"i don't wanna say goodbye to another night and watch you walk away, i don't
wanna let it burn in the city lights and make the same mistakes this time"
- waste the night, 5 seconds of summer
𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐒
Relaxed.
I needed to feel relaxed.
So as Joy and I got rid of our clothes and stepped under the steaming water from the showerhead, a sense of calmness overcame my body.
I just wanted to be with her at that moment.
I needed it.
I didn't want to be reminded of everything else that had happened tonight, I just wanted to be present with her. Although this is the first time either of us are completely seeing each other, it wasn't sexual in any way.
We were simply comforting one another.
Neither of us said a word, too afraid to say the wrong things. Even after all the shouting and tears thrown around in the last few hours, I knew it was because we were both scared, petrified about what was to come.
Was I going to pack up and leave again?
It seemed like that was the logical thing to do if I wanted to keep Joy safe. I didn't have the funds to do it all over again, but if it kept her safe from Doran and my past coming after me, then I had to consider it.
After we had both cleaned ourselves, we still stood silently, pressed against one another as the water ran down our skin.
I wouldn't know what to say even if I tried.
She didn't want me to leave but I needed to protect her, I couldn't go down that road a second time.
Something caught my attention and I almost didn't hear the little sniffle that came from Joy due to the water cascading against us and echoing off the walls.
"Baby, why are you crying?" I asked her gently as I got a good look at her face now. Red brimmed eyes, pieces of her long black hair clung to her face as a few unmistakable teardrops fell from her eyes.
She shook her head and tried to turn around the opposite way, "Joy, you can talk to me...if it's about earlier then—"
"I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm crying, to be honest," she scoffed, wiping away at her tears as she moved away from standing right below the showerhead.
"Joy—"
"I'm fine," she said curtly, immediately shutting me up, not wanting to upset her more than she clearly already was right now.
She was hurt and confused and she had the right to be. What I told her tonight was barely half of my fucked up life. She wanted me to stay, I also wanted to stay, but was that really the best decision?
This was getting so complicated.
Part of me wanted to hold her and whisper in her ear that everything was going to be okay. We would carry on with life, go about our days and then spend our nights together. We could go on more dates, watch more movies together and just be happy.
But I couldn't, because how was I to know that shit wouldn't hit the fan soon.
It made me sick to my stomach, thinking about what could've happened. Someone breaking in and destroying her flat was one thing but I wasn't sure what I would've done with myself if she ended up hurt.
I would've never forgiven myself.
Joy turned off the shower after a few minutes, us both quiet as we did so. We dried off and I gave her an old shirt of mine to wear along with a pair of boxer shorts for her to sleep in. The two of us hopped in my bed and under the covers, not daring to utter a word to each other.
I laid on my back and Joy was on her side. The only sound in the room was Joy's shallow breathing and constant moving as she turned around in bed.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled.
I moved from laying on my back to my side and I looked at her in the darkness, "Don't be sorry,"
"I was a bitch,"
"You were upset, there's a difference,"
I watched as her shoulders slumped as she took a shaky breath, "I'm scared,"
My heart clenched in my chest as I opened my arms and pulled her towards me. I wrapped my arms around her body as I played with the ends of her hair. She let out a wobbly yet contentful sigh, "I'm scared too," I replied.
I planted a kiss on her head, in an attempt to comfort her and myself. "What's gonna happen now? With everything?"
What was going to happen now?
Doran was heartless and the fact that I was able to escape and avoid his master plan was clearly insulting to him that he would stop at nothing to get revenge on me. He could still be back in England, he could be in New York for all I knew...it was always a surprise with him.
He was always one step ahead of me.
And if it really was him that was fucking with me right now, I needed to figure out what the fuck I was going to do sooner rather than later.
"I don't know," I told her in a defeated tone, trying not to show how frightened I was beginning to get, "But I won't let anything happen to you,"
It seemed like my decisions were made right then and there.
I couldn't leave.
Either way, she would be in danger. Who's to say he still wouldn't target her if I was halfway across the world just because he knew how much it would break me.
He was after me and he wasn't going to leave me alone. Hurting Joy was going to hurt me in the process, and Doran knew that. I mean christ, he left her dead animals.
But Joy wanted me to stay, so I would.
I was too far gone.
And for her, I would do anything.
Even if it would destroy me in the process.
"I'm staying," I mumbled into her hair before I breathed out heavily and fell into a deep sleep.
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇
"Harry? Open this fucking door or I swear to god—"
I whipped open the door, annoyance plastered on my face, only to be met with Nellie's equally annoyed face. She looked extremely professional right now and stood in front of me in some trousers and a blouse, a face full of makeup and not a single red hair of hers out of place. "What the hell is so important that you need to come banging on my door at seven in the morning?" I spoke through gritted teeth.
"You have some fucking nerve? Why the fuck is there police tape on Joy's door? I know she's here right now and I have been trying to get a hold of her for weeks! I'm sick and tired of her ignoring me," she pushed past me and entered my flat without warning, placing her handbag down on my counter.
