Grief comes in waves, at first they are so strong you feel so swept away. They come at such random moments, replacing a feeling of normalcy with those familiar tears.
Yet in time those waves lessen and let the good memories flood in instead, they allow for waves of smiles and warmth, those funny or sweet things that were said.
It was obvious the memory of that Night was still engraved in his head, torturing him throughout his sleep, and days. He couldn't believe everything happened so fast, he wasn't able to keep up with her, and now she was gone.
And the most painful part of it all
They both loved each other, yet they ran out of time to tell it to each other and never got to show them what it really means;
To be loved and To love.
" I always come here, I hope you aren't tired of me yet. "
He spoke to her grave as if she was there, sitting in front of him as she listens— Just like she said, I will listen.
In his eyes, there lied emptiness and a patch of dirt; In his heart, he hears her laughs and sarcastic answers, he sees her smile that reached from ear-to-ear, her frizzy brown hair and deep brown eyes, and her lips— Oh, her lips that he just can't forget.
" I hope you know how much I miss you. My days are not the same knowing you're not here anymore. The Mornings are cold; The Afternoons are cold; The Nights are cold— It's always cold. "
He looked down, his hand balling in to a fist as he held his emotions.
" I want to see hear your voice, your laugh, your jokes, everythinh— I want to see you so badly. But I'm afraid It'll take time before I find you. "
A laugh escaped his lips with a tear rolling down his face. He quickly sealed his lips back and looked up, preventing more tears that had dared to go down.
" Remember that time I told you about books I've read? It told me about Other Universes in this world, can't you believe it?! There's more places! "
He smiled, and tilted his head to notice the sun slowly setting. There was so much more for him to tell, but it was clear to him that it was enough for today. After all, he always came to visit every day, he'll have all the time that he wants tomorrow.
" I'll be going now, love. " He abruptly stood up from the ground, before stopping as he placed a bouquet of 24 White Roses on top of the dirt.
" Once I find you, I'm never letting you go again. "
___
My head shot up almost immediately when I heard the slightest bit of noise. I groaned in pain as soon as I felt the strain in my neck, I moved my neck slightly to let it ease for a second, before I had dropped my head on the table in front of me. A loud thump errupted under me, as it was wood that I landed on.
I sighed tiredly. Today marks the seventh day I've been having one of those weird scenes, that I assumed was from my dreams. It appears everytime in my head whenever I wake up. Every little detail of it would be so realistic, to the point that it creeps me out a little.
But then again, I am a Writer.
There really is no capacity to how large the human brain is, but inside an Author's mind— It's a different world. Our mind would run for as long as it could, giving us ideas for almost every second of the day, but it costs energy which was the disadvantage when it came to actually doing what was in our heads. That's why most of us suffer the lack of sleep, it just never stops.
And could be the reason to the extremely vivid dreams.
" Samantha! "
My body reacted quickly and turned at the exact moment to catch a young brunet before he could fall straight down to the table. I watched as his back managed to hit one of the water bottle, but it was sealed when it fell to the ground. I sighed in relief and turned to the teenager, he looked at me with a nervous smile lacing his lips.
As quick as he could, he bounced away from me and ran towards a certain blonde carrying a camera, laughing while pointing the lense towards me. I rolled my eyes and circled around the table, picking the bottle up and placing it back down to the table beside my laptop.
I crossed my arms and leaned my lower back on the edge of the table, raising an eyebrow at the two.
" Tommy, turn off that camera. " I said, glaring lightly at the teenager as he groans and closed the glass lense.
" It was a good shot though! Oh, prepare yourself 'cause I'll edit it as my intro. " He chortled in amusement as he reviews the footage with a big grin. I only shook my head at him, too tired to complain before turning to the one beside him.
" Tubbo, didn't I tell you— "
" It was Tommy, he kept chasing me around! " The boy walks up to me as he points at Tommy, pointing at him as the reason to why he had almost tipped the whole table over.
" Wha— Hey! You were the one that fuckin' went for the table?! "
I sighed and slumped down as I looked away from the two while they enter into another of their playful fights.
It always happens, no matter where we are or whatever. Sometimes I would just leave and hide inside my room, but it appears to be impossible right now, unfortunately.
We were at a beach in Brighton. I picked a fairly good amount of space for the guests regarding the 'meet-up' that Tommy himself had arranged, and a big one, if I must say. He told me about a few of our close friend would be coming, which were the ones who lived in the same area; as well as a few more, from America whom I've only heard about, though it was only the things they do and all.
