A$AP Forever ~ A$AP Rocky (*)
**Split perspective**
••••••
Rayne ~~
He is supposed to be in Chicago now. Now as in today. And for the next two weeks.
Ever since two nights ago in the file room when Harry talked about him coming to Chicago every year, and the fact that he has been for the past fucking decade, my mind has been reeling. I don't know what to think and at the same time my mind is overflowing. I'm overwhelmed.
If he happened to be not only my old captor but my parents murderer on top of Harry's moms killer, then we really will be taking out the devil on earth when we get to him. And I say "when" because I know it's going to happen. It has to.
I'm just itching to know why he's been coming here for years now. It could be coincidence, which is a logical reason. Because according to Harry's research, the timeline in which he arrives in Chicago each year lines up to when he captured me and when my parents were killed. He was supposedly in town for his so called "business" around that exact time. That gives me even more reason to believe he is my parents killer.
But if it was a coincidence, why did he choose to kill my parents? Why did he want to kidnap me? I will never forget his words that he spoke to me that first night he took me.
He said he'd been wanting me for awhile and had been watching me trudge the dark and gloomy streets of Chicago that had been my home for a little while.
If he had been wanting me and watching me then does that mean he knew me already? Or did he just so happen to notice me and took a sick fucking liking to me?
So many god damn questions that I don't have answers to. It makes me furious.
That's why I went up to Arden and I's makeshift gym to blow off some steam. Now I'm showering before we head to Aerial to meet up with Harry, Garrett, and Tate.
After what Harry and I talked about two nights ago, we decided to all meet up today and discuss a game plan to hunt him down. We know that it's time to stop fucking around.
I want justice, in my own sick way not in the morally correct way, and Harry wants revenge. Not a good combination for him. But still, he's got us running in circles right now.
Fucking embarrassing.
When I finish showering and changing I meet Arden downstairs and we head out to meet our Uber.
That's another thing, this fucker is obsessed with leaving the warehouse now. The past couple of days Arden has asked to run errands or go for walks and shit. Of course I'm happy about it, but he's acting like a toddler who was just given a new play set or something. He cannot stop talking about it. Or actually leaving for that matter.
I tease him about it now, telling him that he should start listening to me more often because I'm usually right. All I got in reply was a middle finger and a scoff.
I'll take it.
••••••
"This is a creepy ass hallway dude." Arden states the obvious as I guide us to the meeting room Harry gave me instructions to go to.
I haven't been to this room yet, but he said it's where meetings take place. It's also the room that's across from the file room so I know where it's at.
"It's not too bad once you get used to it. My first time was when your dumb brother dragged me back here the night we first met. All because I put him in his place." I scoff at the memory of Harry getting mad that I spoke to him the way I did.
Looking back at it I just wanna smile because I still continue to bruise his ego to this day. It all started that night and just builds up as time passes.
"Don't blame me for his idiocy, I couldn't agree more. I'm an idiot too though so it probably comes from our dad." He laughs softly and I join him.
Sometime I wish I could've met their parents. I know that Harry and I aren't even dating, but I'm basically best friends with him and Arden and best friends usually meet each other's parents. Based on what I've heard I know I would've at least liked Becky.
I also wish my parents could meet them. Knowing my mom she'd be incredibly welcoming and nonjudgmental like always. My dad on the other hand always had trouble trusting the misfits. Not that he judged them, he never judged anyone. He just wouldn't have been so open to letting them into his life like my mom did. I will always admire both of my parents personality traits though.
They were such beautiful people.
Within the next minute we're walking up to the meeting room. I glance at Arden before knocking twice, hearing a short "come on in" from what sounded like Garrett.
When I open the door, Arden filing in behind me, I only see Garrett sitting in a chair at a long rectangular table. It looks just like a typical business meeting table with chairs surrounding it. There's no windows in here, and no other doors. Just a table with chairs and a desk with drawers in one corner, and a few file cabinets lining the wall on my right.
"Hey psycho and Aardvark. How's it going? Take a seat preferably on this end of the table so we don't have to yell to be heard." He sarcastically grins at us and I roll my eyes.
"Where's Harry and Tate?" I ask as we take our seats across from him.
Garrett just shrugs and scrolls through his phone. "Getting some items for this meeting I think? Can't remember."
"Very helpful. Thanks." I sarcastically remark.
"Anytime." His voice is nonchalant and completely not engaged.
"Why are you way more fun drunk?" I raise my eyebrows at him when he finally looks up at me after I ask that.
A smirk grows on his face. "Well I'm always drunk, so thanks for the compliment."
Arden speaks up next. "I'm feeling quite awkward around you two now that I'm not drunk off my ass."
This makes Garrett chuckle and me laugh softly. We both glance at each other and shrug, and just then the door opens revealing Harry and Tate.
Just like Garrett mentioned they walk in with a couple files each in hand. Tate nods at Arden and I and Harry walks around our side giving Arden a pat on the shoulder and me a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey madwoman." He says lowly into my ear before taking a seat at the end of the table to my left.
A smirk creeps its way onto my lips at his constant seductive tone. He always sounds so lovely and sexually enticing.
I notice he's wearing a white t-shirt instead of his usual black today, but he's still got the black jeans and boots on. The signature Harry Styles look.
He takes a seat and places two files on the table in front of him, and Tate takes the seat to Garrett's right, right across from me.
"Ok, we're going out today to search for you know who. He's supposed to be in Chicago for the next two weeks according to the pattern he follows on his annual 'business trips'. We've already got the car packed and ready to go with weapons if we need them and computer shit for you Arden." Harry explains the moment he is fully situated in his seat.
