I was lounging in my favourite chair, whiling away the hours of the night, and considering my next move when the time came to return to the council while the light sound of Jamie's deep and even breathing washed over me from the bedroom.
Going to the capital was dangerous now considering I did not know what the situation was, but if I skipped the next quarterly, it would make me look even more suspicious. There was no way that I could take enough human guards with me to even the odds, and with so many vampires around there, I was at a severe disadvantage.
Of course, it was only a concern if they suspected me. Perhaps I should have tried to torture more information out of Magnus or Willow before I killed them. If I hadn't been so hasty, perhaps I could have leveraged their strange codependent affections against each other.
I shrugged. Well, there was no putting blood back in the vein. We would just have to deal with this difficult new situation I had invented. At least it was interesting and outside the norm.
The increase in the tempo of Jamie's breathing caught my attention. He groaned and I got up and wandered back towards my bed, wondering if he was caught in a nightmare.
As I observed his sleeping form, his brows furrowed slightly as he made another sound of fear or frustration low in his throat. I wondered what he was dreaming. Was it past trauma slipping out of his memories to haunt him, or a new spectre of misery pieced together by his subconscious mind?
For me, dreams were only the vaguest memory of a life long lost.
Another sound of distress left him, drowning out the sound of his heartbeats, and I considered waking him from his torment, but would it be worse to be brought out from the fear of the dream only to be confronted by one of the dangers of the waking world? I did not know what was worse, imagination or reality.
He shifted and I decided to do it. I slipped down so I was at his level. "Jamie?"
He groaned.
"Jamie. It's just a dream." I nudged his arm lightly and he woke with a start, eyes wide open in the darkness, his heart thumping loud and fast.
"Jamie, it's just me. You're safe," I lied. He was safe in the moment, but not in general, even taking myself out of the equation.
"Vienne." My name sounded wonderful in his husky timbre. He pushed himself up onto one elbow and looked at me. I doubted he could make much out, but he could obviously at least see my silhouette by the torches in the hall.
"Yes. You seemed to be having a nightmare."
"Yeah. Yeah, I was."
I decided not to push him to talk about it. If I was a part of it, I probably didn't want to know.
"Just memories."
I wanted to comfort him, but I did not know if such a thing were even possible. I was not human any more. I could not share my heat, or the common experience of true mortality with him. I could not dream.
I did not touch him as he leaned back down on the pillow with a groan. He closed his eyes again.
"Sweet dreams, Jamie," I said, and I quickly retreated from the room again and left him to sleep.
* * * * *
Jamie woke early in the morning and he either did not remember or did not want to talk about his dark dreams. He kissed me with what truly seemed to be passion, and then went on his way to find Connor.
I was not looking forward to him leaving for New Haven again. The idea made me ache, like he was taking some vital part of me along with him.
I wanted to see him before he left, but he was outside in the training yard again and I certainly was not going to send someone to fetch him for me like I was mooning after him or something.
Instead, I wandered the halls, feeling the sun's presence pressing me down into a deep weariness. I made my way back to my chambers, nodding to my guards. Dean was waiting for me, ready to keep watch over my vulnerable period. I smiled at him. "And how are things going?" I asked him.
"Everything is good," he replied in his slow drawl followed by an equally slow smile. I had observed him with Trisha and they did seem to be finding some fleeting happiness together. It was nice, and good for humans' health when they were content.
I was about to retire to my rooms, when my attention was captured by footsteps in the hall. I turned and waited, and smiled with pleasure when the doors opened to reveal Jamie. To the dismay of some of my guards, I had told them to allow him entrance unless I was dealing with something sensitive, and now was not that time.
From the corner of my eye Dean melted off to give me more privacy. He had been an intuitive listener for as long as I've known him, more so than the others. Jamie moved forward confidently and reminded me of my appreciation for the human.
"We'll be gone by the time you wake up," he said, as if I needed to be informed of information I was so attuned to.
"I know," I agreed.
"Connor sent me to inform you," he said.
Pushing away my mild disappointment, and smiling past the sudden discomfited disappointment that he had not come of his own accord, I smiled. "Safe travels, then, Jamie."
There was a moment's pause before we both moved, mouths meeting, his arms winding around to fist in my hair and mine reaching around him to cling to his form. I would miss this until I saw him again, but I was going to miss him more. I loved this contention and I loved this accord.
I would never bore of him, if I had such an opportunity.
We broke off our kiss. "I have to go," he said.
"I know." I wanted to go with him. I was tired of putting up a stagnant front, I wanted the excitement of the future fight, I wanted to rub the council's face in the way I was working to undermine them.
But sadly, we both had our own roles to play.
"I'll miss you," I admitted in a voice so low that he would be the only one who could hear. My guards were putting in their best efforts to pretend we were not there, but they could hardly become willfully deaf on command. If anything, their attempts to ignore us probably only made every sound louder.
He looked down at me as if I were a mystery he could not comprehend. I certainly hoped I was. "Yeah, I'm going to miss you, too."
I had not expected such words from this stubborn human, and I enjoyed the pleasure and surprise. He stepped back, and then left, the sentiment still resounding through my mind.
* * * * *
My grey Jamieless nights dragged on and on more than I cared to admit. Beyond my attempts to maintain the necessary facade, I tried to act unaffected for the sake of my humans' morale, but it was a struggle. During the days, humans were shuffled about and relocated, some of the stronger brought to increase defenses and the weaker moved out of the way of likely trouble.
Everything around my home was scrubbed and sorted of anything suspicious. There would be no more human training in this location or anywhere else obvious until the heat died down, beyond just keeping them fit. I could easily argue the human maintenance side of exercise for blood security.
In spite of my pining, I enjoyed the changes to my routine.
