The seasons turned as the end of April dawned over Hogwarts. The winter had been long this year, miserable and bleak with only a few days of brief sunlight. Inevitably, however, with the promise of a warm summer comes the promise of the gruelling OWLs.
The past weeks had been packed with preparations and studying, stressed out fifth and seventh years bustling through the corridors; some still pale from staying inside the past week it had been sunny, some flushed from constant stress, and some were just plain green.
In an interesting turn of events, a sort of study group had sprung forth as a result of the increasing demand of the teachers. Every day after classes were finished, Lily, Remus, Septima, James and I had gone outside to review all our subjects together. The group dynamic was surprisingly pleasant and effective, but there was something off. It was starting to seem as if there was always a feeling that something was "off". Right since I came back to Hogwarts.
"Who will you be practicing your DADA with, Ollie?" Asked Septima.
It was a fair question. I thought about it for a while. "I guess I'll just wing it." I finally replied with a wide grin, knowing that three of the four present in my company would hate that answer. As predicted, Lily, Septima, and Remus all groaned, and James gave offered up his hand for a high five, which I granted him enthusiastically.
"No, I suppose I'll just be doing it on my own. Not much else for it, and it's no biggie if I fail, I'll still have two more years to complete it." I said, knowing that I would be pretty devastated if I did, in fact, fail and all my laborious late night work I'd done on the subject after everyone else had gone to bed would have been a waste.
"I'm sure you'll nail it," Said Septima. I gave her a quick smile and looked away.
Sirius and Veronica had been dating for almost two months now and I had come to the formal conclusion that I hated it with a decent amount of animosity. I had to keep reminding myself that nothing had happened between Sirius and I, he probably had never thought of me in any way but a friend, that he was a freethinking human, and that Veronica had therefore never actually stolen anything from me. It did hurt though.
Everyone had seen less of Sirius, and when he did hang out with the boys, they said he seemed exhausted. They were also concerned that he'd started smoking rather too frequently to be facing important exams.
In the mean time, I had formed a sort of obsession over Veronica. She was beautiful, without a doubt, though her nose was rather big and even I had bigger boobs than her. But that's beside the point. I had come to realise that my attraction reached beyond the grasp of heterosexuality, and that Septima really was a great friend.
"What's wrong with you, are you hungry?" Remus shook my shoulder, "You've been staring at the same spot and muttering to yourself for the past minutes."
"Yeah, I'm starving," I said, glad to take advantage of the excuse. My stomach assisted me with a perfectly timed growl. "Isn't it dinner soon?"
Remus checked his watch, "Oh shit, we're actually ten minutes late. No wonder the grounds are so empty."
"Did you just say we're late to dinner?" James asked, aghast, "I've been late to every class I take, but I don't think I've ever been late to dinner. We must make haste!" He sprang up and puffed himself up, speaking as if he were a old time duke late to an important ball.
Everyone laughed, Lily laughed the hardest.
After dinner, we all went up to the common room and chatted and laughed for a while. Before it was too late though, Remus and James had to go "up to bed". It was a full moon tonight. I had almost forgotten, Remus didn't seem quite as drawn as he usually did the day before. Some ten minutes after they went up, Sirius entered the common room, looked around to where Lily, Septima, and I were sitting, then went on up the dormitories
"Hey, how about we havea girls night?" Lily asked.
"A girls night?" I asked skeptically.
"Yeah, a girls night." She said, decidedly, "I'll sneak down to the kitchens and get some snacks and treats, we listen to some records and get stoned."
"Woah Lily, didn't know you had it in you. It's a schoolnight." I laughed, now smiling.
"Yeah, a Thursday. It's basically Friday. Besides, it's still early and we deserve a small break from all this arduous studying."
"Arduous. I'll add that to my list of fun adjectives to describe the run-up to the OWLs."
Septima giggled, "You'll have to show me that list. I'm in, Lily."
So Lily snuck off through the portrait hole, and Septima and I went up to the dormitories to make a pillowfort-like thing, and found out an array of records to listen to. Among them was Physical Graffiti, Black Sabbath, and Green River.
"You've got a great taste in music, Ollie." Septima said, filing through the rest of my collection.
I paused a moment, "Thanks. You too, I think I spotted the Basement Tapes in your collection, not a lot of people are interested in the very strangest of Bob Dylan."
