Seulgi's POV
After my prayer, I put the flowers beneath her gravestone.
I'm glad that you became one of the biggest part in my life. Too sad...you died waiting for my forgiveness.
I've forgiven you, Irene. Now, it's my turn to endlessly wait for your forgiveness that you won't be able to give at all.
"Why am I too stupid to run away instead of fixing things, Seulgi? All those years, I've only thought of love. Her—loving me, that she would never love me, what if she would love me...I didn't think of knowing her more, I was a fool, right?" Suho stated who's at my back. I remained standing in front of Irene's gravestone with my head down as I listen to him.
"She was the most elegant girl in my sight before and she will always be. I loved her as the intimidating Irene, not even thinking what's behind those? What's behind her eyes? What's behind her rare smiles? I know now why Irene wasn't able to move on from her past until her last breath—because I never did anything for her. I was just there as a self-proclaimed man who 'loves' her, but was never a man she can lean on. I never ever made her feel the comfort that she should've feel. So when she finally wanted to move on, she couldn't, she felt as if she was stuck on you—but no, it was my fault. I only hoped for her love...I didn't try to get to know her.." I turned my body to his direction and saw the guy that I envied for years thinking he was chosen over me, "Up until now, after all those years I've been with her. I can't still say that I know her. I didn't even try knowing who Irene was. I feel like I just loved and married someone in my imagination. I'm stupid, I was so stupid. I told her she was selfish when in fact I'm this fool who only wanted her to love me in return." a single tear fell from his right eye. If Irene didn't grow up hating on men, I'm sure she would love this very fine man in front of me. She wouldn't choose Suho to get her pregnant if Suho won't stand a chance in her life.
He was right...maybe if he dug deeper onto her feelings, just maybe...maybe she was able to let go of her past just like me.
Unlike Suho, Jaebeom did everything—to impressing me with his efforts and spoiling me with his love up to knowing all my emotions and embracing my past, without the thought of being loved back. Jaebeom...he knew all along that I wasn't in love even after having our twins but he kept his words that he will be with me for the rest of our lives to keep my life better.
"I used to envy you from afar...thinking, why does she need to fall for the same gender?" Suho looks at me while we're tracing our way out, "Then as I stare at you, the questions in my mind faded but the insecurity started. I was afraid what if Irene comes back in your arms, what if you'd take Ryujin? I was afraid because you raised that baby, you...you watered her with all of your love while Irene was bearing her. I thought, what's my role right here? Where should I place myself? I felt lost not until Ryujin called me daddy and when she hushed because of me, when she stumbled a lot of times tryna' get to my direction when she was turning 2..."
"How was she growing up?" I asked. I remember planning our future in my head back then...me, watching Ryujin growing up with Irene spending the rest of her life with me.
Suho and I stopped behind the bushes and stares at each other in serious manner, "Ryujin was a sick kiddo, y'know that I guess? She was almost one year old when we adopted her but her body was fragile and she was tiny, her hair and teeth didn't develop that fast that's why it was easy for Irene to faked everything, including her age. When Jisu was born, she was even a lot healthier. For years, we often spent our time in hospital for Ryujin. When Jisu reached her first birthday, she was way tougher than Ryujin who's already two year old. Ryujin's condition became better when she was five years old. Irene was so protective, I thought she doesn't like Ryujin—but looking back at the memories, I can finally say that she was a good mom trying to be as hard as rock for Ryujin." smile plastered on his face while thinking of those memories he had with them.
"I feel bad for her. I know she wanted to set things right...but world can be so cruel, right?" I looked up to the blue sky, watching those flying birds. They're flying up high...
It was Irene's wish...
Or mine? I told her to fly high after being free from her cage but I guess she didn't able to make it. She was stuck in a cage from the time she was born until her last breath.
So...fly high, Irene.
"I'm wishing the best for our daughters, that's all I could think for now. Don't think about negative things that much, you still have your daughters and you can always knock on our door. My husband is pretty friendly so see if you two could be friends." I said while we're walking on the hallway.
"Please—c-could you please tell me what Ryujin feels in case she'd tell you?" he stuttering asked and who am I to say no?
"Sure, I'll tell you everything—" I stopped when I remember something, "Aye—no, not everything. You know a girls talk?" Suho nodded with a clear confusion on his face.
"And you know you're a man, right?" Suho nodded once again so I nods at him with a smirk before stepping my feet once again.
I won't tell him when Ryujin talks about sex, I'm sure it's not important to know that Ryujin's a top.
Ryujin's POV
Sometimes we realize things too late and sometimes we can't realize it at all. Looking back at the past, I wonder why I could see my mom in the picture of my memories already...when in fact, she was never there as far as I know.
Was she never really there? Maybe I realized it too late...
Maybe I didn't realize before that there would be a creek on my door every night while I'm playing under my bed. That she would sit across my seat in the living room while I'm practicing guitar, pretending to read newspaper...I just realized now that I saw her holding that newspaper upside down. If she's still alive, I would laugh my ass out with her while telling that.
Was I too young before or was I too blinded with envious for not recognizing mom's car that was always tailing my bus every morning? Was she often driving Jisu off our school earlier so she could have time to come back, watch me from afar while taking the bus and follows it behind the other vehicles?
