"I can't do this."
I was walking into the bedroom as all the kids were sleeping. I see Ezra shaking his head wildly, grasping ahold of his head tightly. Now I walk towards him and notice Ezra groan.
"I don't want...to hurt you again." Ezra whispers, shaking his head as I stood before him now. "How can I touch you calmly...without fear? I don't even trust myself."
"Is it enough that I trust you?" I murmur to him, grinning down at him. His hands were hesitant over my waist, but they just drop to his lap.
"No." He shook his head, and I sigh. I crouch before him and see his eyes still closed. He avoided me completely now.
I lay my head on his thighs, my hands resting on them too. I just continue to look up at him and smile.
Remi is the most ticklish around his thighs and sides. What if...?
I start tickling Ezra's thighs and he snickers, grabbing my hands to move them. Only for me to go back and I tickle him again.
"Theo you're being silly."
"And you're being super sad and it breaks my heart." I whine sadly, seeing Ezra grin down at me solemnly. "I told you...it's okay."
I see him shake his head as he leans against the couch more.
"It's fine, I know that you weren't the one doing it. You were forced into it - it's okay." I stand up, sitting on his lap. I wrap my arm around his neck and lean my head against his. "I don't like...seeing you this sad. I promise you it's okay."
As I sat here, I began to feel his arm go around my waist. It made me happy to feel such a thing.
"If I tell you...what went through my mind, you promise you'll be okay? Not...upset?" I hear him ask quietly, and I tilt his head up.
He looks up at me with a soft grin, and I grin back.
"Of course."
"Okay...listen to this..." He turns my body as I'm basically straddling him. I press my head against his and his hands caress my back. "When he controlled my mind...it was weird. In my mind you were the enemy, you were no longer the Theo I fell in love with. I couldn't see you as my Theo. I still saw you...but I couldn't do anything about how he made me see you."
I sat here quietly...feeling my heart begin to tighten.
"So...you saw me and still could beat me up?"
"I mean, it's complicated-."
"No!" I cry out, getting off of his lap abruptly. "You saw me...you saw me in your eyes and you still could beat me up like that? If you really loved me you should've been able to stop!"
"What don't you understand about mind and body control-?"
I rush away from Ezra now. I was annoyed very suddenly because it wasn't adding up at this point!
He could see me...okay? If that is the case then he should have been able to fight against such a thing! He's not weak whatsoever, so what's the problem?
I grabbed the babies and I was already rushing to my car. I honestly wanted to go to my moms house because this was aggravating me!
"You're so weird!" I hear him yell at me as I was downstairs trying to get the babies into their car seats.
"Shut up!"
"I was telling you what you wanted me to tell you! I was honest and I just tried letting you know. I was honestly helping you understand-."
"Stop!" I exclaim at Ezra, and he narrows his eyes on me. "You...were not helping! You are not helping, at all!"
He stays silent as he pulls back. I saw him look angrily at me and I continued to place the babies in their baby car seats. Once they were fastened in I place a small blanket over each one of them, then I step back.
Closing the car door, I face Ezra.
His hands were balled up into fists as he avoided looking at me now. I could see that he was upset that I was about to leave.
"You're so weird. You say, oh! It's fine, you know that I wasn't truly there. Then I tell you the truth about what went through my head and now you want to go run off?" Ezra snaps at me. "You're just contradicting everything you once said-!"
"You...told me that you saw me as the bad guy in your eyes. He manipulated your mind, you say; but you still saw me! Why didn't you try stopping! Whatever he placed in your mind shouldn't have mattered! If you loved me at all you would've been able to stop and be like, wait - maybe I shouldn't beat up the person I love; but you didn't. You knew what you were doing!" I yell at him, only for his arms to fold. "Are you going to try and give excuses again?"
"Not at all. You don't understand, and it's obvious. You would have to be under that influence to understand what was happening. The thoughts he placed in my head had you put to be the bad guy and you being my Mate wasn't there. I can't...explain it. You weren't Theo in my eyes. You weren't the Theo I fell in love with and he made me see you in a different manner. I'm explaining it as best as I can, but you probably think I'm full of bullshit."
I don't say anything to him at this point.
I just lean against the car door, folding my arms.
"You're right," I start, and he raises his eyebrow, "I do think you're full of bullshit."
Ezra snorts at me when I say such a thing. I'm not really surprised because I never curse. Probably thinks I sound stupid-.
"How about...I show you then?" Ezra smiles, and I frown at him. "I'll show you what it was like to be controlled and the pain it is to not be able to stop because someone is forcing your hand. I'll show you."
"You can't control me, I'm-."