I hear Arden snort beside me, and when I look at him I see him staring amusingly at Harry. "Computer shit, really?" He says.
I turn back to see Harry shrug. "You know what I mean. But yea, we've got that ready to go. We also mapped out the route we wanna take when we go out searching. It's here on this tablet." He gestures his hand to Tate who passes the tablet he was holding to Garrett.
Garrett, for once, is serious as he glances over what I assume is the map of our route. His eyes squint as he studies over it for a minute before reaching over the table to hand it to Arden.
Arden looks real hard at it, and even navigates through some of the widgets that I wouldn't have known existed before finally handing it to me.
The first thing I notice is how cool this actually is. I feel like an FBI agent or some shit. Secondly, I notice while sliding my finger across the screen that our last stop for today is my old neighborhood.
My head snaps up to Harry and he's looking at me almost apologetically.
"Just to be sure." He reassures me.
And that's all it takes for me to nod and avert my gaze back to the tablet.
"There's at least a dozen locations here. Are you planning on doing this all in one day?" I ask while handing the tablet to Harry.
"We do as many as we can in this area so we can use the next two weeks for outer locations. I have enough men to help, but us five will be doing the major spots. Others will span out all around the state of Illinois just in case he doesn't actually stay in Chicago."
The rest of us nod along as he explains the plan. We'll be riding together and stopping at each location and then we'll spread out in two groups. Tate and Garrett together and then Harry, Arden, and I together.
"These four files are all we've got on anything related to him. It's a lot less than you think, but it's enough to work with for now." Harry tugs on his ringed eyebrow piercing as he glances at the files spread out in front of him and Tate.
"Sounds good. I'm ready to kick ass, lets go." Arden says while standing up abruptly in his chair.
"Easy there tiger, we may not even find anything. And if we do it'll be us doing the ass kicking, not you." Garrett smirks at Arden who flips him off.
"He knows how to somewhat defend himself, cut him some slack." I butt in, teasing a little.
"I definitely would rather just watch you guys fuck shit up. My ass will be behind a screen where I belong. Can any of you hack into a database faster than me? Didn't think so. Bitches." Arden mumbles the last part under his breath where only I hear it.
I scoff but stand up with him. "We ready?"
The three men are smirking at us, and Harry shakes his head in amusement before they all stand up to walk out of the room.
Tate takes all the files and hands some to Arden, which he gets very excited about. Tate claimed he needed to use his computer skills to find some of the information on them or whatever.
As we're walking out, me second to last before Harry, the others walk ahead as I wait for him to lock the door behind us.
"You nervous baby?" He asks with his back still facing me.
"Uh, I don't know. Ask me in an hour or so." I reply honestly.
"I think I know what you mean. Feels like by doing this we may actually find him. And although I've been searching for years, I still don't know exactly what I'm gonna do when we get him. All I know is that I want to kill him in the end." When he turns around I see a fire in his eyes that matches the tone in his voice towards the end of his confession.
When I look at him I can't help but do it in awe. It's weird, he literally just mentioned killing someone, despite it being him, and yet I still find Harry incredible.
That's because the side of him that's dark and evil doesn't scare me. It intrigues me.
"What?" He breaks my thoughts.
I shake my head and raise my eyebrows. "Nothing. Just, that made a lot of sense."
His lips form a weak smile and he steps over to me so he can press a slow and soft kiss to my own. It makes my heart race, but like usual I ignore it and don't question it. Something him and I seem to be really good at.
"Let's go madwoman." His hand finds mine as we walk down the hallway together.
••••••
"We've only been to three locations and I'm already exhausted." Garrett sighs as he hops into the back seat of the Tahoe and slides in next to me.
Arden is on my right with a computer in his lap, Tate is in the drivers seat, and Harry is in the front passenger seat.
"Let me guess, you got wasted last night and stayed up too late." I tease as I gently toss my assault rifle into the very back of the car.
Harry hands me his and Tate's rifles and I do the same with those, and Garrett tosses his own back there.
"Damn right. Livin' the life." He throws up a peace sign and rests his head on the headrest. His eyes flutter closed as another dramatic sigh leaves his lips.
"Next location is four blocks away, little over ten minutes with traffic." Arden notes without looking up from the screen in front of him.
"Boss, all due respect, but we've spent hours looking through only three spots. We've got about four hours of daylight left and I'm starving. Can we at least stop for some food or something?" Garrett pleads like a child with Harry who just rolls his eyes.
He hasn't been complaining all day, but at the last stop we had to take about a dozen men down inside the warehouse. Harry, Tate, and Garrett killed the ones they came across, but I knocked mine out. Of course.
Anyway, its taken its toll on not only Garrett but Harry, Tate, and I as well. Although they'd never voice it. I sure as hell will though.
"Gotta agree with him, I'm hungry as hell. I also thought I was more in shape than this but I guess I was wrong." I lean forward so I can pull my jacket off.
It's about sixty something degrees out but all that running and moving around had me sweating like a fucking dog. I'm wearing a long sleeve grey shirt underneath so my back is all good though.
Harry looks back at us, more specifically me, and his features soften. He sighs but nods anyway. "Alright. Where do you want to eat at?" He's looking at me to answer but Garrett butts in.
"In-N-Out of course, no questions asked." He rushes out.
My mouth forms a smirk and I shrug. "Fine with me."
