Armena Riddle-Lestrange
April 20th, 2010
Darkness. It's all I remembered from those days in Azkaban. There were nights when the wind was so frigid, that if I just closed my eyes I could picture him. Yet just like everything, the moment I opened them— he vanished. He was like a ghost. His voice would call out to me and the phantom pain of his love would always be there. He would always appear in my dreams. The days when the sun was scorching, those were the worst days in Azkaban. It was like the rays would never end and in the sauna of the hot temperature, sleep evaded me. That's when the hallucinations would start.
I wanted to forget him, I wanted to be able to never remember the pale haired boy that I loved with all my heart but there was absolutely no escape. They say people only need a week in Azkaban to go insane. I wouldn't doubt that. You were all alone to your thoughts and most of them were the darkest ones. Draco was my nightmare every single night, he was my darkest thought. There was no way of being able to rid myself of his memory.
I could never get rid of him and it killed me to my core.
I don't know what was worse: the dreams or the hallucinations. At least in my dreams we were back at Hogwarts, lying under a cherry tree where I would read him love stories or tales happy endings. We were not a happy ending, the villains never got the happy endings in the stories that I read. My favorite dream was the ones where we would be tangled up for hours, our limbs intertwined together. I could feel his lips hot on my skin as we made love; white fabric floated around us, like we were in the clouds. When we would both reach that sweet climax, he would hold me in his arms. He would repeat over and over again how much he loved me. His fingers trailing down my spine, counting each vertebrae as he went. His lips would kiss my temple and he would repeat sweet nothings to me, as we just laid there in our own little paradise.
I had wondered many times if he still dreamed of me. If he even thought of me anymore or if he simply forgot about me. I knew he would never be able to forgive me after he learned what I had done— but I did it all for him. It was always for Draco.
My nightmares were worse than my dreams.
In my nightmares, I would relive that last day as a free witch. It would play like a broken record in the room of lost items. Theo's eyes staring up at me through his blank and dazed expression reminding me that I had killed him. The unforgivable curse pouring out of my lips. The dark blood that coated the room, dripping down the walls like someone threw red paint. I would picture him, The Dark Lord as he narrowed his eyes at me with disgust. Every time I tried to stop him from doing what he did best, he would do it in tenfold. At one point I learned to just give into my nightmares, accept the fate that I was given. I could picture him now— my father would just stand and laugh at me while I stood over Draco's dead body.
Yeah, those were the nightmares that I would wake up screaming from.
The room in Azkaban was dark and large. I could hear the dementors around me swooshing and hissing, begging to have what was rest of my soul. They were relentless, I could still picture their dark abyss mouths, sucking on my life, as I waited for them to finally kill me— but it never happened. As time went on, I started to count my days by scratching marks in the wall with my nails. I think I got up to seventy five before I lost count, then the days turned into years.
Then finally it was done.
Those who entered Azkaban rarely lived to tell the tale of their return. Even worse those who were released, refused to talk about what they had experienced inside. The least frightening part of Azkaban was the fact that it was swarming with Dementors. If I really let myself think about if— If I let my mind go back to that dark cold place, I could still hear the manic laughs of the prisoners inside and the hunger of the Dementors waiting outside of my door.
I closed my eyes, as I pressed my hands against the cold tile of my shower. I don't know how long I had been sitting under the water, but the once scalding hot temperature was now ice cold. I personally liked the cold, it reminded me that I was still alive.
"Armena! Hurry up we are going to be late!" Pansy shouted.
"Coming!" I yelled through the door, shutting off the cold water.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror of my bathroom, observing myself like I did everyday. I looked a bit older. I had developed more curves, as my body matured on it's own. My green eyes still blazed, as I stared at my own reflection. I could still feel the dark magic coursing through my veins. It was raw energy that was dying and waiting to be released. My hair was still raven dark, but shorter now, almost to my shoulders. After they released me from Azkaban, seven years ago, Pansy had insisted that she should give me a new look and move into her new flat right away. I hesitated but eventually gave into Pansy's ways. A few short years later, Potter moved in as well and now, I was their third roommate. I knew it was a slight burden to have me here, but Pansy insisted that I stay and eight years later, here we are.
