A/N: Good luck. You're gonna need it.
"What are you writing about?"
Blue-green eyes glance up. Evan flashes me a frisky grin and presses the book to his chest. "Nosy, aren't we, Kiki?" I tilt my head at him, eyes flickering between the book and his eyes. He hands me the pristine copy of a familiar novel. "It's Remus's favourite. I'm annotating it with my thoughts to give to him as a gift. Do you think he'll like that?"
I stroke my thumbs over the smooth top of it. "I'm pretty sure this is every reader's dream. He'll love it."
He smiles inwardly and slips the book into his robes pocket. "So. What's new with you?"
The angel wings on my back dig pins and needles into my skin. The sensation excites me, bringing a smile to my face. "I got a tattoo!"
He goes rigid. "W-What?"
A confused laugh escapes my lips. "I said I got a tattoo. Sirius and I got them together...why are you acting so strange?"
"I'm not. I have to go to class."
He disappears down the hall and I'm left to wonder how on Earth I've managed to strike a nerve. But all questions melt away when warm hands cover my eyes and a sultry voice follows. "Guess who."
"Newt Scamander? The love of my life!"
Sirius's hands leave my face and he slips my bag off my shoulder. "Who would you save in a burning building? Me or Scamander?" He asks half-jokingly.
"Eh, Scamander can burn." I say.
He presses his laughing lips to mine and then tangles our fingers together and starts toward our next class. Wolfsbane is on the curriculum for Potions this year and I'm surprisingly excited to learn about it – mostly for the sake of being able to help Moony, but still. I take the seat closest to the front and Sirius takes the one beside me, setting my bag down on the table.
Lily runs up to us on quiet feet and bumps Sirius off the stool with her butt, smoothly sliding onto it in his place. Sirius staggers and his face contorts in horror. "What the hell, Evans?!"
"You were in my seat." She shrugs innocently.
Sirius's glare remains unfaltering on her as he flips Lily off, the silver ring I gave him gleaming on his middle finger. Lily laughs, good natured. "Bye, Black." When he dramatically stomps away, she leans into me and we start to laugh.
"I bet he secretly loves the banter."
"Well, I know I do." She says.
I swear to myself that I will pay attention during today's lesson, but as it so happens, God, or The Universe, or Somebody has other plans for me.
Dumbledore pulls my attention from Professor Slughorn's spiel not even halfway to the finish. Dumbledore's silky purple robes drape across the floor and flow around him like water. His hands are patiently clasped in front of him since Professor Slughorn is far too absorbed in this subject to be aware of his presence yet.
"Sir! Your robes are fabulous as always!"
The class erupts with laughs at my outburst of praise toward our headmaster. Dumbledore's eyes twinkle in amusement. "Pardon the interruption, Horace, but I'm afraid I must steal Ms Holland from you."
My fellow classmates watch me gather my things and follow our headmaster out. He's treading with small strides and I have to slow my usual pace to remain beside him. "Whatever it is I'm being punished for this time, I swear it wasn't me, Professor."
He half-smiles at me. "I thought we could begin our lessons. Is now fine with you?"
"Oh! Um, yes, now is a fine time."
His office smells of sugar, which makes a fair amount of sense because his desk is covered in a range of puddings. From cakes to cookies to pies to pastries. "Are you having a bake sale?" I nervously muse.
Dumbledore chuckles lightly. "They are for you, for after this lesson."
I sit down in the chair that he's purposefully placed in the centre of the room and start fidgeting with my fingers. "For me? As kind as it is...why?"
He sighs and faces me head-on. "I will not sugarcoat this for you, Ms Holland. Our lessons will not be pleasant. I am truly sorry but in order for you to have more motivation to keep me out, I am going to have to invade your most precious memories."
I swallow. "I understand."
Dumbledore turns around and adjusts a platter of peach pie. Peach pie, I should write Duke. "As for the why, consider these my gratitude for your bravery."
"Thank you."
He's in front of me again, closer, and he slips his wand from his robes. When he point it at me I suddenly feel as if I'm being threatened. "Whenever you're ready."
It helps that he's being patient with me but I doubt I'll ever really be ready. "I am."
My brain is being twisted inside out. Memories I didn't even know I had come flashing in and out of focus.
I was three years old when Dad took Evy and me on a father-and-daughters trip to Diagon Alley. We dragged him to several shops and he bought us anything we touched. That was the first day I tasted chocolate and I'd decided it was my favourite thing to exist.