Stupid, Ryuddaeng.
"Ryuddaeng!"
From the open door of music room, I saw Yeji with a bright smile on her face.
"You weren't in your practice again." she said as she walks toward my direction, "What's wrong?" Yeji cupped my face soon as she came closer. Her presence...it's my comfort after all...
"Nothing, pretty..." I murmured before wrapping my arms around her waist, hugging her as tight as I could. There's nothing more comforting than this. Just my head placed right onto her tummy with her hands gently stroking my hair.
"How long have you been sitting here?" Yeji asked.
"You gonna scold me for not attending my classes, Ms. President?" I asked as I broke our hug, I cleverly looked at her.
"Yeah, I'm gonna write you in my list for being the most stubborn student of this year." she said with her chin up.
"Am I the most stubborn?" I looks at her while pouting and tapping her right forearm.
"Uhu!" she crosses her arms while looking down on me. Yeji then, bursts out of smile when she saw my eyes getting smaller while staring over her.
"Ryuddaeng~" she mumbles as she pinches my nose but I didn't even flinch that made her pout. How many students were not given the opportunity to see this side of her? No wonder why I feel so lucky.
I held her hand while she's swaying her body left and right, pouting at me just because I ignored her. I keeps on staring at her despite her moving gaze. What would happen if we could read each other's eyes? I wonder what our eyes tell...but we're both in love with one another, and I'm right.
Yeji removed her hand from my hold and went out of the music room real quick.
I sighs when Yeji enters again and this time she's smiling brightly like a fool, "Your name is Ryujin, right?" she suddenly asked that made me smile out of amusement.
"I'm afraid that you're wrong, missy." I said that's why she rolled her eyes.
"I saw you playing the guitar, would you mind joining our band?" Yeji continued.
Oh so she's mocking me?
"Your band? You don't seem to fit well in a band tho, are you sure you're inviting me in your band?"
"Can I have your phone number instead?" she really be mocking me for what I've done to start this beautiful relationship huh?
"What do you think of me? You find it odd or creepy that I came out of nowhere?" Yeji continued, looking at me with a tease.
"I find you ugly actually." I casually said. Her yell suddenly echoes here in the room that's why my eyes widens.
"You should never call your girl ugly!" Yeji yelled. I looked at her from head to toe and all I can see is a kettle with boiling water.
"Y'know I'm just kidding, pretty." I tried holding her hand but she resisted. Yeji stepped away from me with her arms crossed.
"Look who's getting all pissed, you started mocking me why are you overly reacting because of a joke?" I stood up with a grin on my face, Yeji frowned the moment she saw me approaching to her direction.
"Am not mocking you yet you kept on roasting me!" Yeji said, "I'm just reminiscing our good not so old days." she kept her left eyebrow raising with her arms still crossed.
Yeah, bottoms are always right I guess.
Without a word, I took one last step to embrace her. The moment I felt her in my arms was the time my tears starts dripping down my face.
I don't know how to put it all in words. I don't know how to tell her every bit of my feelings even though i wanted so bad. The heavy feeling inside me is getting heavier and heavier but her presence, just her whole presence can make it way lighter than ever.
And this is the time that I could genuinely say that, my heart is fully committed to her.
"You're so warm, Ryujin-ah...but are you feeling colder inside?" she asked but I didn't utter any word aside from my arms that's tightly wrap around her back.
There's still a lot of things I was looking forward to do with mom. There's a lot of stories I wanted to tell. I haven't even heard that she was proud, I wasn't able to see her watching me perform. I even reserved a bouquet of carnations for her that she wasn't able to hold because instead of an elegant woman, holding that bouquet of beautiful carnations...I was just given a chance to placed it on top of her coffin instead.
"Am I getting b-better?" I wipes my tears neatly after parting from her, facing her with teary eyes and runny nose.
"Yes, Ryuddaeng. Just by staying tough with all those things that happened to you? You're a lot way better, you're a grown up baby girl and I'm so proud of you...tho every happenings took something from you, that's fine, you can always make yourself better." Yeji stated, holding my cheeks while looking at me with a smile.
"I can't even play the guitar...how am I gonna perform.." I murmured before looking down. It just feel so empty...complete emptiness. I've been bracing myself for weeks to do what I usually do but it's not really the same. There's something wrong. There's definitely something wrong...me?
"I just don't feel the same,Yeji...do you ever miss that girl who's so confident towards you? The girl who can make you laugh? The girl who acts perverted towards you? The girl who can make a lot of effort just to make you happy?" I asked. I'm who I was. It's making me feel bad as a partner...
"Well yeah? I miss that girl because she's a lady now who's currently under tough circumstances. That girl surely was a cutie and a good girlfriend but I'm sure, this lady right now—would be so much better after all the storm." Yeji held my chin up and without further ado, she brushed her lips onto mine.
I know I never swallowed butterflies but I could feel them inside my stomach right now...
—👄
i kept telling my 3 month old puppy that he's still a baby only to see him humping a japanese spitz :')
he's big but he's still a baby. imma' put an end to their love story.