jayden
i've been smoking a lot recently. weed honestly helps me escape from my reality and forget for a bit.
my friends have been telling me to lay back on it because it's becoming 'excessive.'
i come to school high, smoke in school, do stupid shit. im just high all the time now... never sober.
do i care?
no, i really don't. i feel good it makes me feel so that's what matters i guess. i've also been fucking weird with billie.
she realized and told me that 'i don't care' about her as much as i used too, and she's right. she also started getting mad at me whenever i smoke because again it's 'excessive' and killing my body.
it's the weekend and billie wanted to hang out. i agreed and said i'll come over to her place, but the thing is... i kinda forgot.
i don't really feel bad that i did.
"are you still coming over?" billie asked me once i answered my phone.
"yeah i guess" i told her while exhaling the smoke out.
"see you in a bit then" she said quietly. "i love you"
"love you too" i mumbled, hanging up on her right as i finished my sentence.
i set my phone down and rubbed my face.
i'm too fucking high
i went downstairs and walked out to my car. my parents are at work again so i'm back to being alone all the fucking time.
i got used to them being around for that week. it was nice... i just have to deal with the loneliness again.
i drove to billies place and parked in her driveway. i wanna take a fat ass nap right now but i know she's gonna say some shit to me about being high.
i knocked on her front door and waited for her to open it.
"hi baby" billie smiled and let me in.
"hey" i said with a small smile.
we walked to her room and laid down on her bed. i still wanna take that nap. what if i just close my eyes? she won't say anything?
i adjusted myself next to her, placing my head near her shoulder. she got closer so our bodies were touching.
"look at me" billie told me softly.
i opened my eyes and looked up at her.
"you're high aren't you?" she said with a dead tone.
"yeah" i shrugged, nuzzling my face into her neck. i could really care less on what she thinks or says right now.
all i want to do is take a damn nap!
"why are you smoking so much baby?" she asked me quietly.
i shrugged in response.
"is it because of me?" she questioned.
i stayed silent, hoping she'll stop talking.
"did i do something?"
dumb fucking question
"i don't wanna talk right now" i sighed. "i'm gonna sleep"
i heard billie sigh too, wrapping her arms around me. i'm pretty sure she's noticed how 'distant' i am now. i used to be so clingy with her but now i'm not. i don't even do anything with her now.
this is what you get for cheating
i could've left her you know? but that would be really difficult to do. not because i think she's gonna make me feel like shit if i try, but because i've worked so hard to get her how she is.
i worked hard on her, showing her love, giving her love, all that hoping she'll become at least somewhat less of a bitch than she was before.
it did work i can tell you that.
our relationship is weird though. whenever i'm the one being clingy she's the one being a bitch. now it's the opposite, i have a reason why though. she never did.
"i love you" billie whispered while kissing the top of my head.
as much as i wanted to say it back, i didn't respond to her.
"jayden" she said in sad tone. "i love you"
i still didn't say anything. i rolled over so my
back was facing her. billie scooted closer to me,
her body touching mine again.
"do you still love me?" billie asked me sadly. "you've been weird..."
"billie, i just wanna sleep right now" i turned around so i was facing her now. "i don't wanna talk"
"just say it back... please"
"i love you too" i said while placing a soft kiss on her neck.
-
"you're not even paying attention to me" billie let her hand fall on my leg.
"sorry" i mumbled and sighed.
she was talking about something. i dont remember what it was though because i zoned the fuck out after she said like... two words.
"am i annoying you?" she asked me quietly.
"uh no" i looked at her.
"it seems like i am" she said sadly. "i'll stop t-"
"i never said you were annoying me" i cut her off while shaking my head.
"baby" she whimpered. "what's wrong? you've been so distant lately"
i sent her a look. "nothings wrong" i chuckled.
does she not remember she CHEATED
she let out a little sigh and laid her head on my lap. i began stroking her hair but she stopped me to hold my hand.
she kissed the back of it and kept holding onto me.
"baby?" she spoke quietly.
"hmm?"
"why are you still with me?" billie asked me. "i've done so many hurtful things to you"
"because i'm a dumbass" i said.
billie looked up at me as she rolled on her back, her head still on my lap. "what do you mean?" she asked me.
"i'm a dumbass for letting you do all that shit to me" i told her. "i love you... i'm in love with you still even after all the stuff you do"
"but why though?" billie said quietly.
"you know what bil" i sighed. "i'm not in the mood to talk about this right now. ima go home"
"you're gonna leave?" she looked at me with a sad expression.
"yeah" i got up from her bed and walked towards her door.
as i was about to open it billie grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her body. she grabbed my face and gave me a kiss.
"bye baby" she said quietly with a sad tone. "i love you"
i wrapped my arms around her neck. "i love you too" i whispered in her ear while placing a kiss on her cheek.
she walked me out and watched me leave.
the drive to my house was pretty quick. lucky greeted me like always when i enter.
"hi boy" i cooed while petting him. "i missed you!"
he jumped up and tackled me down with him. it took my a while to get lucky off of me. he's such a needy fucking dog but at the same time he doesn't want me touching him sometimes.
i went to my room and threw myself on to my bed.
should i take another nap?
yes
when i was about to put my phone down it started ringing. all i wanna do is take another nap and there's always something that stops me from doing so.
"hello?" i said with an annoyed tone.
"oh sorry" she told me. "sorry i'll call you later then... you sound annoyed"
"no it's fine" i sighed and chuckled. "i just wanna take a nap but you stopped me!"
"i'll let you take your nap" jazzy giggled.
"you wanna come over?" i asked her. "we can take a nap together"
"yeah i'll be there in a bit" jazzy said. "better be warm for me when i get there"
"aight" i smiled. "my bed and i are waiting for you"