The control room is silent as each of us try to register what just happened. We'd only barely escaped with the skin of our teeth and yet we are still in a much better state than the majority of the rebels left behind.
At least we are alive.
The thought fills me with an immense amount of guilt. It was all because of one person's desperation and the bounty on my head.
I guess it could all boil down to Lazarus but somehow I feel like it's my fault as well.
My fingers clutch the medical kit tightly as I stare into space blankly, not knowing what to do. I turn back to Lucian only to see him limp to the back as he clutches his arm.
Luna sinks into a chair, her face filled with dejection while Pollux is the first of us to actually act. He grabs the medical kit from me and rushes in the same direction as Lucian did.
I glance at them, wondering if I should check on Lucian but my feet are glued to the floor. I'm still stunned, still trying to come to terms with the fact that all those homes were destroyed, all those lives taken.
All for some money and tax relief.
"Let Pollux tend to him. He's probably blaming himself for the destroyed rebel base and it's best to leave him alone for awhile," Luna tells me after noticing my hesitation.
"Lazarus, he did this," The words leave my mouth in a soft gasp. I always knew he was horrible but this just took a whole new meaning to the word.
Luna nods, looking disappointed and tired. I wonder if she is thinking about her ex fiancé, the one she was supposed to marry. The one hell bent on capturing me.
I sink to the floor as the shock slowly wears off and exhaustion kicks in. My arms and legs are sore from the previous battle and I can only imagine the pain Lucian must be going through both physically and mentally.
"Did he put a bounty on your head too?" I ask Luna. It would make sense if Lazarus did. I've seen the way he was with her, it may have been twisted but there was definitely some affection there. I doubt he would have taken her betrayal lightly.
"No," She says, her eyes glassy as if she's in a faraway place. Most likely relieving memories that will never be realised again. "He said he knew I will come back to him. I always have."
For some reason, his pompous assumption makes me grit my teeth in anger and I expect her to retort at his stupid insinuation but she remains silent.
"He's right, you know? I always chose him, from the time we were kids. I loved Lucian but it was always Lazarus. Always," She murmurs as she fiddles with a strap on her seat.
"Why?" I just can't understand her reasoning. Why would anyone choose Lazarus over anyone, let alone Lucian.
Luna chuckles, a soft delicate sound that is filled with bitterness. "They are like two opposites of a pole, Lazarus was like a raging fire, passionate, impulsive, enchanting. You couldn't ignore him even if you wanted to. His intentions are in his words, in his actions. With Lazarus what you see is what you get. I understood him and I was entranced by his passion and the power he exuded."
She shifts slightly and looks at me. "Lucian on the other hand was always the calm, elusive one, so guarded, so difficult to understand like water with unknown depths. One wrong step and you drown. Every time I thought I understood him he would do something completely unpredictable, leaving me on shaky ground. I guess even though Lazarus was ruthless, he made me feel secure, something I never felt with Lucian."
I lean back, thinking about her analogy. Fire and water, in a way it makes sense. Lazarus is pure destruction while Lucian might be the only thing that can extinguish his fire. However, water can also be just as dangerous.
I bite my lip wondering what Lucian's intentions really are after everything is over. Will he really keep to his word and leave Earth alone?
Why am I thinking so far ahead when we are clearly losing this war?
I shake my head and Luna eyes me curiously.
"He will not stop hunting both you and Lucian," She says suddenly and my heart sinks to my stomach.
"I get why he's after Lucian, him being the leader of the only possible army that can defeat him but..," I hesitate for a moment, unsure if I should continue. "Why me?"
Luna leans her head back and sighs loudly. She then turns to me her gaze serious. "You know there is a Plutonian folklore about a late king on one of the planets we colonised a long time ago. The king had a son who was obsessed with gifts, everything he wanted he got and there came a point where he would point at whoever or whatever he wanted and he got them no matter what the cost."
"One day he saw a princess from a faraway land that had come to marry his father. The prince wanted her from the moment he saw her but he couldn't have her because she was betrothed to his father. It drove him crazy, not being able to get this new toy and the night before her wedding, the princess was found dead in her room, stabbed to death."
Luna's hand curls around her strap and she tugs at it absent mindedly.
"He killed her," I finish her story for her and she nods.
"Lazarus has always gotten what he wanted, until you came into the picture and Lucian started improving as a leader and competitor. Lazarus wanted you even before you became lovers with Lucian," Luna admits, her eyes dark.
"So I am the toy he never got to play with," I conclude, my mouth sour with hate. It makes sense now, his obsession. It also proves how unstable he is as a leader. How many paramours will he kill now that he has no one to stop him?
"How many toys has he had?" Somehow I want to shake Luna for not feeling the same hatred that I do for him. Doesn't she know about all the paramours he has killed?
"Many," She sighs and I stare at her, my gaze a big fat question mark. Why would she stay with someone like that?
She shrugs her shoulders, her face sad. "Old habits die hard, I guess."
We fall into another bout of silence. Both too occupied with our thoughts to continue the conversation.
"What happened to General Lyra?" I suddenly remember the general whom I haven't seen since the fight at the rebel base.
"She's with Commander Rigel. She managed to rescue about a hundred rebels before the destruction," Luna replies.
Conflicting feelings brew in my chest as I think about the general. Was she lying about not being 'S'?
"PG Lucian is being very difficult," Pollux marches into the control room, clutching a bunch of tape and a scissors.
Both Luna and I jump at his words.
