A/N: Spice warning! This chapter contains mature content.
Trigger warning: self harm and mentions of suicide.
-
The days leading up to Christmas weren't what they'd been in years past for the Barrett's. What was once a light-hearted, fun time spent with each other turned into separate rooms and quiet sobs. Millie left her room twice in the two days leading up to Christmas; both times for dinner. Silent dinner. No one wanted to state the obvious.
But Christmas morning, Millie sat awake in her room around 10:00 am contemplating what to do. Does she go downstairs and see if anyone's there? See if there are presents under their non-existent tree? She'd gotten her mother a present, but should she really give it to her? Or would that remind her that it's Christmas? That it's Cameron's 40th birthday? That he's not there to celebrate it?
Millie was terrified of what Killian was doing alone in his room. She hadn't heard anything going on in there. He had come down for dinner both days before, but he didn't seem like himself at all. She hadn't expected him to, but this was different. He was much more distant than she'd expected; much quieter. Usually she would hear the thumps of his fists against the walls of his room, but this time she hadn't. Any other time that would be a good thing, but what was he doing instead with his pent up remorse?
By 10:15 she decided to go downstairs and see if anyone was there. She pulled on a jumper over her pajamas, grabbed the present for her mother, and slowly exited her room, walking down the stairs quietly. Surly enough, her mother was sitting on the couch with a mug full of hot chocolate and a couple presents in front of her.
"Morning, mum," Millie said, getting her mother's attention as she moved into the living room and sat down next to her.
"Good morning, dear," she whispered. "I have presents for you and Killian...I didn't know if either of you were going to come down,"
"I didn't know if you would," she mumbled, placing the box she was carrying on the table. "I have presents, too,"
Her mother smiled, barely looking at Millie.
"Should I go wake up Killian?" Millie asked.
"I'm sure he's awake," Lucinda stated. "He hasn't slept much...he'll come down when he's ready,"
Killian didn't come downstairs.
Millie and her mother had spent the whole day in the living room, silently watching TV, eating a light lunch and dinner, and, once again, ignoring the reality this day held for them. By 8:45 pm, Millie was starting to get really worried about her brother. She told her mother she was going to the bathroom, but instead she quietly wandered down the short hallway upstairs to Killian's room. She knocked on the door.
"Killian?" she mumbled.
"Yeah?" his voice came, muffled through the door. Millie could tell he was crying.
"Can I come in?" she asked.
Silence.
"Can I?" she asked again.
"Please don't," his voice came, shaking.
"What are you doing?" she asked calmly, tears forming in her eyes.
"Millie, go away,"
"Tell me you're safe and I will,"
Silence.
"Killian?" her voice shook.
"I'm sorry," he whispered; it was barely audible through the closed door.
Millie didn't even ask before unlocking the door with her wand and stepping into her brother's room. The breath left her body as she saw him sitting at his once white desk, now stained with blood as it slowly dripped from Killian's wrists. He wouldn't look at her.
Before anything else she ripped off her jumper and ran over to him, grabbing his arm and wrapping the sweater around it, applying pressure as he turned in his chair to face her.
"I- I didn't mean to do it," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry, I just couldn't-"
"Shhh," Millie tied the jumper tight across his forearm before bending down and hugging him. She couldn't help as she breathed heavily, tears pouring down her face. "Don't apologize,"
"I just miss him so much," he mumbled. His words were almost covered by his sobs.
"Me too," Millie whispered back. "Are you okay? How much blood did you lose?"
She looked down at the table and saw the pool seeping into his parchments. Too much.
"Not enough to do anything, I promise," he mumbled. "I didn't want to do anything. I just needed...something,"
"We need to get mum, Killian," she said, trying her best to calm down through the panic and dropping down to meet his eyes. He looked pale; woozy.
"No!" he spat. "Mum can't know. Millie, you have to swear you won't tell her,"
"Killian, you could've died, there's no way I'm not-"
"Millie!" he cried. "Don't tell her! It'll kill her! I'm fine! She's already going through enough...I don't want her to know I did this to myself. She'll be so mad at me, and I don't know if I can handle-"
"Hey," she stopped him, completely breathless as adrenaline spiked through her veins. "She won't be mad at you! She'll be worried, but she won't be mad. Right now we just need to prioritize getting you help,"
"I'm not going to a hospital!" he said. His words and breathing were scarce and shaky.