We make sure it's good with everyone before we head to the nearest In-N-Out. Arden is still nose deep in whatever he's doing on that computer so he just hummed in agreement. Tate shrugged and said he doesn't give a shit. Harry answered about the same.
We decide on pulling into the drive through instead of dining in. We quickly order our food, literally all of us wanting some type of burger, and then we pull across the street into an outlet mall parking lot to eat.
Our food break is spent in silence for the most part, and when we're done Garrett and I gather the trash up and walk it to a garbage bin close by.
As I'm sipping the last bit of my drink up and throwing it away, Garrett's hand lands on my arm.
"I just had a fucking fantastic idea." I look up to see him grinning mischievously.
"Oh fuck....I don't like that look. What is it?" I'm almost afraid to ask.
Instead of verbally answering right away he points behind me. I follow his finger to have my eyes land upon a random tattoo parlor.
"You want a tattoo?" Not sure why he all of a sudden wants one.
Now that I think about it I haven't even seen one on him before. Either he doesn't have one or the ones he does have he keeps hidden.
"Never gotten one before. Now I kind of want one." That answers my question. "Holy shit, we could get fucking matching ones!" He lightly punches my arm and starts off towards the car with the rest of our crew in it.
I already know Harry's gonna say no. Although he isn't the boss of me, he still calls the shots with Garrett and Tate. And from what I've learned it doesn't bother them in the slightest even though Harry is younger. They respect him and everything he's done for them too much to care that he orders them around.
Just like I predicted, Harry's immediate answer was no.
Well, more like "absolutely fucking not," which is more accurate.
Garrett doesn't argue, but rather hangs his head like the child he is and walks around from Harry's window to get in the car.
I almost feel bad for how sad he got though, so I use my advantage as being Harry's whatever the hell I am to talk him into it.
And besides, getting matching tattoos sounds fun. I always love getting new pieces of art on my body.
It distracts me from the ugly part of myself.
"Hey." I stand next to Harry's window and lean in. He raises his eyebrows at me, but I ignore the stern look in his eyes.
"I know we've got more to do, but it wouldn't take that long if we got small ones. And I think it could be fun. I'll pay." I cheekily grin at him and he chuckles.
His head shakes and he looks down briefly before bringing his gaze back to me. "You're annoying. Why do I always cave for you? And no, you're not fucking paying for our tattoos."
That makes me smile for real. I lean further in to kiss him shortly before opening the latch on his door for him. "Because I'm special. Also don't be a dick, I'll pay if I want. I've got enough cash. Now come on, I've got an idea on what we should get."
••••••
"Can't believe you don't have a tattoo. Tate is loaded with them." I hear Arden teasing Garrett from behind me as I talk to one of the three tattoo artists in the shop.
"Shut the fuck up. You don't have any either." Garrett replies sharply.
"Yea, I want it small and simple. Here." I pull the picture on my phone up that I just got from google and show it to the artist.
She nods. "That's pretty simple. I can probably do all of you in less than an hour."
"That's perfect. Right Harry?" I turn to him where he's leant against the counter in front of us.
"Yea that's fine. What are we getting?" He sighs, and his easy compliance is strange to me.
"It's a surprise for all of you guys. And don't worry, it's not stupid and it's small. So even if by some crazy ass reason you don't like it, you'll hardly notice it because of its size." I reassuringly say loud enough for the four of the guys to hear.
"How small is it?" Arden asks. "I've never gotten a tattoo so I don't want it to be huge."
"It's small, that's all you're getting. Now, choose where you want it." As I let them think about it I decide on putting mine on my ankle.
"Can I put mine on my ass cheek?" My head snaps over to Garrett and I find him with a smirk.
"Absolutely not. It's meaningful so put it somewhere you'll see it often." I explain.
"Well that's helpful. Why don't you pick for us since you're the only one that knows what it is." He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at me.
I shrug my shoulders and start thinking of where I want them to get it at. "Hmmmm, Tate yours would look nice on your left wrist. Same with you Gar."
They both glance at their wrists and nod. Next I look at Arden.
"I think yours should be on your chest. Right over your heart." I point at him and his eyebrows furrow but he doesn't argue.
Finally I look at Harry who is still leant against the counter, back fully against it while he leans with his arms crossed.
I step up to him and smile softly. My hand voluntarily reaches up to wrap around his neck, fingers dancing along the skin below his short curls. "Yours should go here. That would look pretty."
He chuckles as he stares down at me. "I don't really wanna look pretty, but alright."
"You always look pretty. It's annoying." I roll my eyes and turn back around just as the tattoo artist comes out with black latex gloves on and gets the chair I'm assuming is hers set up for us.
"Who's going first?" The lady asks with a clap of her hands.
"Arden, you go first. But no peaking or I'll have her ink a fat dick on you." I point at him and he throws his hands up in mock surrender.
"Whoa chill, I won't peek. Jesus." He shakes his head and walks over to sit in the comfy looking chair.
About forty-five minutes later and Harry is just finishing up with his, and he's the last one before me. The lady tatting us helped me with my plan to keep it secret until we were all done, so she made sure none of them saw her when she was working on them. Not that Harry could see anyway. But she still covered them all in gauze before they could peek. I told them we'd do a mini reveal to each other when I get mine done.
I barely feel a thing as she begins inking my ankle. I've gotten too many in the past to feel pain during it. All I feel is a tickle, even if it's near my ankle bone.
Twenty minutes later she's cleaning up her mess and covering my own with gauze. I thank her and then walk over to the counter from earlier so I can pay. I actually have extra cash on me for this and it's super cheap. That's a good thing too because I can't exactly steal a tattoo.
