JAMES' POV
I had no idea why I was angry, I just knew that I was and I needed to get away before I said or did anything that I'd regret later. I'd never been the kind of person to get angry easily or loose my temple but seeing Lulu hand that envelope to Mark and Ruth had rubbed me off all wrong. I had insecurities about our relationship from the beginning but slowly by slowly as I began to fall in love with Lulu they had all washed away all expect for the one where she had more money than me. I never truly acknowledged it but it had always lurked at the back of my mind. It really had chosen the worst place and time to make an appearance.
Lulu was perfect and I loved her but the macho side of me that knew that a man was supposed to be the provider refused to submit to the fact that Lulu was the one better off financially. It made me feel worthless and it was eating me up inside. All the rejection I'd gone through in university for not being to treat my girlfriends to extravagant things or at least being able to afford the life they wished for came back eating at me. Would Lulu leave me like they had when she realized that I would never be able to provide for her the same way another man who was richer than her would be able to? Would I also be able to accept the fact that Lulu would always be ahead of me financially for the rest of our lives.
Somehow I ended up driving to my parents compound because I knew even in my hysteric state only one person would be able to get through to me, my mom. It was late at night but I didn't care, I had to talk to her so with that thought, I got out of the car. The two morans guarding the gate bowed slightly in respect when they recognized me and opened the gate for me. It was so quiet I felt like I was walking through a graveyard. I found my way to my mothers manyatta hut and knocked softly.
"Mama it's me Lankenua, open up I want to talk to you."I requested knocking again.
"Lankenua?!"She called out groggily considering I'd woken her up.
She and my dad had left the wedding hours ago claiming it was time for the young ones to have their fun.
"Yes mama, it's me."I replied.
"Is everything alright? Is Lulu okay?"She asked as I heard shuffling inside.
"I just want to talk mama."I answered and stopped patiently waiting for her.
She was asking whether Lulu was okay, physically yes but I was sure she was confused and probably hurt by my reaction and behavior. I was not myself either that's why I needed advice from the wisest person I knew to know what my next step was.
My mom opened the door looking sleepy, her shukas tied loosely around her. Her arms and neck were bare since she didn't sleep with any of the jewelry she wore during the day.
"What's wrong son? And what time is it?"She asked yawning as she stepped outside.
According to tradition I was not allowed into my mother's hut from the day I was initiated into adulthood. If we were to speak, we had to do it outside.
"It's late but I couldn't go to sleep without talking to someone and since Mark and Ruth just got married, I couldn't interrupt them so I came to you."I informed her.
"It's good to know I come third in your list."She teased and I rolled my eyes.
"It's not like that mama, I just don't like disturbing you."I explained.
"James you're my son. It's your job to disturb me. Now tell me what's going on with you and Lulu."She asked taking a seat on the dusty veranda of her hut.
"How did you know it was about Lulu?"I asked.
"Because if it was not a problem involving her you would have gone to her first for advice. Now sit down and talk to me."She demanded and patted the space next to her.
See what I mean by her being the wisest person I knew. I didn't even have to start talking for her to already solve half of my problem. My clothes would probably get dirty but I didn't care. I propped myself next to my mom, leaning back on the dusty wall. I'd already discarded of my jacket and bowtie long ago leaving me in just my white dress shirt and black slacks.
"Lulu paid for a two week trip to Zanzibar for Mark and Ruth."I began.
"Wow that's wonderful, bless her soul. Why would that cause an issue?"My mom inquired.
"The issue is that she said it was from the both of us yet I didn't contribute a single cent to that trip."I heaved.
"And that made you feel insecure since it proves that she has more money that you."My mom concluded and I hummed in confirmation.
She didn't say anything after that and after a few too many seconds of sitting in silence I turned to look at my mom who was looking at me with a sorry look on her face.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"I inquired.
"Because I thought I raised smart son but now I'm starting to think that I may have failed as a mother."She replied looking away from me as she shook her head.
"How have you failed mom? All I want is advice on how to approach this and deal with how insecure I'm feeling."I requested.
