GETTING HIT with a jolt the first thing when I get out of bed is not how I planned to start my day. And this one being the worst I have ever received so far leaves me with a lightheaded feeling as I start to recover from it.
I had attempted to get some sleep last night, but every time I closed my eyes the anxiety of getting another jolt in my sleep had me up all night. It's very apparent in my appearance as I look in the mirror. Purple bags rest under my eyes, and I don't have the energy to go digging through all my things to try and find my concealer.
Speaking of last night I can also feel heat rushing up to my cheeks.
Luke kissed me and I kissed him back.
There is a lot of mixed emotions flowing through me as I think back to it. Sure, it might have been one of the best moments in my life so far. I mean, who wouldn't be excited and over the moon that they had just kissed their crush. But it also leaves me wanting to punch myself because I just made the whole letting-them-go thing a lot harder now. I know that they have to go and be safe from Caleb, and if that means having to cross over, then I'm willing to say goodbye.
So letting out a sigh I exit the bathroom, messily throw on an outfit, and pack all the needed things for school today.
The idea of skipping school was very appealing, but the thought of receiving a call from my mother had me getting ready for school. Not really in the mood to add to my list of awful things that have happened in my day so far.
Eating a quick breakfast, I exit the apartment, head down to the stairs, and start my walk to school.
I'm practically dragging my feet as I walk to school, and I knew that it was mostly on me for not at least attempting to close my eyes and letting my fear get the best of me. I just hope that there is a way to get rid of my stamp.
Walking into the building I can't even get close to where my locker is before I'm being pulled off to the side by my wrist.
Tripping over my feet a little from being pulled aside unexpectedly, I turn to my head and notice Flynn there with an excited look on her face as she pulls me off to the side of the hallway.
"What the-" I'm cut off by Flynn shushing me with an excited smile on her face. Giving her a confused look she rolls her eyes and points in front of her. And turning in the direction she was pointing in I see Nick talking to Julie with a bright smile on his face.
"This is the longest conversation I've seen them have together, besides dance class." Flynn informs me, and I nod along. I may not really be paying attention during dance to know how much they talk, but I know that I've rarely seen them talk outside of class. "And, if I'm being honest, this conversation is way too long for a simple, 'Hey! Great job last night.'"
I continue to nod along as I look back over to them, still somewhat confused. "So what do you think they're talking about then?" Looking back over to Flynn she shrugs slightly, still with an excited look on her face.
"Either I could be completely wrong and he's just spending a long time congratulating her on the performance last night, or he maybe-just maybe, hopefully asking her out." That causes me to turn back towards to Julie and Nick and watch their conversation once again.
They talk for a minute or two more before Nick waves and walks away. And once he walks away, Flynn is gripping my wrist once again and pulling me towards Julie.
"Well, that wasn't just a 'What's up?'" Flynn remarks, and Julie turns around with a sigh.
"Nick wanted to go on a date," my jaw drops, but a smile quickly starts to make its way onto my face, and Flynn lets out a large gasp.
"And I said no." Now my jaw is dropping for a completely different reason, and I let confusion take over my features.
"Wait, what?" I ask, still confused and surprised about her saying no to going on a date with Nick. The Nick she couldn't stop talking about when Flynn and I had interrogated her about her crush last night.
"It's just . . . with the band, and school . . . I just don't think I can handle the stress of having a boyfriend right now if I won't be able to give him the time he should get." Julie explains, and with-what I hope-an understanding smile on my lips I nod my head.
"Aww, my baby's all grown up," Flynn states and I walk away from the conversation to go to my locker.
Placing all my things in my locker, and taking out what I'll need for my next class. I jump when I see expectant smiles on both Julie and Flynn's faces as I close my locker.
"Did I miss something?" I ask as I look between the two girls.
"No," Julie hums and I let out a small sigh of relief. "Just wondering what was going on with you and Luke last night." If I was drinking water I would've choked on it. So-instead-I look at the two of them with wide eyes.
"I'm sorry?" I stutter out, hoping the bell will ring so I don't have to talk about this right now.
