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Chapter 14: You Don’t Regret it, but I Do
Nash didn’t come home after our fight. In fact, I hadn’t seen him for hours, 6 or 7 hours now and that was unlike him. I started to get worried, but I was just being paranoid. Nothing bad was going to happen to my beat guy friend.
Mira hung out in my room for a while consoling me after I told her about our fight. She wasn’t surprised by it, we fought like this at times but we always made up quickly. I was nervous that maybe I had gone too far in saying what I said to him. It was true he wasn’t my boyfriend but I didn’t have to be so harsh. My words didn’t have to be so hurtful.
“Oh, baby cakes it will be fine. Nash is a big boy and he’ll come crawling back to your hot ass soon enough. He’ll be begging to get a piece of you.” Mira commented after taking a huge bite of my Eddy’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.
“I know. I’m just worried. He’s never stayed mad at me for this long.” I responded as a frown slipped on to my face. Mira didn’t reply. Instead, she shoved a huge spoonful of ice cream in my half open mouth. It smeared across my lips and I attempted to lick it off after I swallowed the mouthful, but was cut off by her leaning in and licking it off of my lips. That was Mira. She made even the most innocent things about sex.
“Stop being a baby and give up the ice cream or you’re going to have the fattest ass this side of the Mason Dixon line.” She smiled evilly and stole my half eaten half gallon of Eddy’s, walking out of the room and closing the door behind her. She gave it to me straight, like she always did. That is why I loved her.
I settled into bed feeling sorry for myself. I had a fight with Nash, my best friend, and effectively broke up with my non-boyfriend, who was my teacher, who was also married. Why was my life so fucking complicated? When did the heavens decide to open up and rain shit down on me? Just when I realized I had feelings, very confusing but real feelings for a guy, I discover he is married and will probably get killed by my psycho ex so I have to push him away. This totally sucks ass!
I heard a soft knock on my door just after 11 pm and rolled over to see what the intruder wanted. Alec smiled at me through the darkness of my room and came to rest beside me. He sat next to me and laid his hand on my shoulder.
“Nash is home. He’s completely wasted and practically crying his eyes out, poor bastard.” Alec shook his head in disapproval. He didn’t understand the intensity of my relationship with Nash and it always seemed an oddity to him that two people, who used to date, still have sex and are best friends. He was a player, so who was he to judge?
“Forgive him J, he didn’t mean what he said and he’s pretty broken up about it.” He announced and I sighed. He was broken up about it? Well, he should be, he called me a whore. I may be a lot of things, but I am not a whore. Okay, so I’m probably not a whore.
“I said what I said to hurt him, because he hurt me by acting like an overprotective asshole.” I replied in a quiet tone. I didn’t want to be that mean, but I was very emotional earlier. I’ve been stressed and it is starting to take its toll on me.
“Sweet heart, he loves you and he always will. I think you know that. He’s a crazy fucker for wanting to stay friends just to have you in his life. You gotta admire that.” Alec squeezed my shoulder gently and kissed my cheek before taking his leave from my room to watch over Nash. Alec kept Nash in his room that night until he sobered up.
I woke in the morning feeling like shit. I was tired and hungry, despite the half gallon of ice cream I gorged on last night and the 9 hours of sleep I had. I opened my eyes and was stunned to see a pair of green eyes looking back at me. They were sad and held something that looked like remorse. I immediately wrapped my arms around him and hugged him fiercely.
“I’m sorry Nash. I didn’t mean any of it.” The words fell out of my mouth in a hurried and desperate way. My eyes started to tear and I held back the water that wanted to spill over. This was the longest fight we had ever had and I needed us to be okay again. I needed my best friend, even if he didn’t need me or forgive me.
“I’m sorry too baby. Please don’t cry. You’re not a whore. You know that’s not true right?” He replied as he laid his head against mine. I pulled him closer to me and nodded that I understood and accepted his apology. I knew he didn’t really think I was a whore, but the fact remained that I sort of was one. After all, I slept with my married teacher and I still wanted him, even after I knew he was married. If that doesn’t scream whore, I don’t know what does.