I slowly traced the dark ink of my prisoner number under my collar bone. I didn't need to be skilled in runes to understand what the numbers meant; it were my initials and prison cell number.
ᚨᚱᛚ065
I closed my eyes and placed my hands on the sink in front of me, taking in a deep breath. It was a reminder that I still wasn't free and what I did was all for him.
"Armena! If I wait any longer for you, I am going to turn into an old hag!"
I opened my eyes and waved my hand over my body. My hair curled up into soft waves, that fell right at my shoulders and my usual black pant suit was placed on my body. I took one last look, straightening the black loose bow that laid on my blouse. With a heavy sigh, I threw open the door, to our shared living space, where Pansy was tapping her foot with her brow raised at me. Her brown hair twisted up in a bun with her matching pastel skirt set.
"You look nice" I smirked, snatching the toast out of her hand and taking a large bite before handing it back to her.
"We are going to be so late!" she shrieked, in pure Pansy Parkinson fashion.
I rolled my eyes and followed Pansy over to the hearth. She stepped inside of the large space and winked at me, before she went up into green flames. I shook my head and followed her in, ending up right behind her as we walked through the Ministry's Atrium. It was a large hall that was filled with grand fireplaces up and down the walls. The space was filled head to toe with witches and wizards, rushing to get to work before the bell chimed. I followed Pansy over to the lift, watching as the attendant shut the accordion style door.
"The Department of Magical Law Enforcement, please" Pansy cooed, batting her eyelashes at the attendant.
I bit my lip, holding onto the side of the lift. I felt the small compartment whip and whirl around the department with lightening fast speed. Our department's office was the closest to the ground floor, but never the easiest to get to. What I had learned over the years, is that the lower you go, the more secretive it gets. I gripped the wall tighter as I felt my stomach churn from all the movement. All this movement was going to cause my toast to appear on the floor.
I stared straight ahead as we slowed down to our level. I could see the black tiled walls reflecting in the morning rays as the light streamed in from the small glass windows. Level two held the Auror office, the office of the detection and confiscation of counterfeit defensive spells and protective objects, misuse of muggle artefacts office, improper use of magic office, Wizengamot, and Wizengamot administration services.
"Level two, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement" the attendant called.
I waved my arm, allowing Pansy to step off the lift first. She gave me her all so charming and signature smirk as she stepped off. I found myself letting out a much needed breath, trying to contain whatever was stirring deep inside.
"I don't have all day Armena!" Pansy called over her shoulder.
I rolled my eyes and stepped out of the lift, hurrying my steps to catch up with her. Our heels were loud, as we clicked down the black tiled hall. I always hated this walk in the morning, it was the looks from the other witches and wizards that did it for me. I held my breath as we walked past the offices of some of the top Aurors. Many of whom were the ones who dragged me in after that day at the Lestrange family home.
If I thought back far enough, I could still smell the stench of burning flesh, dark magic and wood as the Feindfyre tore through my family home. I could remember what it looked like as I stood out by our rod iron gates, waiting for the Auror's to come and get me. It was no use running, they would find me eventually and I would be dead within the year. I also knew that Pansy had to abide by our agreement with Narcissa Malfoy, which meant that Draco would soon forget that I even existed. I felt like I should just give in and accept my fate. I had always assumed I would either die by the hands of my father or, like the many Lestranges' before me— die in Azkaban. However, it came to a shocking surprise to everyone when a little over a year after my sentence began, they pulled me out and sat me back down in the very same chamber room. I remember that day so clearly that it was almost like I was staring in a pensive when I replayed it in my mind.
"Armena Riddle-Lestrange" the Minister of Magic called from his podium.
I looked up at the very man that wished for my death not even a year earlier, even after witnesses came forward, he still wanted to see my blood on the floor. I sat in the large wooden chair, the iron magical cuffs sparking fiercely against my skin. I could hear the dementors swirling above my head, ready to attack. I knew this was the end; this was when I would finally receive my Dementors Kiss.
But something changed in the their minds that day, something happened where they decided I was better off under their regime rather than in a six by eight cell.
"It has come to our attention that you harbor a great amount of power as a young witch. It would be a shame to see that go to waste. We would like to offer you a deal..."