"You're going to bleed out!" she sobbed.
"I'm not!" he cried. He looked light-headed. "You know healing spells, right? I- I mean you helped Molly patch Fred up a thousand times...just close the cuts. Mum doesn't have to know,"
"You told me you wouldn't do it again," she said quietly. "I'm not going to let it slide this time. I'm not putting your safety in-"
"Please, Millie," he sobbed. She met his eyes. She'd never seen him so desperate.
She stared at his tear stained cheeks for a while, stuck at a moral cross-roads.
"Fine," she eventually and reluctantly said. "But you're staying in my room tonight. I don't want you to be alone"
When they were younger Killian couldn't sleep alone, so Cameron bought Millie a mattress big enough for the both of them when he started growing. He stopped when he was around 8, but the mattress was still big enough.
"Come on, I don't need to-"
"It's that or I'm telling mum," she spat, beginning to untie the jumper from around his arm.
"Fine," he mumbled.
She slowly removed the now dark red jumper to reveal the deep cuts going across Killian's wrist. Millie's stomach dropped when she saw them.
"Killian, these are really deep...are you sure you don't want to go-"
"Yes."
She spent the next half hour sitting on Killian's floor, slowly tending to the cuts. They were eventually closed up to thin, scabbed slices. As she looked down at his wrist, she saw all of the older, more scarred cuts. The thought of it made her sick; him sitting alone feeling like nothing was going to get better. I should've done more to help him, she thought to herself. She felt massively guilty.
"There," she said as she finished putting bandages over the worse areas. She stood up and began cleaning the blood off of his desk, throwing out the stained parchment before cleaning his hands.
"Thank you," he stated, a slight sense of relief in his voice.
"I really think you should tell mum," Millie sighed.
"I can't," he groaned. "I don't need her to worry,"
"She's our mother," she said. "That's what she does,"
"She's going through too much right now," he spat. "I'm fine,"
"That's what you said last time," she mumbled. "Let's go downstairs. Mum got us presents,"
"Really?" he asked, slightly surprised. "I didn't think she would,"
"Me either,"
"I...I didn't get her anything. I didn't think we were doing presents," he sighed.
"Mine can be from us both," Millie smiled.
Killian agreed gratefully and pulled on a big sweatshirt; one that easily covered his wrists and hands.
"Killian!" Lucinda exclaimed when her children entered the room.
"Hey, mum," he smiled softly. Millie noticed him pulling on the sleeves of his sweatshirt, desperately making sure his wrists were covered.
"Come sit," she stated, moving over on the couch. "I have presents for you both,"
The two kids sat down; Killian on the couch next to his mother and Millie in a chair across from them.
"Here," Lucinda started, handing a small box to Millie. "You open yours first,"
Millie took it and began unwrapping it. She was met with a picture frame, inside of it was a picture of her and her father the first time she'd riden a broomstick in their back yard. He was so stunned having not been surrounded by magic his whole life, he walked underneath her as she flew in fear of it "malfunctioning". Millie felt tears brimming her eyes as she looked down at it.
"Cameron was always so terrified watching you and your friends play Quidditch," Lucinda giggled, tears falling down her face.
"Thank you, mum," Millie said, sobs evident in her voice. "I love it,"
"I thought you might," she smiled back before turning to Killian. "And here you are,"
She handed Killian a white envelope. He scanned it before opening it and pulling out a thin piece of paper.
"Is this-" he started, a happily flustered expression coming over his face.
"A ticket to Romania," she said. "I spoke to Charlie before you left. It's so you can go visit him over the summer,"
Killian threw his arms around Lucinda, a wide smile across his face.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he exclaimed. "You're the best,"
"Mum, we have something fo you, too," Millie interrupted, passing her the small box. She smiled at them and opened it slowly. She took it out of the box, revealing a silver necklace with a small pendant. "I hope you don't mind, but before I left in November I grabbed dad's old cufflinks and had them made into necklaces. I have the other one," she pulled the silver chain from beneath her shirt.
Lucinda looked at the small, silver plate hanging from the necklace with the initials CMB carved into them for Cameron Michael Barrett. Every time Cameron wore a suit, he wore the cufflinks Lucinda had bought him for his 30th birthday.
Looking at her mother's expression, Millie panicked.
