Alec would be getting married in approximately half an hour's time.
I let that reality sink in as I sit in front of my vanity, my hand moving absent minded, brushing powder carelessly over my face. I had worn the dress that Izzy left out for me, it was a floor length caerulean dress, with a deep lacy neckline and a flowy bottom, the slit on the right exposing my leg and the black stilettos she had paired it with.
Izzy had been surprised when I went to her earlier today, asking to borrow something. She had even asked me what it was for, obviously expecting me to say anything other than for her brother's wedding.
No one in their right mind had expected me to actually want to go.
I had been adamant that I would go to the wedding regardless of this, my own pride and dignity forcing me to put on a brave front and support Alec. But now, as the ceremony got closer and the realisation of how horrific I felt seeped in, I knew that I couldn't do it.
I couldn't sit there, smiling, pretending to be happy and watch the man that has my heart be unified to another woman for the rest of his life.
I couldn't watch my own happiness, as well as Alec's, be crushed.
I wipe away the salty tears that betray me, trying to stop the ones that are sliding down my rosy cheeks and hastily onto the material of my dress, temporarily staining it. I grab my phone at the side, not hesitating to text Clary, knowing that I wasn't strong enough to be able to follow through.
"I'm not coming. Don't wait." I text her, before instantly switching off the device, slamming it harshly onto the table, an empty and isolating feeling suffocating me.
With a sob, I stand from the seat, making my way over to the plush bed in my room and slumping tiredly and emotionally onto the side. The ache in my heart was overwhelming, my eyes stinging as never ending tears cascaded down my face as I hiccupped and gasped for breath, completely and utterly broken.
I wanted to be able to be there for Alec, to be able to care enough about him and respect his decision but how could I do that when I all I can think of is being with him? Everything that we had endured had been worth it because in the end, I thought we would be together.
And now he's leaving me behind.
"Oh, Biscuit"
I turn swiftly upon hearing Magnus's voice, and immediately watch as he takes in my appearance, emotionally wrecked and sobbing, a huge frown overtaking his face.
"Magnus" I whisper, my voice cracking and more tears falling from my eyes. Hearing the pain and need behind my voice, he runs over to me and rapidly wraps his arms around my shoulders, bringing me down to his chest as he soothingly rubs my back.
I can tell that seeing me like this causes him pain too, as I hold him, I can practically feel his heart racing and I can hear the pleading of his voice, trying to make me feel better as he comforts me. My cries lessen the longer he holds me, soothing me with his calming grasp and the sweet words of strength that he whispered in my ear.
I was so grateful that he was here, because right now, all I needed was to be held.
I pull away from his chest after what feels like years, though it is only a few mere minutes. My sobs have decreased and now only a few stray tears fall from my eyes, but I try my hardest to wipe them away, annoyed at myself for being so weak.
"I'm sorry, I'm being such a baby" I mutter, laughing bitterly as I look up at Magnus, who's wearing an anxious frown, the worry and sadness he holds deep within his eyes, evidently seen as he watches me. I see his shake his head fervently, before reaching forwards and grabbing my hands, his thumb running smoothly back and forth.
"No" He states certainly, "You are not a baby- you're heartbroken and hurt, and people who are heartbroken and hurt deserve and should be able to cry as loudly and as emotionally as they wish to" He argues, his face serious, a contradiction to his usual happy self.
"But" He starts, as one hand comes up and wipes with a tissue at my messy eyes, "Crying won't mend the problem, hiding here, away won't fix your broken heart biscuit" He scolds lightly, insinuating something far more complex than I could even comprehend.
"Well, I can't face it, I-I can't sit there and watch him marry her, Magnus. It- It's too painful" I croak out, my voice cracking as I feel myself quivering, my bottom lip breaking as all the familiar emotions and feeling wave over me like the tide.
Yet again knocking me over.
"So, don't watch it" He mutters, lifting my head up and staring strongly into my eyes.
"Stop it"
I gasp out quietly, pulling back as I take in Magnus's words, completely and utterly bewildered by what he was suggesting.
"Stop it?" I breath out, my tone a mixture of confusion and anger.
