I was holding onto him, his arms tightened around me.
"It's going to be okay Lily, I love you, I love you"
I didn't know what to think.
The words I had wanted to hear, the words I was dying to hear.
The words I would have ran half way around the world to hear just were not sinking in.
I couldn't make myself click to what Jake was saying.
I was numb, so numb I felt nothing, nothing.
NOt his arms, not his warm embrace, nothing but the tears on my cheeks.
Each one seemed to weigh a thousand pounds.
His hands caressed my arm, as he kissed my forehead.
I tried to ignore him, right now, I wanted to hurt, like I should.
Not be comforted.
I wanted to be alone.
I wanted to disintegrate.
Disintegrate.
That reminded me of the fire.
I pushed Jake away, but he didn't seem offended, because as I took off walking, he matched my steps taking my hand.
I wiped my tears, I was the strong one, Bella needed me.
I looked in the mirror in the door, practising a smile.
It wouldn't work, instead I just looked agonised.
So instead, I just tore all emotion off my face.
I was a robot.
I was no longer Lily.
I no longer had feelings.
..
Edward was sitting beside Bella, as she stared down at the table.
Her face, terrified me, and it was hard to compose myself.
thats when I realised the phone was sitting in the middle of the table and Bella, kept glancing at it.
Almost begging it too ring.
Jake pulled me out a chair beside her, I sat down, wrapping my arm around Bellas shaking shoulders.
"Bella, she's going to be fine." I whispered.
I was to scared to talk, any louder afraid my voice would crack and I would lose all composure.
Bella clung on to me.
"Lily, Lily it's my fault, I should have stayed, I should have looked after her. She was trying to cook. I should have been the one cooking." She hiccoughed.
"Bella, Hushh, it's not your fault. Not our fault. NOt our fault."
I wrapped my arm around her, tighter.
Bella shook her head, "She's going to die, going to die, die, die,die,die DIE!!" Bella sounded like a broken record.
I couldn't take it, tears rolled down my cheeks.
I turned to stare at Bella.
Taking her face in my hands lifting it so she had to look into my eyes.
She tried to look back down.
"Bella, look at me. Look at me." I ordered.
She finaly lifted her brown eyes, full of fear, full of anger, and tears.
"Bella, Everything, happens for a reason. Mum will be fine, she's a tough cookie, we know that. She's going to be fine. So stop this, wipe your eyes, and stop fretting, until we know for sure she is gone." My voice and my words sounded so meaningful, so strong.
Bella nodded, like she believe what I had said, like she believed me.
atleast that was one of us.
Because I was still very much afraid.
***
When Charlie walked in later that night I was helping Bella set up the table, I caught a glance of our faces in the mirror, and for two sisters that looked so different so unlike each other, we looked identical.
Emotionless, broken faces staring at nothing inparticular.
Charlie's face was the same.
"Girls" he whispered as he walked in the door, Charlie hated emotions, but I could tell right now he was full of them.
He had never stopped loving Renee.
He wrapped as both in a tight embrace, as we clustered together like that, each clinging to each other like our entire lives depended on it, I finaly felt oddly at home.
This was my family, and no matter what happens, we were going to be there for each other.
**
Sender: Jake
Can you sleep? Do you want me to come keep you company?
Jake
I read the message on my cellphone a few times over before quickly replying.
Sender: Lily
That would be kindof perfect.
I took a shower, and just when I was pulling on my boxers, there was a tapping on my window.
I ran over flung it open , just as Jake was taking five wide steps back before flinging himself at the wall, bouncing off it he some how managed to grab hold of the tree, and throw himself gracefuly through my window.
We didn't say anything.
Jake just walked slowly over to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close onto his bare torso.
I wrapped my arms around him as he began to plant kisses on my neck, before lifting me off my feet and onto my bed.
placinng me down carefuly, he climbed in beside me.
I had felt so empty before he had been here, like I was nothing more then a shell, a very embty, shell that some one had stood on, and thrown the peices all over the sand, so It was impossible to peice them back together, yet somehow, Jake had managed to find a few of those peices as I pulled myself into his warm body.
"Go to sleep now." He whispered.
I tried, I tried to make a black hole come and swallow me into a dreamless sleep.
Jake ran his fingers through my hair, across my back, down my spine.
COmforting me, but suddenly his warm body reminded me of the warmth of a fire, I gasped whimpered and began to cry.
I could see Renee screaming as the flames, swallowed her up "LILY HELP HELP!"
"Shhh Lils, Shh Charlie will come in." Jake whispered holding me close.