"I- I'm sorry if you wanted to keep them," she stated. "I should've asked before taking and ruining them like that-"
"No," her mother wept, a smile upon her face as she looked up at her daughter. "I love it. So much," she stood up and hugged her. "Thank you, dear,"
"You're welcome," she mumbled back, a matching smile on her face as her tears rolled onto her mother's shoulder.
-
The next two days came and went in the blink of an eye. Killian and Millie stayed together almost the whole time, as she wasn't comfortable with him being alone in his room. She was at a serious moral dilemma. Should she betray her promise to her brother and tell their mother what he did? Or should she keep the promise and hope he doesn't do it again? She hated that the answer wasn't as obvious as it should've been.
"Are you sure you'll be okay here alone while I'm gone?" Millie asked her brother. "I'll stay if you want,"
"Millie, I'm fine," he smiled. "Go have fun with Cedric. I'll see you tomorrow,"
"Oh...alright," she frowned, pulling him into a hug. "Owl me if anything- and I mean anything happens."
"I will." he stated.
Millie then apparated right outside Cedric's house, his present and her overnight bag in her hands as she knocked on the door.
"Hey there, gorgeous," Cedric said with a smirk as he opened the door. He stepped out onto his front steps and wrapped his arms around Millie, lifting her in the air and spinning her. "I missed you,"
"It hasn't even been a week," she giggled.
"What can I say? I can't get enough of you," he smiled, grabbing her hand and pulling her inside.
She grinned wide as she stepped into Cedric's house and put her things down on a chair, taking in the warm atmosphere she'd spent her summer in. She scanned the living room and took in the festive decor. There was a tall, green Christmas tree that made the whole house smell like pine. The banister was lined with garland, the entire room lit by Christmas lights and a soft fire. It was starting to get dark out, so the illumination was dim as it captured Cedric's features beautifully.
"Where's your dad?" Millie asked.
"Oh, get this," Cedric chuckled. "He's with his girlfriend,"
"His what?!" Millie gasped. "He has a girlfriend? Who?"
"Some woman he met when she came into the ministry for something," he said. "Apparently it's gotten pretty serious...he wants me to meet her some time this week,"
"Wow," she raised her eyebrows. "What do you...I mean, how do you feel about the whole thing?"
"I don't know," he stated. "I mean, it's been over a decade and this is his first girlfriend. I'm glad he's finally moving on, but I don't know how serious it is. Like, am I gonna have a stepmother?" he questioned.
"That's so wild," she said. "Well, if you meet her owl me and tell me everything,"
"I will," he smirked, running his hands around her waist and looking down into her eyes. "But, seeming as we're alone..."
He trailed off, leaning down to capture Millie's lips in a sensual kiss, his large hands spreading across her back and gripping her tight. She ran her hands across his chest and shoulders, her fingers threading through his hair and tugging at the roots making him hum against her lips.
"Wait," Millie pulled away. "I want to give you your present first,"
"Oh yeah!" he smiled. "Let me run and grab yours really quick,"
He kissed Millie quickly on the lips before hurrying up his stairs, two steps at a time. She stepped farther into the living room and looked across all the framed photos on his banister. There were tons of Cedric when he was younger, but one stood out. It was him, probably around the age of five with a huge smile on his face. On his left was his father, grinning and looking down at his son. But on his right stood a thin woman with Cedric's eyes and nose. She was gorgeous, perfect hair falling across her shoulders and an award winning smile across her face.
Millie felt two arms snake across her waist from behind. She relaxed against Cedric's chest as he dropped his chin on her shoulder.
"Is that...?" Millie started.
"My mum, yeah," he said.
"She's gorgeous,"
"'Quite the looker' my dad always says," he chuckled. "She was great,"
"Do you ever miss her?" she asked.
"Sometimes," he answered. "But now I'm usually just mad when I think about her,"
"I'm sorry," Millie sighed. "I know how much it sucks to lose a parent,"
He hummed against her ear, tipping his head to kiss her neck.
"She owled me this summer," he whispered.
That's when Millie remembered the half-burned note that sat on Cedric's dresser the first night she stayed with him.
"Holy shit," Millie suddenly turned around. "What did she say?"
"A bunch of bullshit," he groaned. "Went on and on about how she was sorry and how she missed me only to tell me all about her new family. Two girls. Said she'd always wanted a girl,"
"I'm so sorry, Ced," Millie frowned, cupping his face. "That couldn't have felt good,"
"Yeah, well," he sighed. "Screw her. She left and that was her decision,"
Millie leaned her head against Cedric's chest, listening to his heartbeat as he stroked her hair.