I was four when Grandfather hugged me for the last time. He was warm and gentle and he smelled of lemons and cocoa butter. I didn't understand why he started refusing to touch only me, or why his face would scrunch up into an odd expression every time he looked at me.
I was five when Dad whisked us all away for a picnic at this quaint lakeside apple orchard. Mum made me eat fruit and whenever she'd look away, I'd throw a slice over my shoulder. Evy and Benja laughed so hard their muscles ached.
I was seven when the whole family was preparing to go to the beach. I was already dressed in my favourite blue bikini when Mum stormed into my room to yell at me for doing poorly on the test she'd given me. She made me stay back at home alone to study while everyone else went off to enjoy themselves. I cried the whole time.
I was ten when Benja and I saw Everliah off to school again. We were both sad she had to go but at least we had each other. We were closer than ever that year, always talking about what Hogwarts would be like when we'd finally get to go. And every day, after Mum's studies, Benja and I'd be free to go outside to play. We would play like we were allowed do magic and we'd pretend to fire spells at each other that we'd learned that day.
I was eleven when Remus, Peter, and I were lounging around, bored, in the common room. So, did you guys hear what happened with Emma Vanity today, Remus asked. That one question led to a four-hour exchange of gossip and so began the gossip group.
I was twelve when James officially became my brother. It was his idea to be siblings because he told me he loved me like one. I was the sister he never had. Afterwards, I said we'd have to come up with special nicknames for each other to make up for the years of missed opportunities. I couldn't choose between the many his name came with, so I decided I'd just alternate. James said Kee was too simple and didn't do me justice, Kiki was a maybe, but Keeks is what he decided he loved. I loved it even more because he came up with it.
I was fifteen when Sirius and I had our first kiss. Soft lips, warm and wet...
I squeeze my eyes shut, grip the armrests of the chair, and concentrate all my energy on blocking every memory that has to do with Sirius.
Sirius emerged from the bathroom, fresh out of the shower...his grin broad as he slipped my birthday present to him onto his middle finger...we were kissing...he needed to calm down...I was undoing his belt...
"STOP!" I scream and everything clears away. I open my eyes and I'm breathless. I'm embarrassed and frustrated with myself because I allowed him to get so far. I will not let that happen again.
Dumbledore looks me over in concern. He hands me a goblet of water and I quickly gulp it all down. "That will be all for today." He says once I'm done drinking.
"That's it?" My eyebrows pull together in a frown. "Sir, I know I freaked out a little but I'm okay to keep going."
"That will not be necessary. You did good for a first try. Help yourself to as much as you like, you deserve it. We will resume next week."
As delicious as these baked goods are, I can't bring myself to enjoy them. My stomach is in knots, probably from nerves, and the sugar is doing nothing to ease my discomfort. It's too early for anyone to be out of class and too late for me to go back to mine. We've been at this longer than I thought.
The common room provides me with two choices: girls or boys dormitory? Upon collision with my bed, I know I've made the right choice. I love the sweet smell of these sheets and the thought of the girls being excited to see me here.
*
A knock on the door disrupts the comfortable silence that has fallen between me and Marlene. "Come in!" She calls from her place on the bed.
The door swings open slightly and Remus sticks his head in, a happy smile displays across his scarred face the moment he spots me. He opens the door the rest of the way and holds up a bag. "Chocolate delivery."
I smile at him. "What's the occasion, Moons?"
He frowns, setting the bag down on my bed. "It's the first day of your lady week, Keeks. You did get it, didn't you? I'm sure today's the day, I have it marked on the calendar. You don't usually miss a day..." His gaze is scrutinizing and I want him to stop.
"Oh! Yeah, no, I did. Thank you." I force a smile that is apparently convincing because he doesn't push the subject. But I'm lying, I haven't gotten my period yet.
"Aww, you're the sweetest, Remus! Evan's a very lucky man." Marlene winks at him.
Remus grins, a soft blush rousing his cheeks. "Why thank you, Mar, but Dorcas is even luckier."
Being late by one day is nothing major. Though, every day that passes since has been terribly unnerving for me. Every morning I check the toilet for blood, and every morning I'm disappointed to find none. After two weeks, I can't deny it to myself any longer. There is a possibility that I'm pregnant. I thought we were being careful, I'm usually good about remembering. But the night in the ROR, the night of three times, we forgot to cast the spell altogether.
There is no way I can raise an entire other human being right now. Not when I'm still acting like a child myself.