I feel myself suddenly stop talking. I couldn't move for anything...I tried to move forward only for my legs to forcefully step back.
My back presses against the car and I watch Ezra stand before me. Out of nowhere I felt this cast go over my eyes. Before me all I could see was Ezra hitting Remi.
I gasp and I suddenly felt this rush of anger fill me. Except I suddenly could see Ezra before me again. My legs were running at him and before I knew it I was trying to hit him.
He stopped my hand, twisting my arm back only to press me back against the car gently. I felt his body press against mine even though all I could feel was rage against him.
Is this what he spoke of. All I want to do right now is hit Ezra.
"I hate you Ezra, I hate you!"
I hear those words ring in my head and I didn't want to say that. Except I found my lungs inhaling deeply for voice.
"I hate you Ezra, I hate you!" I shriek at him, and I feel the sudden rush abruptly end. I shove him back when I have full control of my body and see him look at me sadly. "You...you made me say that."
"Exactly-."
"But perfectly. Have you...ever done that before?" I question him because Ezrel couldn't even do that completely. He made Ezra stutter and sound dead. When I said it there was life in my voice...
"No, of course not. I'm this supposed 'Class X', and Ezrel is too... So I just wanted to see. The most I've done is cause people to have Heats or use it to induce fear. I just tried...right now - I wasn't sure if it would work; but it does-."
"Okay, I get it." I interrupt him, my hands rubbing against each other. "You handled that amazingly...if you had controlled anybody I would never know. Because you...are so perfect at doing it."
I see Ezra look away from me. His hand grabbed the car handle and I see him look at the babies.
"Can you not take them away from me?" He asks me sadly, and I nod. "Good. You were over here running off after you claimed it was fine."
"I know what I said." I chuckle awkwardly because I know I said that. It's just...aggravating to me. This whole situation should've never happened.
My brother was right about going there. It wouldn't be a good idea, especially for me.
"Theo, listen," I look when Ezra cradled my face in his hands, "It's like what you said, you know I wouldn't dare do that to you otherwise. You know that is the case...it just pisses me off that it had to be that way. That I had to learn a lesson in such a manner like...hurting you."
"Well, I hurry you too. Played with your emotions and liking of me. I wouldn't call it playing with them...but just the fact that I took so long to acknowledge them. I never really, yeah um... I guess I deserved-."
"Be quiet, no you didn't. You don't deserve any abuse - ever. I don't care what you say." Ezra stuck his nose up at what I was going to say, only to look back down at me. "I love you Theo."
I wondered if he ever heard me say I loved him that one time. He was under mind-control...so that's debatable.
I just wonder if I should say it again...
"Want to get the babies inside again?" I grin at him as I pull back. I see him nod, quick to getting them out. Now I stood here...wondering if I should just say it.
Knowing how things are probably going to go...I should say it more. It's up for question. You don't really know what will happen or not, and that frustrates me. I don't want Ezra to die...or to get hurt whatsoever.
Even as I stood behind him...I wanted to hug him.
Once he had them all back down he faced me. His eyes softened upon me and I go towards him. The both of us stood before one another...my eyes drifting off of him.
"I am still...so sorry-."
"You don't have to keep apologizing, I already told you that."
"Still doesn't mean that I don't feel bad." Ezra responds softly, and I look back at him. "I'll...make him pay for doing that to you. I mean that with all my heart."
I snicker at his words because he was officially letting anger drive him again. Went from being angry at Xavion, now at that old man.
"Why not be angry?"
Ezra instantly frowns at me. He looked confused as to why I'd even say that.
"Why wouldn't I be angry? I have millions of things to be angry about. You wouldn't understand the struggle." He groans, and I snort. I saw his eyes widen at what he says and he was instantly apologizing. "Sorry, I forget; but I wouldn't blame you if you were angry. It's okay to be angry - it urges you on."
"I had a choice to be angry too when Trenton left. I wanted to be angry...to hate on anyone who found their Mate, their happily ever after," I walk around Ezra, looking down at the babies happily, "But I had my precious Bean who needed me. If he saw me upset or hurt...I didn't want him thinking he did something wrong. I wanted him to be happy and had to handle the situation accordingly, even if it meant it was at the expense of my happiness. It's better than being angry...wanting revenge all the time. It must be so tiring being you."
I look over my shoulder, seeing Ezra staring at Esme idly. His eyes looked like they were deeply thinking...and I grin.
"So you pretended to be happy...for Remi's sake?"
"Not necessarily, just being with him was enough. I didn't have to pretend to be happy when I was with him. He...calmed me." I felt my eyes become a little bit watery.
It used to be Remi and me... Then I meet Ezra...
"Remi is a cool kid."