Harry tried to butt in and pay, and so does Garrett being that it was his idea. I wave them off, insisting that it's my treat.
We all thank the nice tattoo lady who we found out is named Hannah, and then walk out of the shop.
I can tell they're all antsy, even Harry, about knowing what they just got permanently marked on themselves.
"Ok, you can look. Harry I'll take a picture of yours." I walk around him and peel the gauze off just as the other three are peeling theirs off.
I snap a photo of Harry's neck and then look at the guys to see their reaction.
Tate and Garrett genuinely smile at their wrists and Arden bites his lip to contain his huge grin as he pulls the collar of his shirt down to look at his over his heart.
"What is it? You all are freaking me out smiling like that." Harry impatiently remarks.
A giggle escapes my lips before I show him the picture I just took.
"What do you think?" I ask all four of them.
"Very clever of you psycho girl. I like it a lot." Garrett admits as I turn to him while handing my phone to Harry so he can keep looking at the picture.
Tate nods his head with a simple smile, and Arden walks over and hugs me. It throws me off at first before I wrap my arms tightly around his tall and slender frame.
"I love it." He says, emotion behind his tone.
I pat his back with both hands and then pull away. When I look back over at Harry I find him still staring at the picture on my phone.
The other three carry on with a random conversation when I walk over to him. I bring my hand to his shoulder and he jumps a little, blinking his eyes like he was in a daze and I snapped him out of it.
"Was it too much? I figured we'd all like it because it's symbolic and means something to all of us. I probably shouldn't have made it into a melodramatic surprise thing, I'm sorr-," I'm cut off and stunned when he suddenly crashes his lips into mine.
A muffled, high pitched grunting sound leaves my lips at the shock and much too soon he's pulling away.
My eyes are wide and I lick my lips without realizing it at the action he just performed. "What was that for?" I sound breathless as I ask.
"Because, you're just you. I don't know how else to say it. It's just, you." His words stir a pleasant yet foreign feeling in my chest.
But I don't think much too into them, not yet anyway. I'll save that for later. For now I just smile at him and stand on my tip-toes to peck his rose red lips again.
I hear catcalls from Arden and Garrett, who also proceed to tease us on the walk back to the car. Harry's arm is slung across my shoulders as we walk attached at the hip to the Tahoe, flipping Arden and Garrett off for being childish.
••••••
My old home.
The place I lived in my entire life up until a year ago.
Nothing has changed. It still looks the same. It's also abandoned.
Nobody wants to live in the house where two innocent people were brutally murdered. Murdered by someone who still hasn't been caught.
I can't really describe the feeling I got when Tate pulled the car up to my old house. The only thing I can remember feeling is breathless.
Empty.
The last time I was here, my parents' bodies were being wheeled out in body bags.
The last time I was here I felt the most pain I think I'll ever know, only to then have all feeling and emotion ripped straight out of me along with my heart.
I don't really think I wanna be here, but I know it's necessary. There could be anything in here that maybe the police missed. Something we could use. So I know Harry wouldn't bring us here just to fuck with me. I can see it in his eyes that he regrets making this decision.
But it's fine. I'm fine.
It all just feels strange. It doesn't feel like home and it doesn't feel like the place I've spent my entire life in.
Now it feels like a grave. And now we're all walking right into it.
No one has said a word since we've got here, and we are all five currently standing outside of my front door. I'm in front with the guys behind me, and I know they're waiting on me to make a move.
So I swallow the lump in my throat and reach for the doorknob after Tate gets done pick-locking the door. That same doorknob I've touched a thousand times that now feels like scorching metal in my hand because of the feeling that comes with being back here.
I slowly turn the knob and push the door open, the familiar soft creak of it being the only sound I hear as I step inside.
The first thing I notice is how cold and dull it feels. Kind of like the penthouse I spent months of my life being tortured and held captive in. Lifeless.
The second thing I notice is that nothing has been moved. You'd think that when the owners are killed they'd move everything out and prepare to sell. But, like I said before, nobody wants to live in a place like this.
As I glance around the front living room and dining room that connect to each other, I feel a hand on my shoulder. When I turn around I see Harry with a look not of pity, but of understanding. He's always understanding.
His eyes are soft when he looks at me. "You're in control sweetheart. Whenever you want to leave, say so and we're gone. Ok?"
I give him a small smile and nod. He returns the gesture before turning to the other three silent bodies in the house.
"Split up, be careful when you search. If you notice anything that seems strange holler. Rayne and I have upstairs." He states firmly.
The three nod and then part ways. All of them spreading out downstairs which consists of two living rooms, a bathroom, laundry room, kitchen, dining room, two storage closets, and a spare room that we converted into a game room.
I start walking towards the stairs that lead upstairs and I hear Harry following behind me. The upstairs portion contains three bedrooms, a bathroom in each of them, another random storage closet, and another small living area that my parents called the "Rayne Cave." I always spent more time in there than I did in my room.
Me and Keegan both.
When we reach the top of the stairs, I take a deep breath and glance at Harry. "Uh, the first door on our right is storage, first door on our left is a spare room. I'll take that and you can take the closet. When you're done you can move to my room next to the closet if you want. I'll save my parents room at the end of the hall for last if that's ok."
"It's all in your hands." He reminds me, kissing my forehead briefly before turning to open the closet to our right.
I turn to the door on my left and open it slowly. I don't open it all the way, just enough to fit myself through.
Once again, nothing has changed. It's like the whole house isn't vacant, like it's still occupied.