Whether I am pregnant, or I'm not, I have to find out for certain. But I don't want to take this test alone. I need Sirius with me. I need his reassurance that everything will be okay either way. That this is my choice and whatever I decide, he'll stand by. That we're in this together.
Yes. As long as I have Sirius, I'll be okay.
I'm on my way to find him now, roaming the halls and waving amicably at anyone I pass. I'm watching my feet move, step step step step... My breathing falls short as I round a corner.
Sirius is kissing a girl. A girl who isn't me. It's fervent and careless and I can hear the sound of my heart breaking in half. He has her pressed against a wall, his hands on her hips, her hands in his hair.
I can't bear to see any more. My eyes are blurring with unshed tears. Once that first tear breaks free, the rest follow in a constant stream. I ball my hands into fists and dig my fingernails so hard into my palms they draw blood. This pain, I welcome. This pain I can cope with.
Breathing hurts. Air feels like razor blades going down my throat. The world is spinning and I don't know how I'm still standing.
All eyes are on me as I walk the halls. Shame infiltrates my bones. Misery swallows me whole. I can't handle their looks of pity; I hide my face in my hands until the common room takes over to conceal me.
I want my living safety net to take me in his arms and carry me through the pain. But as I'm headed for the stairs leading up to the boys dorms, I falter and then stop midstride. It occurs to me that I can't tell James. The Potters are the only family Sirius has left, and no matter how badly he hurt me, I can't be so selfish as to take it all away. It's best if I don't tell the other boys yet either.
Instead, I walk upstairs on trembling legs and pray the girl I most want to see is up there. "Lily?"
"Shh. Studying." She says, not once looking up from her book.
I open my mouth to speak but my voice is caught in my throat. More tears form in my eyes. "Lils, I just need to –"
"You can tell me whatever it is later, lovely! Just give me an hour or two and I'm all ears." Her tone isn't unkind but it is firm and final, and she still hasn't spared me a glance.
I don't really want to tell her anymore. I blink back my tears and leave the room.
As if matters couldn't possibly get any worse, Sirius enters the common room the same moment I do. "You beat me here." He says wearing a stupidly big smile. He's in front of me and he's leaning in for a kiss. The part of my heart that belongs to him betrays my better judgement because for a half-second I actually kiss him back. Then I pull away.
Anger so strong and hot boils up inside me, overflows out of me. I close myself off from him completely. "Do you have anything you have to say to me?"
His eyebrows shoot up. I've never been cross with him before. "I don't think so..." He looks me up and down and tilts his head to the side. "Is today an anniversary of ours I didn't know about?"
I stand up on my tiptoes and slap him as hard as I can across the face.
His head remains turned to the one side as he clenches and unclenches his reddening jaw. When he looks at me, he alternates between staring into one eye and then the other. Even more anger builds up inside of me because he has the audacity to look confused right now. "What? What did I do?" He asks, and it sounds like he's begging.
"The fact that you even have to ask." I scoff, fighting back the tears that are threatening to spill out. "You and me, we're done. Stay away from me." His expression of pure hurt makes me want to take it all back. But the image of him kissing her keeps me sensible.
I turn to leave because I cannot handle seeing him anymore, but he grabs my wrist. He pulls me to him and goes down on his knees, hugging my legs tightly. Every bone in my body tries to stop me, every voice in my head screams don't, but I look at him. He's got tears in the very eyes I would happily drown in, his cheeks and nose wet. "Please, my love. You can't do this to me. We can get through anything, I know we can. Just tell me what I've done."
I can't hold it back any longer. My tears have broken out and are running freely down my cheeks. "You did what you promised you never would! I trusted you, Sirius. I loved you with everything in me. And you cheated on me. So, no. We can't get through this."
"I didn't cheat on you! Love, I would never do that!"
"You don't...don't get to call me that anymore." I gasp through sobs. "We need to break up." I pry myself out of his arms and leave him knelt in the middle of the common room.
The door slams closed behind me and I collapse to the floor. I cry so hard I choke on my own lungs. A tightness expands in my chest and I feel like I'm about to die. I loved too much and it still wasn't enough. If this is where I end, I'm alright with it.
But I don't die. I keep living through this nightmare. I'm aimless, wandering the castle in a haze of tears and pain.
I end up at the Ravenclaw Tower and decide Benjamin is who I want to be with right now. He's known me the longest and if anyone can bring me safety right now, it's him.
I find him curled up into himself on his bed, a letter in hand. When he hears me coming, he quickly wipes his cheeks and turns around. "Chiara," he sighs sadly.