"He is... I feel bad sometimes, like I've let him down. I can't let it go...that feeling. I can't help but put my full focus on the triplets; but I don't want Remi to think I've abandoned him." I whimper softly, noticing Finn's eyes open a little bit.
I go towards him, letting my finger caress his cheek. His tiny fingers weave around my finger and I immediately felt my heart melt.
"He won't. You're overthinking it." Ezra snorts, patting my back; but...I know Remi. He may not necessarily remember Trenton, but I know it traumatized him when Trenton left. With him leaving when he was a baby...he probably unconsciously grew a disdain to change.
It bothers him just when he feels a little bit of change...of me leaving; but I would never.
"Enough about that, I insist that anger is a very good thing to harbor at times." Ezra tries to convince me, but I wasn't convinced.
I was still focused on Remi...
I can't stop...feeling like I've let him down.
____next day____
"Isn't this fun?"
I pushed the stroller that allowed to me have all of the triplets in, my eyes settled down on Remi. Ezra was ahead of us a bit because he was still trying to get appointments set for not only the triplets, but himself.
He was so keen on becoming more powerful...when he already is.
Remi looked up at me, only to face forward.
"I not know where we are going." He says simply, and I snicker.
"It's a fun place. We're buying...baby clothes! I wanted you to come and help!" I exclaim happily, and Remi looked at the babies. "Is that not fun?"
"Do I get anything?" He asks shyly, gasping as he began to smile brightly. I see him rush towards a display and it showed off a onesie that was bug-themed. "I want this!"
I smile at such a thing, only to see Ezra come towards me and held a tiny pink onesie.
"Aren't these the cutest thing you have ever seen?!" Ezra squeals as he lays it upon Esme. "MY gosh...it's amazing. How can anything surpass this in cuteness?"
"It is cute. It will be exciting to choose girl clothes now, I've always gotten the boy clothing. I can't wait for this." I rubbed my hands together in excitement. Now I see Remi right beside me and saw his eyes lowered. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He mumbles, and I frown at such a thing. Only for Ezra to laugh and I wondered what he was laughing at.
"Remi you really got to get over that weird bug obsession of yours, I insist." Ezra pats his back and Remi continued to walk forward. "You could get weird bug bites and not to mention the shedding. When you gave me that card with those tarantulas exoskeletons...that was horrible."
Ezra laughed, and Remi just looked at him weirdly.
"Remi you can like whatever you want, but it isn't wise to just give exoskeleton's to people." I chuckle when I remember.
"I like it... Why can't I?"
"Uh, I don't know, it's very weird?" Ezra mocks him in a dumb voice, and I glare at him.
"Okay...I not give you anymore gifts." Remi snaps at him, causing Ezra to frown at him. "You not even cool anymore. You're a 'stealer'."
I flinch when he says that, and he goes on his tiptoes to look at the babies.
"They steal too. 'Stealer One, Two, and Three'." Remi scowls down at them.
"They have names, use them." Ezra shakes his head at him, and immediately Remi was pouting. This wasn't going well...at all.
I can already tell that there's some odd disconnect happening between them. They go from being so close...then they come to this? Is it because Ezra has his own kids now and sees Remi as...no.
I shake my head, trying not to think that way. He wouldn't dare be that way.
"Remi," I say his name, his eyes looking up at me in irritation...I could clearly see it, "That onesie you saw earlier, you still want it?"
I saw him gasp, nodding excitedly and I grin with him. He turned around only to suddenly stop.
I look, seeing Trenton walking towards us awkwardly. His eyes were on me, but Remi's were locked onto him.
"This is-."
"Horrible. Are you stalking us or what?" Ezra growls at him. Trenton shook his head quickly and he looked uncomfortable seeing him.
"No, I just so happen to see you guys. It's amazing...the birth of those three." He breathes shyly now. I nod in thanks because I didn't know what he was up to. I saw him in a uniform, then it hit me.
"Do you have a job here?"
"Oh, yeah." Trenton chuckles very awkwardly and happens to point at the children's shop that had the pajama onesie he wanted. "I work there part-time, but my other job is...at night, so..."
I immediately had a feeling of what that job was, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly. It was weird to be standing here and talking to him. Especially with Remi here and how his eyes were unwavering from him.
How convenient.
"Yes, Theo I wanted to give you this." I see Trenton extend an envelope and I immediately knew it was money. "This is for...yeah."
"Trenton..." I say his name breathlessly on accident. I felt sad almost...seeing him do this. Except Ezra was snatching the envelope from me and slapped it at Trenton's face.
I gasp, looking at him in shock for doing that. A glare was in his eyes even though Trenton stood there solemnly.
