"Life itself is a privilege. But to live life to the fullest—well, that is a choice."
After dinner I had retracted to the training room again, in need of some quiet because I was going to fight Sophia tomorrow. Four had introduced more physical training again because there would always be a few days between us facing the fear simulator. I was really dreading the fact that I had to face her again and had to put my mind at ease somehow.
We had already reached the third stage of training and such but because we weren't many transfers, we were far ahead of the dauntless born. Some of them would go through the fear landscape tomorrow and others would fight each other. It was as if they thought we would forget the training.
I had been chosen to fight, or spare or whatever you could call it. Pure bullshit. I screamed in frustration at the boxing bag, punching it as hard as I could. But it only earned me pain. I winced and held my hand to my chest while cursing my own actions. I hadn't really seen Eric since our sparing that turned make out session in the training room. Of course, I had seen him during our training and such. But not really seen him. I scrubbed my face at the absurdity because I actually missed him. And then I had said those damn words.
My body was aching, I had pushed myself to go further because the final ranking and the fear landscape was rapidly approaching. It didn't take much for me to recall how Eric's and my one sparring lesson in the training room, turned make-out session, ended with a promise. I had made him promise.
I blushed and stilled my endless thrashing at the boxing bag. Just remembering everything else that had happened between Eric and me, made me blush and lean my forehead against the boxing bag. My hand flew up to cover my mouth, fingers tracing my lips, the wound there almost gone again. Fuck. I then threw my hand at the bag again before turning away, only to notice the group of people entering the room.
I recognized very few of them, the only one I truly recognized was Ezekiel from the fence. When our eyes locked, he halted, tensing rather awkwardly as a flask was tossed to him. He barely managed to catch it because he had been looking at me. It was silver and not particularly small. Then he grinned and stepped aside to allow Eric to enter behind him. My heart skipped an actual beat when seeing him. Shit. Ezekiel turned to him after he had taken a small sip of the content in the silver flask, and then threw it to him.
Eric caught it effortlessly before he noticed me. There was a clear frown on his lips when Ezekiel took the next opportunity and went my way. They were a group of eight, only Eric and Ezekiel were people I knew, or so I had thought at first glance. When my eyes moved over the group again they landed on Tadeo in the back, acting as if he was hiding. I blinked, clearly confused as to what he was doing amongst them.
He looked small compared to the others as he stood behind an older version of him. I was surprised I hadn't noticed before when seeing the similarities between them. My eyes shifted between them, they had to be brothers. Then Tadeo noticed me, he had been looking at the ground not looking entirely comfortable. He broke into a smile, and I did as well. It was not often I saw him without the twins and gathered it had been his brother that had pulled him along.
The group consisted of three women, all colorful in their own way and five men. I swallowed when Ezekiel reached me and threw an arm around the boxing bag right in front of me. He wriggled his eyebrows and the smell of alcohol hit my nostrils. They not only had been, but they were also still drinking. I had never found the idea of alcohol and daredevil dauntless ideas a good mix.
I scrunched my nose and moved away from Ezekiel, who for a moment looked hurt by it. But he only grinned wider and I rolled my eyes. "So—Octavia, we're playing this game called dare and I got this dare—" Ezekiel began and I raised an eyebrow, instantly mistrustful of his motives. He then leaned in close. "I was dared to kiss an initiate—and you're the only one I know, so—." Ezekiel whispered the last part.
I was torn between feeling flattered and insulted at the same time, but soon settled with flattered. But the way Ezekiel kept looking hopefully at me, it was hard not to smile at him. Dauntless bluntness was sometimes very sweet. With one look at Eric, who definitely wasn't happy about the situation, I tapped my cheek with my finger, indicating that Ezekiel had permission to kiss me there.
The dauntless grinned even wider and grabbed my head with both hands before kissing my cheek rather roughly. I felt a little flustered when he pulled away again to the roar of laugher and cheers, even a low whistle, by everyone else besides Tadeo and Eric. I knew Tadeo liked me, it had become clear over the last few times I had been around him. But there was someone else that had caught my attention and held it. Eric had turned his head sideways when Ezekiel kissed me, refusing to look at the sight as Ezekiel grabbed the flask from him.
"Now to my dare—" Ezekiel said after he had lowered the flask again. "—Octavia, I dare you to join us." He tossed the flask to me. I caught it midair with a raised eyebrow. This was unexpected but I feared Ezekiel had an ulterior motive. He definitely seemed like the type and he was still the only one, besides Abby, Valentine and Four, who knew what was going on between Eric and I. So, actually not the only one.