I sit beside him on the bed and take his hand in mine. "Benja, tell me what happened."
He frowns and asks, "Don't you know?" I shake my head, unsure. "Grandfather died."
All of the blood in my body runs cold. I hug my arms around myself, the never-ending rush of tears from my eyes recommence. I didn't like the man, but that doesn't mean I didn't love him. No matter how badly he treated me, he was still my family. And, secretly, I'd always hoped I could one day change his mind about me. Now I'm too late.
Benjamin hesitates. "I don't have a right to be sad about this, right? He was awful to you, and I didn't like him. I don't know why I'm crying."
I wipe his cheeks with his blanket. "You're allowed to be sad. I give you permission." My musing words don't land as my voice cracks miserably. "He's been a part of our lives since forever...a-and I'm sad too. He died hating only me."
He shakes his head. "He couldn't have, he didn't know you. He was old, and his values were corrupt."
So, he hated the idea of me. That's not much better. "Yeah," I shrug. "I know they were."
I put my arm around my little brother and hold him against me as he drains himself of his sorrow. My heart has been beaten and battered by life today, I don't know how much more of this I can take on my own.
Dope flies through the window and lands directly in front of me with a letter in his beak. Benji removes his head from my shoulder and I move forward to take the letter from my owl's mouth. Dope tilts his head at me, orange eyes piercing into mine, and waits. "I'm sorry, baby, but I don't have any treats for you." He understands me perfectly well but he doesn't fly away. I watch him waddle closer on his skinny bird legs and nuzzle into me. I laugh through my tears as I pull the feathered animal into my arms and hug him. It's curious that the first to truly provide me any sort of comfort would be my pet owl.
I unfold the letter.
Sunshine,
I'm not sure if you've heard yet from Benny or Elliot but if not, I'm sorry to tell you Grandfather passed away yesterday. We all know your relationship with him hasn't been a good one so your mother and I think it would be best if you didn't come to the funeral. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Will you check in on our Benny-boy? I'm worried.
Dad
I sniffle. "Mum and Dad don't want me to go to the funeral."
"Well, do you want to go?"
"Doesn't matter, I really shouldn't. He wouldn't have wanted me there, Ben. And this is really about him, not me." I brave a smile on for Benji, even though all I want to do right now is break down. "Will you be okay?"
"Yeah, moment of weakness is all this was. I'm leaving here for the funeral tomorrow morning. At least I'll be there with Evy. Will, uh, you be okay, Kee? You look...different somehow."
"Me? Yeah! When have I ever not been okay?" I smile for him again and he smiles back, pleased with my answer, and I start for the door.
When I'm far enough away, I drop my smile. My heart is pounding in my head and it hurts. Everything hurts. I brace myself against a wall and massage my eyelids in circles like Sirius did for me. The memory of him caring for me does nothing to stop the tears.
"Chiara?"
I can't help the pathetic noise that escapes my lips. Regulus is blurred through my tears. "What are you doing here?" I whimper.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I cry.
Regulus frowns. "If you don't want to talk about it, would you at least like to join me in my common room? We could not talk there." He holds out his hand. His skin is pale and his nails are perfectly manicured.
"Well," I wipe my nose. "I've got nowhere else to go." I take his hand and walk with him to his common room.
The Slytherin common room is empty, and adorning several shades of green. He guides me to sit down on one of the green couches. "It's cool that this place is partway under the Black Lake." I say sadly, just to fill the silence.
"Yes, it is." He says, his blue eyes pierce into me. "What's happened?"
I suck in a shaky breath. "S-Sirius and I...broke up."
"I am so sorry, Chiara." He whispers. He reaches over and then hesitates, hovering his hand over my knee.
"You can try to comfort me, it's...it's okay." I try to laugh but it sounds terribly sad. He touches my knee. "I-It just h-h-hurts knowing I-I loved him s-so much. I g-gave him m-my heart and...and everything in m-me. A-And I...I wasn't enough." I say between sobs.
"Don't say that. You are enough. Do you know how many people would kill to be loved by you? I've seen you. I've seen the way you love; so openly, and honestly...and beautifully. And if my brother can't appreciate that," he shakes his head, "then he didn't deserve to have you in the first place."
"You're just...just saying that."
"I don't say things I don't mean."
Regulus stays with me as I cry. I cry until my eyes sting and my skin irritates. After a while though, the tears fail to alleviate any of my pain.
"I'm sorry. I know this isn't how you'd choose to spend your Thursday evening." I look up at him for the first time tonight, instantly regretting it because all I see is Sirius. Here come the waterworks, again.