The warmth of his skin, didn't feel like fire, but once again a comforting embrace.
With tears on my cheeks, and my lips tasting like the salt of fresh tears, as I lifted my head too Jakes, I was about to kiss him, our lips about to touch when...
The door opened, and Bella walked in, along with Edward.
"You guys holding up?" Edward grinned, at us knowing that we had been about to kiss.
I chucked my pillow at him anoyed.
"ASS HOLE!" I retorted
"Stupid blood sucker!" Jake laughed hugging me again.
Bella and edward squished into my bed, Jake on my left side Edward on my right.
It was the oddest feeling, half of me burning up, the other freezing.,
****
I decided to go to school that day, even though Charlie said I didn't have too.
I just couldn't bare waiting the whole day to see if Renee would make it or not.,
Bella had decided to do the same.
Word travels fast in fawks.
And as soon as I was in the gate I was met by my friends tight hugs.
Winter took my hands, "Lily, I prayed for Renee last night." She whispered.
"My Baby sister died in ta fire, I couldn't bare to lose my mother. I really hope she will be okay." Emmily told me, wrapping her arms around me.
"Me too Emmz, Me too." I replyed.
The bell rang and they all hugged me goodbye, until I was the only one standing there.
Rower, though was standing with his hands in his pockets, stairing at me.
I smiled sadly at him, but it was too painful so I stopped.
"Hurts doesn't it."
Unsure if he meant not knowing if my mum was going to be okay, or if he meant the smiling, but I nodded, as he walked slowly towards me, taking me in a tight hug.
We stood there for a long time, his arms around me felt good, comforting, he was pretty much my best friend.
Jake was the one I loved, But Rower, I loved him too.
Just not nearly as much as I loved Jake.
"Lets go to class and give the teacher hell." Rower smiled at me.
taking my hand as we walked to class.
"I love you Lils." He whispered.
***
We were all sitting around the table.
Jake was squeezing my hand, Edward was hugging Bella, we were laughing empty laughs as we played a card game no one was paying attention too.
When the Phone rand.
Edward was there by the second ring.
"Helo, Edward Cullen Speaking."
"Yes, Yes thats right."
There was a prolonged pause, Edwards face fell but he quickly composed himself.
"Oh, Oh, yes, yes I see."
His voice was sympathetic and slow.
"I'm sorry, Yes I'll let them know."
"Yes, probably best I say it."
I already knew, who it was, what it was about, and it wasn't good.
Jake had moved to wrap his arm around me.
"That was Phill." Edward said slowly.
Bella let out a moan.
"She, She didn't make it."
Bella let out a hiss, and fell onto the table, passed out,
I got up from the table, throwing my chair across the room, my insides ripping apart.
As I ran, ran from the room and upstairs. I threw myself onto my bed.
And Screamed into the pillows.
I Didn't stop screaming and crying.
Jake Sat beside me, rubbing my back.
He didn't leave, I don't know how long I stayed like that.
Time didn't matter, nothing mattered.
I wished nothing more then to just curl up and die. right there.
**
I flicked on my laptop.
And checked my unopened emails, three from renee
Lily, you never returned my call, hows Fawks sweetie, it's a toughie here without you.
Phills getting really into the training with his team..
So I've been hanging out with the girls. Though I wish I was with my girls.
I have a surprise for you and your sister, I'll try call again soon.
Mail back honney Mum misses you
Love Renee
My stomach dropped, I had never called her back.
Or emailed her back, I hadn't even been bothered to check, assuming she would just always be there,
And now she wasn't.
Lily.
I called seven times, do you guys not know how to answer a phone?
The normal procedure is to pick it up when it calls push the green button and say "Helo?" not too hard is it sweetie?
Atleast Mail back.!!
Renee
Lily
I've tried calling and calling I guess you guys aren't home much?
is the internet down?
I'll send you a letter, maybe you have gone all old fashioned down in boring unsunny fawks =)
I'll tell you over the internet though I really wanted to tell you over the phone.
Or better in person.
I'm sending you and Bella plane tickets so you can come visit. you should get them in a few days
Alright now for the Big news!
Me and Phill are having a baby.
You are going to have a little Brother.
We already decided on a name.
Brandon.
Isn't it cute,
I am so excited. Love Renee. xx
Tears didn't stop pouring from my cheeks, as I read the last mail.
Not only had I lost my mum, but My baby brother as well.
I couldn't take it.
I couldn't show Bella the email.
It would kill her.
Jake read the letter.
"Shit" He whispered pulling me off the chair and into my arms.
"Shit." I whispered back