Come to think of it, it was clear that the Empress was obsessed with Julien being perfect because she was projecting her eldest son onto him.
If her eldest were alive now, he would have been 14 years old. With his age, he would have had the time to grow into the role of the crown prince and act according to his station.
It wasn’t that I didn’t pity the Empress, but… she shouldn’t be doing this.
“The Empress often pinches him, and she sometimes beats him as well… They say that there are times when she crosses the line with her punishment. This happens whenever he can’t keep up with the harsh education and schedule she demands of him. The servants and maids have to pretend they don’t know, so they can’t even provide him medicine at night.”
Madame DeJoue looked miserable as she said this.
The duchess who neglected her child to drown herself in luxury, or the Empress who was obsessed with her child to the point of abuse… I couldn’t tell which one was worse. Neglect and obsession were both so harmful.
I kept thinking about Julien, whose face was cold and stern unlike that of his peers, and how he struggled to keep his mother’s abuse a secret. Despite it all, he was still protecting her, saying that she was sad.
…My goal was to survive, but seeing how my favorite character was being hurt, I couldn’t turn away.
Also… If I could save Julien from this hell, I would be one step further from the guillotine.
Even in this wretched situation, I was calculating.
It left a bad taste in my mouth. While living as Nara Lee, I had wanted to cast aside this ruthlessness, but it seemed that this cold side of me still remained.
What should I do, though?
I had learned the reason why Julien was forced to act so mature and why he had colder eyes than other kids. What could I do for him?
The prince who had to hide his tears behind an expressionless face settled into a corner of my heart.
However, it was absurd to think I could get him out of there. A prince could not live outside of the palace. And, even if I somehow managed to drive the Empress away, Julien wouldn’t be able to survive in the palace without her protection.
Did this mean… I had to leave him in that hell?
My mind continued to loop around these unsolvable questions like a Mobius strip.
The problems didn’t end with just helping Carol. Carol wasn’t the only one who was getting hurt.
Madame DeJoue smiled at me uncertainly as I had begun to murmur without realizing. “Are you all right?” she asked.
From the start, it had been me who pressed her to tell me all this. Madame DeJoue had been hesitant to tell me, saying that it wasn’t something a child should hear.
I couldn’t get Julien out of that hell right now.
“I have a favor to ask you, Madame DeJoue.”
“…I’m beginning to be scared of your favors now, Lady Sharon.” Madame DeJoue smiled faintly at her joke, trying to release the tense air.
“Could you plant people around the crown prince?”
“What are you planning…?”
“I can’t leave the prince alone, in case something like this happens again.”
“What are you going to do about it?” she asked.
“I can’t take the prince out of the palace, nor can I stay by his side. But I can still comfort him. I could lend him my shoulder and my support. So, wouldn’t it be okay to visit the palace in secret sometimes?”
At my words, Madame DeJoue’s lips twitched. It was obvious that she didn’t approve.
She sighed.”Haaa. You won’t listen to what I say, anyway, and it isn’t as though your request is difficult.”
I thought the fact she didn’t find it difficult was even stranger than my request, but I didn’t say so out loud. We had promised not to be suspicious of each other.
“But the palace is too dangerous. I’ll look for another location for you, though I don’t know if Prince Julien will agree to meet with you…”
“Oh, I can take care of that. Just tell me where.”
“Yes, my lady.”
I bit my lip. There was no place where I could talk to Julien without surveillance… I had to show him that I was trustworthy, first, before I would be able to apply medicine to his wounds.
“For Carol’s next meeting with the prince, can he come over to the duchy?”
After all, it’s best to have the home ground advantage.
“…That should be possible.”
It wouldn’t be difficult to forge a letter to the Empress from Duchess Gratoni. I had bought off the maid who attended to her a long time ago.
I smiled a little, my heart feeling slightly lighter.
The fish called the crown prince had entered the fishbowl of my heart.
***
Madame DeJoue arranged Julien’s visit to the duchy.
For the whole week, I felt like I was standing on thin ice.
When Julien finally crossed the threshold to the house, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“It has been a while, your highness.”
It really was a week that felt as long as a year.
“Hi, Julien.”
“…”
Julien did not respond to Carol’s nor my greeting. He knew that we knew.
I led the prince to the parlor under the pretext of showing him the new decorations in the mansion. There, I had already prepared a box of medicine on top of the table.
Responding to my somber mood, Carol also followed me quietly into the parlor.
“What is this…?”
Before the bewildered prince could walk back out, Carol grabbed his hands and sat down.
Well done, Carol.
I patted her head for doing as I asked her to. Then, I carefully moved to hold the prince’s hand.
Carol sat on the floor in front of him. I didn’t really want to expose her to this, but there wasn’t anything I could do, so I let her stay.
“Don’t be frightened,” I said.
I slowly rolled up Julien’s sleeve.
Fuck.
Unknowingly, I bit my lips. I took out the medicine from the box and applied it to the bruised and bloody wound. Unable to push me away, the bemused prince covered his face with his free hand.