“I don’t want to fight again. I need you and you’re too important to me.” I responded as I softly kissed his cheek. I couldn’t have survived through half of the things in my life if it wasn’t for him. The truth was that I wanted to be in love him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to consider it and I felt slightly awful that he was probably in love with me and always had been, but I couldn’t reciprocate his feelings.
“But if we don’t fight, then we don’t get to make up.” He teased and pressed his lips to mine gently, pulling away after only seconds. He wasn’t pushing himself on me which was somewhat out of character for him.
Maybe he got lucky last night when he was drunk. Alcohol does make you do things. I can attest to that. I couldn’t blame him if he had and I would never stop him. I wouldn’t stand in the way of his happiness and he wouldn’t do that to me either, even if he didn’t approve of it.
“Did you get laid by a hot piece of ass last night sexy boy? Is that why you’re so tame this morning?” I questioned in a sexy voice and ran my hand down his chest and abs. I wasn’t planning on having sex with him, but teasing him was too much fun.
“No, I was too busy drowning my sorrows. Besides, the only hot piece of ass I want is you sexy baby.” He responded and rolled me on top of him, grabbing my ass roughly. He had the widest smirk on his face and I had the feeling he was only half teasing.
I wanted to ask him if he was really in love with me, but I had the distinct notion that he wouldn’t have admitted it. It would have caused awkwardness that was unwelcomed and possibly unnecessary. So I let it go, kissing him in a taunting way and running my tongue against his neck and up his jaw.
We kissed and made up, literally. I loved Nash as a friend, he was the best there was. At times I regretted our past, that sometimes I wished we could have been more. But that wasn’t possible and never would be, at least not for me.
The next week went by quickly. I was effectively ignored by Rivers, which pissed me off a little. I understand that we agreed that we couldn’t be together, or be near each other, but that didn’t excuse his behavior. It wasn’t necessary for him to pretend I didn’t exist. That hurt, more than it should have. If I meant something to him, as he claimed, then why was he treating me like I was no one?
I glanced at him from time to time in class, but he never looked in my direction or acknowledged me in the slightest. I was beginning to think that everything he ever said to me, everything we ever shared was nothing but a lie. I really hated how much it hurt me, how sad and depressed I had become in the last few weeks. It seemed all I ever did was cry, or eat my depression away. I couldn’t even fit into my skinny jeans anymore. That’s how much I’ve been eating!
“Jade, could you stop staring? It’s a little stalkerish.” Nash commented after he nudged my side.
I couldn’t help that I was staring at my gorgeous, sexy professor. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his smoldering ice blue ones, even though they refused to meet mine. They held me in some sort of crazy trance. It was like he was a magnet and I was a piece of metal being forcefully drawn to him. I had no choice but to get lost in his features. I was never going to experience them again, so what was the harm in daydreaming about them?
“I’ll be passing back the quizzes you took last week. Your grades are clearly marked at the top.” Rivers’ voice was stern and teacherly. It was the only voice I heard out of his mouth in the past week. I wished I could have heard his smooth sexy voice, or his breathless horny one.
His words sank in after I shook the naughty thoughts of him out of my mind. I had missed a quiz and my average was going to suck if I didn’t make it up. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and worrying if Soren had gotten to him again, to remember about it sooner. Damn!
“Prof. Rivers? I missed the quiz last week.” I stated, but it sounded more like a question.
“I remember, but maybe you shouldn’t have run out of my class so early. What was so important that you had to ditch the last half of my class Miss Waters?” He asked and seemed genuinely interested.
The look in his eyes told me that he was digging for information. He knew I was upset and assumed it was about him, but he couldn’t be certain. I never confessed it to him. I wasn’t going to give in to him. He was ignoring me and he didn’t deserve it from me.
“It was personal.” I replied less than sweetly. If he wasn’t going to be nice to me, then I wasn’t going to be nice to him.
Nash gave me a curious look, considering that he asked me the same question and I had told him I was upset about Rivers getting beat up. I wasn’t exactly honest with him either. Only Alec knew the real reason. Nash found it odd that I was alone in the bathroom with Alec for so long, and over something as trivial as Rivers’ black and blue face. I had the feeling he didn’t believe me either, but god love him, he never pushed the issue.