Like I'm going to embarrass myself further by objecting to a wedding everyone but me wants.
"That's not happening Magnus." I state harshly, standing up and walking over to my vanity again, this time leaning against it. "I've been hurt and humiliated enough, I am not going to go get kicked in the teeth by Alec in front of everyone"
I watch Magnus sigh, shaking his head before jumping up, rushing to stand in front of me again. "He likes you, he cares about you in ways that he can't even imagine caring about Lydia- we all know that, biscuit! He thinks it's too late, it's up to you to show him that it isn't" Magnus pleads, his hands coming up to either sides of my face and pulling me close, desperate to get through to me.
"Remember what I told you not too long ago?" He asks rhetorically, "There are thousands of Shadowhunter's, but great love comes once in a lifetime if one is lucky, and one would be a fool to let it go" He whispers, the words running over me like a breath of fresh air, instantly taking me back to that day.
Reminding me exactly how I felt.
"How will I know that for certain though?" I ask, my voice meek and expression nervous, my insecurities and doubts peeking through, since I was by definition everything that Lydia wasn't.
Maybe Alec just didn't want me.
"I swear to you, Izzy told me that she overheard Alec and Jace, he thinks you deserve better and that after everything he couldn't just drag you back... he thinks you've already given up on him" Magnus emphasises, and I seem to sober up emotionally, the words he says sinking deep into me, settling, and I find myself almost star struck.
"I never gave up on him" I whisper, my eyes shining with hope as I look at Magnus, desperate and practically breathless, waiting to know that this was right.
I needed this to be right.
"Then go show him that"
I laugh out, a happy sob escaping me as I grin brightly at Magnus, a look he happily returns before I'm practically jumping at him, my arms wrapping around his shoulder as he holds my waist. I mutter repeated thank you's to him as I hold him, before pulling back.
"You deserve this, biscuit" Magnus says truthfully and sincerely, a deep smile across his face. Nodding gratefully, and my eyes slightly tearful, I rush over to my vanity yet again, before grabbing a few tissues, some concealer and mascara and fixing all the problems that my tears had caused.
I beg the Angels, let this be the right decision.
"Cam, it's time. It's started" Magnus yells, alerting me.
"What?" I exclaim, knowing that I had to get there before Alec and Lydia did the runes and were officially one.
It would be over for us if I didn't get there in time.
"I love you Magnus" I yell out, as I sprint out of the room. The only sound heard as I rush across the empty corridors is the sound of my clacking and thundering heels. I rush through each corridor, desperately trying to remember the way there, knowing that with each hesitation and each moment I stopped, it was a moment closer to me losing Alec forever.
And I couldn't survive that.
I yell out in pain when I suddenly feel my ankle roll to the side, the heel I wore snapping in half due to the pressure and momentum of my feet running against the floor. Gasping out, I ignore the blistering pain I felt, and I swiftly kneel down, ripping the heels off of my feet and discarding them carelessly onto the floor, leaving them in my wake as I continue running.
Please Alec, please don't give up on us either.
I feel my eyes watering, the pain of my ankle along side the hammering of my heart and the uncertainty of the situation made me feel like I was in the clouds, surrounded by just air, trapped in a bubble desperate to get out.
I feel my heart beat quicken as I enter the corridor to the hall, and I knew that now it was only a mere minute before I would be in there.
I could only pray to the Angels that I wasn't too late.
Practically limping and on the verge of tears, I make my way down the corridor, the flutter in my heart and the twists in my stomach increasing as I make my way to the closed double sided doors.
The only door left that stood between Alec and I.
With all my might and emotion, I wrench the door open and rush through, pushing back the iron heaviness with all my force, and getting to the other side. As soon as I do, I hear the loud bang of it shutting behind me, and the hall before me seems to pause into a deafening silence.
Stepping forwards, I push through all the doubt, pain and insecurity and walk into the hall, where all eyes are on me.
I hear gasps of surprise, but choose to ignore them. Instead, I look forwards expectantly, hopefully, and instantly link eyes with Lydia. I watch, barely breathing, as she releases Alec's hand with a sorrowful smile, and within second his eyes rise and connect with mine.