A deal that kept me their silent prisoner as an employee for The Department of Magical Law Enforcement. It was a deal, but a deal where I was no longer in chains in a stone cold cell in the middle of the ocean. After my hearing, in front of the Wizengamont, they decided that I was much more useful as a part of the Ministry of Magic, than in Azkaban. The Ministry of Magic required that on the terms of my probation, that I am restricted from traveling outside of Great Britain. I would have to remain under close watch for ten years, before I can finally breathe on my own again. Even then I knew I would still be under a watchful eye of someone.
At first I started out as a bottom feeder, I would file paperwork, run everyone errands, act as a punching bag— you name it. But I worked hard, kept my head down and moved my way up, until I was finally at a position where I wasn't doing all the grunt work. It also helped that Potter became my supervisor a few years ago. He was the youngest wizard to ever be promoted to Head Auror, at the ripe age of twenty six. Ever since his promotion, we worked side by side. We are a fantastic team and everyone knows it.
He has seen darkness and I have lived it; we knew how to think like dark wizards do.
Pansy always joked that I was his "work wife" and she was his other wife. I didn't mind it, it felt nice to have some sort of normal again. Pansy work in the division of Improper Use of Magic. It suited her since she was so skilled with charms and everyone was afraid of Pansy Parkinson-Potter.
Pansy and Potter got married in a small ceremony at the Three Broomsticks, which was only fitting considering that's where they met. Pansy got special permission from the Ministry, begging for me to be able to attend, since my travel ban was ironclad at the time. She marched right up to the minister at one of my court hearings and said "this is my best friend and my maid of honor, she has to be there and if not I will not marry Harry Potter." It apparently did the trick, considering Harry was one of the best Aurors that the Ministry has seen in a long time. Only a handful of us were there: Luna Lovegood, Ron and Hermione, Blaise, Ginny Weasley, and myself. Draco respectfully declined the invitation. After their wedding Blaise and Ginny rekindled their apparent old flame and started in an open union. They have been together ever since and just welcomed their first child, Josette Zabini-Weasley.
"Well this is my stop" Pansy sighed, before turning to face me. "Harry told me it was a big day today..."
"Did he say anything else before he left this morning?" I said nervously, as I chewed my bottom lip.
"Nope, he just told me that I needed to have you here at eight o'clock sharp and oh look—" she glanced down at her invisible watch, "you have one minute to spare! Chop chop, Mr. Potter doesn't like to be kept waiting!"
"Why do I feel like there's some sexual meaning behind that?" I raised my brows at my friend.
"Because there always is, now move!" she tapped me on my arse.
I rolled my eyes glancing over my shoulder, as I made my way down to Potter's office. I twirled my red oak, twelve inch, dragon heartstring wand in my hand, as I made my way past the rows of desks. The office was empty this morning, most of the Auror's didn't arrive until a little after nine. I let out a deep breath before raising my fist up to the large black door, but before I could knock, it swung open. The dark haired man with small circular glasses was sitting with his legs up on the desk. He was tossing a small desk version of a Quaffle in the air. It was clear that anxiety surrounded his aura.
"Sit down" he sighed.
I raised my right brow at him, before shutting the door behind me and lowering myself into the chair. Potter's office was large, but still cosy at the same time. The walls behind him contained memorabilia from adolescent school years and his endeavors through life. To his right, a book case sat that held photographs of his family, friends, and loved ones. I felt honored the day that Potter included a photograph of just him and I. It was a rare and small gesture that he made, but one that had meant the world to my broken soul. It was taken shortly after I joined the department and Potter was assigned as my Auror after the trial. Pansy had insisted that we take a photo to remember the occasion. We definitely have taken better photographs since then, but still— it's memories all the same.
I looked around the room noticing that the dark haired wizard had included some photos of him and Draco, from when they were in School finishing their eighth year. Well, I assumed they were from his eight year considering I didn't recognized a single one. It must have been post-Armena or, as Pansy likes to call it, "Post UV".
Potter cleared his throat breaking me from my distant thoughts. I turned my head to face him as I settled back in my chair.
"I don't know how to tell you this, without getting you upset. I have tried and tried to find someone else to do it, but with you being my right hand, they insist that you are the one to help me with this process" he kept tossing the ball in his hand, refusing to look at me.