"I have a question for you Lankenua. If roles were reversed and you were the one more financially able than Lulu would you expect her to be okay with it or just be as insecure as you are?"My mom asked and I frowned in confusion.
"It's not the same."I grunted.
"Why? Because you're a man and she's a woman?"My mom asked getting defensive.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."I argued.
"No I do not know. What I do know is that I raised you to be better than this. I raised you to believe in equality between man and woman. Your father and I worked so hard to make sure that the same doctrines we suffered through teaching us that women were inferior to men did not rub off on you but it seems that we failed. James did I fail as a mother?"She asked me her voice getting soft and I wondered how the conversation had turned from my problems to her failure as a mother.
"No mama, you did not fail."I consoled patting her back but she slapped it away scowling at me.
"Lulu is perfect for you. I noticed that the moment I met her and you are sitting here telling me that you are going to ruin it just because her kind heart bought your friends a dream honeymoon and you're ego couldn't take it when she included you in it. James never once have I ever been disappointed in you since I bore you but if you let this girl go because she's more financially able than you then you will be my greatest disappointment."She said looking forlorn.
Her words but me deep and it got me to start thinking all over again.
"I'm actually glad she's richer than you, otherwise you would never have me and our wonderful village would not be going through the transformations it is at the moment."My mom added and that's when it hit me how foolish I was being.
My mom was right, Lulu and I would never have crossed paths had she not been richer than me. I should be thanking the heavens for sister being so rich and Lulu being rich too by extension. I had to embrace the fact that she would always be wealthier than me and the sooner I did the better for us.
"James..."My mom called out to dish out more advice but I was already getting up and dusting myself.
"Thank you mama. I knew you would fix it."I thanked her as I took her arms helping her up.
"I'm happy to help. Now go get your girl. I do want grandkids soon."She instructed and I smiled.
"I will work on it."I replied smiling.
After making sure that my mom was back safe into her hut, I rushed back into my car and drover towards the resort to make things right. I knew I had some grovelling to do but I was more than ready to. I had let my ego and pride take control over me in the money situation and that would never happen again. I was not ready to loose Lulu just because I couldn't handle her being richer than me. I would work on my insecurities but I had to ensure that she was still mine first.
When I got back to the resort my first clue that she wasn't there was her car missing from the parking lot. After knocking for ten minutes on her door, one of the hotel staff was kind enough to tell me that she had left immediately after I did. That had been two hours ago. Where had she gone for that long? I didn't want to go back home without talking to her but I also couldn't wait outside her door all night. Seems like our conversation would have to wait till morning. I drove back to my place defeated that we would not get to talk.
When I got home my breath hitched in my throat when I saw the white jeep that her sister had bought her in replacement of her old one parked in my garage. It was another blow to my ego since I couldn't even afford my lady a new car when her sister bought her the latest model like she was buying her peanuts from a shop. To add salt to the wound, I was still driving the truck she had given me. I felt like a kept man in a way, I knew that I shouldn't but I couldn't help it. Well time to face the music, I thought to myself as I got out of the truck. She had the keys to my house so was probably inside but when I saw the crouched figure on the front seat of her car my heart broke for her.
What was I doing? How could I take the love of the woman willing to go to such lengths for me for granted. I was running a good thing just because my ego couldn't take the hit that she was more successful than me. My mom was right, she had raised me better than that. If I didn't fix everything before it was all ruined then I was no better than our ancestors who believed that a woman's job was to cook, clean and bare children. I was proud of Lulu she all that she had accomplished and it was time that I started showing her that.
I gently knocked on the car window so as not to startle her sleeping form. She still jumped slightly and her sleepy eyes turned up to look at what I hopped at what was my apologetic ones. She unlocked the car and opened the driver's door but didn't get out. Any other time she would have already been in my arms but me and my stupid self had gone ahead and ruined everything. Time to fix that before it was too late and I lost the one good thing to happen to me in a long time. What gave me hope is that she was still there and talking to me.
"Hi baby."I greeted warmly since she still looked sleepy and I didn't want to startle her.
"Hi."She replied suppressing a yawn.
"Why didn't you go inside, you have a key?"I asked.