He slips his fingers through mine and everything feels wrong, because he isn't Sirius.
"Don't apologize to me." He whispers, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the top of my hand.
He's staring so intensely at me, and I know that look. I'm paralyzed, I can't move. His lips touch mine and he kisses me. He keeps holding my hand and parts my lips with his. I don't kiss him back but I also can't find the strength to push him away. I'm fragile and weak and tired, so tired. I'm starting to taste my tears and he must too because he finally pulls back.
My body is racked with sobs.
"Chiara, I –"
"Oh, my God." I gasp. I jerk my hand out of his and hug my shaking body in my arms. "D-Do not...kiss me again. I n-needed a friend tonight. You...you've just made everything worse!"
Run, Chiara.
I run until the sound of his desperate pleas become a mere thing from the past. I run until I see trees. I run until my heart wants to give out and my shins feel like splitting. I don't care, I run faster.
The world around me blurs. My legs give out from under me and I hit the floor, skinning both my knees. I cry with the force of a person vomiting on all fours. Nothing will ever be the same, no one is ever going to make me feel the way Sirius does...did. I'm going to be alone forever and maybe I deserve to be.
I curl up in a ball and rest my cheek on my bloodied knees.
Golden light so bright almost blinds me; I lift my head only to realize that my body is the source. A familiar, pleasing warmth spreads through me. I'm stunned, watching as fresh skin mends the gashes in my palms and the scrapes on my knees. "Woah," I drag my fingers across the pavement and the healing process happens a second time. I repeat this action over and over and over again until, like all good things, the glow dies down, alongside my temporary distraction. The pain in my heart takes over full-force and weighs me down into the ground.
I never thought heartbreak would actually, physically hurt. But it does. Oh, it does.
I lay on my back on the cold ground and look up at the sky full of stars. My eyes are drawn to Sirius, the brightest star in the sky... "Baby," I put my hand over my stomach, "if you are in here, I want you to know we would have loved you more than life."
I shoot back into a sitting position as an inexplicable feeling washes over me. I've got a really good feeling about the Three Broomsticks. I feel like I have to be there.
The journey doesn't prove to be a long one credit to the distance I ran prior. I clamber inside and glance all around, all I see are some old drunkards and Madam Rosmerta. I meander past the small amount of people, searching for I don't even know what.
And then, I see him. A man who can't be over the age of twenty sits at the back of the pub hunched over a book. I step up to him and carefully tap him on the shoulder. He raises his finger, silently telling me to wait a second, and then looks up from his book. The moment his eyes meet mine, they blow into two wide circles. "Your...eyes are –"
"They're glowing, yeah, we know. But listen," I'm talking a mile a minute, "I have a really bad feeling about you being here and I need you to leave. I know that must sound mad and I know you shouldn't trust strangers but please, for the sake of your own life, just trust me."
His eyes are such a dark shade of brown I can see myself reflected in them. He's looking at me, analyzing my expressions. I am absolutely not in the kidding mood tonight and I guess he sees that because he quickly nods. "O-Okay, I guess I'll go then."
I walk out with him and we make it exactly twenty steps before a crack echoes in the distance and a group of black-hooded figures appear out of thin air. "Oh, my God!" I grab his arm and throw him into an empty alleyway. "I failed my Apparition test, would you get us out of here?"
"Were those Death Eaters?!" He whispers-shouts.
I swallow the growing lump in my throat. "I think so. Um, are you a Muggle-born?"
"Yes." He whispers. It's all starting to make sense. These cloaked wizards, Death Eaters, whoever they are, are here to kill him. "Are you a Seer?"
"Something like that. Let's go, before they come looking." I say in a rush.
He grips my arm and Disapparates with me. He takes me to his flat. It's tight but cozy, and it smells like vanilla and honey. The walls are made of bookshelves and each one is lined with books. He goes into the kitchen and I follow. "Now I feel like I need to go do some yoga, or have a calming cup of tea because that was terrifying." He muses, smiling at me.
I can't bring myself to smile back. If I did, I'm afraid I'd just start crying all over again.
He clears his throat. "You can sleep here, tonight, tomorrow, or as long as you need."
"I don't even know you." I wish my voice wouldn't give away all of my pitiful emotions.
"You saved my life. I think that makes us besties." He smiles and I notice how white his teeth are. His dark skin makes them look pearly white.
"You've got a nice smile." I say, tears gathering in my eyes.
