"You don't have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you."
Eric's demeanor had changed completely after I had told him about my fears and that voice. It hadn't taken me long to relay everything that had happened. Once I was done speaking, it was as if a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. Eric had then taken a deep breath before he gently moved me to the couch and stood up, leaving me alone on the couch.
I watched his face grow unreadable, returning to the small scowling expression he normally wore while he thought about things. The silence that had fallen between us was laced with buzzing energy. Eric knew something I didn't, and he didn't relay it to me. When he then sighed and relaxed, apparently he had decided to let it go, he turned to the door and opened it again.
Eric made sure the hallway was empty before he turned back to me. "It's almost dinner time. And the half-way rankings will be revealed tonight." Eric explained when he sat back down on the couch. "We should get there before it gets too late." Eric turned, intending to stand back up but I grabbed his arm, keeping him from executing his intentions.
"What about Four? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted so rashly. I just—I just—" I rasped barely making any sounds. Eric's expression faded back into his serious one. I swallowed and tightened my hold on his arm. "Will he keep it to himself?" I asked instead, my voice stronger this time. I had violated the one rule Eric had put in place when we began this.
Eric shrugged and turned back to me. "I do not know. Hopefully he will. But Four is not my friend, Octavia." Eric heaved a sigh, his shoulders raising as he took in a deep breath. Then a hand was placed on the back of my neck, guiding my head forwards. Eric wanted to kiss me but I placed my hand against his lips and arched an eyebrow at him. I had just emptied the contents of my stomach earlier. Eric smirked and placed a kiss on my forehead instead before he stood up, then he stretched a hand down to me.
I took it, allowing him to help me up onto my feet before I slipped into my shoes again. He offered me a galls of water and I took it gratefully. The water was helpful and some of the nausea vanished. When I put the glass into the sink, Eric was ready by the door.
Eric made sure there were no one in the hall once more before we exited his apartment. Once we had descended the first flight of stairs into another empty hallway, a hand found mine and fingers intertwined with my own. The gesture was very unlike him, but I needed it.
Eric kept his hand in mine until we closed in on the dining hall. The loud roar of voices, reminding us both of the presence of others. Eric squeezed my hand once before sliding his fingers out of mine. "I have to go wake the dauntless born. If they're not yet in the dining hall." Eric said and turned completely to me.
"Can I—" Eric lingered, his eyes shifting to my lips when he asked the question. I had nodded even before he completed his sentence. The smile he gave me sent shivers through my body. Eric grabbed my t-shirt by the collar, merely curled a finger around it before he yanked me closer. I exclaimed a surprised yelp, but it was silenced when Eric claimed my lips. A hand had been placed on the back of my head, tilting my head up even before I could register what had happened.
I felt disappointed when it ended but knew it was one of the conditions he had sat. Others could not know yet. It was dangerous, and Eric could be severely reprimanded if anyone found out. Even though I had already broken his rules, and now Four also knew about us. I hoped he would keep quiet, even though he clearly wasn't Eric's friend.
Then Eric released me again and quickly pulled ahead of me. His long strides made it easy for him, and he passed the dining hall first. I was certain the noise quieted when he did, and it made me slow down my own pace before I entered the dining hall. The short amount of rest I had gotten in Eric's apartment had only left me even more tired.
Facing all my fears today hadn't been easy. The fear had gotten the best of me for the first time. I had even allowed my fears to control my actions, but also after waking up from the simulation. I kept my head low when moving towards the others around the usual table. They weren't as cheerful as they normally were, everyone had been weighed down by the confrontation of their own fears.
Roxy was leaned against Luke, his arm draped around her waist as he spoke with Tadeo on the opposite side of the table. The twins weren't there yet so I sat down next to Tadeo this time. It was the seat on the edge of the table, I hadn't been in the mood to sit in between two people.
Tadeo smiled carefully to me before he reached for my hand. I felt him squeeze it tightly, the gesture only short because I had retracted my hand. I knew he was only worried, but it felt wrong knowing Eric was not far away from us. Tadeo clearly noticed but chose not to ask about it. "Did you face many fears today?" He asked instead, prompting conversation.
"I think it was five this time." I sighed, pushing a hand through my loose hair. Tadeo's smile faded when he raised an eyebrow instead. He clearly seemed impressed but also surprised.
"Five—that wasn't a whole lot. I think I had nine today." Tadeo sighed when reaching for a piece of the famous dauntless cake. A piece he offered to me first. It took it from him and he reached for another. It was very like Tadeo. He was a very caring person and had always been.