I knew what this was about. The feeling brought dread that settled in the pit of my stomach. I started to feel Pansy's toast from this morning make it's way up my esophagus. If Potter even muttered his name, I was almost positive I would spew on his mahogany desk.
I needed to pull myself together. It has been ten years since the last time, well unless you count that day in the pub. But nonetheless, I was a grown witch, I didn't have time or the energy to fret over a name or a man, for that matter. I was Armena Riddle-Lestrange, I was the Dark Lords daughter. I was better than this. I took in a deep breath and pushed down the emotions that were bubbling up inside.
"Potter you can just come out and say it" I muttered. "I'm a big girl now, I can handle hearing his name."
"The Ministry wants Draco Malfoy to be a part of our Auror team. They want him to run the training division. He was top of his class at Hogwarts, gave Hermione a run for her money and he's an ex-Death Eater. You of all people should know how much that means to the Ministry family."
"You know how much I hate it when you say "Ministry family" Potter" I rolled my eyes at the dark haired boy in front of me.
"You know what I mean" he stopped throwing his ball and leaned forward. "If you need me too, if you think this will be too hard or put you or Pansy in any sort of danger, then I won't do it. But it's kind of hard for me to tell the Ministry why I can't have my right hand help me with this recruiting process when I can't tell them anything."
He was right, as much as I wanted to push this job onto Ginny or anyone else, for that matter— I couldn't. I still wasn't out of the woods with my probation and I only had one year left until I was free of their tight guidelines. If I pushed them in anyway or they saw that I was being uncooperative then it would be right back to Azkaban.
"Okay..." I sighed, drumming my finger nails on the arms of the chair, "I'll do it."
*****
I pushed around my lunch for a good hour at my desk. I felt sick to my stomach as all of the memories of us came rushing back like a tidal wave. There was no use trying to push them back down, once they were out, they were out. I knew today was going to be complete unicorn shit.
"Are you going to eat that?" Ginny asked, leaning against my wooden desk.
She spun around the tiny golden globe on my desk with her forefinger as she eyed my uneaten lunch.
"Take it, I'm not hungry" I muttered, resting my chin in the palm of my hand.
Ginny grabbed my uneaten chinese take out and shoved the lo mein noodles in her mouth. She sat back down at her desk across from me and continued to eat, while I twirled a galleon around with a simple flick of my finger. I watched as the silver coin spun and spun around in a hypnotizing orbe. Not that I anchored into my dark magic anymore, but I still found that I was handy with spells without a wand. Wandless magic was something of a prized talent here at the Ministry. It was hard to master but once they knew that you could do it, they craved to have you be apart of their team. It was probably one of the many reasons why they dragged me out of Azkaban all those years ago. In truth, the skill of wandless magic helped when they would put me in the field for random assignments alongside Potter. Not that it happened much, but it was nice to get out of the office.
After all, I was never one to stay caged up like a beast.
"Thanks!" she smiled, tossing her long fiery red hair over her shoulder, "little Josette has been keeping Blaise and I up all fucking night. We barely have anytime to ourselves anymore, let alone to eat a nice meal. The terrible twos are upon us faster than we had expected."
"I wouldn't mind watching her?" I perked up, "That's if you trust me with your child."
"Are you kidding? Blaise trusts you with his life" she smirked at me, "which means that I have to trust you by default."
Blaise and I have gotten extremely close over the years. We have formed quite the friendship ever since I was released from Azkaban. He is always the first one out of all my friends to call me out on my bullshit and knows how to make me feel better. At first Ginny, was weary about me having heard the stories, but Potter and Blaise put her mind at ease. We have worked great together for the past six years since she joined. It helps having another female on our team, considering we are surrounded by a bunch of men.
"Well, just let me know when you and Mr Zabini need a date night. I would be happy to help you two out in any way that I can."
"She was supposed to have a playdate with Scorpius but he's now four a thinks he's too old for our little Josette—" she paused, as I stilled in my chair. "Oh fuck, I completely forgot."
It was no secret that Draco Malfoy got married five years ago to Astoria Greengrass. It was also no secret about our past relationship. It seems the only person that didn't actually know about us, was Draco Malfoy himself.