"Come in, I guess," I mumbled to myself as I shut the door again and rolled my eyes.
"Care to explain?" Nellie said, giving me a false smile as she waited for an explanation.
"You're going to have to be more specific," I said sarcastically, letting out a yawn as I had just woken up a few minutes prior.
Joy was still fast asleep in my bed and I intended on keeping it that way because right now, I wasn't sure if she was ready to see her sister.
"Stop fucking around. Why do I show up here and find police tape across her door? She's here with you, so don't even try lying to me," she spat.
I narrowed my eyes at her, "How do you know she's here?"
Nellie scoffed, "You're not stupid enough to think I don't have her location, right? Now stop stalling and tell me what the fuck happened," she demanded.
Well.
Here went nothing.
There was no way around this one. I could make up a lie but there was no chance in hell she would ever believe me.
"Someone broke in. Trashed the whole place."
The look on Nellie's face was clear that she didn't believe me, "Fuck off. What actually happened?"
"I just told you. You wanna go check to see because I'm not lying,"
"Well, who the fuck broke in— wait! I swear to god if that son of a bitch Elliot went anywhere near her again he's going to end up with more broken bones than he can count! Just wait until he—"
"It wasn't Elliot...at least I don't think it was,"
Nellie just looked confused now, possibly stressed. "What does that mean?"
I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face, something I found myself doing a lot out of nervousness. "I don't know for sure but I can't tell you either," I told her flatly.
Nellie let out a sound of frustration, "Well what the fuck can you tell me? Because my sister's apartment just got broken into maybe by her ex but also maybe not and now she's shacking up with you! And you're starting to look more and more sketchy right now which isn't a good thing in my book buddy— if I find out you hurt her in any shape or form I will cut off your balls one by one and shove them down your throat!"
She was funny, I'll give her that.
But she didn't scare me. I knew she was only speaking out of protectiveness for Joy.
"I can't tell you because I'm not even entirely sure what the fuck is going on and I can't tell you until I figure it out! Relax, your bark is bigger than your bite!" I rolled my eyes.
"Are you secretly like someone rich and famous from England? Royalty maybe? Did you fake your own death or something, is that why you moved here? Are you secretly in a gang because if that's the case, you're hilarious in thinking I'll let you anywhere near Joy—"
"Jesus! Chill out, you're giving me a headache," I groaned, rubbing at my temples.
Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard.
"You didn't deny any of them! What the fuck are you hiding? I will sit here all day if I have to!"
"It's none of your business! Now leave before Joy wakes up!" I told her, pointing my arm straight out towards the door, my t-shirt riding up my bicep as I did so.
"Hang on, what is that?" Nellie suddenly asked, eyes narrowing down towards me. I looked over at her confused, "What?" I said blankly as I lowered my arm
All at once, she was marching straight towards me and grabbing a hold of my arm harshly and pushing up my shirt sleeve, staring at it with an astound expression. "Holy fuck— you are in a gang," she whispered.
It instantly dawned on me what she had seen.
My tattoo.
How the hell did she know it was a gang tattoo?
I pulled my arm back from her and shook my head, "What makes you think that?" I said as if it was the most ridiculous idea she could have ever thought of.
"I've seen that before. Elliot...Alex and I went to one of his fights before and...well his opponent had that tattoo. Elliot just kept saying how it was his ultimate enemy, a trader and I didn't know what he meant until now...holy fuck, please tell me you aren't in a gang," she spoke, a slight hint of anxiety hidden in her tone.
"I would be lying if I said that," I didn't even bother trying to lie because she already knew. "Why the hell were you at one of his fights?" I asked.
Nellie shrugged, "I didn't know it was his fight until Alex and I got there...a friend of ours just invited us and we accepted blindly. That's how the two of us really confirmed our suspicions about Elliot and then we devoted ourselves to trying to get Joy to stop seeing him. Harry, what the fuck?" she said completely dumbfounded.
"It's fucked up I know but—"
"I've spent all this time trying to get Joy away from one crazed gang member only to find her involved with another one. Why chose her, out of all people—"
"I'm not still in the gang, I was, but not anymore! And If I knew the answer to that she wouldn't be in my bed right now, alright? I know I'm the worst possible person for her but that's not gonna stop me from protecting her!"
"Protecting her from what?"
I rolled my eyes and threw my hands up into the air, "I told you I can't say anything— fuck! It'll just make everything more complicated, I need to figure shit out first! I never expected things to end up like this for us!"
"You're making it harder than it needs to be, you guys barely know each other...just walk away before it's too late!"
"It's already too late! I can't just walk away! Don't you think if it was that easy, I would've done it by now? Fuck off because you don't know anything about us,"
"Harry, I cannot see her life get fucked up again! Just leave her alone—"
"Wow, I'm not even in the room and you're still dictating my choices," Joy said, walking from the direction of my bedroom, rubbing her tired eyes. She was still in my t-shirt and boxers from last night but her hair was now up in a ponytail instead of down.