"Come here," he started, grabbing her hands and moving over to the couch. "Presents,"
Millie sat down, Cedric dropping right next to her as he held a thin black box in his hand.
"Open mine first," Millie said with a smile, handing him the present.
He opened it slowly, revealing a gold band ring with the initials VB carved on the inside.
"V...oh my- I always forget your first name is Vermilion," Cedric said, making the both of them chuckle as he turned to face her. "I love it," he smiled. "I love you,"
"I love you too," she said, watching as he slid it on his right ring finger.
"It's perfect," he stated. "How fitting...open yours,"
She opened her box to be met with a silver bracelet with two letter charms hanging off of it: C and M.
"Now I feel stupid," he laughed. "I did M for Millie,"
"No, it's perfect," she smiled wide, hugging him before pulling back to put it on. "This is better than V...I don't like when people call me by my first name, so this won't prompt any 'why is there a V' type questions," she giggled.
"I'm glad you like it," he said.
"I love it," she stated, leaning into him as she held up her wrist, watching the silver sparkle in the warm fire light. "So...how long will your dad be gone?"
Cedric looked down at her with a smirk.
"Another few hours," he said, leaning down to kiss her softly, his lips barely brushing against her's.
"Should we go upstairs?" she bit her lip as he pulled back.
"No," he stated. "Let's stay down here. He's not gonna be here for a while and you look so pretty by the fireplace,"
He wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning her back onto the couch and hovering over her as he began kissing and sucking on her neck. She hummed in response, a few involuntary moans escaping her mouth as his hands trailed her body and pulled her sweater off. She ran her's under his shirt and pulled it over his head, her fingers then tracing the sharp edges of his muscles. As his hips ground against hers, she felt his hard-on beneath his trousers.
"Already, huh?" she joked, running her hand down to palm his crotch making his breath hitch suddenly.
"I did say I missed you," he smirked.
"Yeah?" she asked, pushing his chest to sit him upright. She stood up from the couch as he slouched back, his legs over the side. She dropped to her knees and ran her hands over his thighs. "Well, let's see what I can do to help,"
He looked down at her, lust struck as she unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers. He lifted his hips as she pulled down his pants and boxers to reveal his length. She stroked him slowly, watching as he shuddered with anticipation. He wrapped his fingers through her hair as she lowered her mouth onto him, swirling the tip with her tongue before taking as much as she could in her mouth.
He let out a deep groan, his head falling back as she continued to bob her head, his tip repeatedly hitting the back of her throat. Her hand tended to where she couldn't reach as she sped up hr movements. She pulled back after a while, a smirk across her face as she met his eyes. His hair was a mess as he breathed heavily, a flustered look spread across his face as he was overcome with lust.
She smirked before lowering herself back down to his length. She bobbed her head quicker, her eyes stuck on his as she felt his hips involuntarily buck up. His hand was wrapped in an around her hair, his fingers gripping it tighter as he grew closer.
"Oh- fuck Millie..." he moaned, completely breathless as he squeezed his eyes shut, his mouth dropped open. "I'm...I'm close-"
Few minutes passed before his legs were shaking as he came in her mouth.
She swallowed, wiping the sides of her mouth as his head dropped back. Millie watched him lustfully, eyes wide as she saw the reaction she'd got from him so quickly.
"You alright?" she asked, giggling as he struggled to contain himself.
"Oh, better than alright," he chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "Now" he finally stated, turning towards Millie and moving on top of her again. "My turn to make you feel good,"
He began kissing her, his hand running across her thigh when his front door opened. He jumped back quickly and his eyes went wide.
"Dad?" he exclaimed. Millie looked up in horror and grabbed Cedric's shirt off the ground, holding it up to her chest in an attempt to cover himself up. "What are you doing here? What's she doing here?"
Amos Diggory stood in the doorway with his arm around a tall woman with graying red hair and big, green eyes. She looked wildly familiar.
"Cedric, this is Susan," Amos started, squeezing his eyes shut in wild embarrassment. "My girlfriend,"
"I didn't think you were coming home for a while," Cedric stated, subtly passing a blanket to Millie so she could cover herself up more.
"I thought you had gone to her house," he said, nodding in Millie's direction with a nervous expression.
"I told you she was coming here," Cedric growled slightly.