"No!" Eric deadpanned. "She's still an intimate." He objected though Tadeo did as well, but not as loudly. I raised my eyebrow in question and wrapped my arms around my chest. I clearly remembered what had happened a few days ago, and the rules he had sat down for our relationship. But this was not what I had wanted. Frowning, I opened the flask and took a sip. The alcohol burned as it entered my mouth. I had to suppress my grimace while closing the container again.
"Lighten up—you're not her instructor, nor a leader tonight, that was the agreement for you to join us!" Ezekiel suddenly caught Eric in a headlock, forcing him to take a bow just like Abby had done. "Now—Octavia. It's your turn to give out a dare." He instructed and turned to the people. "That's Ellie, Maria, Lilly. Then Tadeo, you know. Zephyr and Calix." Ezekiel turned to them when saying their names. "And then you know this moron here and me."
My eyes lingered on Tadeo, and he groaned then I threw the flask to him. "Tadeo, I dare you to take a leap of faith." I dared, pointing to the initiation jump. He had once told me about his fear of heights and I thought it was the best way to challenge him. Tadeo took a sip of the flask before he jumped into a jog, running towards the side of the building. He scaled the building quickly, getting out of our sight.
"Good one!" Zephyr laughed. "My brother has always been bothered by heights." He swung an arm around my shoulders as we all moved towards the net. I wasn't ready at all for the gesture and my body tensed beneath him before I as inconspicuously as possible got out of his hold. I had never been much for the casual dauntless touching. I didn't mind it with my friends, but with people I didn't know, I was a bit more reserved.
Eric even looked angrier than ever. I had caught a glimpse of him when moving out of Zephyr's hold. The older dauntless resembled Tadeo quite a bit. The golden skin, dark hair, but his eyes were green. Dark, and rich in color, eyes you could get lost in, if you starred too long. Zephyr ruffled my hair before he pushed away from me when I shifted away from him as someone dropped into the net in front of us. He had been screaming the entire way down.
It made me remember. Tadeo had done the same the first time he jumped. Zephyr was quick to pull the net down, making it easier for his brother to climb off. "Did everyone see that, because I will not be doing that again anytime soon." Tadeo whispered, pale as a sheet. His brother laughed louder and gave the flask back to him. "Your turn." He encouraged his brother.
I laughed at the sight as Tadeo took a sip, but then someone stepped up behind me. I didn't have to look to know who it was. Eric. His elbow brushed against my back, letting me know he was right there behind me. A small gasp left me, and I involuntarily stepped aside, but no one noticed because Tadeo had decided on the next dare. "Zep—I dare you to stand in front of the target while the least drunken dauntless throws three knives at you." He grinned mischievously.
"Consider it done." Zephyr grabbed the flask from Tadeo and took a large sip before turning towards the plywood target. I swallowed, dread settling in my stomach. The least drunken dauntless—that would probably mean me. But Eric stepped forth before I had even thought the thought and grabbed three knives from the nearby table, where they were placed out as if they were ready for use. I watched him spin one between his fingers while Zephyr makes himself comfortable in front of one of the targets.
"A flinch, you drink." Eric smirked, pointing a finger at him. The dauntless in front of the target, tilts his head back and rest it comfortably against the plywood. Eric then slowly turns, positions himself and spin the knife between his fingers, then he throws it. The tip buried itself in the plywood, mere inches from his right ear. But Zephyr flinched rather roughly. Eric laughs loudly. We all do. He's loosened up and beckons for the flask. Ezekiel throws it to him before he throws it to Zephyr.
The dauntless group is still laughing while Zephyr drinks. Then Eric ready himself again and spins another knife between his fingers. When he throws, it lands even closer to Zephyr, but the man doesn't flinch this time. Eric's brows furrowed together before he readied the last knife. It spins comfortably on his fingers before he grasp it and throw the object, hurling it at the target with even greater force than the previous two times.
The knife hits the plywood between Zephyrs legs, dangerously close to his crotch. This time he flinched again and rose to his toes before pushing away from the plywood target. "What the hell! No need to scar me for life!" He growled at Eric but it's barely loud enough to hear over the roar of laugher. Even Eric smiles and I cannot stop myself from looking at him. It suits him. He doesn't look as constricted by the expectations of the leader role.
Once Zephyr had gotten over Eric's throw of knives, he pushed the next challenge onto Calix, daring him to spare with a dauntless I didn't know. He had pointed at two people fighting in the pit after we had moved there. There weren't many in here but enough to send us a few gazes, or mostly Eric. It wasn't hard to see that most feared him.