"Where the hell have you been?" Nellie screeched, "I know you and Alex are fucking fighting but that doesn't mean you can ignore me! I was worried about you and I come to your apartment only to find it covered in fucking yellow police tape! Why wouldn't you call me?"
"Dude...it's like seven am— tone it down a bit," she mumbled.
"Joy!" Nellie huffed.
"Because I know Alex already told you every single detail about our fight and I know you took his side, so there was no point!" she shrugged.
Nellie was shocked by her response, "Who said I was on his side?"
"I don't know...you are every other time. Why is this one different? And the way you were just out here, controlling my life and ordering Harry around like you know him just further proves my point,"
I watched as Nellie took a deep breath, "Okay...I know you've had some time to reflect lately but can we just talk about this...not here though" she said, glancing quickly towards me before averting her eyes once again.
"I'm sure whatever you want to say in front of me you can say in front of Harry," Joy scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You need to come and stay with Alex and I," Nellie stated.
Joy began shaking her head but I cut in before she could deny, "I think she's right," I spoke up for the first time since Joy walked out of my bedroom.
The room went silent.
"What?" Joy said.
She sounded hurt.
"Joy...baby, I know you don't want to but I think it's best until I figure out a way to solve this...issue, yeah?"
I saw the tears in her eyes even with how far apart we stood from each other. "But—" her voice cracked.
"Please, it's the best way to protect you for now. Maybe it'll even get him—" I cleared my throat, referring to Doran, "—off my back for a few weeks,"
"Weeks?" she breathed out.
I nodded, "Just for a little while. I need to fix this, it's for your own good,"
Joy let out a sarcastic laugh, "I've heard that one before,"
I bit my lip, I knew she was frustrated, "Baby, please trust me on this," I begged.
This truly seemed like the best option at the moment. Maybe if Joy wasn't seen with me for a few weeks, it would lessen the target on her back. And it also gave me time to really think about who was behind all this...the text messages, the break-in, the gold teeth that were suddenly popping up everywhere I went. Although I had an inkling feeling about who it was, I needed to be one hundred percent certain.
"Okay," her voice was small, "I don't have any work clothes, can I borrow something for now," she asked Nellie, refusing to directly look at me.
I hoped she wasn't mad at me. I hoped she understood.
"Is going to work the best idea right now...?" Nellie asked.
Joy shook her head, "I already agreed to stay with you, I'm going to work,"
Nellie didn't try and argue, she just nodded her head in agreement, "Fine, we can stop and—" but the shrill sound of her phone ringing interrupted her as she reached into her purse and picked up the call, walking out of the apartment all within seconds.
"I'll um...give you these back whenever I see you again, I guess," Joy mumbled, glancing down at the clothes she was wearing.
I shrugged, "Keep them,"
She didn't fight me, just nodded mindlessly.
"Can I at least text you...to check-in and stuff," she was fiddling with her hands, still not looking at me in the eyes. I sighed and shook my head, "I don't think you should...not until I know it's safe. I don't wanna tip him off,"
She didn't say anything as she still stared at the floor. I moved closer towards her, grabbing her chin gently and pushing it upwards so she was looking at me now. The second I did that, I saw a tear fall down her cheek as her lip quivered. Not saying anything, I pulled her into my chest and wrapped my arms around her. Joy buried her head in my chest as I tried to comfort her sadness, even though it was my own doing that caused it.
"Please, don't be mad," I mumbled into her head, stroking her back gently, "I want this to work. I'm not leaving, I'll still be here. And the only way that can happen is if you're safe. This is not forever baby, I can't stay away for that long," I joked.
I pulled away from the hug and stared down at her. Her big brown eyes were staring up at me with a hopefulness I hoped and prayed she would keep for the next little duration.
She was going to need it.
So one last time, before she left, I placed my lips softly on hers, wanting to salvage the taste of them before I was deprived. She kissed me back eagerly for a few seconds before the two of us pulled away and rested our foreheads on one another as we gazed silently into each other's eyes.
The sound of my front door opening made the two of us more alert as I drew myself away from Joy. "Ready?" Nellie asked, unaware of the tidal wave of emotions the two of us just exchanged. Joy nodded, disappearing into my bedroom and gathering her items like her phone and the few clothes she had from last night. I completely forgot about the small animal that had been residing with me since last night until she came back out and held Meela in one arm.
As she met Nellie and I back into the living room, she gave me one sad smile before she was following her sister out the door,
"Baby huh?" I heard Nellie tease as they walked out my door, slamming it shut behind them.
And then she was gone.
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a/n
hi!! sorry this update took longer than usual! i've been swamped with work and school lately i barely have time to write!!
i certainly didn't enjoy writing this ending but i hope u enjoyed the chapter nonetheless!
this isn't the end for them! don't worry i could never do that to my babies!!
do you think harry is making the right decision tho?? lmk ur thoughts!!
hope everyone is well!!
till next time <3