"Are you kidding, Orange Juice Blues is my jam," She giggled, "Or my juice, I suppose."
I laughed. I didn't quite know what to say, it always felt quite awkward when we were alone together.
Luckily, Lily hadn't taken her time down to the kitchens and up again, and she walked through the dormitory door, arms full of confectionary.
"Perfect, Lils. I think you're right, I think this is exactly what we needed." I said, rolling up the joint, careful not to spill anything on the floor. Most people at school were fine with the Wizard Weed, even the teachers didn't say much if people smelt a bit in the corridors. Being affected during classtime, though, was a different case.
We spent the rest of the night laughing and talking about makeup, hair, clothes, and boys. It truly was a girls night. I even painted Lily's toenails.
"So, Lily. You know there is only room for honesty between a woman and her pedicurist. What's the deal with you laughing so hard when James messes around." I said, looking briefly up from her toes to flash her a sly grin.
"Oh, yeah, I saw that today," Septima said, then imitated James, "Make haste, make haste!" She got up and ran goofily, then turned around and pretended to be Lily, laughing loudly and fluttering her hand by her face, "Ahahaha, oh Jamesy, darling."
Lily threw a bundled pair of socks at Septima, who fell dramatically onto the floor.
"Shut up." Lily said, "Though I will admit that perhaps, maybe, James is a bit more tolerable than I first imagined."
"Oh come now, Lils, don't play your emotions so modestly. We can all see you have a massive boner for him."
Septima giggled, leaning forward and poking Lily's stomach.
Lily pushed her away, blushing deeper now. "Alright, he really is quite funny. And it's nice to see how sweet he is to you, Ollie, and to Remus, and Peter when he's around. Do you know why he's not more with us these days?"
"He's been inside, thinks he'll study better on his own. Bundle of nerves. But no changing the subject, Lily, you have a crush on him."
I looked at her hard, holding her gaze, as if trying to coax the truth out of her. "You know you can't lie to me, Lily Evans."
Lily resisted for a few more seconds, then burst. "Yes alright, I think I do. It's horrible but I think I do. He's been nicer to Severus lately too, or left him more alone, I should say."
Septima and I gasped, and then we all laughed for a little while, like, well, a bunch of schoolgirls.
Anytime Sirius' or Veronicas names turned up in the conversation I would steer away from it, not caring if it was obvious. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. Around ten or eleven in the evening the rest of the girls came to the dormitory, so we decided to call it a night.
I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom when Septima walked in. She smiled, I grinned back. A spot of toothpaste dripped down onto my pyjama top, which I hastened to wash away with water before the stain sat, then rinsed my mouth.
"Tonight was night," I said, "- I mean nice."
She giggled, "Yeah. You're funny."
"Thanks." I replied, and again we were engulfed in this strange awkwardness.
I looked at her for a few moments, dressed in a thin tank top- no bra- and loose pajama trousers.
Fuck it.
I walked a determined step towards her, put my arms around her waist. There was no time for hesitance or second thoughts or anything of the sorts, I had to remind myself as I planted my lips on hers.
A second passed.
She kissed me back.
Another second.
I was pushed away from her, she turned away from me, wiping her mouth, a look of - horror? Disgust?
"That's wrong." She said.
I stared at her, terrified. I knew this had been the worst case scenario when I'd thought about doing this so many times, but I never actually thought it would happen.
"You're wrong. It's- it's bad." She said, still not looking me in the eye.
"I- I'm sorry." I said. What could I do? Laugh it off as a joke. You did call me funny. No.
"I'm sorry." I repeated.
She pushed passed me without looking at me and left the bathroom.
I stood looking at myself in the mirror for a few moments, self hatred and regret oozing through me. Fuck.
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It's an update! My goodness.
I finally have a computer again, and there was absolutely no way I was going to write on a computer so hopefully there'll be more regular updates. There's been a lot of drama in the past chapters, but hopefully we can get to more of the educational and political parts of the story soon too, but it is a love story so bare with me.
I hope you're all well,
Lots of Love,
21stCenturyMarauder.
PS: There have been so many of you voting and commenting, which truly has inspired and motivated me to go on. I really, really do appreciate it. Truly.