"Well to my knowledge it shouldn't take as long as it took to find my phone. And when I went to go check the studio I saw Alex and Reggie in there but no sign of the two of you. And when I asked where you were Reggie assumed you all were at your place." Julie tells me, and I blink rapidly as I process all that information. I know deep down she just wants confirmation that their plan to get us to talk worked. "So did something happen?"
"Um . . ." my voice gets increasingly higher as I look anywhere but to the expectant stares of Julie and Flynn. I can feel a light blush start to cover my cheeks, and that didn't go unnoticed by the two in front of me.
"Something did happen!" Flynn exclaims, hitting my arm in the process. I wince at the sudden contact to my bicep and start to swat away her hand.
"Nothing really happened. I mean, we just kissed," I rush out the last part and when I glance back at them I notice their confused looks.
"Come again?" Flynn asks. I sigh, not looking at them.
"We kissed," I sum up and their eyes widen before I hear them let out excited shouts. I immediately start shushing them when I notice the odd stares that are being shot out way.
"Finally!" Flynn exclaims, then the bell rings. I basically run from them, but once again a hand catches my wrist.
"I get if you don't want to talk about it all right now, but meet me at the studio after school. And don't ask questions and just meet me there," shooting her a quick confused look I still slowly nod my head. Satisfied with that, Julie let's go of my wrist and I make my way to my first class.
"What are we doing in here?" I ask as I watch Julie look around the studio. We've been in here for about ten minutes and all I've been doing is lounging in one of the chairs as I watch Julie-who looks like she's on a mission.
She pays no mind to me as she continues to look around for something that I am utterly clueless about. Occasionally muttering 'Where is it' as she scouts the room.
"Do you want help?" I ask, but once again my words seem to go in one ear and come out the other. Letting out a sigh I sink back into the chair, but I don't even get a moment to get comfortable because Julie lets out an excited shout from the other side of the room.
"Yes!" She exclaims and comes rushing over to the chair I'm seated in, holding a worn out composition book in her hands. My eyes widen, immediately knowing who's that is. "I found it, finally."
I immediately start shaking my head, sitting up straight. Even when Luke would come over to write songs he wouldn't let me check out his songbook, only pages he picked out for me to look at, no matter how many times I asked. I'm honestly surprised that there isn't a lock on it and he's hidden the key somewhere.
"Isn't this an invasion of privacy?" I ask, and that earns me an eye roll from Julie.
"Relax," she tells me, a straight look on her face, "I'm not gonna read through all of his songs. I'm just looking for one." Frowning my brows in confusion I watch as Julie starts hurriedly flipping through the pages.
Letting out a huff I once again sink back into the chair, knowing that whatever I'd say to get her to stop won't do anything.
My eyes widen as I hear ripping and when I look back over to Julie I see her carefully ripping out a page out of his book.
"Julie!" I hiss, running over to stop her from ripping it out anymore, but it's already out of the book. Looking at the songbook then back to Julie with wide eyes, she reaches out her hand with the paper in it, holding it out for me to take it. She lets out a small groan when she realizes I'm unmoving.
"Just take it, please. I need to go put this back," holding up the songbook in her other hand, I sigh, reluctantly taking the page.
She smiles triumphantly as she quickly goes back to the spot where she had taken the book from and places it back in its space.
"Are you going to tell me why you just ripped this out of his songbook?" I ask as Julie starts walking back over to me. She lets out a sigh and points down the page when she is back in her spot in front of me.
"Read the name," she instructs. Giving her one last confused look I move my eyes downward to the piece of paper in my hands.
My breath catches in my throat as I read the name. 'Unsaid Emily' is scribbled messily on the page, and when I look back at Julie she gives me a sad smile before taking the paper from my hands and folding it up.
"You don't have to come if you don't want to, but I wanted to give this to his mom." Julie sighs as she sticks the piece of paper in her back pocket. "They deserve to know that even after everything he still loves her." Nodding along to what she is saying, a slightly shaky breath leaves my lips as I run a hand through my hair.
"Okay," I breathe, looking back up at Julie who seemed to be looking at the ground before snapping her head back up to mine, "I'll come with."