"I was in a hurry to get to you so I forgot them in my cabin. You also didn't pick up your phone."She explained and I nodded in understanding.
I'd turned off my phone immediately I'd left the wedding that's why she wasn't able to get through to me. It made me feel even more guilty.
"Okay. Can we go inside so we can talk?"I requested and she mumbled a yes getting out of the car.
She locked it and we headed towards the house where I let us both in. Kicking off our shoes at the door we walked into the living room and took a seat thankfully in the same sofa but with ample space between that was not there before. I caused that and it was time for me to undo the same I'd caused.
"I'm..."
"Can..."
We both began at the same time both we both stopped and looked at each other with tiny smiles. It was better than a frown so I'd take it.
"Ladies first."I invited owing it to her to say what she wanted to.
She deserved it after having to wait on me as I fixed my messed up thoughts.
"James I'm so sorry that I made you feel as if I was lording my money over you. I've never actually thought about it, I was taught to give and that's what I've been doing since I got here. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable. It was never my intention."She apologized looking so sorry and it broke my heart that she thought any of my actions were her fault.
Unable to bare the distance any longer I scooted closer to her and took her hands in mine rubbing my thumbs over her knuckles.
"Baby stop apologizing, it's not your fault and I hate it when you call me James. I'm Jamie to you, James makes me feel as if I'm in trouble, which I am but don't call me that."I joked realizing just how the name I'd disliked at first had grown on me.
She chuckled gazing at our interlocked hands before nodding, allowing me to continue.
"I'm the one who should be begging at your feet. I'm terribly sorry for how I spoke to you. You didn't deserve my harsh words when you were just being kind, like you always have. I love you and your giving personality. I admit that you being so much more wealthier than me makes me feel insecure but that is my problem to deal with. I should not let it come between us and for allowing it to I really am sorry."I sincerely apologized hoping she would forgive me.
"I'm not that rich, Marini is the one with the money."She argued but I shook my head knowing she was just being modest.
"How much money do you have in your account right now?"I asked and she leaned over whispering a ridiculous amount of money in my ear making my eyes go wide. "Wow, that is a lot of zeros, definitely much more than mine. Way much more."
"I shouldn't have told you."She slumped back defeated and I realized that I was ruining things again.
"I asked, thank you for being honest with me. Hey and with that kind of money I can just be a stay at home dad. I'll not be the first kept man in history."I joked trying to lighten the mood and it worked since she rolled her eyes at me.
"Look I know that I won't get over my insecurity overnight and I can't ask you to stop being yourself. Just let me deal with this slowly because I can't loose you just because my ego can't handle not being the provider in the relationship."I added.
"You do provide a lot, I've got a drawer filled with jewelry that is priceless to me, you make me happy and most of all you love me with everything you've got and you can't put a price on that."She replied and my heart grew a size bigger to accommodate all the love that she was dishing out to me.
I pulled her into my arms so that she was straddling me.
"I don't deserve you but I will spend the rest of our days proving to you just how much I love you."I swore looking into her eyes.
"I just want you Jamie, you're more than enough as you are."She proclaimed and leaned in to kiss me.
I kissed her back softly happy that we were okay and were putting all the negativity of the night between us.
"If it makes you feel better, I can take away the truck and you can go back to walking everywhere."She suggested and I was quick to shake my head.
"No, I've grown too attached."I rejected that idea and she chuckled.
I leaned back on the sofa and she cuddled in top of me as she played with the ends of my dreads. I didn't want to think about how I'd almost lost her due to my insecurities. I had to get over them because she was my life and I needed her like I needed air to breath. She meant the world to me and I didn't want to even imagine my life without her. She had to be in it forever and for that I had to man up and be the man that she deserved.
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This chapter was so random and unplanned for but I'm happy with it.
Question for the ladies... Would you date a guy who was less bake financially than you?
I say yes I would as long as he was hardworking and not expecting me to provide 100% just because I'm richer. If If I give 90%, I expect you to give 10%, it shows effort and that's all that matters.
Do I have any male readers and if yes, would you date a lady who earns more money than you?
Vote. Comment. Share.. Love you all.