I quickly shook my head to take myself out of my thoughts. " Cut it out, you're 16 and 17, not 6 and 7. "
Honestly, I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for those two. Tubbo and Tommy's family seem to trust me well, which is good but not at the same time, considering the contrasting energy between us.
Their energy clearly does not mix with my sleep deprivation.
As of now, I was stood beside a table, where I had decorated with all of the food we brought. My notebook was laid out in the open with a pen on top of it and messy handwriting on the paper. I then remembered that I've been writing about the dreams these past days, and I just finished one that was now being inspected by the teenagers.
" Wait, you're still writing? " Tommy was now found sitting on the same chair I was on a while ago, and is reading the paragraph I had just finished writing.
" Is this your new book? " Tubbo stood beside Tommy while looking down, he was also reading it with an interesting look.
I turned away from the two and crouched down to open the cooler. " Nope, it's just some weird dreams. "
" You write about your dreams? Really? " Tommy looked back at me with a stunned expression, before he looked up at Tubbo.
" I think it's nice, your dreams seems magical and interesting and emotional— It's like a literal story. " Tubbo ignored Tommy, and started rambling about the story as he flips through the pages.
I sipped from the can of Sprite in my hand before lowering it down as I watched the liquid circle around inside while I played with it.
He was true, it was like I was watching a movie. It made me feel all sorts of feelings, specially to when it holds a type of emotion that people would pick up while watching. Sometimes I would even remember a few of my friends, Tommy and Tubbo included.
But I normally pushed those thoughts away as it kinda made sense. All of us held a different type of bond, very different to call it just close friends. We were more in the line of siblings, like family. I still remember the time I had met them, we instantly clicked like it was meant to be.
Weird, in all honesty. It was the first time we all met, but the feeling was like— reuniting with an old friend.
" It's because she writes novels and shit. Her mind became too big and started giving her crazy dreams! " Tommy laughed out loud before he stood up and picked up his camera, switching places with Tubbo who still wanted to read through all of it.
I laughed at his statement, half of me agreeing as it was the same thought I had. He then heard this and threw me a proud shrug with his usual smile.
" Where's their names? " Tubbo grabbed the notebook and pointed at the pages with a confused frown.
" Sadly, I can't remember any of their names. " I threw my head back to get all the soda out of the can, before tightly wrapping my fingers around the thin can and chucked it inside a near by bin.
" That's sad. " He said and slowly placed the book down on the table.
I leaned one of my hand on the table while the other held the side of my hip. Tubbo looked up at me for a second, probably wondering why I was staring at him.
" But— " I decided to drag the word for a little, while Tubbo's mouth slowly fell open as he unknowingly copied my expression.
" But? "
" I remember one, two, maybe more. I don't know anymore— but I do. " I tried not to laugh at his face when he I noticed very visible confusion to what I said.
" What? " He asked.
" I can describe to you what one of them looks like. "
Out of all the people inside those dreams, there was only one lucky person that somehow ended up inside my mind for 24/7. Like everyone else, I could never remember their name, all I picked up was crumbs of his voice and looks. It wasn't much, but at least there was something.
There came a small sparkle inside Tubbo's eyes when he heard that, seems like he was really into it. I chuckled and turned to fully face the table, to which enabled me to lean both hands on the edge.
" Well? "
" Well, " I repeated and looked up as I lightly chewed on my bottom lip. I wanted to make sure I remember all of it. " He has this dirty blonde hair that shines like gold under the sunshine when he's outside, he was also blessed with long lashes over his green eyes, a tall height— "
" Is he taller than me? " Tommy turned to me with a frown after hearing the word 'tall'.
" Yes. " Tubbo and I laughed at him when he started throwing a tantrum over an unknown guy being taller than him. I decided to ignore Tommy and looked back at Tubbo, who was looking at me with a smile.
" But out of all that, he had this laugh— "
" Talking about boys, I see? "
I didn't need to turn when I already knew who the voice belongs to, I only laughed as a response while Tubbo looked at him with a displeased frown.
" It's not like that, it was a guy from my dream. " I replied to the tall man who had his arm around my shoulder.
" A guy from your dream, or the guy of your dreams? " Fundy started wiggling his eyebrows at me, teasing me to get the "truth" out.
From the corner of my eye, I saw a much taller guy— standing in 6'5 and immediately greeted by Tommy. Although it didn't last long once he turned to us, a smirk on his lips with Fundy's laugh blaring to what happened next.
