Irene's POV
I'm ashamed of myself...I don't know how to open my mouth while standing in front of someone I broke so much.
"If you don't have plan to say anything then can I go now? You're wasting my time." Seulgi stated. I looked down while biting my lower lip.
"Our daughters are together and this is so complicated, Irene. I am hurt, deeper than you think. I don't know what plan should I make, should I break them apart? But I can't break Yeji's heart nor Ryujin—so I don't know...I don't know what to think at this point." Seulgi started moving her feet away from me that's why I breathed heavily, trying to swallow my pride I kept high for long.
"S-Seulgi...I want to say sorry..." I said with my shut eyes.
I heard her laughing sarcastically that's why I looks at her who's currently looking at me, "Sorry? Irene—sorry? If that sorry can take me back from the past then I'm willing to accept it, but it can't! My parents were dead and...and it's because of my reckless decision. It's because of your selfishness!"
"It's fine if—if you can't forgive me now—"
"I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU! I WILL NEVER GIVE THAT FORGIVENESS!" she exclaimed.
"Seulgi please...I had tough life..." I mumbled while walking towards her, "Seulgi I wasn't in my right mind...I only thought of myself that time because—"
"You had a tough life and you think, you're relevant to ruin someone's life because of that?" she asked and even stepped back just to keep her distance from me.
"Please give me a chance to—"
"Irene—I loved you but you didn't hurt me just once. You didn't shatter me just once. Running away with you, forsaking my own family shattered me but I never told you because I stood up on choosing you. You gave Ryujin to the orphanage when I clearly said not to! I was shattered into pieces but I stood fine and forgave you. Then...then you left me! And now you ruined me again with those things I never knew from the start! You made me a fool for years!" Seulgi yelled while pointing me in the mid air. There's nothing I could see in her eyes but pure anger.
Her eyes...it used to tell a lot of stories whenever I look in it.
Seulgi...
"S-Seulgi...I didn't know what to think back then! I thought you're my only hope...my...my heart was fully committed to you and...and I thought being with you will make my life better..." I stepped forward to hold her hands but she resisted that's why I knelt down to hug her knees, "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry, Seulgi..."
"I was there, Irene...you didn't have to make those things. You didn't have to get pregnant and set me up." she stated.
Why did I even think those things back then? Was I that desperate?
I was.
"I was so in love with you and you're the only one who made me feel happy. With you—I felt like I'm living...I felt like living as a person is wonderful...you made me feel that so called butterflies in my stomach...and I forgot the world that I was in because you brought me into your own world...I was young back then—young and immature...I didn't think of the possible consequences...all I thought was if we live together, my life would be better...if we live together and create our own world with just the two of us...then...then I can take back those happiness that was taken from me...that...that if we live together I might as well feel that I'm human too..." I hugged her quivering knees tighter. I knew I've committed the biggest sin of ruining her life...and I want to pay for it but I don't know how to...
Seulgi slowly took my hands off her knees and bent down to match me. I wiped my tears to see her clearly...
"You...you remember the day you made me smile when we were in middle school? Everyone was afraid of me because I don't smile and...I just don't have that friendly aura. But you were there...Seulgi...you made me feel that...that eating street foods is fun. That daydreaming during class hours is amazing...you painted my life with different colors...you made me believe that world is amazing and—and that waking up in the morning is a bliss...Seulgi..." I gave in when she caresses my face and plants a kiss on my forehead.
"I wasn't the one who made you feel that way, Irene. It was you who made me feel all of that. I wasn't a talker because I felt like none of them would listen to my blabber but you did. I was a dead-alive person before because of the pressure I felt towards my family because of my sexual orientation but you made me as lively as those birds flying so high in the air..." Seulgi wipes my tears, "You told me your life with your dad and you said you wanted to be a bird so you could be free but I told you—you're a bird that happened to be in a cage but sooner you'd be free and I wanted you to fly high after that—I told you that, right? Starting from that day, I told myself I'd be your lockpick that would slowly set you free from the cage you were in—if you ever felt all that thing with me it was because you...you made me feel that way first..."
"I can be the lockpick of your cage."
"You can just be the key!"
"I can't—I can't set you free that easy. It'll take time."
She wasn't supposed to be the key—but I made her as one by running away with her. She lifted me up so high—I flew so high because of her. But that was wrong. That was the very wrong move I did. She wasn't supposed to be a key. I forced the fate and that was so wrong. I should've waited...
"You see...I understand everything you've been through. It's just...you—you shouldn't have gone that far. I was there, Irene...you can come to me anytime...you can cry to me anytime...I was there not as your girlfriend or your wife but as your best friend. We could've—" she cut her own words and breathed heavily, "I'm just hoping the best for Ryujin and Yeji now."
"Don't worry...I fully accepted that our hearts once beat for each other but not at all. I just want us to...to fix everything...I don't want our past to affect them." I stated and smiled at her. Just when the day she talked to me and made me smile genuinely.
"It's hard...I'll tell you when I'm ready to forgive you." Seulgi pats my head and stands up first before helping me, "I still hate those reckless things you've done in the past but I'd loved you and I won't forget that my heart was once committed with yours. I still haven't forgotten the tears you shared with me because of your father...I have my rights to be angry but I wasn't in your position. You were...treated unfairly...you were forgotten by the world...I...I haven't even done anything to protect you."
"Seulgi-yah...if I could turn back the time I'd still dye your hair gray and dance with you while listening to happiness by rex orange county." I said that made her chuckle.
"If I could turn back the time, I'd still decline your invitation to join the party so it's up to you whether you'd still get yourself pregnant again just to run away with me." Seulgi stated that's why we laughs in unison, "But...if I could go back in time? Maybe I will hide my diary better so you wouldn't have any idea how much I've loved you. You found out that I loved you because you saw that in my room, right? If you didn't find out about my feelings for you, you wouldn't have come up with that idea." she held my hand and looked at me.
Acceptance.
That's what I've been thinking for long. The reason why I can't move on—is because I thought Seulgi was the only one who made me feel happy...who made me feel that living is fun. Not thinking about Suho's effort that I wasted—that I kept on wasting.
"Seulgi...hug me...hug me for the last time and make me feel like we're still that teenage girl who's so done in school..." I mumbled while holding the hem of her shirt, "Hug me...like you're still that girl who would cling to me while crossing the street..."
Seulgi suddenly pulled me closer to her. My chin just perfectly landed on her shoulder that's why I hugged her tight by circling my arms around her shoulders.
"Nothing changed...I'm still that girl who would get angry with you for a minute or an hour and would hug you afterwards. Irene—you were my first in everything related to love and God knows how much I prayed for you..."
Seulgi...
"I remember my daughter...my daughter telling me that she experienced her every first with Ryujin. Maybe...maybe this all happened because they're really planned to meet, right?"
"Maybe God wanted us to be together...but the fate didn't want to. So, Ryujin and Yeji came for us, right?"
I just nodded while hugging her more tighter. I'm glad that our daughters made their own love story. They created their own world...I was wrong when I thought that they were planned to meet to continue what Seulgi and I have started. All along—they're making their own.
And I guess— we should focus on them now.
—👄
anytime soon i'll end this story. then i'll proceed on retyping every chapters of fifty shades of ryeji, i'll work with 'my girl, hwang yeji', i'm thinking of revising paints of kisses coz i think i can't keep up on writing a story with ryujin being a bottom in the entire book—and i'll publish 'behind my hazel eyes' which is a fantasy book. thank you for the 48k reads btw♥️