“…Julien, are you hurt?” Carol whispered.
The prince didn’t reply to her question.
“You’re hurt?” she asked again.
I was surprised when Carol suddenly burst into tears next to me.
“It hurts, doesn’t it? Waa-aah….” She began to bawl.
As Carol wiped her tears and grabbed at my skirt, I couldn’t hold back my mixed feelings.
“Why are you crying…?” asked Julien.
Stuttering, Carol replied, “I- I feel hurt with just a flick on the forehead… But you’re…” She continued to cry.
“Don’t cry, Carol.”
I patted her on the back, which caused her to topple over into my skirt. Ah, man. Why was she crying like this?
I left Carol as she was. I finished applying the medicine on both of Julien’s arms, and when I looked up, I saw that he hadn’t cried at all.
His black eyes were filled with tears, but he didn’t let them fall.
My heart hurt.
He couldn’t admit that he was in pain, and he didn’t even let himself cry.
I grabbed the prince’s hand tightly.
Tears had started to shed from my eyes without me realizing, and I bit my lips to try to hold them back.
“Why are you two like this…?”
His weak voice was too pitiful. I couldn’t stop crying nor let go of his hand.
“I’m… I’m fine.”
He didn’t need to be so brave. Sometimes, acting so brave could cause more pain.
Why couldn’t the Empress recognize what a good child Julien was?
The prince, who was mature despite being only 8, consoled me. He awkwardly placed a hand on top of my head.
“It’s all right,” he murmured.
It was a phrase that I should have been saying to him instead.
***
Fortunately, the prince did not reject the note that I gave him. The outstanding Madame DeJoue located a meeting place where nobody else would find us.
I have no idea how she found out about it, though.
The place was a small cabin in the mountains that was connected to a secret passageway in Julien’s section of the Imperial Palace.
“If you need me, please come here.”
“It’s not like you’ll be there to meet me,” the prince said sulkily.
“No,” I said, resolute. “I’ll definitely be there. The moment that your highness needs me, I’ll be there.”
“…How did you find this place? It’s connected to my bedroom.”
“It’s a situation I can’t talk about even if I’m sent to jail.”
Still I was relieved that the prince held onto the note. I pulled up Carol’s blanket and tucked her in—she had fallen asleep on the couch after crying—and continued, “If I’m late, please wait just a little bit longer. I’ll definitely meet you there.”
“…Why would you… for me… No, it’s nothing.”
I could tell what he meant to say even without him saying it. It wasn’t that I was being nice to him. It was that I couldn’t do more for him to get him out of his abusive home.
“Fine. It isn’t me who said it, it’s you who promised.”
I nodded at his desperate voice. “Yes, of course.”
“…My name is Julien,” he said. “You can call me by my name.”
“Is that all right?”
“I’m telling you that it is. And you can talk more casually to me. We’re the same age.”
His grumbling face finally made him look his age, and I laughed.
Since he said so, I wouldn’t refuse.
“Okay. Then, I’ll talk casually to you from now on.”
Seeing me adapt to casual speech so quickly, he had a bewildered expression on his face. Still, he was smiling, so he didn’t seem to feel bad about it.
“About what happened today…”
“Of course. I’ll keep it a secret.”
“Good.”
Unlike Carol, who cried even when it wasn’t her pain, the prince stayed mature until the end.
“Let’s get along, Julien.”
He smiled shyly.
I felt sorry for the prince, who tried to cover for his mother’s wrongdoings.
I wished that I could stay by his side and heal his wounds, even just a little.
I wished that my heart, which couldn’t ignore his pain, could somehow save him.
***
Julien blushed. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and a tender sensation all over.
She definitely just called him Julien.
He was glad that he was alone in the carriage. If anybody saw him, they would have alerted his mother right away.
His actions. His feelings. They would report everything.
It felt different from the times his mother, Carol, Haru and the other children called his name.
Julien always thought Sharon’s voice was pretty, but when she serenely called his name, he thought it sounded even more beautiful.
Up until now, Julien had thought that flowers were the most beautiful things in the world. They never changed, and they were pretty.
They were the only soft and fragrant presences in his life.
But Sharon seemed prettier than flowers.
He didn’t know if it was something unique to her or if it was something that would change, but there was something Julien could be certain of.
That Sharon was a lovely, sweet, and warm person.
“Sharon.”
How did Carol find Sharon? Why couldn’t he have found her first?
Well, there wasn’t anything Julien could do about it now.
He was only 8 years old, and he could not let go of his mother. He loved her.
Julien also knew that other than his mother, there was nobody to protect him.
It was something his body had learned since he was young. He couldn’t eat food before it was checked for poison. He needed an escort even when he went to sleep, and even within the walls of the palace, he couldn’t roam around at will.
Maybe that was why Julien was captivated by the kindness and warmth that had been freely offered to him.
When Sharon first called out Julien’s name, the name that used to sound dark gray became full of life. The name, which was painted as red as his hair every time his mother called out to him, turned into a pretty pink.
Now, he could see that the name Julien was beautiful, too.