Over the first few days after he left, I compelled the last of the humans in my home to help them resist the control of other vampires and hold my secrets. I drank more blood over the course of those days and still felt somewhat off, although it was difficult to separate my weariness from that yearning I did my best to ignore.
There were a few bright spots still left to me, and one of them was dealing with my newest acquisitions. The ones I bought during the most recent quarterly were boringly easy considering they got an eyeful of my destructive plans so early on. It made me slightly uneasy because I had not really gotten a chance to test their mettle before letting them in, but there was nothing I could change about it now.
Fortunately, I still had Jamie's fellow attempted escapees to torment, which gave me a nice outlet to amuse myself.
Mark and Evan had been released the day that Jamie had spoken to them. Evan was coming around quickly, I suppose since he found out he was not in Kansas anymore and got a firsthand look at how the man behind the curtain was not quite what he pretended. I would send him off as I had already decided, but I wanted to make headway with the other three before he disappeared.
"And so, Mark, I want you to tell Travis and Firebug what you've been seeing while they've been locked up," I explained to the bitter human who I had bullied into accompanying me down to the dungeons to visit his co-conspirators.
He shot me a bitter expression. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"Only the truth, silly human. You're intelligent enough, surely you're starting to see under the subterfuge?"
He looked frustrated by my comment. I smiled at him.
We reached the corridor. "Go on, tell them what you think is going on," I prodded as I went to stand behind him, further into the shadows where I might be less conspicuous and simultaneously more threatening.
"Travis. You okay, man?"
"I'm fine. Surprised you haven't been sucked dry yet." The imprisoned human inspected his friend's neck. Silly human, as if that were the only place from which I could siphon Mark's blood if I so desired. I did like playing around with this caged one, even if his stubbornness was but a pale shadow of Jamie's determination.
"Don't worry yourself, Travis. You're all already scheduled in the blood rotation," I lied, because I could not resist. His scowl deepened. His skill in keeping his face blank and unreadable was not nearly so well developed as Jamie's.
He was fun, but not that fun, unfortunately.
"She hasn't fed from me, yet," Mark admitted.
Travis glowered at me as I walked by, towards the little firebug. I smiled at his response. "Unless she compelled you to say that."
I looked back at him over my shoulder. "If I were going to compel you, I would have done it already, silly humans. I did compel Evan to act like I tortured him to make you all more afraid in order to punish you further when I was still terribly angry, and you all know I compelled you not to tell other vampires anything interesting, but beyond that I'm looking for willing compliance."
His response was lost to me as I turned my attention towards the little human female in her own cell. "Good morning, Firebug," I teased.
Her wariness was obvious as she crouched in the cell, watching me silently.
"I've no intention to hurt you," I informed her. "Would you like an opportunity to work with me against the vampiric council who confined you beneath it like an animal?" I asked.
Certainly, I was little better, but at least they got adequate nutrition down here. Somehow these humans still looked less wan and lifeless.
She still did not trust me, which was fine, but then she asked, "Why would you ask that?"
I smiled. "Because I can't do it alone."
"I mean, why are you taking about working against the bloodsuckers on the council when you're...?" I had caught her attention, although she did not want to let me see the fact. By the silence coming from the other two humans, I could tell I had captured their attention as well.
"A bloodsucker on the council? Because I'm a very bored bloodsucker, and the council is becoming most tedious after all these years." It was my favourite answer, and the only one I was comfortable with. I did have my vampiric dignity to consider, after all, council or no council. "I could complain about them all day. It's a shame you all weren't a little more patient, because if you had been loose you could have witnessed my first destruction of council bloodsuckers. I suppose there're three seats open now, I wonder who will fill them..."
"I've heard about that," Mark admitted.
"Did you?" I asked, not at all surprised. It was rather exciting and dramatic. Gloating over them had been glorious and I allowed myself to savour the memory of my enemies bound on their knees before me. I very much wanted that again.
Not quite as much as I wanted Jamie, but in the perfect world I would have both.
"Do you believe it?" Travis asked suspiciously.
"Yes," Mark said. With herculean effort I kept my triumphant smile off my face. All three of these humans were well in hand.
I observed Barb. "I've decided to allow you out, today. You don't have to agree to join me, but you do have to promise you won't light any of my things on fire. I guarantee I will not be merciful a second time, but I believe I can trust you not to sabotage my seditious plans. Do you want to join the other humans?"
She did not answer for a long moment, and then finally, she nodded. I was glad, because it seemed a shame to confine one so young.
"Then it shall be so." I strode away from her and met Travis' defiant scowl. I smiled at him and tried to make him falter in his gaze. He stubbornly held mine and I grinned in delight. He was problematic, but definitely worth the trouble. I had no doubt this human could be trained to fight back against a vampire.
The thought made me curious, so I paused before continuing. "Have you ever killed a vampire?" I looked to Mark. "I know you almost killed a human, but that is far too easy." Mark flinched at the reminder. I wanted his guilt to remind him not to repeat such a wasteful action in the future.
My gaze searched Travis' stubborn face and admired his aesthetic value. He was certainly handsome underneath his scruffy appearance, but right now I found all his differences from Jamie lacking.
"I might have been cursed to follow Tantalus' path," I commented, surrounded as I now was by handsome humans, yet none could satisfy. The blank responses made it obvious that none of them understood my reference and I cursed the council. I really needed to get started on New Hollywood already. I would add that Greek myth to the growing project list.
"Sure, leech." Travis' slur made me miss Jamie all the more.
I smiled through my craving for that irreplaceable presence. "And then, there was one," I said as I swept away. "Come along, Mark." Pausing at the guards, I ordered them to release Barb and set her up in the female quarters again.