"I think I had fifteen." Roxy shuddered from beside Luke. My attention shifted to her. Roxy remained leaned against Luke who placed a kiss on her forehead. That simple gesture made my heart ache, Eric had done the same to me. But at the same time, it made me suspicious. Just how much had I missed?
I hadn't been around much lately, Eric had been filling my thoughts. Luke and Roxy who sat here opposite of me, was clearly not just friends any longer. I raised an eyebrow, ignoring the feeling of guilt that coursed through me. "When did this happen?" I asked, pointing between them.
Roxy jumped upright, her face red with embarrassment. "O!" She groaned at me, but Luke didn't allow her to deny it. He placed a hand on her cheek, guiding her head towards his before he placed her lips on hers. The kiss was needy and quite affectionate. "Luke!" Roxy hit his chest when he released her and looked between us because my eyes had widened.
It only made everyone laugh around them. But I was happy for them. I wanted nothing less for Roxy, she deserved nothing less. Their coming together was really great. I had seen how she had been looking at Luke for quite a while. He was a handsome boy. Tall, much taller than Eric even. Brown curly hair, brown eyes, and a very pleasing smile.
Then the twins decided to join. Ly had seen what Roxy and Luke did when they approached. I had noticed how Myra had been looking at Tadeo, like Roxy had been looking at Luke. However, I could also not help but notice the way Tadeo looked at me. It was something I couldn't return because I already had someone else.
I stole another glance at Eric. He had seated himself on the other side of the leader table, changing seats with Abby who now had her back to me. And those blue eyes were fixed on me, even though he spoke with Abby. I smiled when noticing. It was such a small thing, but it meant the world. "Did you get woken up by Four as well?" Roxy asked Ly.
Ly scoffed loudly. "No, it was mister sunshine over there." Ly pointed at Eric, and everyone chuckled. I smiled at the nickname, finding it appropriate and not degrading. "Cheerful as ever." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she reached for a piece of cake.
"He threw Hunter out of bed because he was too slow." Myra added. "He's been really angry with him and Solomon ever since they missed the train yesterday." Myra sighed as she rested her forearms against the table, on either side of her plate.
I stole another glance at Eric who at that moment decided to stand up. He said a few words to Abby, who smiled at him as he stepped away from the table. Her eyes followed Eric when he walked towards Four. Abby then noticed my stare and raised an eyebrow at me as her smile grew even wider. That woman was too perceptive for her own good.
Eric passed our table, a little too close. I could almost feel his arm brush against my shoulder. I was unsure if it was to get close to me, or just to annoy the twins. Their scowls definitely grew wider when he did, where a satisfied expression emerged on Eric's face before he bent down next to Four. The two instructors exchanged a few words before Four also stood up.
The dining hall was slowly emptying, leaving only the initiates. Once empty, Four proceeded to pull out the screen we had used when receiving our first rankings. It was empty right now, leaving us all quite anxious to see the rankings. "Is there anyone who knows why they want to reveal our rankings now?" Luke asked, leaning over the table towards Tadeo and me.
I shrugged but Tadeo answered. "I have a feeling that it's because they want us to fight harder now that the initiates program is coming to an end." Tadeo reminded us all of the painful truth. It had been almost seven weeks since the choosing ceremony. His reply was reasonable. Just as we had been able to choose them, they were now getting the opportunity to choose us.
Tadeo's words had placed a shroud over our table. It was a painful truth but a truth, nonetheless. We didn't really speak afterwards. My attention had shifted back to whatever it was Four and Eric were doing. I noticed how Max and the other leaders remained in the dining hall as well this time while all the other dauntless left.
"Welcome Initiates." Max suddenly stepped forth and addressed us all. Everyone stopped speaking and the room felt deadly silent. "This evening we will reveal the preliminary rankings, they will show you where you're placed at the moment and what you will need to fight for." Max walked a few steps to the right as a screen was lowered down behind him.
"The initiate training is coming to an end. This is where you must fight the hardest. No one is safe because the rankings is ever changing. The ranking you end up with will be imperative to what jobs you can move into." Max was even worse than Eric. Real gloom was placed over the dining hall at those words.
"Here are your rankings." Max presented, raising a hand towards the empty scoreboard beside him. Everyone turned to the screen as the names slowly began to appear.
1. Tadeo
2. Octavia
3. Isaac
4. Levi
5. Alice
6. Peter
7. Luke
8. Emil
9. Ly
10. Myra
11. Hunter
12. Roxy
13. Solomon
14. Sophia
15. Elijah
16. Samuel
17. David
18. Emil
19. Lilly
The roar that left the people inside the dining hall almost masked my own surprise. I was placed second. Tadeo, who was placed first, was grinning at my side before he pulled me into a hug, a hug I returned just as the twins joined in, congratulating us both.
