I felt his fingertips caress my cheek as he tucked me in. The bed dipped as he sat beside me, the rhythmic sound of his breathing like a lullaby lulling me into bliss.
Maybe I had dreamt it, or maybe it was real, but I swore I felt the gentlest kiss on my forehead before it all went black.
~
I woke up with instant regret. Recalling my actions last night at Full Moon made me cringe in humiliation.
Pulling back the covers, I realised that I was still wearing my outfit from last night, albeit missing my shoes that I noticed were placed carefully by the bedroom door.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
The drunk me wanted Phelan, but the sober me knew better.
I didn't expect that he would have seized the opportunity, for two reasons. One, he'd made it abundantly clear from his actions and words that his care for me was strictly related to his role as Alpha. And two, I knew he wasn't the type of person to take advantage, even if I didn't view it as such at the time.
Edging off the bed, I headed for the dresser. I grabbed a change of casual clothes, sweatpants and a jumper, and headed to the shower. I was desperate to rinse off the guilt from my antics from the night before.
I didn't even want to show my face, I was really just delaying the inevitable.
Once I'd gotten myself half decent I headed downstairs, determined to pretend that nothing happened. In fact, I was certain Phelan wouldn't be here, given that was the pattern we'd established since I'd been here.
I felt like a foreigner in his home. Despite him saying otherwise, it felt rude to treat his place like I would my own.
I didn't feel comfortable leaving a plate in the sink, watching the television or even lifting a book from the shelf. It felt like I was prying in his personal space, and although I still knew little of him, I knew his privacy was something he valued.
That was why, upon opening the bedroom door, I was surprised to hear hushed yet animated voices coming from downstairs.
It was clearly a tense conversation, and I wondered if my sudden appearance would aggravate the situation, or if I should go back to my room and wait it out.
But of course, my curiosity got the better of me. I wanted more insight into the man who'd invaded my thoughts but barely said two words to me. I wanted more understanding as to what was going on.
Was eavesdropping the answer? No. But I was desperate.
I stepped out of my room.
I held my breath as I leaned against the dimly lit hallway. Closing my eyes, I knew if I was caught I'd be done for.
"Oh come on. You know she feels it. Last night should tell you that."
Sophia. Her voice was obvious.
"That had nothing to do with it. She was drunk... if I hadn't stepped in..."
His voice was strained. Each word was as if he was exasperated.
Was he implying that I was easy? Or that other males would want to take advantage? Did he really have no idea how I felt?
Gunner's voice was next, it was almost as if he was pleading with Phelan to change his mind on something.
"It has to be done Phelan. She has no protection without it. No mind link, no wolf, nothing."
His voice pitched at the end, "you understand we want the best for her too right? For you both?"
"Don't start Gunner. You think I haven't played this over a thousand times in my head? I can't be in the same room as her. It is too much. I'm this fucking close.... what if I kill her?"
I can't be in the same room as her.
What if I kill her?
"Phelan please." Sophia was pleading this time. "Who knows how many hunters they're sending after her now. You know what has to be done."
Phelan lost it. The roar almost deafening. I clasped my hand over my mouth in an effort to subdue a scream.
Tears began running down my cheeks without my control. I guess I knew how he really felt now.
I was such an idiot.
It made last night even all the more humiliating.
How could I have started falling for him? It was all a facade. Flashes of his face and body coated in blood after murdering four others reeled in my head.
I was a naive little schoolgirl with a silly crush, blinded by the truth before me.
Phelan was a monster. A predator.
And I was in his lair.
And he didn't trust that he wouldn't kill me.
My face paled, my stomach flipping at the realization I was living with someone who couldn't trust their animal instincts and not rip my throat out.
And Sophia?!
You know what has to be done?!
I rushed back to the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I didn't care if they heard. I heard all I needed to know.
In my state of distress, I frantically pulled open the bedroom drawers and threw my clothes on the bed.
My arms were flailing, my hair was whipping and my cheeks stung from the tears. I was a mess as I packed my things as quickly as I could.
After gathering my belongings from the bathroom, I threw it all in my bags and zipped them up.
Just as I pulled my converse on and chucked the bags over my shoulder, the bedroom door swung open.
He towered over me, his form was rigid and tense as he stood there waiting.
I couldn't even make eye contact with him. I was embarrassed by my swollen lips and puffy eyes. I was embarrassed by the fact his opinion even mattered to me.
I didn't know what hurt me more, the fact that I'd made a fool out of myself or the fact that not only did he not feel the same, he was holding back from the temptation to kill me.
We were at a stand off.
"Just move Phelan. I'm leaving."
I watched his feet as he stepped forward.
How dare he?!
I stepped back. I couldn't differentiate between him and the monster I heard downstairs.
"Stay the fuck away from me Phelan!"
His voice, in stark contrast to mine, was slow and calm as he took yet another step forward.
"I would never hurt you Edie."
"You've already proven yourself a liar. You said you couldn't be in the same room as me and yet here you are."
Even in the face of death I couldn't help but be snide.
His brows furrowed as if it dawned on him how much of the conversation I'd heard. Each word came out forced as if he was determined to control his frustrations at being misconstrued.
"You don't... know the... context... Edie."
I screamed from sheer frustration. He wasn't getting it. "I'm begging you, please just let me leave!"
I was backed into the corner between the bedside table and the wall, my bags thrown on the floor as I held my arms out in a pathetic attempt to keep him away.
My body was trembling.
I looked into his eyes, pleading for some semblance of humanity, something deep within him to see reason.
"Edie, what you heard... it doesn't mean what you think it means."
His eyes looked pained. His expression defeated. His body slumping as he took in my state of despair and hopelessness.
I was crying like a baby, shaking my head frantically to avoid his excuses.
"Get back!! I mean it!"
I was beyond distraught. It was all catching up with me.
Losing a mother.
Finding out about werewolves.
Being attacked and hunted by a faceless pack of them.
Finding out I can't leave Haven.
Living with a werewolf who thinks he'd be capable of killing me.
My lips started making sounds I barely recognised. I was wailing as I slid down onto the floor. Huddled in the corner, I pulled my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth as I resigned to the fact that I was staring death in the face.
I don't know how many minutes passed. I thought I saw Sophia and Gunner peer in before Phelan gestured for them to leave the room.
I couldn't be sure.
After some length of time, my breathing settled but not out of relaxation, rather having come to terms with how it was going to end.
My head leaned against the wall as I stared into space.
"Just kill me already Phelan."
He was crouched down beside me, and it dawned on me that I didn't even realise that he'd gotten so close.
"Edie. I would never. I wouldn't so much as harm a hair on your head."
I turned my body further away from him and into the wall. I wished I could disappear.
My voice was muffled. "Then why did you say it?"
"I am worried I will kill you, but not for reasons you're thinking."
He paused.
"I am worried I will kill you if I mark you. I don't know if you'd survive the process because you are not a werewolf."
I put my hands to my face before pulling at my hair as I pathetically tried to process what he was saying.
Mark? As in...?
"What does that even mean?"
I flinched as he reached forward and caressed my arm with his hand. The tenderness of his touch caused a battle within and made me even more frantic to escape the confusion that brewed inside of me.
"It means Edie... it means you're my mate. It's been an internal battle... werewolves run off instinct..."
I could tell he was struggling to get out what he wanted to say, before he decided to just rip the bandaid off completely...
"It means I want to make you mine."