He smiles even wider, bringing out big dimples that indent both of his cheeks. "Thank you. No offence, but you look sort of like a sad puppy right now and it's breaking my heart. I'm a totally safe stranger, I promise. Ooh, look." He turns around and picks up a tray of pink cupcakes. "I have cupcakes! What kind of an unsafe stranger would have got cupcakes?"
That elicits the tiniest laugh out of me, but it's gone as quickly as it arrives. "I don't even know your name."
"Alo."
"Like the Vera?" I blurt.
Alo laughs and it's boyish and sweet. "Nearly. I'm Alo without the 'e'."
"Cool." I sigh. "I guess I will stay the night."
"Great, you're very welcome here. Just a heads up, I do have another roommate. He should be back from work soon actually, but he's a sweetheart, he won't mind you being here at all." He tells me.
He makes himself busy with pouring water into two glasses. He slides one over to me and I hold it but make no move to sip on it. As much as Alo's hospitality is appreciated, I'm thoroughly drained of substance. I want this day to be over but I know that after it is, tomorrow won't be much better.
When Alo's roommate Apparates inside, I have to do a double-take. "Duke?"
Duke's brown eyes land on me and he smiles his gap-toothed smile. "Chiara!" He reaches me in three big strides and pulls me to his chest. Vanilla greets me like a warm welcome home.
"Holy shit, you're Chiara!" Alo exclaims. "Duke over here talks about you all the time!"
"Yeah, I'm Chiara." I say quietly, abashed.
"She's Chiara." Duke nods proudly, looking down at me. "But what are you doing here? You didn't get expelled from Hogwarts, did you?" I shake my head, and my bottom lip trembles. "Are you okay?"
"No."
He takes me to his room and we lay down facing each other on the bed. He gently tucks my hair behind my ear and touches my cheek. "Did you get cut? There's blood."
"You look happier. Are you?" I whisper.
"I am. I've gotten my life together and I'm doing well, mentally. But you're dodging my question. You look like you've been through hell and back."
"Well, aren't you a sweet talker."
"Chiara," he says seriously. His blonde eyebrows sew together with worry. "What happened to you? Your eyes, they've lost their usual sparkle." I guess they've stopped glowing, too.
"I'm not okay, Duke. I don't know how I ever will be again."
He slips his lanky arms around me and pulls me closer to him. It feels nice to be held. "Talk to me." He says.
"Where do I start? I might be pregnant and the father of said child just cheated on me. My grandfather died hating only me. He never even got the chance to hate Elliot. Not that I want Elliot to know what that kind of hatred feels like but it still would've been nice for somebody to understand. I'm there for every single one of my friends when they're in need of comfort, but when I'm having the first terrible day in all my days of living, I've suddenly got no one. Sirius's idiot kid brother decided to kiss me as I sobbed, as if that would provide me with any solace whatsoever! Oh, and, by the way, if none of this had happened, Alo would've been murdered tonight by Death Eaters."
I start panting so hard you'd think I've just run a marathon. It feels like I have with the amount of pressure in my lungs.
Duke takes a long moment to digest my word vomit and then he just wraps me so tight in his arms. This is really all I needed today. I just needed someone to be here. "I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. That's a lot for one person to go through in a day."
"Do you think...maybe I'm overreacting?"
He looks at me like I'm mental. "Stop. Why are you even saying that?"
My walls break and pure sadness crashes my body like a tidal wave. "I...I miss h-h-him. I-I wasn't r-r-ready to...to say goodbye. I wish I was enough for him."
"Listen to me." He takes my face in his hands and wipes every ever-falling tear with his thumb. "You are enough just as you are. The fact that he cheated is a reflection of him and not you." He presses a pale hand to my heart. "Your heartbreak right now is evidence that you loved him sincerely and made a bond so deep it hurts this much to break. What more could you have done? Where do you think he, or anyone is going to find a better girlfriend than you? You are so much better than this, Chiara. All of this self-loathing? It really isn't you."
"I feel like, like I've just lost myself. He wasn't only my boyfriend, he was my best friend. And I just lost both in one fell swoop."
"I can't take away your pain. I wish I could, but I can't. Only time heals a broken heart. But you have to stop blaming yourself. There is nothing someone else could give him that you didn't, remember that."
"I'm tired, Dukey. Will you stay with me? Through the night, will you hold me?" My eyelids are too heavy to stay open any longer. I close my eyes.
"I will stay with you for as long as you'll let me." He whispers, leaning over to turn off the lamp. "You can rest now. Everything will be okay soon."