I wasn't too late.
I watch as his eyes widen, and small, surprised yet captivating smile graces his face as he watches me, obviously not expecting me to be here.
I stand there, breathless and tearful, feeling dozens of eyes watching me, all equally as shocked as the rest of them. My eyes flutter to Izzy and she smiles, laughing silently as her eyes fill with glossy tears, glad that her plan had worked and that I was here.
And now I was here I wasn't leaving.
No one seems to move for a while, however, moments later I watch as Maryse Lightwood stands, harsh and raging, before thundering over to me, a threatening and devastated scowl across her face as she looks between Alec and I.
"Camilla, you need to leave" She hisses, but I refuse to submit to her, knowing that I wasn't going to let her control me as she did to Alec.
"This is between Alec and I, Mrs Lightwood... and I'm not leaving until he tells me to" I bite back, surely, unwaveringly and I almost smirk seeing the look of utter incredulity across her face.
She didn't have control over this.
And she hated it.
I walk forwards, closer to the altar and as I walk, I keep my eyes trained on Alec, ignoring the pain in my ankle and ignoring the people around us.
All I focused on was him and I.
"Are you gonna be okay, buddy?" Jace asks quietly behind me, but I can barely nod in reply, my eyes falling back to Camilla.
She looked so beautiful, her dress was mesmerising and all I could see was her.
Upon seeing her enter, I felt like everything, all my problems and fears just washed away and she was everything I was praying for. My eyes connect with hers, and I see her smile, so enchanting and captivating and all I know is that I'm glad she was here.
"Alec?" Lydia calls, "Hey."
My gaze turn to her and I instantly feel my stomach drop, the look of knowing and sadness in her eyes made my insides turn with guilt, since this was an impossible situation.
And it was all my fault.
"I... I can't breathe." I mutter harshly, exhaling and inhaling in deep breath as my hands half-heartedly pulled at the neck of my shirt.
" I know. It's okay." She whispers, smiling brightly despite how wrong everything had gone.
" I can't do this." I sigh, watching her face fall, "I thought we were doing the right thing, but... this isn't it." I see her nod, looking down as she takes in my words and I can't help but fear what she does next.
I had put her in a horrible and embarrassing situation and I wouldn't blame her if she decided to give me what I deserved full force.
But she didn't.
"You don't have to explain." She says, smiling dejectedly up at me, her eyes soft and understanding.
"Lydia, I'm sorry." I mumble, my eyes feeling foggy and my throat tightening, a frown deeply across my face expressing the remorse I felt.
"Hey, you deserve to be happy." She expresses, her hand coming up and caressing my face kindly, reassuring me as I smile back "Okay? I'll be fine." I nod back with a small smile, so grateful and happy that she could be the bigger and kinder person.
That she was willing to give me my shot at happiness.
I turn and nod at Jace, who smirks brightly and proudly back at me, before I face Camilla. She was stood there, her eyes glossed over and her hands fidgeting, anticipating and waiting, needing to know whether I'd let her down again.
But this time I wouldn't.
I stalk down the stairs, my eyes firmly holding Camilla's stare as she bits her lip, noticeably gulping down in anxiety, not knowing what would be.
" Alec, what are you doing?" My mother hisses at me as I pass, trying to stop me, but I merely ignore her.
"Enough." I snap back simply, silencing her, continuing my way to Camilla, hurriedly passing by the numerous eyes all watching and waiting to see how this chapter ends.
Seconds later I'm directly in front of Camilla and before she can speak or I can question myself, I place my hands on her waist and pull her in, her lips instantly hitting mine in a passionate and desperate embrace.
ARGHHHHH!!!!
You guys have noooo idea how excited, nervous and sick I felt writing these chapters! I have been anticipating these chapters since even before I started the book and it feels so amazing to be able to write and show them to you. I am so insanely happy with and I hope you are too, there we so many moments where I felt like crying because of how happy I was and honestly, i'm still kind of emotional right now.
Thank you all so much for all the love (41K reads!!!)
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And I will see you lovely people next chapter xo