Later that evening...
Dinner was oddly quiet. No one but Anna talked, not that anyone got a word in with her around anyways. Elsa nodded towards her sister every once in a while but excused herself halfway through the meal to attend to an issue that she didn't bother going into much detail about. Kristoff just stared at his fiance with nothing but love in his eyes. He seemed to be the only one who never got tired of her talking.
Throughout the dinner, Killian and Emma didn't speak a word, nor even looked at each other. The Princess of Misthaven was still upset with the pirate's earlier actions. When she told him she couldn't melt the snow, he insisted she continued to try. Blamed her for feeling sorry for herself, expecting her to live up to this expectation of someone with great power. Deep down, she knew he meant no harm. He always believed she could do more than she was capable of and often pushed her to try, but sometimes he pushed too hard and talked to her in a way she found to be harsh. He was supposed to be her safe haven against the rest of the world, but he slowly became another person in her life that tried to push her too far.
All her life back home people expected so much of her. She had to know how to solve every little problem thrown her way and always had to have a smile on her face. Growing up as the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming was definitely a blessing, but it was also a curse. Emma often thought she couldn't live up to her mother's endless kindness nor her father's authoritative figure. They did their best to teach her and guide her, but she knew she could never be them... and now with magic on her side, everyone was expecting so much more.
Killian, on the other hand, was letting guilt consume him. He thought perhaps he should have spoken to her kinder and not as if she was one of his men acting too lazy to finish a task. But at the same time, he needed to give her tough love. She didn't need to be consoled every time she failed to attempt magic. She was beyond that. Elsa was right, Emma was powerful. She needed to embrace that and learn her potential. There was nothing she couldn't do and he knew it, everyone knew it. Emma never saw how amazing she was and it drove him insane. He knew how much of a burden it is for her to appear perfect all the time and he wanted her to feel safe around him. He wanted her to feel like she can break down and not fear judgment around him but the captain also knew it was now his job to push her when she wanted to give up. Her parents weren't here to give her that tough love, so he had to do it.
After the awkward dinner, Emma went to their room to be alone while Kristoff and Anna disappeared into the castle's stables to spend time with Sven. Killian was left alone to wander the empty halls. The captain found himself in the castle garden with all sorts of colorful flowers. He picked a few as he often did when he was there and decided to bring them to Emma. Even though she was upset with him, he decided it was time to apologize. He never liked going to sleep when either of them were upset.
The pirate made his way back to their spacious room and found her lying on her side, in bed, facing away from him. She had changed into her nightwear, indicating that she was ready for the day to end.
Emma turned her head to see who had entered, but quickly turned back when she noticed it was him. "I picked these for you." Killian said holding up the flowers.
The princess didn't bother to look back, "You can put them with the others."
The captain sighed and did as asked. He walked over to her vanity and put them in a tall vase that held many other flowers he had picked for her throughout their stay. Afterward, he turned around and looked at his princess. His sweet Emma, his angel... Killian walked over to their bed and climbed in, pulling her close to him and placing a soft kiss on her shoulder. She didn't flinch, "I apologize that I've made you upset." He whispered with a pause, "But I'm not sorry about what I said."
Emma scoffed and turned her head to give him a dirty look, "Some apology." She remarked, pulling away from his warm embrace.
Her attitude didn't phase him, that was the reaction he was expecting. "Swan, magic is a part of you and whether you like it or not, your magic is powerful." He explained as she continued to ignore him, "Everyone is only trying to help and you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself." He said, regaining her attention, "I know this trip has been hard in more ways than one, but now you're acting like all those princesses you tell me you despise. You're beyond that."
Emma turned her body to face him and he placed a comforting hand on her waist. Perhaps she had been self-loathing a lot, and she hated being compared to all the other typical princesses. The kind of princess who wanted everyone to dote over or have someone at her beck and call. The kind that couldn't do anything for themselves... She never wanted to seem stuck up or helpless. The captain's words hurt, but they were true. She was not raised to be a quitter nor someone to be incapable of taking care of themselves. She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, "I suppose I should be the one to apologize." The princess confessed, "I just wish I didn't have magic sometimes... Everyone expects so much and I fear I can't live up to the expectation." She confided with glossy eyes, "If there were a way to get rid of my magic, I fear I'd do it."
Killian closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers. How he wished she didn't say that... Once again Rumple's threat came to his mind. That imp would gladly take Emma's powers and in doing so, kill her. "You don't mean that, love."
She looked him dead in the eyes, "On days like this, I wish it true more than ever."
The captain inhaled a deep breath, "There are days on the Jolly Roger where I don't want to be captain." He admitted, "I don't love attending to all the errands when we dock, I don't love spending all my doubloons on food for those ungrateful rats." He said, referring to his crew, "But it's part of my job." He explained, "There is good and bad in everything, and you can either look at your magic as a bad thing or find the good."
Emma gave an eye roll as a tear slid down her cheek, "I just don't see the good anymore."
He wiped her tears and smiled, "Today for example. Elsa made it snow and her entire kingdom was happy-"
"I don't have magic like her!" She countered with pain in her voice, "I just want to go home, back to Misthaven." The princess vocalized as she buried her face in his chest, "At least at home nobody cares about my magic."
All Killian did was hug her and rub her back as she silently wept into his chest. Once again, Elsa was right. Magic was a burden no soul should carry... "As you wish." He responded, placing a kiss on her head, "I'll begin charting our course home and rounding up the crew."
Emma revealed her wet face, "Do you think Anna and Elsa will be upset?"
The captain took his thumb and ran it over her warm cheek, "I don't know, love." He answered, "They might be sad to see you go, but I'm certain they will understand."
"Wait." The princess sat up and pulled her legs to her body, "Didn't you mention something about going on a day's journey with Kristoff soon?"
He had to admit, he completely forgot about his plans with his new friend. They had planned to head up into the mountains to find the early summer flowers in bloom and hoped to bring some to their princesses. They even planned to pick some for the generous queen, knowing it would make her day too. However, if it was Emma's wish to leave, then that would take priority. She would always come first to him, even if it meant disappointing a friend. "You're not to worry about me." He said, "I'm sure everyone will understand and he and his reindeer can go themselves."
Guilt crept into her mind. He was doing it again. He was giving up something he wanted to do for her. He never complained, nor showed any signs of disappointment, but Emma knew this trip he was looking forward to. And he should go. He's been attending to her every need since they've met. She bit her lower lip, thinking of how to give him his wish, "Why don't we start planning our departure after your trip with Kristoff?" She suggested with a genuine smile, "It'll only be a day's journey anyway and I'll be fine here until you return."
Killian knew what she was doing, but he really could care less about his trip with the reindeer man. He didn't see why they couldn't go home. Snow and David's secret was a well-kept mystery and Emma would just be in more danger here than if she were in her own kingdom. But at the same time, if they did return home, she would have full control over her magic. No more training, no more help, no more protecting her from the truth. No doubt in his mind would King Rumple find out about her return and then start to reveal the past... He hadn't a clue what to do, "Why don't we sleep on it?" The captain suggested.
Emma nodded with a tired smile and curled back up into his warm embrace, closing her eyes. It really didn't matter what decision Killian thought was the best, they would have to go with her wishes. If he opposed or suggested something else, it would only raise suspicion. The captain figured his princess would give into the idea of staying until after his trip with Kristoff, but that only gave him one week to think of a solution. But at the same time, would it hurt to bring her home? At least there she would be safe in her kingdom with more than just him looking out for her. At home, everyone knew of her fate... everyone, but her.