feel free. It was then that they began to fear me. All because they couldn't control me."
"I didn't know, I thought... you've always had that fame," Atsumu whispered regretfully. "When did you run away from your pack?"
Sakusa looked at him blankly. The anger from earlier was gone, there was no trace of sadness in his eyes. In a matter of seconds he was back into a cold, emotionless automaton from which you could not read in his expression or smell on his skin.
"I've never had a pack to run from," he said.
Atsumu froze. "But... You just said you ran away. If it wasn't in your pack, where did you feel trapped?"
"If I tell you, you'll be scared," Sakusa said with a dismissive gesture.
"I won't!" Atsumu exclaimed indignantly. "If I scared easily I wouldn't be in your pack."
"You were terrified just now," Sakusa said, shaking his head.
"But that's different... I thought you were gonna hit me," Atsumu muttered embarrassed, his cheeks flushed.
Sakusa looked at him with curiosity and a new gleam of approval in his eyes. Atsumu was a rare omega: as stubborn and proud as an alpha, as willing to give his all and fight to the death for his pack as a beta, as concerned and eager to help his alpha as a true omega. There was something about him that made Sakusa trust him, believe in him. His innocence, his perseverance, his courage... It was something he lacked, something he had longed for for years for himself.
Sakusa smiled slightly and Atsumu stood there, unable to take his eyes off him. It was not the first time he had seen him smile, but it was the first time he had seen him smile in a genuine, honest way: a real smile.
"I fled from the hunters' barracks when I was 11 years old," Sakusa confessed.
Atsumu's eyes widened and he swallowed hard, but his mouth had gone dry. Suddenly everything had become confused. Had he lost the thread of the conversation or was he dreaming?
"You did what?" Atsumu asked, his voice an octave higher.
"Run away. From the hunters," Sakusa repeated. "The Lunatic Alpha saved me."
"Kuroo-san's father? Wait, wait, wait," said Atsumu raising his hands. "I'm lost, rewind. I don't understand anything. What were you doing in the hunters' barracks when you were 11 years old?"
Sakusa shot him a brief glance before fixing his black eyes on the candle flame, which danced gently from side to side. He ran a finger over it several times until he felt a very slight sting, and then he kept running his finger until a small bubble appeared on the tip. Then he raised his hand and showed it to Atsumu. There was a small burn, a blister... that a second later had already disappeared without a trace.
"Have you ever seen an alpha heal so fast?" he asked.
Atsumu shook his head, his jaw dropped. Normally a burn like that could take a couple of minutes to heal. Moreover, such a burn would not have occurred, because by reflex action of the body, the hand would have been withdrawn before the blister formed.
"My ability to regenerate is far superior to other alphas," Sakusa said. "My resistance to pain is so high that several aconite-coated bullets piercing my stomach do me no more harm than a scratch on my knee. And yet my body is covered in tattoos," he pointed to the ink trails on his neck, "so that I could hide underneath the scars that decorate every inch of my skin."
"B-but... You're an alpha, your regeneration prevents you from having scars," Atsumu said, more and more confused. "You heal too fast to get marks."
Sakusa looked at him through a slit in his narrowed eyes, weighing whether or not he should keep talking. He had never confessed what had happened. Only two people in the world knew what had actually happened to him in his past, and they both belonged to the hunters. They were high positions among the ranks of the guild, evil and willing to do anything to fulfill their ideals. Sakusa felt a murderous rage consuming him inside, screaming at him that, to pay for their sins, everyone must die at his hands. But, despite everything, despite the huge number of slain hunters that he carried on his back, despite having his hands stained with blood because part of him believed that it was the right thing to do, another part of his conscience whispered to him , scared because of The Beast, that this was not the way to end all his traumas.
Sakusa looked at Atsumu once more before continuing to speak, finally determined to confess his past to someone. Someone worthy of his trust.
"Now I may regenerate quickly, but when I was a kid who had been inoculated with enzyme inhibitors, I didn't regenerate that fast."
"Enzyme inhibitors?" Atsumu asked, bowing his head. "What's that?"
Sakusa nodded, more to himself than to Atsumu, a bitter smile on his lips. "Atsumu, have you ever heard of the General of the Hunters Guild?"
"No, who is it?"
"Sugawara Leiko, a woman of strong character and dark intentions. Her name literally means 'arrogant'. And I can confirm that she is."
"And... what does she have to do with all this?" Atsumu asked without understanding anything.
"Leiko has never been in a battle. She has never fought, she has never wielded a weapon. And yet she's the General," Sakusa said impassively. "Hunters rise through the ranks based on their merits in battle, isn't it funny that she's never been in a battle and still ranks highest in the entire guild?"
"Yeah, it's weird," Atsumu admitted.
"Can you imagine why she's the General?" Atsumu shook his head. Sakusa continued. "She was the mastermind who developed the Gamma Case. Have you ever heard of it?"
Atsumu denied again, and Sakusa nodded calmly. "Maybe it's better this way."
"No! I want to know what it is!" exclaimed Atsumu. "Please," he added more gently.
Sakusa closed his eyes for a few seconds and leaned forward in his chair. He rested his elbows on the desk and looked at Atsumu with such intensity that the omega felt his legs begin to shake, not from fear, but from a feeling of complicity that he had never experienced before.
"I always wear a mask," Sakusa started to say, "because for as long as I can remember people around me wore it; I don't like using real lights and I only use candles because the bulbs remind me of the blinding moments before my ordeal began; I don't want no one to touch me because every time they've done it it has been to cause me pain; my senses are overdeveloped compared to other alphas because my body was trained to an inhumanly possible limit under torture; I regenerate in seconds because my body was subjected to enzyme inhibitors that forced my body to learn to heal itself against the clock in critical situations.
"Everything, absolutely everything that has an explanation that is beyond anyone's imagination... Except for the imagination of Leiko, a woman who dedicated herself to torture and experiment with lycanthropes for years until she found one, a child , who met her expectations; a child who gave the results she hoped for. A boy who escaped from the labs at the hunter's barracks when the Lunatic Alpha stormed the scene and killed hundreds of people, causing a stir big enough to allow the boy to escape unseen. A child they now fear because they cannot control.
"A boy nicknamed 'The Beast' by the Hunters Guild General's grandson, Sugawara Koushi."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HEY HEY HEY!
I'm backkkkkk! Hint by hint you'll get to know Sakusa, I really like his character in this AU. He's so complex and his life's a tragedy and I live for itttttt 🤩
Btw, on wednesday I'll post a oneshot on AO3 about Kuroo and Oikawa in case you want to read it (link to my profile in bio lol). The title will be "If I lose myself", take a look at it I you like the ship!
I hope you enjoyed, leave comments and kudos ❤️ See you in two weeks, love you!
NAZ, OVER AND OUT!