trouble

21

jayden 
love was considered the most beautiful thing in the world, until my generation was born.

it's just hook ups and constant pain to your heart.

love is now just another reason to die.

am i in love with billie? shit, im a dumbass bitch so probably. even after all the fighting we do... i think i am.

sometimes she can be the sweetest thing on earth or she can be the most cold hearted toxic bitch ever.

i wish i could have her sweet side all the time. i want her to call me at two in the morning because she misses my voice. i want her to hold me so tight because she's afraid of losing me.

yeah she does things like that but later on we're back to cussing each other out because of something stupid.

my hearts been hurting by all the shit she tells me whenever we're fighting.

it goes from wanting to break up with her then to regretting i ever thought about that because she's being cute.

our relationship is so confusing

am i happy?

yeah sometimes i am and sometimes i'm not. i'm definitely tired of acting like everything's okay after we finish fighting.

i wish i listened to sage. i really wish i did because i wouldn't have to be dealing with this shit.

billies currently in front of me yelling her ass off because i did something? i actually have no clue what i did to get her so pissed.

she made me block jazmin the other night. i feel bad because i didn't want too. then i told her to block that kristina bitch and then she went on a whole ass rant about how she would never do what i did and proceeded to make me feel like shit afterwards.

gaslighting at its finest

"you're not even fucking listening" billie stood in front of me and pointed at her head. "it's like you don't care about this relationship"

i just blinked at her because i was tired.

"do you even care?" she tilted her head. "because that dumbass face of yours tells me you don't"

i looked away from her and leaned back on the couch. i let out a sigh and made eye contact with her.

"you know billie" i started. "i'm really starting to think getting with you was a fucking mistake. all we do is fight fight fight and fight and then we fuck like nothing ever happened"

"okay...? what you're saying is?"

"i think we should break up" i sighed. "im tired of this shit"

"baby you don't mean that" billies face changed. "you don't mean that at all"

"baby i do" i chuckled sarcastically.

"you never cared huh?" she crossed her arms. "you never gave a single shit about me did you?"

"jesus billie" i groaned. "i'm over here doing all the shit you tell me to do. i let you control me, i literally take care of you after your fucking fights, i do everything for you hoping that you would fucking change and stop being such a damn bitch!"