" Can you feel the love tonight. "
Wilbur grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Fundy, to which he then proceeded to position us in a waltz. Soft hums of music suddenly came out along with stifled laughs as he sways the both of us in the Middle of the beach, with me laughing as I played along.
This was what I meant by a special type of bond between our group of friends, we knew how to make each other laugh even while doing the simplest things.
" What was his laugh like? Did it give you butterflies like those Romance Novels? Did you feel like you were in heaven and listening to an Angel sing? Did you blush and turn in to a tomato? "
I laughed even more at Wilbur's jokes about cliché scenes from the books. Although I couldn't blame him, it was always one or two of those, at least.
" Not exactly, " I said with a bit of hesitation as I smiled while hearing the laugh echoing through my mind. " It sounded horrible. He had this painful wheeze that would result in to him coughing or choking! I was more worried than charmed, to be honest. "
Wilbur laughed and bent slightly backward as he stops after hearing my story. I immediately stepped away from him as I watch him die on top of the rocks, Tubbo watching us with Tommy's camera in hand. I shook my head and made my way out of the scene, leaving the tall, english man.
" Eret? " I immediately stopped when I heard a low chuckle from beside me. I then saw him, standing a few steps away with his arms crossed while pretending to be oblivious. I laughed and ran up to him, giving Eret a tight hug.
He laughed and slightly bent his back to hug me, his chin instantly leaning down on top of my head as our height differences was quite a lot.
" Did you— Did you get smaller?! "
" Hey! "
Once I stepped away, I found him laughing harder as he looks down at me. I rolled my eyes playfully and gently slapped him on the chest, telling him to cut it off.
" I did not choose to suffer an hour with those children, only for me to be insulted in return. " I jokingly said, pertaining to the two teenagers.
" Like you're not a child yourself. " Eret shot back.
I gave him a sarcastic smile and flipped him off, making him laugh harder this time and apologised after with a pat on my head.
" How's your head? Done with the weird imaginations yet? "
I chuckled, forgot I had told Eret about my dreams when it first started happening.
" I'm not sure, but I have a hunch that today will be the last. " I crossed my arms and looked away to admire the distance, noticing how the sun was about to set in a few hours prior.
" How so? " His voice was muffled as he drinks from a bottle right after, the cracking noise of the cap making it obvious without having to look.
I pierced my lips together and took a deep breathe through my nose. It was my way of trying to collect my words, as the recent dream was a big shock for me.
" Remember the girl and the guy? " I glanced at him, and saw him nod while closing the water bottle.
" What happened? "
" She died, in his arms. " I said, feeling my throat clench painfully as I thought about it again.
I admit, I cried after witnessing what had happened between the two. There was this pain that I couldn't describe properly. It was similar to a heartbreak, but instead it was knives continously stabbing you in the heart. In some part of that day, I even felt guilt for him and would end up crying whenever I thought of him, and his last words to her.
" He'll find her? " Eret asked in surprise after hearing about the recent one.
I slowly nodded with a sad look. It has only been a day since I dreamt of it, which meant I still felt heavy inside. Normally, I would feel the same way from movies that I watched but it doesn't usually last long. This was different, very different and I knew there was something hidden but I couldn't pin my mind right on the thought.
" Are you sure these are dreams and not spoilers for your new book? " He half-joked. I knew a part of him still refused to believe that I am telling the absolute truth, to which I couldn't blame him for.
I laughed. " To be honest, I'm not even sure if it's a dream. When he told her she'd try to find him, I swear I heard my name! And I heard my voice, like my own voice speaking! "
" You're on some real shit. " Eret said, laughing loudly. I was about to protest when I heard a car's loud honk from behind us, I turned to check and saw it park right behind mine with a few people inside that I could see through the glass.
" They're here! " Tommy yelled in excitement, Tubbo quickly following suit.
" Who? " I mumbled.
" Do you have memory problems? We literally just had a talk about a few more of our friends. " Eret knocked his knuckle on the back of my head, making me flinch as I turned around to give him a glare. He only gave me a shrug before looking up once we both heard everyone's voice, along with a few new ones.
Both had different shades of hair popped up in my view as they greeted everyone, along with Eret who quickly left to join. I only watched from a fair distance while they decided to catch up with everyone else, and enjoyed the sight of their happy smiles. It was interesting to see how tall they all were, Tubbo could barely be seen around literal trees. I shivered at the thought of having to be in his place, knowing I was much shorter.