This is the room Keegan slept in when she'd stay over. When we were younger we shared my bed, but the older and bigger we got the more we wanted our own beds to sleep in. And no one else used it, so it was basically hers whenever she was here.
I walk to the dresser that sits in front of the window centered on the far wall. I start from the left and work my way over. All of them are empty except one, which had extra clothes I always let her borrow when she came over. Just like always, they were shoved in here. She never folded her laundry.
The smile on my face grows when I pull out the one shirt she loved the most of mine. An old Johnny Cash shirt we got on a thrift shopping trip one time. I got it in middle school and it still fit me until my senior year. But I stopped wearing it when I found out how much she loved it and I just gave it to her.
Next I move to the bedside table that only has one drawer. Nothing. I look under the bed for good measure, and I even lift the mattress up to make sure 100k wasn't laying under there like in the movies.
Of course there isn't, so I try the closet next. It's empty expect for a few more articles of clothing.
I spend another five minutes sweeping through the whole room before I finish. When I walk out I close the door behind me and cross the hallway to my bedroom door. I ignore the feeling I get when I glance at my parents closed bedroom door and focus on the task at hand.
Harry should be inside, so he must've closed it. I take a deep breath in before opening the door, not having been in here for over a year now.
When I step inside I notice Harry standing at the edge of my old bed. His fingers are dancing along the metal bedpost, and when he hears me he snaps his eyes to me.
"I could never picture this being your room. But then I have to remember how different you seem to be now." He mumbles so low I almost don't hear him.
I don't reply, instead I walk over to stand next to him. My eyes drift over the old room and a strong feeling of nostalgia hits me in the chest. Memories start trying to flood my mind but I quickly shake them off.
A deep sigh leaves my lips as I turn around and fall backwards, my back hitting the mattress covered in a fluffy pastel purple and pink duvet.
It matches my room, which has a light pink and purple theme. Very girly. Definitely not my style anymore. I mean look at me, you can tell just by my appearance that I'm not girly. Black is just too badass not to love. And I won't stop wearing it unless somebody invents a darker color.
My eyes flutter closed, and seconds later I feel the mattress dip beside me. I peak over to my left to see Harry laying next to me, hands intertwined over his stomach.
"How were you before? I've never asked." He breaks the silence with a question I truly thought he'd never ask. He seems to enjoy who I am now so I didn't think he'd care. "If that's too much then you don't have to answer. I've just always been curious."
A breathy laugh falls from my mouth as I open my eyes. "Nah you're good. Actually surprised you haven't asked before."
He copies my laugh. "Well I've had my concerns, but the night we met you already had that spit fire temper. The only difference now is that you're basically an assassin who doesn't actually assassinate."
I feel the bed shake with our chuckles at his truthful joke. "Touché. What would you like to know?"
"Anything really. Like your favorite things from before compared to your favorite things now. Or your hobbies then and your hobbies now. Apart from being an assassin of course." He nudges my shoulder and I roll my eyes.
I take a deep breath as I think about my answer.
"Well...obviously my favorite colors before were pink and purple. Now I like black and red. Dark blue sometimes too. And grey. Before I also liked getting manicures and going shopping, now I like drinking my ass off and working out. Not a good mix by the way."
"Don't I know it." He says amusingly.
"Before, I cringed at the slightest use of a curse word, now I'm worse than a sailor with this mouth of mine." I continue. "I used to hate motorcycles, now I feel the most free when riding one. Bars or clubs made me kinda anxious, now I basically live in them. I still love reading, that better not ever change. Bet you didn't know that." I turn to look at him and find his eyes already on me, a smirk on his perfect lips. It makes my cheeks start to burn with the way he looks so soft yet focused with his stare.
I turn away from the impossibly intense gaze so I can concentrate. "Uh, I never was too keen on wearing extravagant clothing items, and I never liked showing too much skin. Now I barely show any at all. Before I smiled a lot, laughed even more." There's a pause, a necessary one.
"Before, I was genuinely happy. Now I'm just happy to be alive. But there's also a part of me that wouldn't care if I wasn't. Still don't know how I handle the constant emptiness I feel in my heart everyday. Don't think it has anything to do with being strong. The only thing that keeps me going is the need for justice. The need to avenge my parents. They deserve it, to have their killer put down. In any way possible. So I ignore anything about myself because it doesn't fucking matter. What matters is finding him, or her for that matter. That's the major difference between who I was then and who I am now. Before I was reactive, waiting for something to happen and then doing something about it. Now I'm proactive, I walk towards the fight. But despite all of that, despite the comparisons, at the end of the day I'm still myself. I'm by no means perfect, but I'm still Rayne Hunter. And no one can ever take that away from me." I inhale deeply, not realizing how much I got into that.
Well damnit Hunter, talking crazy for no fucking reason.
"Can I tell you something." He asks after a minute of unbearable quiet.
"Before you call me crazy for that rant, remember that it's called 'creatively insane.' So get it right." I tease, feeling awkward as fuck.
"Nah, I enjoy your creative insanity. It's not that." He replies.
"Then what is it?" I ask in a whisper with my eyes on the ceiling above us.
There's that freaky silence again.
"You always wear black, but to me you have the most colorful mind. That's how you know it doesn't matter what goes on, on the outside. No matter what you say or do, your mind is what counts at the end of the day. You can never change that. Creatively insane or not."
I can't help myself, I have to look at him. My eyes instantly land on his when I turn back to him, and I don't regret it. It's overwhelming, his heart clenching words not helping. But I love looking at him.
