Idina's house is like a sleeping elephant and she herself lives in its stomach. The dark air of the room is vibrating, digesting experience and dreams. She indeed went to bed earlier than usual, and then some inexplicable impulse drove her out of bed and speaks to her: wait for something to happen.
Kristen stands on the doorstep, wanting to knock. She thinks the air she breathes bounces back from Idina's front door, exploding into the splashes of questions that she has. Why am I here? Why should she want to see me? How can she still be awake?
Nothing, nothing. Idina's heart repeats the word. Nothing is going to happen. And I will have nothing. I will be left with nothing.
Kristen knocks.
She sees Idina framed in her front door. "H-Hello ... I-I'm sorry. I must have woken you up."
"No, I wasn't really asleep," whispers Idina. "Is that ... Kristen? Are you real?"
"What's that question, dorky?" Kristen laughs shyly and takes Idina's hands, "I am more real than ever!"
The blonde moves close to Idina so that she can see the brightness in Kristen's eyes. She hesitantly wraps her arms around Kristen and feels the blonde shivering against her body. "Oh no, please come in. It's cold outside."
Kristen follows Idina down the corridor into the living room. A little fire is burning in the furnace, sending off a reddish glow that delineates everything with a warm touch. On the far side of the room, the piano lurches in its ponderous black bulk, making the moonlight almost impenetrable. "Make yourself at home," she hears Idina saying and follows her to sit down on the sofa.
Kristen watches Idina's silhouette. The brunette is curled up in the cushions. She stares at the fireplace and suddenly a thought crosses her mind. How the fire is dwindling! But she will wait to see the next spark explode. Kristen. "Kristen?"
"Yes?"
"I didn't expect you to be here."
"Neither did I. I missed you."
"O-Oh ... I ... miss you too." Idina's mind starts to speak another voice, Alone, alone, alone. But I don't deserve you, she wraps herself tighter in a ball and bites her lower lip; no, no, no. She shouldn't think that way!
"Dee? – can I call you Dee now?" Kristen's voice sounds faint.
Idina turns to look at the speaker. Kristen is smiling her old teasing smile and she suddenly feels the need to move next to her. She nods, "Yes, please."
"Well, Idina, I-I think I should tell y- ... First, I'm really sorry for bothering you this late. You can turn me out whenever you want. It's just ridiculous for me to be here ... I mean, I know we are very much different. You have your family. The kiss the other day was just stupid and I didn't even ask your permission. I'm sorry ... You were right, I never cared what you think. I didn't even know if you're already taken by someone and I just kissed you! I'm sorry but I can't help. I can't help loving you."
Kristen doesn't even have the strength to breathe after saying what she needs to say. It started out as planned but ended on a completely different planet. She was cold. She was shivering. Even Idina's sobs cannot wake her.
"Oh, Kristen..." said the brunette gasping for air. All of a sudden, she cries out, "I don't deserve you", which shreds her heart as something final, something indisputable and true. "But don't leave me, please ... I love you so ... I'd wished you to haunt me so I could at least see you, but you never even appeared in my dreams. But I do; I do love you."
Slowly, Kristen takes hold of the trembling body beside her and pulls Idina close. She remembers the night at Vanity Fair, which feels so long ago. She didn't know; no one did know everything ever after; she has not really been far from that night. Both times, she holds in her arms the vulnerable tenderness and a sprout of melancholic passion. She whispers, "And I love you too."
Before Idina can make any response, she continues, "Shhhh – Dee, I know. You don't need to sell me on the reasons to love you, because I do. You promised that we start over, right? So try to quiet the noises in your head; we can't compete with all that."
She strokes some strands of Idina's soft hair, knowing that she is listening to her and her body relaxed under her touch. She let out a happy sigh and whispers into the brown locks, "I've been thinking, well, what if it's us and only us. What if we are just meant to be, and what happened before won't count anymore. Just you and I and we love each other – what do you say?"
"I ... I don't know what to say," Idina's voice sounds raw and Kristen can see her tearing up again. "I ... didn't think you would ever come! And you know that's all that I wanted."
"Oh, poor baby..." Kristen leans in to kiss Idina's damp cheeks and resumes softly, "But it's not so impossible, right? This house, this night, this space – the world is all before us."
"Yeah. Kristen, I love you," a light grin appears on Idina's face.
"Me too."
"No, I love you more."
"You silly girl," Kristen snuggles against Idina, making herself so small and cuddled up, "is that the only thing you can say to me?"
"Hmm-hmm."
She closes her eyes, her lips curling up into a smile against the brunette's neck. Idina watches her dozing off and she can't help but smile, burying her face into the blonde curls. There could be dreams. There could be us.
"Dee. I saw you in If/Then the other day, even after I went away on my own," Kristen's dreamy voice suddenly echoes.
"Well, what then?" Idina murmurs, not knowing where this is going.
"You didn't dare to say I lost you in that song. I knew. I knew! You were afraid that it would make it final. You just stood there crying and everyone around me thought that was acting, but I knew it wasn't. I ran away, then, but why didn't I run back to you?"
Idina holds the shaking blonde tighter. She is like a child caught up in a nightmare, tears strolling down her cheeks and her voice barely distinguishable. "It's okay, Kris ... You are here now. You are back to me. And we will be just fine," Idina comforts softly as if also convincing herself
"I love you ... I won't leave you again."
"I know, babe. I believe in you. I won't leave you either," Idina gives the blonde a little squeeze, which Kristen returns by clinging to her tighter.
"Dee?" She then asks, "Can we go to bed? I'm sleepy..."
Before getting any reply, she found her arms stretching out around Idina's neck, her tongue unlocking the red lips, tasting something dizzy, like a November dream.