I felt bad for him. The constant pressure and expectations of the faction was crushing him, that much even I could see. Calix had taken the challenge without a doubt and we all moved to down into the pit. At one point Eric steadied me on the steep stairs going down, hands had grasped my waist and kept me upright. None had seen but I still felt the heat rise to my cheeks.
Calix challenged the intended person to a duel, and we all settled ourselves on one of the rocks nearby. On purpose I sat down next to Eric who had leaned against it first, arms and feet crossed comfortably. Even he looked cheerful now. While Calix fought the other dauntless, I was sure Ezekiel and the others emptied two more alcohol canisters. I got a few sips and was already feeling lifted, lightheaded, and happy. Not that I showed it, or I hoped that I didn't.
I had been watching the fight and a little too soon Calix was overturned, forced to his knees as the other held him in a headlock just like Valentine had done to Eric one of the first times I had seen him. But as I was looking at the sight, I noted from the corner of my eyes that Eric was watching me, not as inconspicuously as I had wanted. I turned back to him when Calix tapped out. He smiled and I returned it. Then the flask was thrown to Eric. "I dare you to fight Octavia." Calix laughed, clearly having seen where our eyes lingered.
He caught the flask and raised an eyebrow at him, but took a sip, nonetheless. I blinked at him, what kind of dare was that? Eric would win either way. Luckily, he didn't protest, or if I could call it luckily. Eric then slipped out of his jacket and emptied his pockets before stepping into the small ring that had been made from the constant fighting. I shredded my sweatshirt, no, his sweatshirt, as well and tossed it to the rock where Eric's belongings already were. Then I stepped out to meet him.
"Don't hold back." I said comfortably and Eric raised an eyebrow at me. The confidence I had felt earlier completely gone when he smirked and raised his arms up, hunched, and ready. I mimicked the stance. He had seen me fight on numerous occasions, but I had only seen him fight a few times. I swallowed nervously and readied myself mentally. This was going to be a challenge, but a challenge I gladly took.
Eric threw the first punch, and I grabbed his wrist, shifting his motion forwards while turning my back to him. Somehow, I managed to drag him over myself before he landed on his back, hands and feet sprawled out on the ground. Everyone laughed while he got back up onto his feet. The motion insecure and slow. But it was all an act, he tackled me seconds after by wrapping his arms around my midsection. We landed on the ground, and I locked my legs around his waist as he threw the next punch.
I avoided it and gained leverage by moving both feet to his chest. I pushed with everything I had and managed to get him off of me. Eric skidded across the floor and I struggled to get back onto my feet. He did the same, but with a small smile on his lips. He was playing with me. This was nothing near his usual technique. He would never use it on me. And thank God for that.
For a while I blocked and redirected all his swings, managing once to jab my hand at his throat once. He wheezed and held a hand to it when I tackled him. We landed on the ground once again, and I instinctively threw my leg over his hips, grabbing a fistful of his shirt while rising my other fist up, ready to punch as he tapped my thigh. "Not bad—but I think that's enough." Eric chuckled and I lowered my hand again. I lent back and released his shirt before I felt him shift beneath me.
He had tapped out but still he grabbed my ankles, making me fall to straddle him completely before he pushed me down. My legs sprawled somewhere behind him as I laid on my back between his legs, very confused as to what had just happened. Eric had tapped out and then still? What?
I blinked furiously at the ceiling. Everyone laughed before I was helped up into a seated position again. Eric had reached underneath my shoulders and pulled me back upright. "I couldn't help it." He shrugged with one shoulder, seeing my annoyed expression. But I was still flustered because I had noticed the way we were now sitting.
"You tapped out!" I yelled playfully at him, trying to hide my flustered state, and hit his chest. He flinched, a hand moving to cover the spot as he exaggerated how much it had hurt. I rolled my eyes before shifting to get up, but it was hard in this position. Then hands grasped my waist, and I was lifted to my feet as if I were nothing. A small shriek left me, making Eric laugh again before he reached his hands up to me. I took them both and helped to pull him up with a small grunt.
We both brushed the dirt and rubble of our clothes as Ezekiel tossed the flask to Eric. He caught it and took another sip. Eric then threw the flask back to Zephyr. "I dare you go to erudite headquarter and cause a stir—" Eric dared and I was left speechless. That was both our previous faction, what if anyone recognized us causing havoc? And he was still a leader. My attention snapped to him when the flask had left his hand but he turned to gather his belongings on the rock and didn't see the look I sent him.
