San's eyes shot open, a cold sweat dripping down his neck as the feeling of terror took over his mind again. He was immediately blinded by the light on his room's ceiling. His body was covered by a blanket that wasn't his. Had he passed out?
No, he reminded himself, you didn't pass out. You chickened out.
He slapped his hands over his face and groaned before turning over into his pillow and called himself names. "Stupid! Idiot! Pussy! What are you so scared of?" He shouted at himself.
His roommate, Wooyoung, snickered. "San, what's wrong? Did you hit your head when we brught you in?" He asked after calming himself down. San turned to the side to see his former pet wearing a button-down yellow shirt and jeans, accompanied by false silver earrings. Wooyoung's hair was parted around his face cutely while he read a book.
"What happened? And why are you reading a book?"
Wooyoung cocked an eyebrow. "You don't remember?" San shook his head. "Well, none of us know what happened, honestly. You were outside with Y/N, and she came running in, dragging you over her shoulder. Said you passed out all of a sudden, and now here you are," he marked his place in the book with a 3D bookmark that showed a Corgi next to a Pomeranian.
San's face softened at the sight of Wooyoung still holding on to anything he could that reminded him of his old friends.
"I'm reading a comic book because Hongjoong hyung says I need to start putting pictures to words when I read and write so I can describe things better to everyone. Also, because this comic book is about to be turned into a movie series," He smiled and showed San the cover.
"When Dogs Die" was the title. It was an oddly somber book, even for Wooyoung.
"I... I passed out? Did I say anything before?"
"Not that we know of. Y/N said you just said her name before collapsing and crying and then passing out."
San rose to his feet and ran out the room without another word. He needed to see you. He needed to tell you how he felt, before it was too late.
He needed you to know he loved you, whether you felt the same or not. It was the only thing he wanted- no, needed to do before he left the pack.
Seonghwa and Yunho lifted the television into place as mingi scrolled through social medias on his phone, popping a chip into his mouth. "Mingi, is it straight yet?" Yunho called out.
With a single glance up, Mingi went, "Yeah, I guess."
The boys screwed the television's mount into the wall. Backing away with a sigh, Seonghwa clapped the dust off his hands. Yunho stepped backwards and cursed.
"FUCK!" He yelled and turned threateningly to Mingi, "We asked if this was straight. You didn't think to say 'Hey, this is a a little NOT STRAIGHT'?! Was your head tilted?" He motioned to the very obvious slant in the television.
"If I'm being honest, it wasn't even up."
Seonghwa laughed and slapped his forehead. "Mingi," he calmly laughed, "why must you be so difficult sometimes?"
Mingi shrugged with a smile. "It's your fault for asking me if something was straight. Me."
You walked into the backyard, watching Jongho chop wood shirtless as Hongjoong practically begged the youngest to put a jacket on. "Hyung, I don't need a jacket. It's literally not that cold outside," Jongho slung the axe over his shoulder. He lifted his thumb and gave a big smile. "Isn't that right, Y/N Noona?"
Hongjoong turned around and looked you up and down. "Y/N, it's cold outside, right?"
You shrugged. "I mean, it is snowing outside," you aired the obvious into a frozen, white breath. "You really should put a jacket on, fur coat or not. You'll catch frostbite either way."
Jongho pouted childishly and whined about jackets being too tight, despite his muscular build and tall body. He swung the axe into the stump and walked to the eldest, who was holding out a thick jacket and mittens with a shit eating smile. "Why can't you be on my side for once, Noona?"
You stood on your toes and messed his hair up. "I am on your side. If you put a jacket on, you'll stay warm, and then we can prank everyone like last time."
Hongjoong's hair stood on end. "Last time?"
You and Jongho snickered. "Yunho Hyung's been a little more irritable ever since, if you haven't noticed," He cackled.
With a hand over your mouth, you finished the story. "He also didn't choose to have black hair for the next seven washes."
Hongjoong slapped his mouth and gasped. "You two are evil."
While lighthearted things went on about the cabin, San went on a mission to find you. He opened every door, looked out of every window, and searched in ever bed for you. Each time he saw nothing, he felt his internal timer lose another five seconds. He only had so long before he had to leave forever, and he wanted you to know his deepest, darkest secrets before he went. He wanted to know how he felt about every single part of your inner and outer workings.
He couldn't live with himself if he had to leave without you knowing how much he loved you. Because, maybe, if you loved him back, he could stay.
He didn't want to run from his friends, his family, his brothers. The very people who saved him and Wooyoung from abuse and neglect were the very people he couldn't stay around any longer. His heart told him to stay, that everything could work out if he just talked to them, but his mind told him that the longer he stayed around them with these conflicting emotions in his mind, the closer his rope was to snapping. The closer he would be to snapping, and his the last thing he would ever want is to hurt someone he loves. His emotions would get the best of him, he knew it.
He knew this would happen all too well. It was what caused him to kill his own parents, after all. And it was what caused his sister to flinch and hide from him after. He hadn't seen her since that night, after she told him to stay away from her.
He couldn't let that happen to him again with Y/N.