Pulling me into a quick hug, Julie wraps her arms around me. "Thank you," she mumbles now pulling back from the embrace. "If I'm being completely honest, I don't think I could've gone on my own." I nod my head in understanding before taking Julies hand in mine.
"Shall we?" I ask motioning to the door. A small laugh escapes her lips as she fixes her hand in mine to a more comfortable position.
"We shall," Julie plays along and with that we both start making our way to the studio and to the Patterson's.
It was a quiet walk to Luke's parents house, both of us stuck in our own thoughts. My head was filled with the idea that the couple wouldn't dwell well on this unexpected surprise of two teenage girls showing up at their doorstep, presenting something of their dead son's to them.
Then my thoughts were filled with the idea that Luke would be angry at the fact that we just went through his stuff, took something of his, and are now taking it to his parents. Though I would completely understand if he was, I mean if I had people snooping through my things I wouldn't exactly be in a good mood.
Look up from where my eyes had been trained on the pavement I notice that we're only a house or two away from the Patterson's.
I feel my hand being squeezed a bit tighter as well as we near the house. And looking over at Julie I can see a nervous look on her face. So giving her hand a small squeeze of reassurance she turns her head and gives me a small smile as we reach the house and march up the steps.
Once we reach the door, I look over at Julie. "Do you want to ring it or should I?" I ask her, and she lets out a breath, letting go of my hand as well, before answering.
"It's fine I'll do it." Julie tells me. Nodding I step aside and watch as Julie approaches the doorbell, but the moment she's about to ring it an all too familiar sound comes from next to us. How bad would it hurt if I jumped into the bushes?
"Luke!" Julie exclaims, nervousness and shock in her tone. I just keep my gaze down at my shoes, suddenly finding the dirt stains scattered on them very interesting.
"What are you doing here?" Luke asks, and I can feel his eyes flicker over to me momentarily, but I don't look up from where my eyes are trained on my shoes.
"Okay, look," Julie starts, and I can feel her eyes on me. Looking up I notice her pleading look, clearly telling me to say something. So, letting out a sigh, I turn towards the ghost in front of us looking for answers.
"Well you see, I-we, just wanted to know more about you, you know, just curious. Um . . ." Swallowing harshly, not being able to handle his intense stare any longer. I look over to Julie for her continue.
"So, we-um, came here last week on your birthday." I can still feel his stare on me as Julie speaks, but when Julie mentions us coming here on his birthday his eyes snap back to her.
"You were spying on me?" Luke asks incredulously. Adverting my eyes back to the ground, I listen as he continues speaking. "Even after all the speeches about boundaries? You were spying on me?" Feeling his eyes flicker between Julie and I, I finally look up and meet his stare as Julie begins speaking once more.
"I know," Julie mutters, and I take this as my chance to cut in.
"Look, we're sorry. It was wrong and I understand that you're probably not in the best mood with us right now," I start, feeling his eyes back on me and I shift slightly under his gaze. "But we're worried about you. I'm worried about you," my voice lowers when I say the last part, looking back down at the ground.
"Well you don't have to be." Uncomfortable silence settles around the three of us, and it stays like that until Julie begins speaking again.
"I get it," Julie starts, my head snaps up to look at her. "I know how hard it is when you want to speak to someone you love and can't." A small lumps starts to form in my throat, pushing back tears that are threatening to spill, completely understanding where Julie is coming from. "I feel that way every day."
I want nothing more than to pull Julie into a hug, but instead I grab her hand and give it a light squeeze and a sad smile, and she returns the action with a small smile of her own.
"I don't even know what I'd say to her, even if she could hear me." Luke explains, and when I look up at him I can see the sadness in his eyes.
"Yes, you do." I tell him, earning a slightly confused look from him. "You've already said it. Trust us on this." After a moment or two of saying those words, I watch Luke shift from his position and reach over to the doorbell. Seconds later does it ring, and I feel Julie slip her hand out of mine and stick something in it instead.
Looking down at I noticed she placed the song in my hands, and giving me a small smile she steps aside so now I'm clearly in front of the door, but with Julie not far from my side.