Our stare is intense, and I almost wanna shit myself over it. But I hold back for the sake of the moment.
"It's you that has the colorful mind Styles." My hand has a mind of its own when I bring it up between us to brush stray curls off his forehead.
It's then that I notice that our faces are only inches apart. His emerald eyes soft as they gaze over all the features of my face.
"Your eyes are pretty. It's kinda unfair." I admit in full jealousy of how gorgeous he is.
He raises an eyebrow as he smirks at me. "Oh really? Hardly ever hear you compliment me, don't know how to handle it."
I scoff with another eye roll. "Bullshit. I always compliment you. Although we both know you don't need me too because you know you're sexy."
"Mmmm, don't make assumptions Hunter. How do you know I don't think I'm ugly?" He turns his body a little to face me more and perches his elbow up for his head to rest on it.
"Again, bullshit. There is no way." I shake my head in automatic disbelief, but when I look back at him I see a placid expression.
"No way...." I start.
"What?" He grins cheekily.
I sit up straight and turn my body to face him completely. "Don't tell me you think you're ugly. Harry that's fucking impossible."
"Why is it impossible?" He asks, still smiling like the cheeky prick he is.
"Because you're fucking gorgeous and everyone knows it. Don't play stupid with me, I see right through you." A scowl etches its way onto my face as I point my index finger at him.
"You do realize you're only building my ego right now don't you?" When his shit-eating grin grows larger my lips part in disbelief.
"You just played me didn't you? You little douchebag." I shake my head and scoff as I stand up from my old bed and turn to him.
After adjusting my jacket I stick both hands out, offering to help him up. "We're supposed to be ransacking this place. Come on."
Harry keeps the smirk on his annoying perfect face when he reaches out to grab hold of my hands. When he's steady I try to let him go, but I'm stopped when he grabs hold of my wrists, keeping me in place against his chest.
My eyebrows furrow at his actions, but any questions I can barely think to ask are cut off by his distinctive lips. Just like always our mouths mold together, almost like they have thoughts of their own and know they belong this way.
I can't help but relax and sigh in contentment at the familiar feeling kissing him gives me. But then there's the fact that it makes me feel safe, but also fucking excited at the same time. His touch is what my body and mind craves.
When he finally pulls away, hands I just realized were holding my cheeks remaining in their position, I almost feel dizzy.
My eyes flutter open and immediately catch the green gaze.
"You do realize how courageous and strong you are for doing this, being here, right?" He surprises me by asking.
My eyes fall down to the crucifix chain laying against his foreign white t-shirt, before snapping back up to his again. "I told you that I'm not strong, I'm determined. There's a difference."
"Although it's true as well, I don't mean physically." He states.
"I know what you mean." I reply quickly. "But still, you're wrong."
His eyebrows lower into a frown, and he looks at me like he can't believe I'm disagreeing with him about this. "Being determined implies being strong, you know."
And with that he drops his hands from my face and walks over to the doors that lead to my balcony. I frown deeply at his words, deciding I'll dwell on them later. Instead I go back to focusing on the task at hand.
Which happens to be searching my parents room next.
••••••
Harry ~~
We haven't found shit. I'm pissed about it.
Rayne and I spent another ten minutes in her room after our little talk searching for anything of good use.
We quickly searched through the spare room and finally her parents room, which had Rayne shaking her head and closing her eyes several times like she couldn't bare to be in there. I myself felt uncomfortable for her, so I told her I'd finish looking and she agreed.
We still found nothing. Not shit. Nada.
It's annoying. He, whoever he actually is, who I also have a gut feeling is her parents killer, is just too good. I had a feeling this might be a dead end. He's too fucking smart. Whatever tracks may have been left behind from that night are completely covered.
Which sucks because based on what Rayne said this place looks like it hasn't been touched since she's last been here.
Obviously any mess that had been made was cleaned, but other than that she said everything looks the same. The only thing different from what I can tell just by reading her body language is that it feels anything but the same as it did before. But that's stating the obvious. There's no way it would feel like home anymore, even if Rayne would've never ran away.
I feel like an asshole for bringing her back here after what happened. I offered for her to sit this location out but she refused. And although she's handling it really well, I can see that it's affecting her.
She's good at hiding it from everyone else though, to them she seems alright. And that's another thing, she hides it well but at the same time I know how strong she is for being able to do this. But she still refuses to believe me when I tell her. She keeps mistaking her mental toughness for what she called "determination," and I call bullshit.
Like right now, we're all piled in the living room searching through anything we can, and her face remains completely stolid.
This is the room her parents were fucking murdered and found in, and still she stands right in the middle of it holding a random picture frame with her face remaining expressionless. I'd be lying if I said I could remain calm in this situation if I were her.
I'd probably be breaking anything in sight due to the overwhelming emotions I'd feel. Hell, I already feel some now and it isn't even my situation. But I think it that comes from the fact that I'm certain the guy who made both of our lives hell is the guy who killed her parents, so it angers me.
So like I said before, none of us have found a single god damn thing. Basically we're just doing another quick scope of this room since it's where it happened. We're practically finished, and I can tell we're all frustrated that we haven't found anything we didn't already know of or about on our hunt for answers today.
When I finish rummaging through a desk I sigh and run my fingers through my curls, which are badly tangled due to the activities I've been up to today.
When I turn around I see Rayne still looking at the picture frame she was holding a few minutes earlier. I walk over to her and she doesn't seem to notice I'm next to her until I lay a hand on her shoulder, her jumping slightly.
"Sorry, just checking on you." My voice remains calm and quiet, like it has since we stepped foot in here.