I cracked up, smiling widely and enjoying the truth. I wasn't half bad at this. When Roxy came around the table, I wiggled Tadeo's arms away from me before she replaced the hold with her own arms. "I'm so proud of you!" She squealed into my ears. Her happy voice only made me tighten my own hold on her.
Then before I could understand what had happened, Solomon and Hunter had attacked Tadeo, congratulating him on his presentation. I quickly moved away from them as they rolled around on the floor. More of the dauntless born initiates joined in. They had all know each other since very young, so their reaction were understandable.
I kept my arm around Roxy and looked towards the leaders. They were all clapping and Abby even sent me a wide smile before nudging her elbow into Eric's side, earning an angry growl from him. It didn't deter Abby at all as she only caught him in one of her iron head locks again. Eric fought her off and said a few words to her before he made sure there was at least a meter's distance between them.
The still angry Eric then pushed his disheveled hair back, correcting it the best he could. It was the last I got to see of him before Roxy grabbed my hand, forcing me with her. "Come! We need to celebrate!" Roxy's voice was all I could distinguish from the voices in the hall as everyone began leaving.
I was pulled with them to the pit. Tadeo and some of the dauntless born initiates had managed to get their hands upon some alcoholic beverages, a rare sight, but not uncommon in dauntless. Soon a large silver flask was handed around to everyone. I had seen them before, they were not something you often saw because they were not sold to the initiates. Some dauntless frowned upon it because it addled your senses, and as the warrior faction we always had to be ready.
I had seated myself on one of the rocks in the pit, watching as some of the dauntless born initiates fought each other. The sparring was different from the full-fledged dauntless, even though it had begun to resemble it. Tadeo had just managed to tackle Solomon, pinning him to the ground with one hand on his chest as he rested in a crouch above the man. "I won." Tadeo chuckled.
We hadn't been trained with the dauntless born initiates and their fighting style were much more individual than any of the transfer initiates. I did not want to fight Tadeo at all, not after seeing some of what he could do. Roxy slid down from her place beside me, swinging her legs out over the edge of the rock as Luke approached her.
He positioned himself between her legs, resting his back against her chest. Roxy swung her arms over his shoulders and placed a kiss on his cheek. I watched them in silence, my heart aching for when I could do that with Eric. What the hell? With a frenzied shake of my head, I shook the images out of my head. There were no way in hell he would like that.
It had only been a few days and I was already thinking about him constantly. It had been hard for me to realize my feelings and how much I had been drawn to him after he saved me. It hadn't helped that my stupid lizard brain had connected his damn cologne with the feeling of being safe. I felt so stupid when thinking about it.
Even more so when understanding that Eric returned it all, providing me with affection I hadn't imagined he could be capable off. It was as if when I broke those walls, he poured it all on me. It had really moved fast but I couldn't deny how much I relished in his attention.
It had been the small things that kept making me return to him. And then after I had found out I resembled Georgiana, I had wanted to retreat but the mention of her only made me break through those walls, to find a person screaming for attention, screaming for someone to love, someone to call theirs.
I had at first thought we could get a good friendship going but then he had kissed me, undoing whatever it was Gabriel had done. That singular kiss had changed everything. I had wanted more, much more than just a friendship. But so had he. He was not satisfied with just a friendship either.
"Earth to Octavia." Roxy's voice broke through my thoughts, bringing me back to what was happening around me as she waved her hand in front of my face. I came to notice Tadeo was now standing beside the rock, his arm stretched out, offering me the small container of the alcoholic beverage.
"No thank you." I held a hand up, dismissing the drink. Tadeo shrugged before he took another sip of it instead. I scooted down the rock, finding a seat beside Roxy who was still seated behind Luke. I smiled to her before she wriggled her eyebrows at me, shifting her attention between Tadeo and me. It made me frown before leaning closer to her. "Not going to happen, you mischievous beast." I whispered, stopping it before she could get started.
Roxy groaned, exaggerating the sound that left her. "You're so dull. Live a little! He clearly likes you." Roxy continued before resting her chin against Luke's shoulder. I was living, living rather dangerously. I had something almost like a boyfriend, a scary boyfriend. I smiled even wider at the thought before unconsciously searching for that one person, but he wasn't anywhere in sight.
I returned my attention to the fight happening not far from us. Hunter was trying his luck against Solomon now. It was really enlightening to watch their sparring. There was no denying the dauntless born were much better than us, in many aspects.