"Bring it on!" Zephyr accepted anyway and jumped, twisting in the air before he began sprinting through the emptying pit. "Come on you, no lollygagging!" He screamed over his shoulder. I couldn't contain my laugher, what the hell was that word, but it still made me fall behind. Everyone but Eric and I had followed him. Shit. I cursed when Eric tossed my sweatshirt to me, or still his actually. A hand then slipped into mine, fingers entwining with my own as well and Eric pulled ahead, urging me to go faster as we sprinted after the others.
We didn't catch up with the others before we reached the train tracks. At that time, Eric had already released my hand again. Only Ezekiel needed to know right now. My shoulders were heaving when we reached the others. Calix had just caught Tadeo in a headlock, drawing his head towards his chest while ruffling his hair. Tadeo pushed him off and stumbled sideways with a frown on his lips while he corrected his hair.
They had all been standing next to the train tracks waiting for the next train. While we waited, another flask had been pulled out from someone's pocket. This one was bronze and not silver, and quite bigger. Ellie reached it to me. I took it from her with a small smile before opening the flask. The alcohol burned as it coated my throat. I grimaced and then Eric reached for it, but I held it out of his reach, playfully wriggling my eyebrows at him because I was not yet prepared to give it up.
I turned my back to him when he insisted and took another sip, the cloud that had surrounded my senses and allowed me to feel happy for once, was quite enjoyable. Then a hand reached around me, grabbed the flask, and took it out of my reach. I groaned, spinning around to reach for it again but Eric didn't even allow me to touch it. I hit him with the sweater still in my hand. I hadn't bothered taking it on yet. I was feeling hot, and the fabric would only feel constricted on my damp skin.
Eric cowered but smiled. Then he raised his eyebrows with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He grinned, quickly closing the flask again, then hunched down, grabbed onto my thighs and lifted me off the ground before tossing me over his shoulder. I lost my hold on the sweatshirt in the process and it fell the to ground. Then Eric spun once, making me grab onto his shirt, fingers wrapping around it while I hung upside down. A scream left me to the clear amusement of everyone else. The dauntless barked with laugher as Eric kept me over his shoulder.
I pushed myself up when the nausea signed up. Eric noted my pale complexion before he allowed me to slide down, though keeping my body extremely close to his. I knew we were both drunk, but this was dangerous. He had put those rules in play for a reason. It wasn't only for my protection, but for his as well. But fuck, how I hated those rules right now.
My arms had hooked around his neck when he allowed me to slide down onto my feet, bringing his head dangerously close to mine. I sucked in a deep breath when his lips came within inches of mine. "You need a room?" Ezekiel's voice, still lined with laugher, cut through and Eric's body pulled taut, every muscle tensing beneath me as I jolted. It was only then I noticed how quiet the others had become. Then he sent a vulgar gesture Ezekiel's way, not even looking away from me while doing so.
After several heartbeats, Eric gritted his teeth, turning his head away from me but a certain bravery erupted in me and I kept my arms around him as his fingers dug into my side. I then narrowed my eyes at Ezekiel and took him in from the corner of my eyes, but also noticing that everyone else was looking at us as well. But nothing had prepared me for the look on Tadeo's face. There were hurt, but also something that reminded me of betrayal. I'm sorry. But I would never have been able to return those feelings.
Then Eric relaxed beside me and a hand found my cheek, guiding me by the chin to look up at him before he actually kissed me. It was a very needy kiss and I melted into him. The usual taste of charred salt was mixed with the sour alcohol. But I wanted it. Needing more, I wrapped myself tighter around him, not intending to let him go anytime soon. "Guess we're telling people now." Ezekiel blew out a breath and I heard a flask being emptied.
There were a few unsure laughers around us, but I didn't care as I broke away from Eric, my lips sore and lungs needing air. My eyes were only on Eric but his snapped to the group behind us. "If you speak a word of this—to anyone—" Eric sneered. "I will become your worst fear in your fear landscape." He threatened. Even though the threat hadn't been intended for me, I still felt a shudder whack through me. Then he leaned in for another kiss and I obliged. I didn't care anymore.
Ezekiel was laughing his ass off and it made me turn from Eric just as a train appeared in the distance. Everyone was a bit shocked at the revelation, but they shook it off quite well once on the train. The bigger bronze flask was passed around again. Ezekiel had emptied another small silver one. Eric snatched the flask from Marie who kept eyeing me. One look from him made her relent and turn away.
Eric lent against the back of the train and swayed to the motion. His arms crossed and an unreadable expression on his face. He looked like he had sobered up quite a bit. Which properly also was the reason why he took a large gulp of the alcohol before he tossed it to Tadeo who had asked for it. Once it had passed to the next person I stood up and went to bravely lean against him. Eric raised an eyebrow before both his hands brushed my hair behind my ears.