For some reason I feel like talking above a whisper is disrespectful.
The left corner of her mouth turns up briefly. "I'm fine." She simply says.
A lie. But I don't question it.
"We can go if you want. Remember it's all up to you sweetheart." I slowly drape my arm across her shoulders, massaging one of them with my hand to let her know I'm here.
She nods and places her right hand on my own that's on her shoulder. "This was the most recent picture I took with them. It was the night before Keegan and I went to Aerial. Her and my ex came over for a dinner and we used to always take a timed picture like this every time we ate together. I don't know why we always had to, but my mom insisted. This one was her favorite I guess, didn't even know she had it framed."
I try to contain the foreign feeling of jealousy and anger at the mention of her ex who I don't even know a thing about. Seeing him in this picture I gotta say I'm a little surprised he even pulled Rayne. But then again I still fuck my mind over constantly trying to think about why she even gave me a second glance.
I have no right to feel any type of way about him though. Instead I hum along as she speaks and continue to rub small circles on her shoulder.
"They sound like great parents." Those words leave my lips instead of the ones I wanted to say about her ex. That's not important at all.
"They were amazing." Is all she says back before placing the frame back on the table we're standing next to.
I hear her sigh and it sounds a little shaky, so I pull away only to stand directly in front of her and place my hands on her shoulders.
"You sure you're okay? You know there's nothing wrong with not being okay right?" Assuring her of that feels crucial right now for some reason.
The corners of her lips turn up and she laughs a little making me frown. "Well, I guess I'm not okay. But I've already come to terms with that and it makes me able to survive and that's all that matters. So there's that."
"Rayne that's not-," she cuts me off with a quick peck to my lips, surprising me.
"It'll be fine. Now come on, enough going in circles. I know we're all exhausted from today and I have an idea." She winks at me and grabs my hand to start pulling me towards wherever we're going.
"Hey, we're going out back. Ard grab those blankets on the back of the couch and bring them out will you?" She says to the three other men in the house.
They all look confused as they look around at each other and then to me as I'm still being drug behind her. I just shrug at them and they nod.
Moments later we're all sat in some deck chairs around a fire pit that Rayne just finished starting up.
Luckily she doesn't have neighbors that live right directly next door, so nobody should see anything and we should be alright.
When she finishes getting the fire all ready, she comes and sits in her spot in between Arden and I.
"This is actually kind of nice. A little weird, but I needed this after today." Garrett is the first to break the silence.
"Agreed." Arden adds.
Tate and I just hum in unison as our agreement, and Rayne sighs for what feels like the hundredth time that I've heard tonight.
My hand drifts over to grab hers, holding it before she speaks up.
"Every night that felt good outside like this, my parents and usually my best friend and I always came out and roasted s'mores over the fire. We'd just talk until the fire started dying down and then we'd lay blankets out over there," Rayne begins and point over to the middle of the fenced in backyard, "and watch the stars."
"I remember you telling me that." Arden says.
I don't say it out loud, but I remember too. On the rooftop I brought her to before I could talk myself out of it. Also the same night I almost kissed her but chickened out. The same night I realized she was damaged, but beautifully so.
We all sit and stare at the fire, wrapped in blankets we don't really need but find comfort in apparently. It's quiet for a moment, but then the sound of soft classical sounding music begins to play.
I lift my eyes from the fire to see straight across from me, Garrett placing his phone down that's playing the music. He looks up and notices us all looking at him curiously, to which he shrugs and says that it "fits the mood."
Conversations are made briefly between us all, and soon enough Garrett stands up and stretches dramatically.
"I'm enjoying this, really I am. But I'm getting a little bored." He cracks his knuckles and then walks over to where Rayne is sat, reaching his hand out in a theatrical and formal manner. "M'lady, shall we dance like the idiots we are?"
Rayne shakes her head and laughs, but reaches out to take his hand anyway. I laugh as well, mostly because of how idiotic Garrett is.
He takes her a couple feet away from where we're all sat and starts a random and uncoordinated routine of spinning her around. Their laughs are heard along with the sound of Tate's newfound snoring across from me.
Old fucker can't hang. It's only two in the morning.
Suddenly I feel another presence beside me where Rayne just sat, and I look over to see Arden has now taken her spot next to me.
For a moment he just sits there and stares at the fire, but then he finally says something.
"This is kinda of strange right?" He's the second person to voice their thoughts about what's going on right now.
"A little, but it's comforting for her I think, so I'm okay with it. As long as she's okay." I find myself admitting as I stare at her just as Garrett dips her to the slow song playing.
My eyes admire her on their own, her effortless beauty. She's fucking badass and sexy, but at the same time she's just so pretty. So, so pretty. She puts all other women I've seen to shame.
"You care a lot about her huh?" He asks me, I almost answer way too damn quickly too.
"Fuck yes I do. More than I can control." Don't know why I just admitted that to him.
Probably because I promised to never lie to him again.
"I can see it." His words make me look over at him only to find his eyes on the fire in front of us that's slowly starting to die down.
I can still hear faint snoring and laughter in the background as we talk. "That obvious?"
"More than you know. Don't think she sees it though, which shocks me because not much gets by that woman. But I also don't think you see how much you mean to her either do you?" His gaze finally shifts over to me where I'm looking at him almost incredulously.
He closes his eyes and chuckles. "I'll take that as a no then."