I stared down at my desk as I remembered the day so vividly. Pansy and Blaise made it their mission to avoid the mention of Draco's name at all cost. They would even go about their way, by making sure that I didn't receive the Daily Prophet, on days when he would be written up. I appreciated their efforts, but somehow, I always seemed to find him. We were pulled to each other in that weird cosmic, souls are combined but the stars never align, sort of way.
"Draco had his son" Pansy told me over takeout and stacks of paperwork at the ministry.
"Oh..." I raised my eyebrows, trying to act as normal as possible.
I cracked open a fortune cookie, reading the tiny while sheet on the inside. "Love comes to those who are patient" bull fucking shit. I crumpled the white piece of paper and tossed it in the waste. I there a piece of fortune cookie in my mouth and began chewing.
"He named him Scorpius" Pansy said, in between a mouthful of food.
"What—" I choked, slapping my chest, as I felt the sharp edge of the cookie get lodged down the wrong pipe. "I'm sorry, did you just say Scorpius?"
"It's quite the odd name if you ask me. He apparently told Blaise that he just had a gut feeling about it, like something was drawing him towards that name. Heard it in a dream or some shit like that" Pansy shrugged.
I shook my head, I still didn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. Did Draco name his son after us? I felt a thousand thoughts come racing through my head as I thought of the possibility of him remembering but that would have been impossible. This had to be a simple coincidence.
"Blaise also told me that if they had a daughter they were going to name her Leta. Didn't you have a Leta in your family?" Pansy asked.
Now, I was about to lose it. This couldn't be real, I had to of been dreaming. Blaise would tell me tomorrow that their child's name was Bill or something like that.
"Armena?" Pansy asked, kicking my leg.
"Oh yeah— Leta Lestrange, very distant relative" I muttered, staring at my food.
"Interesting..." Pansy looked at me with curious eyes.
"I don't know what you are talking about, Pans" I brushed off my friends nosy mind.
"Anyways, it's a shame really..."
"Why" I leaned in closer.
I watched as Pansy's eyes went wide and she put down her take out container, dropping her feet to the floor. She leaned forward causing me to do the same.
"Armena, you didn't know? Astoria has a blood curse that runs in her family and it was passed down to her. They were told not to have children, but Astoria insisted because she didn't want Draco to be alone. She was so frail and the blood malediction was such a serious one. I'm quite surprised she didn't die during childbirth."
I couldn't stand for the idea that Draco might one day be left alone in this world. That was the whole point of obliviating him, so he wouldn't be alone. I didn't want him to have to suffer here on this earth alone.
After that day, I spent hours upon hours researching and finding everything there was to know about blood malediction.
I would give Potter stacks and stacks of research, cures, shaman's who have been reported to heal these curses, potions that can be found only in the corners of the world, and ancient runes that claimed to know the answer. I made Potter swear to me that he could never ever tell Draco where the information came from. He knew this was serious because if I even interfered in the slightest, our Unbreakable Vow would be void and either Pansy or I would die.
My efforts were not strong enough though, Astoria died almost year ago. Pansy told me that this completely broke him, or broke what was left of him.
"Armena?" Ginny asked, her head tilted to the side.
"Yes?" I asked, shaking my head as I tried to reorient my thoughts away from Draco and his late wife.
"I didn't mean to bring him up, fuck."
"Ginny, it's fine. Really—" I sighed, "I just have a lot on my mind. Potter told me today that the Ministry is trying to recruit him as the Head for Auror Training anyways and guess who they assigned to that job..."
"Let me guess?" she smirked, shaking her head.
I let out a long sigh and threw my head down onto the table. A long groan escaping from my lips. All I wanted to do was scream. Over the years, I got really good at separating my daydreams and past dreams from reality. I got over the fact that Draco Malfoy had been successfully wiped of his memory and I was no longer the one he thought of. So I did what I do best, I kept Draco Malfoy buried deep down somewhere locked away in my thoughts, away from haunting my memories.
But tomorrow, I was going to have to open up that filling cabinet and bring him to the surface.
"Someone must really hate you out there somewhere..." I could hear her chuckle as she walked away.
"I'm pretty sure it's his father..." I muttered to myself. "Lucius Malfoy coming back to haunt me."
Tomorrow was going to be a long day.