"I-" Millie tried. "I should go...I am so sorry, Mr. Diggory, I didn't-"
"No, no. Please, stay," he stated with a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry I misunderstood,"
"Dad, can I speak with you for a moment?" Cedric asked calmly, taking his shirt from Millie as she pulled her sweater back on under the blanket. "In the kitchen?"
"Sure," Amos said, a tinge of nerves in his voice.
"I'll be right back, darling," Cedric whispered, kissing Millie on the temple.
The two men exited the room leaving Millie and Amos' girlfriend alone together. Millie scanned her quickly. She was wearing a nice, clean set of orangey-red robes. Millie smiled when she saw them, for she knew that color anywhere; vermilion.
"I love your cloak," Millie said. "Gorgeous color,"
"Oh, thank you!" she exclaimed. She had an American accent. "I made it myself. I owned a small tailoring shop a while back,"
"Oh, how lovely!" she smiled. "I erm...I'm so sorry you and Amos walked in on-"
"Oh, please," she waved her hand and grinned at the girl. "You're young. Being home alone is precious time at your age," she giggled.
The two continued with some light conversation, and something about her was so familiar to Millie. It wasn't until she mentioned her old home in Massachusetts when Millie realized who she was.
"Wait, do you have a daughter?" she asked quickly.
"I do!" she stated. "She goes to Hogwarts, but I don't think she's in your grade. I know she knows Cedric, though,"
"Paisley Baxter?" she asked. I hadn't realized her parents weren't together, Millie thought.
"Oh you do know her!" she smiled wide. "What's your name dear?"
"Millie Barrett," she stated.
Susan's eyes went wide and it almost looked like she was about to cry.
"You're Millie?" she asked. "Oh my goodness, thank you so much for being so kind to Paisley. She's been having a terribly hard time getting used to living in England, and she's been telling me for so long about how welcoming you've been to her and how you brought her onto the Quidditch team,"
"Well she's a fantastic chaser," Millie stated. Does Paisley really talk about me so much that her mother is nearly in tears when she meets me? Millie had never realized how much of an impact she'd really had on the girl. "She's wonderful,"
"She speaks extremely highly of you," she smiled. "She talk about Cedric, too. That's actually how me and Amos began talking...I instantly recognized the last name,"
"Oh, she does?" Millie felt slightly queazy when Susan nodded.
"I had no idea you two were dating, though," she chuckled. "I would've recognized you sooner, but she had made it out to seem as though you and him were both single,"
"Well, I'm glad she's beginning to adjust. I know moving can be hard, especially after all she's been through," Millie said in a desperate attempt to change the subject.
"Yes, so am I. After Ethan...well, it was just really difficult for her. And you've been a great help. I can't believe I'm meeting you! I feel like I already know you,"
Millie giggled and Amos and Cedric walked back into the room.
"Susan," Cedric smiled apologetically, going over and shaking her hand. "It's great to meet you. Sorry my first impression wasn't great," he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.
"No worries, dear," she nodded. "Millie and I here were just talking about my daughter, Paisley,"
"You're Paisley's mother?" he asked, slightly baffled. "Huh, small world,"
The conversation was quick, the both of them formally speaking to each other for the first time before Amos and Susan went into the kitchen and Millie and Cedric made their way up to his room.
"How are you?" Millie asked as soon as he closed the door and flopped on his bed.
"Alright," he said, motioning for Millie to lay down. "She seems nice,"
"Yes, very," she stated, ignoring the unnerving information she'd given her about Paisley. "What did you talk to your dad about?"
"We just got in a bit of a cross roads," he frowned. "I just wasn't expecting to meet her tonight, especially not with you here. But things are better now. He seems happy, so I am, too,"
"You're a doll," she giggled, snuggling up next to him. "I love you,"
"I love you so much, you couldn't comprehend it if you tried," he mumbled.
She shoved him a bit and kissed his lips. They talked for a couple hours before falling asleep in each other's arms.
-
The next day, Millie left early to go back home. She kissed Cedric goodbye, collected her things, and apparated back to her house quickly to check on Killian.
What she wasn't expecting was to be met with a certain someone when she opened the door.
"Fred?"
-
A/N: Hi everybody! Sorry the past chapters have been a bit bland and sad, I promise I have big things planned for this story!!
Thank you all so much for the support!!!
- Caitlin (she/her)