"I-well, we haven't really....talked about it I guess. I mean, we know we like each other, and that we don't want anyone else, but apart from that we haven't discussed anything. We're comfortable where we are right now though. We're the same when it comes to how we feel about being forced into things. Or forcing meaning into things that are fine being the way they are." Deep down I think I know I'm just telling myself that to make me feel better.
(*)
"You really believe that you're both fine with where you are? Comfortable yes, but fine? I see the way you look and act around each other. The chemistry I'm seeing between you two deserves more recognition than whatever piss poor excuse of a 'relationship' this is." He puts air quotes up and then gestures between where Rayne is still dancing and where I'm sitting.
I'm still looking at him like he has two heads until his words hit me somewhere deep. I drop my eyes from his and then turn to look at her again. I catch a glimpse of that perfect smile that I've gotten the privilege to see quite a bit recently, and my heart seems to beat harder when I see it this time. Something about her feeling different in this moment.
"All I'm saying is at least make it official or something. Like damn, it's getting boring man. I need excitement in my life." He amusingly says.
I scoff and let out a chuckle, looking back at the fire as I reflect on his words. They are definitely gonna cause a long series of overthinking for the next few days.
Rayne is special, I know that. I also know that I really like her. There is no part of me that doubts that or tries to deny it. I enjoy liking her. So if that's the case,
Why the fuck haven't I asked her to be mine?
There's no way I'm afraid. I can't be, I'm not really afraid of anything. Besides lamps, strange I know but there's a good reason behind it.
I'm not scared, just worried. Worried I'll lose her I think. I just know we're both so content with how we are, not titling anything or looking too much into it. We're just us, and like she said about herself earlier, when we're ourselves nothing or no one can take that away from us.
I actually really appreciate Arden voicing his opinion about this though. The talk was necessary I believe.
So I should probably thank him right?
"I um," an awkward cough escapes me. "I appreciate the advice. Thanks."
Arden turns to me with wide eyes, obviously shocked that I could ever say something like that. "You're welcome." He says, sounding almost breathless.
Just then Rayne and Garrett come back over to us, both of them out of breath with elated grins spread across their faces.
Rayne comes over and plops down on my lap, wrapping her arms around me and kissing my forehead. Obviously not caring that Arden took her spot and me being perfectly okay with the new spot she's decided to take.
Garrett stalks up behind a dozed off Tate, and he rubs his hands together before blowing on his left one and then rearing back and smacking Tate across the cheek. He wakes instantly with an angry fire in his eyes.
Next thing we know he's chasing a cackling Garrett back inside.
"Welp, that's our cue. I'm getting tired anyway. Let's head back." Arden announces as he stands up and stretches with a loud yawn.
"Good idea, fires almost out anyway. I'm ready for bed too." Rayne states while getting up off my lap and holding her hands out like she did earlier in her room for me to take.
I gladly take them, smirking at her as she effortlessly tugs me up from my seat.
She cranes her neck to look up at me because I stand at least a whole foot taller than her. "You good? Saw you and Arden talking and you looked shocked or something. I don't know."
I continue to smile down at her, appreciating her concern. "We were just talking. He really says things that hit deep sometimes doesn't he?"
She glances over her shoulder at Arden who's walking back into the house and I can see her smile. "Yea he's great. Now come on, I'm ready to get home."
••••••
On the car ride home I find my self unable to keep my eyes off of Rayne.
I let Garrett sit up front with Tate, who was still livid over Garrett slapping him, just so I could sit by her in the back.
I feel like a fucking whipped high school dirtbag.
No literally, because we kept stealing little glances at each other and smiling and I kept getting a giddy feeling over it.
Arden kept making eye contact with me too, and he would wiggle his eyebrows knowingly and I'd just roll my eyes in return.
"Ooohhh I know this song and this is the best part, turn it up please." Rayne asks whoever is listening up front.
Tate reaches over and turns it up, and next thing I know Rayne is leaning forward to click the button that opens the top window of the car up.
She was never buckled in so she just stands up in her middle seat and slowly peeks her head and shoulders out of the car.
I laugh at her carefree persona and wrap my right arm around her legs to keep her still.
She glances down at me with a smile as the wind blows her long brown hair all around her in a halo.
She looks heavenly.
Even with that signature black leather jacket and the rest of her dark clothing, she's an angel.
In that moment I realize how much of an idiot I am for not having discussed how much I truly want her. It's just now hitting me how stupid that is. Even if she thinks it's rushed, or doesn't want it like that, I'll still tell her. She deserves for me to be one hundred percent up front with her. She deserves my all. And I'm not afraid to give it to her.
I know I won't ever want anyone else again. Rayne Hunter has made too much of a fucking impact on my life in the few months I've gotten to know her.
That's been enough time for me to be able to look up at her as she stands up with her head sticking out of a moving vehicle and her hands in the air with her eyes closed feeling the music, and realize that I want her to officially be mine.
Lord knows I've been only hers the moment she first spoke to me in that dark hallway after she almost walked into the wrong bathroom at my club.
I want her to have all of me, because I know it'll be the biggest privilege of my life to have her all to myself.
Thank you for making me feel for you, you beautiful madwoman.
••••••
My heart when writing this chapter, 💓.
I really enjoyed writing this, it was fun and heartwarming for me.
It's also my longest chapter yet holy heck.
-//
Also, on the picture of the wings tattoo on the back of the neck that I attached during the chapter:
One, I know it's a girls neck, trust me. Ignore that and pretend it's Harry's neck.
Two, imagine it's slightly smaller than that. That's how I wanted it to look design wise but in my eyes it's tinier than what the picture shows.
Thank you for reading! Sorry that it's been awhile.
<3.