CHAPTER 25 | Peace |
"You've change, since that incident you've changed a lot. I don't know kung ano ang tamang maramdaman seeing you changed a lot. I should be happy kasi finally hindi ka na dumb sa mga naiinggit sa 'yo. Pero nakaka-miss din kasi 'yung dating ikaw. Super sweet and innocent."
Lian's words really hunt me down, it worried me a lot na baka sa sobrang pagbabago ko ay hindi na ako magustohan ng mga kaibigan ko.
But I know it won't happen, they're willing to accept me for who I am, no matter what I become.
Napailing na lang ako sa sarili, hindi ko man lang napansin sa sarili ko na malaki na pala ang ipinagbago ko. I guess it's about time? To give my mind a peace? I just realized that peace of mind is the greatest victory of all.
I sighed, I don't know but I suddenly felt my heart's warmth. Bigla ay nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko.
I want to cry, to cry in happiness. I'm so proud of myself right now because despite of everything that they threw at me, I'm still willing to forgive.
It's okay to get mad sometimes. After all, we are all humans, we made mistakes and we always falter. Ang magtanim ng galit ang hindi mabuti.
Though it still hurts, I'll forgive them. Forgiving means moving on. All of us deserves forgiveness, kahit na hindi sila humingi ng tawad sa 'kin they deserve forgiveness. It's not all about for them, it's also for my own good. For anger not to cover me again and change me to someone undesirable. And also, I'm forgiving them for my own peace of mind.
Suminghot ako at tahimik na pinalis ang luhang tumulo. I'm proud of myself, I'm too overwhelmed that's why I'm crying.
I'm so proud of myself, despite of everything I'm still willing to find my way back.
Muli kong pinalis ang luha at pinigilan ang pagsinghot. Masyadong nakakahiya sa kasama ko, baka sabihin niyang ang emotional ko rito. Yumuko ako at tiningnan ang kandong na paper bag, it's my gift for Lian. I saw this kanina and the first time I laid my eyes to it, I knew Lian would love this.
Ngumiti ako at muling binaling ang tingin sa bintana, kita sa labas ang mga sasakyang gaya namin ay naiipit na rin sa traffic. Ang matatayog na mga buildings ay nakakalula ngunit napakagandang tingnan.
Mula sa bintana ay dahan-dahan kong binalingan ang driver seat kung saan naka-upo si Prine. I know he knew I was crying but he didn't ask. Mabuti na lang at hindi na siya nagtanong, he let an emotional girl on his car.
I smiled at that thought.
Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang nasa steering wheel, it's resting perfectly there. Kahit sa mumunting liwanag ay kita ko ang mga ugat sa kamay niya. His veins corded sexily, kitang-kita iyon dahil maputi siya.
My eyes lifted up to his lips when he licked his lower lip. I just realized that Prine is so sexy being a driver.
Oh, my gosh! Ano bang pinagsasabi ko!
I cringe on my own thoughts, umiling ako at marahang tinampal ang pisngi. I felt my checks burning, I bit my lower lip and bowed down my head feeling embarrassed with my own thoughts.
"What's wrong?" Bahagya akong nataranta nang magsalita siya.
"N-nothing!" Umiling ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. Mariin kong pinikit ang mga mata, nakakahiya! Silence stretched between us, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang awkwardness noon.
"Kanina," I speak. Agad siyang napabaling sa 'kin, gulat nang narinig akong nagsalita. "I told my bestfriends about our. . . situation." Tumango siya sa sinabi ko, though what I said was vague I assumed he knew what I was trying to say.
"And it turns out fine, hindi ko sinabi sa kanila ang tungkol sa engagement natin. But now that they knew about it, a heavy part of me was lifted." I know it's not necessary to tell him this, but. . . I just want to.
"Can I ask for your number?" I was about to bid him my goodbye nang bigla niya 'yung itanong. My jaw literaly dropped at what he said, hindi ako makapaniwalang siya ang nagsabi. Umiwas siya ng tingin at nagkamot sa ulo niya, our front door's light is in good quality kaya naman kitang-kita ko ang pamumula ng mukha niya pababa sa leeg.
"I just realized kanina that I don't have your number. I told you to text me pero wala pala akong number mo so. . . " I bit my lower lip to stifle my laugh.
Pagkapasok ko sa kwarto ay maingat kong nilapag ang regalo kay Lian sa study table ko. I still can't believe that my conversation with Prine will end up with that. It's so dreamy.
I put my bag back on my closet, I started doing my night routines when I remember something. Pagkalabas ko ng bathroom ay agad kong tiningnan ang intercom. I didn't use it that much, pero ngayon ay gagamitin ko.
I pushed the intercom's button, it is connected at the maids quarter.
"Ma'am Serene, yes po Ma'am?" one of our maids answered.
"Ahm, pakitawag po si, Tine. Makikisuyo sana ako ng baso ng tubig."
"Sige po, Ma'am!"
"Salamat," ani ko.
Maya-maya lang din ay kumatok na si Tine. Agad ko naman siyang pinapasok dala ang tray ng tubig at isang slice ng cake. Hindi pa nagtatama ang mga mata namin ay agad na siyang yumuko at umiwas.
"Pinapatong po ni Manang Soling kung nag-dinner na raw po kayo Ma'am?" Si ate Soling ang mayordoma namin dito.
"Yeah, nakapag-dinner na ako sa labas. Pakisabi 'yan sa kanya." I bit my lower lip, hindi ko na alam ang sunod na sasabihin.
"Ahm, ikaw nag-dinner na?" Nagulat siya sa tanong ko, I saw how her eyes widened with my simple question. Nag-angat din siya ng tingin at gulat na gulat akong tiningnan.
"Ah t-tapos na po," she stuttered.
Ngumuso ako at umupo sa kama ko. "Tine, can I request something?" I asked her.
"Ano 'yon Ma'am?"
"Can you please call me, Rona? 'Wag na 'yung ma'am, feel ko ang tanda ko eh, magka-edad lang naman tayo." Mas lalo siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko, I guess I'm really treating her so cold for the past months kaya nagugulat siya sa 'kin ngayon.
"Wala kasing tumatawag sa 'kin no'n eh, it's like my first name was a waste," I added.
"Ah s-sige po, Ro—" Umiling siya at hindi na nagdugtong pa. It must've been awkward for her, I understand her.
Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang mga kamay niya. Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya.
"I'm sorry for being hard on you Tine," agad siyang umiling sa 'kin, her eyes then glittered with tears.
"Huwag po kayong mag-sorry," basag ang boses na aniya hanggang sa hindi na niya napigilan ang umiyak. I hugged her and repeatedly tap her back until she calmed down. Tine is like a little sister to me, halos kasama ko na siya habang lumalaki kaming dalawa.
"Sila Givanne at Archy? How are they?" I asked when she finally calmed down. Pareho na kaming naka-upo sa kama ko.
Umiling siya sa 'kin na ikinakunot ng noo ko. "They are not my friends anymore." Bahagya akong nagulat sa sinabi niya. I held her hand and pressed it to mine.
"I can be your friend Tine.” I smiled at her.
"You're always the one who treated me as real friend," she said.
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