“If you call locking yourself in the ladies room with a guy personal, than I suggest you leave your personal business to your own time, not my class time. Tales of your sexual escapades may have a bearing on this class, but they should not be carried out on college grounds.” Rivers stated rudely and turned to pass back the quizzes. Laughter broke out from all round me and I glowered fiercely at him.
What a fucking asshole! There was no need to embarrass me like that in front of the class. That was low. That was mean, spiteful and hurtful. Hell, it even bordered on jealous. What the hell was wrong with him? He was the one who almost had sex with me in his office of all places! He is the one who said it never should have started between us. He is the one who is married. He is the one at complete fault for the fucked up state of this, not me.
For the remainder of the class I stared him down angrily, which he paid no attention to whatsoever. That made me feel so loved, note the sarcasm. I decided I would confront him after class and ask why he was being such a dick. I asked Nash and Mira to wait for me outside with Alec and they reluctantly agreed, closing the door behind them after the last of the students had exited the room, leaving us alone.
“What is your problem?” I nearly snarled at him and glowered furiously. I sent him my best pissed off face and waited for him to explain, which of course he did not.
“Excuse me?” Rivers replied with a face that told me he was caught off guard by my ambush.
“You heard me. What the fuck is your problem?” I demanded adamantly. I stood before him, just a few feet in front of him with my hands on my hips and an angry scowl on my face. I was going to get my answers, whether he wanted to give them or not.
“Miss Waters, that is an unacceptable way to speak to a professor.” He used his professional teacherly voice which I hated. He sounded condescending and I loathed it. I wanted to slap his face, but I restrained myself from touching him for two reasons. One, if I touched him, I would want to touch him more and two, I didn’t want him hurt, not even by me.
“I don’t give a shit. What are you going to do, tell on me? I think we both know that you wouldn’t risk it.” If he was going to be a jackass, then I was going to be a bitch. I glared at him, willing him to submit to my demands.
“Jade, we discussed this. I thought we had an agreement.” He sighed and ruffled his sexy black hair. It gave him a messy bed head look which was so fucking hot. Stop it Jade! Stop fucking staring at him, you’re supposed to be fighting!
“I don’t recall that ‘agreement’ involving you ignoring me and treating me like nothing more than a freaking piece of dog shit stuck to the bottom of your shoe!” I shouted in frustration. It really hurt that he was so casual about all of this. I wanted to be with him, but if that couldn’t happen than all I wanted was to be treated respectfully, not like some damn whore that he forgot about so easily.
“I’m not treating you like shit. You’re being a little dramatic.” Rivers replied and stared back at me. He seemed just as annoyed as I was by the situation. Only he was the one creating it so why was he aggravated?
“I’m the one being dramatic? What the hell was that little speech in class then? You embarrassed me.” I responded, aggravated by the fact that he was putting all of the blame of this situation on me. I moved closer to him, getting right in his face. I wasn’t backing down from this. He was hurtful and wrong.
“You embarrassed yourself by fucking that guard dog guy in the bathroom. I guess that’s just your thing isn’t it?” He sneered and I couldn’t help it, I saw red. I slapped him hard across the face. He pissed me off and I was no longer able to contain it. Tears stung my eyes, but I held them back. I turned to leave, but stopped just short of the door.
“You know what? Maybe you don’t regret it, but I do!” I said without turning back to look at him. I didn’t want him to see the tears that started falling. I left the room, slamming the door in frustration and closing in the part of my life that involved Rivers.
I couldn’t do this anymore. It didn’t matter how hard it was, or how much it hurt. I was going to walk away and forget about Mr. Jackson Fenix Rivers… forever.
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Don't hate him for being a jerk, their relationship is completely twisted and messed up.
He does have a small reprive in the next chapter :0 I can't wait to post chap 16 cause it is freaking awesome!!
COMMENT & VOTE IF YOU LIKE THIS STORY... BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WANT TO CLICK THAT BUTTON & LEAVE A SMALL COMMENT.
Thanks, Crissy =D