A usual morning routine includes kicking off the blanket as the alarm rings off, stretching the lazy body reluctantly, and finally sitting up, feeling the sunlight sting on your eyelids. But today, Idina is wakened by the strands of blonde hair scattering across her face. "Morning, Kristen!" She whispers, planting a little kiss on the blonde's nose tip.
Kristen is still fast asleep. Her body curls up tightly in Idina's embrace, arms clutching around her waist. She is so delicate, Idina thinks.
But you don't have to cling to me this hard. I won't leave you anymore.
"Dee?" The blonde murmurs.
"Yes, baby? I'm here."
"I love you," she yawns, resting her head on Idina's shoulder.
"I love you too," Idina says. In the dim light of dawn, they stare at the ceiling, at the heavy shadow cast by the chandelier. For a brief moment, she feels like the world they see is closing in on them.
And we do not talk and do not run. We let it fall. Every second before dark is eternity.
"What date is today?" Kristen asks out of nowhere, "I'm gonna remember it."
"It's ... the last day of November ... Oh shit!"
"What?"
"Today is the Disney holiday show. Totally forgot."
"Oh yeah, you're right, Dee. Looks like we should get ready," Kristen rubs into her hair and sits up reluctantly. "Though I want to spend the whole day with you."
"You won't get rid of me for today," Idina giggles and pouts her lips, "kiss me!"
Disneyland glimmers in sunshine. From the warm temperature, it's hard to tell that it's almost December. If Kristen is persistent in one thing, then it is to make Idina try on all the Mickey ears in the shop.
"Stop, stop, stop! Don't make me have this light blue one on," Idina whimpers.
"Oh but it's Frozen-themed!"
"Don't you dare call something 'Frozen' just because it's blue," she retorts.
"Then onto the next one – this one with a Christmas hat in the middle. Holiday special!"
"Are you the salesperson?"
"Alright, alright! It's useless to argue with you," Kristen says dramatically, throwing her hands up to make an I'm-so-done-with-this sign. Then almost immediately, she leans over to Idina, whispering in her ear, "You always have a point with me."
"Watch this cunning mouth!" Idina laughs and pulls her closer.
Before resting her head on the brunette's chest, Kristen whispers hesitantly, "Hmm ... Dee? I guess nobody sees us."
"Oh shit I'm sorry," Idina takes a sharp breath and loosens her grip.
"No, no, no. I just want it to be fine with you," Kristen smiles happily.
"Well, you're right. Maybe we should wait," as if drawing something from the back of her mind and throwing that thing away, Idina breathes out, "I'm sorry."
"Don't you dare apologize again! I'll kick your ass if you do that again, for real." Kristen playfully nudges her before they realize that time flies and they have to get back for preparation.
Idina gets into her black dress and combs her hair. The Disney people are considerate enough to give her a pair of Donald Duck slippers alongside high heels. But these slippers are so big and funny, she can't help thinking, I'm gonna walk like a real duck.
Suddenly the dressing room door flies open and in came a sneaking blonde. "You should knock Kristen!" Idina exclaims, "What if I'm not dressed?"
"That's exactly what I wanted," she smirks, not caring the make-up people are also in the room.
"You're incorrigible," Idina gives her a stare. Only then does she notice the glamour Kristen has in the red dress. "And beautiful," she adds, blushing.
"Oops!" The blonde giggles shyly. Desperate to hind her blushing face, she points out, "These slippers are nice." Everyone is sent into a fit of laughter. "Alright, ladies," the stage manager's voice calls from the outside, "You're going on in fifteen minutes."
"We gotta go," although reluctant, Idina kicks off the Donald Duck slippers and steps into the stiff high heels, heading backstage. Kristen clings to her the whole time they wait backstage.
"You nervous?" Idina pats her with a smirk.
"Nope. Only nervous to go on with you."
"You'll be great. Don't worry. Let's make it our show."
"I can't believe you can really have a point!"
"You said I always have a point with you!"
It's time for them to go on stage and the orchestra starts playing. Everything went buzzing in Idina's head, for Kristen's light is right there beside her making her swoon. The first notes of the piano are just like her, so elusive yet angelic.
"But when we're together, then my favorite gift is you..."
"Me?" The blonde mouths and it melts Idina's heart.
"I will travel miles and miles and I will follow any stars. I'll go almost any place if it's any place you are..." Their voices blend perfectly together and Idina suddenly realizes what she is singing about: a promise.
I promise that we will be together. Forever.
Kristen is her muse, her angel, her North star. She is a night without ending; she is the last falling star at dawn; she is the glimmer on the sea of love.
"That's my favorite place to be."
The night sky lights up with fireworks; the night sky where for countless times, fireworks speak out the lovers' vow. The sparks that outshine the pallid background of mundane life connect themselves to make the breath-taking pledge. Swear to be true; for a million years people say these words; they say them in ecstasy, in tears and blood; they say them when the clouds move together and the stars align. These are the daily miracles that bring the Great Revelation.
Make a wish, Dee. It's our time.
I love you.
She feels the warmth in her arms. It takes a lifetime for her to come back to the solid ground. "Happy holiday!" "Happy holiday everyone!"
"Sing that again," Kristen's sleepy voice sounds ethereal.
"Sing what?"
"What you just did – I don't need the bells to ring..."
"Okay – I don't need the bells to ring."
"Cuz I am the Bell..." She laughs silently to herself. "Goodnight, Dee."
"Goodnight, my angel."
A/N: To be honest, I wrote this chapter with a very mixed feeling. Things that I experienced lately are almost the complete opposite of what I write here. I have thought of another storyline in which everything is a lot more raw and desperate, which I believe is a more authentic representation of life. I would want to write that way and I am desperate to figure out my own surroundings as well, but since it's fanfiction, let it be romance just for now.