"What do you mean?" She asks him.
"He's not allowing me to treat his wound properly and this will delay his healing," Pollux frowns and taps his foot in frustration, obviously worried about his leader.
For some reason both Luna and Pollux turn to me in unison and my eyebrows raise in surprise.
"You think I would be able to help?" I ask them in dismay. Do they know how stubborn Lucian can be?
"Sorry but out of the three of us, you're the one with the highest probability of success," Pollux says and Luna grins slightly.
I stand up begrudgingly and wipe my hands over my pants. Even his reasoning sounds like a computer program.
I scowl at them and grab the tape and scissors from him. I then walk to the back, in search for Lucian while my heart pounds in my chest.
During the battle we were a team but now that the chaos is over I'm left with the question mark of how he feels about me and it makes me nervous.
Does he still hate me?
I slide open the door and walk into the room to find him resting on a makeshift bed. He is leaning against the wall, staring up at the ceiling with his straight silvery hair falling over his eyes. It's impossible to read his expression.
I shut the door and he turns towards me. He sighs loudly when he sees me with the tape.
"Not you too," He grumbles.
I rush over to him and bend down to inspect his wound but he shifts around evasively.
"Aria, I want to be alone," He says, his voice sharp.
"I will leave you alone once I clean this wound," I say. He isn't the only stubborn one on this ship. I grab his arm but he shakes me off.
"I'll be fine," He snaps and if I wasn't so used to his glare I would be afraid.
"No, you won't. Just let me clean it," I struggle to hold his arm but he avoids my every attempt.
I sigh loudly and lean back in frustration. "If you're punishing yourself for what happened to that rebel base, then let me tell you it's pointless. Because you need your strength to lead us. We need you to fight back, to defeat Lazarus."
"Us?" Lucian looks up at me and it feels like his gaze has wrapped its imaginary fingers around my heart. "You mean you and I? Aria, our relationship is what has lead to this. If we had never pretended to be lovers, if we had never met..." He trails off and I know what he means.
If we had never lived together, I would probably still be a fighter on Pluto, without any access to 'S' or the high level files in Lucian's room. I wouldn't know anything.
I look down, my chest constricting with the fact that he will never trust me again.
"It's not your fault. I did this. Lazarus was after me, he got our location because Cetus wanted to hand me in," I say softly in an attempt to take the weight of his shoulders. He doesn't deserve this guilt. I do.
"We both know why Lazarus wants you," Lucian counters. "He wants to bait me."
If this was a few weeks ago I would agree but this time it feels different. I don't think Lazarus wants me back just to spite Lucian anymore. It's turned to something much more sinister.
"I don't know," I say absent mindedly and then I see the trail of blood running down his arm. It makes my eyes sting with unshed tears. I lean forward and his face softens when he notices my tear filled eyes.
"Aria," He sighs, tiredly.
"Lucian, please just let me help clean you up. Just pretend I'm someone else, a stranger dressing your wound."
He scoffs. "You might as well be."
His words jab at me like needles but I scuttle closer and pull up his sleeve. The tourniquet has helped reduce the blood loss but the wound still needs to be cleaned and approximated.
We are so close to each other, I can hear his unsteady breathing as he heaves in pain. I look at him but he looks away, avoiding my gaze. Thankfully, he doesn't shift his arm this time.
I start wiping the dried blood away and then I dab at his wound. Lucian sucks in a breath and I catch him glare at me again. I ignore him and continue cleaning, earning a scowl every once in awhile.
Once I am done, I start taping the edges of the wound together with our special glue like gel that's supposed to keep them approximated till they heal.
I glance at Lucian who is staring off into space again. Something itches in my throat and the words come out slowly.
"My name is Aria Mabel Quinn. I had two loving parents and a brother I used to fight with all the time. I loved my family so much, they were my everything and then they disappeared just like that when I was taken at seven."
Lucian turns to me, his face serious but I concentrate on fixing up his wound as I speak.
"I was forced into slavery as a child. If I were on Earth I would have been going to school instead. I never wanted to stay on Pluto, I'd wanted to escape since the beginning. I hated all the Plutonians, especially the ones who punished us repeatedly. You were right, I did use you to escape. I thought joining the army was endgame and I would be able to escape easily."
I ease the tape down and smoothen it with my fingers.
"I didn't expect to fall in love with you. I didn't expect to receive help from a Plutonian who called themselves 'S'. I didn't expect any of it. All I knew was that I didn't want the slavery to continue on Earth."
The silence between us is stifling but Lucian doesn't say a word.
"I regret it all. Leaving you, leaving Rosie and the rest behind to their deaths, trusting an unknown Plutonian. I made a mistake and it cost me everything." My voice grows heavier by the second, any longer and it would break.
Lucian still doesn't say anything as I undo the cloth tied around his arm. I clutch his arm, not wanting to let go but at the same time knowing that I must.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," I say, my voice trembling after I'd just bared my soul to him. I don't remember the last time I've ever been this honest with myself or anyone else with how I feel.
Lucian's gaze is unreadable and I don't expect him to say anything either. I have been hiding my true self since I was seven but this is who I am and who I have always been.
I get up and walk to the door, my lungs are free from the lies, my chest light after admitting the entire truth but my heart grows heavier by the second.
I have finally said all that I needed to say and as painful as it may be, this chapter of ours that started on the basis of lies might have just met its end.
Guys, painful ending. Did any of u guys expect that?