"He doesn't need your money. You're trying to buy his forgiveness you pathetic-."
"It's not me buying anything, what do you know? You're just a man that happened to come into his life at perfect timing. It's not my problem you two unintentionally bonded...his business isn't yours. Stop interjecting yourself into things that have nothing to do with you-."
"Who do you think you are?" Ezra snaps at him harshly, and Trenton rolls his eyes. "You are still...a nine-fingered, pathetic, loser. Look at you...I'd say you're pitiful, but you deserve to be here. Everything about you is pathetic, it screams loser."
Trenton took a deep breath, his eyes closed. I...did find myself feeling bad. Why do I feel bad right now?
"I'm trying to work on it, thanks for pointing it out." Trenton mumbles, and I suddenly see his eyes move onto Remi. When they made eye contact I saw Remi's lips begin to tremble. "Remi...I'm sorry to you too."
I grabbed Remi's hand, but he instantly yanked out of it. I felt my heart tighten because he...did that.
"Why are you sorry?" Remi asks quickly, but there was uncertainty.
"For failing to protect you and your mother when I was present. I left you behind...I'm supposed to be your dad. I'm sorry, I can't even call myself your dad because you deserve better. Ezra is much better-."
"No!" Remi cries, and we all looked surprised. It wasn't helping we were in a public setting, but now I heard two of the babies getting riled up from his noise. "He never be my dad...he not good, he steal from me. He 'Stealer'...daddies not steal. He stole mommy from me."
"You and me both-."
"That's enough." I interrupt this because this was going too far. Remi looked up at me in...disgust when I grabbed his hand and pulled him back from Trenton. "Trenton...don't do this. Remi doesn't..."
I drift because I know Trenton knows what I'm talking about.
"I'm not doing anything..." Trenton scoffs at Ezra, looking back down at Remi. "Bye...my Bean."
Remi gasps when he says that, but Trenton was already walking away. This went too far.
"That fool is so trifling-."
"We need to go...t-to a different mall, yes! Uh, um, Remi...want to get a different pajama onesie. There's all types of-."
"That my daddy!" Remi cried loudly, and I held onto his hand tighter. "Mommy let go!"
"Remi you don't understand-."
"Yes, Remi listen to us - we're the adults. That man is not a good person-."
"You not a good person! Mommy, I want to see-."
"Remi no!" I shout at him when we were outside. I looked down at him sharply, but I gasped when I realized who I was speaking to. Remi's eyes became watery...as did mine. "R-Remi I'm sorry for shouting. Just trust-."
"No trust! You lie mommy, you lie!" Remi cries out, yanking his hand from mine. "You say you not let anyone take you away, that you will always love me, and not shout at me. You lie about all of that...ever since you met 'stealer'!"
"Oh Remi please!" Ezra snorts, that only making Remi madder.
"I hate you Ezra! I hate you!" Remi yells at him, but Ezra's heard that before. "I so sad now...'cause of you..."
I see Remi point at Ezra, and I sigh.
"Mommy, I not like him-."
"Remi stop this." I interrupt him, and his whole demeanor turns still. "You can't keep doing this. I...I am allowed to be with others and be happy. I can love more than just you. It's okay for me to want to be happy and you be happy with me. There is a bigger situation bigger than us about to come one day...and your siblings are here. I need you to not do this...please, I beg you. Because they aren't going anywhere, I love them."
I saw Remi's eyes soften, but it wasn't the good type. It was a look I once saw in my eyes once...when Trenton beat me up.
A broken heart.
"Okay." Remi looks away from me, and takes my hand again. It was weird...as if we didn't argue. Ezra looked very content, but I wasn't...
Oh Remi...
What have I done?
________________________😬🤭
What do you think you did? 👀
At this point, I wonder who's really wrong here. 😔
Do you see Ezra in the wrong? 😬
His unnecessary words...interjections... ☹️
What about Trenton's sudden appearance? 😟
You see a change in him worth being...praised for? 👁👄👁
There's Remi...my precious baby... 🥺
How do you feel about how he's going about this? 😕
Is he the issue? 🤨
Then there's Theo...the one where all three of them come back to him. 😶
It saddens me because there is already so many issues. 🙇🏽♀️
And now it seems he's just added another to his list? 😑
What do you think of that? 😓
Now...for the late update- 💁🏽♀️
MY BAD! 🥴
I was just...inspired by other ideas in my mind but, 🥱
Also, I felt like I was updating this too frequently. 😲
Didn't want...what's the words...? 🧐
All I know is that I didn't want to overdo it. 😗🤷🏽♀️
How do you see it? 🤔
Please let me know, if you want lol. 🤡🙏🏽
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~ YOLO❤️