A minute passes of me nervously fumbling with the piece of paper in my hands before an older looking man opens the door. It takes a second for me to recognize him as Mr. Patterson.
"Hello. Can I help you?" He asks, and swallowing I start speaking.
"Hi. I'm Florence, you may recognize me. I'm the girl who's walking to the park, we've passed by each other sometimes. And this is Julie." A look of recognition crosses the man's features while I motion to the girl next to me when I say her name. "I believe you had a son named Luke?" Still slightly messing around with the edges of the paper in my hands, it takes the man in front of us a moment before he answers, the smallest of smiles on his lips.
"Yes, that's right. And I do remember you, I'm sorry your name must've slipped from my mind. So let me ask, what are your two names again?" He asks looking back-and-forth between the two of us.
"It's alright. I'm Florence Kennedy and . . ." I trail, looking over to Julie allowing her to introduce herself this time.
"Julie Molina." She tells him, and I stay quiet, allowing her to continue talking. I can also feel a presence behind me, and I don't even have to look over to know Luke is there. "Um . . . your son's band used to play in my family's garage?" Confusion is still on Luke's fathers features as I look back over to him, so Julie continues speaking. "I-I came across this song that he wrote, and figured you might be interested." I hold out the song in my hands, showing him the piece of folded paper.
The man in front of us seems to be at a loss of words for a few moments. "Um . . . Well, yes." He tells us, looking down at the song in my hands. "Uh, please-please come in. I'm, I'm Mitch." Mr. Patterson-or Mitch-informs us, and I nod with a small smile.
"Nice to meet you," Julie tells him as Mitch steps aside to let us both in. Stepping inside, I stray from her side and stop by the door while she continues to walk in and turn around to face Luke.
Nodding my head inside, I motion for him to come in as well. And without needing to be told twice, Luke steps inside his house as well.
Closing the door once Luke has stepped inside I turn around and start walking toward where Julie is standing.
"Can I, um, get you two something?" Mitch asks, and I shake my head with a 'no thank you' and a small smile looking around the room a little.
"Oh, no. I'm good. Thank you." Julie tells him. "Is this your son?" That catches my attention and stops my eyes from exploring the room. Instead looking over to where Julie is and finding her holding a picture.
"Yeah, that's Luke. When he was two." Mitch explains with a sad smile. I examen the photo with Julie for a moment before she places it back down on the table. I have to stop myself from glancing back at Luke, from throwing him a teasing look and, instead, turn my attention from the picture.
"Do you have any other children?" Julie asks once the photo is back where she got it from. Looking up at Mitch I notice how his face has fallen slightly, but he quickly puts back on a small smile.
"No," he shakes his head. Then the sound of someone else entering the room catches both Julie and I's attention and I look over to see a woman walking into the room with a welcoming smile on her face.
"Did I hear the door bell?" The lady asks as she walks over to join us.
"Hi, hon. Um, this is Julie and Florence. You may remember one of them, we see her around sometimes." Mitch gestures to us, and the woman looks over at the two of us with a smile.
"Hello, Julie." The woman pauses and looks at Julie's sweater. "Oh, that's a beautiful sweater." She compliments, and Julie smiles in appreciation.
"Thanks. It's my mom's." Julie tells her with a small smile.
Then I feel the lady's eyes trail over to where I am standing. "And hello to you too, Florence. How could I forgot, I hope everything is going well."
"It is, thank you. The same to you two as well," I smile at her, the first full sentence I had spoken since I entered the house, and she gladly returns it.
"Julie lives in the house where Luke and the band rehearsed. She and Florence were just telling me that she found a song that Luke wrote." Mitch explains, looking over at his wife. I feel Julie nudge my side, pushing me up slightly and I take that as my signal to give them the song.
"It's a song about a girl named Emily?" I tell them looking down at the song in my hands as well as feeling Luke's gaze on the back of my head. Then when I look up I can see the pained look of the two parents in front of me.
Mitch whispers something to his wife that I can't make out before she starts speaking. "Oh . . . I'm Emily." Mitche's wife-Emily-tells us, coming closer to get a better look at the song.