The red shade on his cheeks had returned and his movements had become clumsy. He hadn't sobered up at all—he was very drunk. I not far behind. This was the first time I had ever let go like this. I dared smile, my entire attention on him as the others spoke together. Conversation didn't flow as easily as they all tried to take in what had happened between Eric and me.
When we finally reached erudite headquarters, we jumped off the train. It brought back memories I hadn't thought about for a long time and things I had definitely forgotten. The erudite section of the city was cleaner than any other part of the city, every bit of thrash and rubbish cleared from the pavement, every crack fixed and there were no potholes in the road.
Eric noticed my starring and then reached a hand back to me. My eyes dipped to the hand he offered before quickly sliding my own into it. It was warm and strong, his long fingers entwining with my own as we started trotting down the roads. They were just as familiar to him as they were to me. I could see it on him.
I continuously felt the urge to step carefully on the sidewalk much rather than walk carelessly alongside it like my fellow dauntless ahead of me. Every faction headquarter was allowed to have lights on after midnight, whereas everything else was supposed to be dark. To conserve energy. I scoffed loudly because erudite had never followed those rules. A selfish faction, not thinking about others than themselves.
Here in the erudite sector, each building that made up erudite headquarter was like a pillar of light. The windows we walk past feature the erudite sitting down at long tables, their noses buried in books or screens. The young and the old mix together at every table in their familiar blue clothing. I pause to watch them. It brings back memories I had long since suppressed. I had never hated the studying, it provided me with a solitude I had rather enjoyed. It was the endless pursuit of knowledge.
When Zephyr reached the doors of the center building, he pushed through them with his shoulder. We watched from outside, grinning and snickering while Zephyr runs into the building, ignoring the protests of the erudite stationed at the door and yells loudly into the room. "Hey brains—check this out!" All the erudite in the lobby look up from whatever had been their occupation as Zephyr turns around and moons them. The erudite stationed at the front desk run around it in an effort to catch him but Zephyr pulls up his pants and runs towards us. We all start running too, sprinting away from the doors.
Eric grabbed my hand tighter, guiding me away from the main building. The erudite gave up chasing us after a block or so and we all stop in an ally, leaned against the bricks to catch our breaths. "Young one, I dare you to scale the sculpture in front of the upper levels building." Zephyr held the flask like it's a prize as he points it at Lilly. She accepts without hesitation and they turn towards the sculpture, but Eric pulled me the other way.
I'm then pinned against the bricks of the wall in the ally we had been standing in earlier within seconds. Eric is pressing against me with all that he's got. Then hands find my rump and lifts me up before they guides my legs around his hip as lips crashes against mine. My arms wrap around his neck in response. I kissed him back with the same longing he portrays. The second Eric released my lips, his moved to the soft skin behind my ear.
I moaned out when he suckled but when footsteps alarmed us of someone returning, Eric was off me in seconds. Had he not grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the wall, I would properly have sat down onto the ground. My knees had gone weak after our make-out session.
We were met with a mischievous Ezekiel. He wriggled his eyebrows at us, but remained quiet. Eric groans before he tried catching the man in an arm lock, but Ezekiel moved out of his reach within seconds, having guessed his intentions before Eric could execute them. It made Eric stumble instead as Lilly whooped loudly from the top of the sculpture she had been dared to scale. A chorus of excited sounds followed. I laughed and reached for Eric's hand. He grasped mine tightly and held on as Lilly descended to the ground again, slowly, but steadily.
That concluded the game of dare. Everyone had been through their dare, some even two. I turned my wrist to look at my watch. 02:48 a.m. I blew out a tired breath, the exhaustion slowly creeping over me as we headed back towards dauntless. We managed to capture one of the night trains and it quickly brought us back to the compound.
Eric and I remained in the back, letting the others stay in front of us as they laughed and winded the last of the alcohol out of their systems. Zephyr kept starting a fight with Maria, poking her in her ear, tucking at her clothes, and other things that annoyed her enough to hit him.
The entire time, Eric and I kept holding hands. His was warm for once, big, and strong. I relished in the closeness of him, and dreaded the moment we reached the compound where I would have to let go again. I only relished in the attention I could get as I clasped on tighter onto his hand. Eric did the same and lowered his eyes to me for a few seconds, a smile growing on his lips that only grew wider before he turned away again.
I couldn't wait for him to fulfill his promise to me. I wanted him more and more for each day that passed. But soon, very soon, initiation would be over and he would be mine completely, that I vowed to let everyone know.