I turned around and started heading back to our table, where I planned to wait for them while I start to set up last minute preparations. After all, I wasn't a big fan of socialising unless necessary, so it was my idea to avoid any contact for now.
In less than a minute, everything was all aligned perfectly on the table and easy to grab. There was just one more missing, and that I realised was the paper cups I bought before going here, that I guessed was in my car.
While they were busy, I quickly took a different way to where I wouldn't have to bump in to them or any people at all. That way, it's a win-win.
" Oh— "
Nevermind.
I almost had the worst heartattack when I accidentally took the wrong step and bumped in to someone along the way. My forehead was the first to hit, making me dizzy for a second before I realised what happened.
" Sorry, I was in a hurry—! " I apologised, too embarrassed to even look at the person and decided to stare at the ground.
Suddenly, a laugh that I never thought I would hear in person came ringing in my ears like loud bells. My head automatically froze, coming in to a some sort of agreement with myself that I have definitely heard it, and it was the same as his.
" No worries, it's all good. " He said, his laugh still continuing but this time it was soft, not as startling as the first.
I gulped nervously, feeling a bit tense all over as I debates with myself if I should look or immediately leave.
" Perhaps, are you a friend of Tommy? "
My eyes slightly widened. It was too late to step back when I snapped my head to face him, only to be stopped again at the sight that nearly took my breathe away. Literally.
Eyes of green stared back at me with speckles of brown and gold inside. My heart skipped a beat at that second.
" Yup. " I said, a squeek by the end as I couldn't get my eyes off his face.
He smiled, but it looked more on the confusing side when he heard my small shriek of panic. I looked down and brought my hands to my face, feeling the blood rush all over my body.
" Are you okay? "
" Yes? Mhm, yeah. "
Then, I felt his hand gently wrap around my wrist to which he tugged on and instantly removed both my hands on my face.
" Holy shit, you're red. "
I suddenly laughed, him joining me as well, turning it in to a weird moment of laughing together as complete strangers. People would occasionally send us looks as they passed by behind us, but with one look at each other, our lips would quiver and end with a disastrous fit of laughter. Even if I tried to hold it in, it only made it worse for the both of us.
Somehow, it reminded me of the first time I met my now considered family. We knew nothing of each other and never made contact before that day, yet it ended up with us laughing and promising to each other about meeting again soon. It was the same as what was happening here, a familiar connection that I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for our odd way of meeting.
" Hey! What are you two doing there?! " Tommy yelled.
We both turned around and saw everybody gathered around the table, staring at us. I glanced back at the blonde beside me, he was already looking at me and both ended up cracking a smile as we stare at each other.
" Who are you? " I couldn't help but ask.
He chuckled and stepped in front of me, turning his back to everyone else and hidding me with his tall height.
Let's meet again, somewhere.
" A friend of Tommy, an American. " He joked.
I rolled my eyes playfully. " I'm asking for your name, Idiot. "
" It's not a nice way to ask. "
I'll find you,
" —Samantha. " I played along and handed my hand out, completely forgetting about the thought I had a while ago.
I'll see you soon,
" —Dream. " He grabbed my hand gently and connected our hands together, sending the both of us electric shocks as soon as it did.
For a moment, it felt like time froze, and everything else was a blur;
Except for him.
Except for her.
We stared at each other for so long, that it almost looked like we've known each other long before. Months? Decades? A Century? I think so. It was different, a billion times to how you'd feel to meeting a stranger.
People would probably think we're lying the moment I admit to being not more than a stranger; not a friend, a family, an enemy— a literal stranger that I met through a rather odd way.
This time, a soft smile was both on our faces, instead of the irresistable laughs that cracked us even more. Little did I know, we both had been feeling the same way, and heard words we didn't know where it came from.
" Samantha? " A hue of red and pink was brushed on his face as soon as her name rolled off his tongue. He liked it. The feeling of him saying it, was the same as finding something you've lost for so long.
I found you.
" Dream? " She said, already taking a liking on it as clearly seen on her sheepish smile. She couldn't help it, hearing him say it was the same feeling as finally meeting with someone you've missed for so long.
You found me.
They couldn't help it. Her arms found its way around his neck, and His crawled around her waist as he pulled her closer. The two had completely indulged in the loving feeling running across their vains, ending in them holding each other tightly.
Samantha breathed more slowly, her body melting into Dream's body as every muscles lost its tension to the summer air. The missing piece now found and connected.
Finally
It all ends here.