I let out a breath as I look back down at the song in my hands. "Then I think your son may have written this song for you." Handing over the paper to Emily I watch as she starts unfolding it, tears already building in her eyes, and I can feel some in mine as well as I watch the couple read the song.
"First things first. We start the scene in reverse. All of the lines rehearsed. Disappeared from my mind. When things got loud. One of us running out. I should've turned around. But I had too much pride"
Hearing Luke's pained voice start to sing makes it harder to keep the tears at bay, and taking a look at Julie I can see she feels the same.
"No time for goodbyes. Didn't get to apologize. Pieces of a clock that lies broken. If I could take us back, if I could just do that. And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace. Then maybe time would not erase me. If you could only know I'd never let you go. And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave. Unsaid Emily."
Watching the parents face fall even further as they read the lyrics in front of them, I start to wonder if they can hear him singing as well since Julie had explained to me how people could only see the boys when they perform with her, but can be heard when they play or sing anywhere.
"Silent days, mysteries and mistakes. Who'd be the first to break? Guess we're alike that way. He said, she said. Conversations in my head. And that's just where they're gonna stay forever."
It's honestly a miracle that I haven't broken down yet, though the heartbreak I feel for the parents makes the task more difficult. Watching his parents read the song with tears running down their faces, along with Julie's saddened look, and the pain in Luke's voice as he sings-if I keep thinking like this I'm going to cry.
"If I could take us back, if I could just do that. And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace. Then maybe time would not erase me. If you could only know I'd never let you go. And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave. Unsaid Emily."
Wiping away a tear that had escaped, I try my best not to look around the room. Unable to take seeing so many pained faces at the same time.
"If I could take us back, if I could just do that. And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace. Then maybe time would not erase me. If you could only know I'd never let you go. And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave. Unsaid Emily."
Sparing a glance behind me was probably one of the worst decisions because seeing Luke's red rimmed, glossy eyes was my breaking point. But I knew it would probably be weird if they had a crying teenage girl in their house so, once again swallowing the lump in my throat, only a few tears fall that I'm quick to wipe away as I look back to the parents in holding the song in their hands.
"Thank you," Emily's voice cracks as she speaks, looking between both of us. And blinking back some more tears I nod with a sad smile, and out of the corner of my eye I can see Julie doing the same.
"Um . . . You . . . you have no idea," Mitch is unable to finish his sentence as his voice continues to shake, tears once again threatening to spill from his glossy eyes.
Clearing my throat slightly I decide to say something. "We write music in the same room that he did, and I can tell you that it is a magical, happy place." Feeling Luke's eyes on me as I speak, I keep my gaze in front of me on his parents with a small smile. And seeing the smiles on their faces as the words leave my mouth made me want to break down in tears once more.
"That's so nice to know." Mitch nods appreciatively.
"I know he was only seventeen when he . . ." having to pause, Julie looks down to get herself back together before continuing. "But he lived doing the one thing he was born to do. Not many people find that, but Luke did. He was lucky." Once Julie finishes talking I hear a sound from behind me, telling me that Luke is no longer in the room.
"It was so nice to meet you, and it was nice to see you again." Emily tells us, holding the song close to her. Unable to think of any words I opt for a simple nod and a smile.
"It was nice to meet you too." Julie tells them both and with one last smile, Julie and I make our way to the door, wiping away at the wet streaks on our cheeks.
AUTHORS NOTE:
i typed half of this chapter on my phone because i was out of town and now i think i'm going to start doing them on my phone because it's so much easier than away to wait until after school to type.
also i'm already coming up with ideas for bonus, extra, whatever they're called chapters even though i have no idea how i'm gonna end this story 😐 AND i'm slowly making this my main account lol that's nice
it's also VERY tempting to post another fic that i have in my drafts rn but idk like i have a plot and everything, but i have no idea which character it should be on??? yeah i'm lost
i hope you're all having a great day today and if not i hope tomorrow is better!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOT 6K! that was crazy i woke up this morning and then there was 6k reads in perfect canvas! so thank you all sm!!
i'm so sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes in this chapter i'm trying my best!
yeah that's it thank you once again, love you all, and see you next update!