Hello everybody! Welcome to the character ask!
Warning: Mentions of suicide, depression, bullying, helplessness/hopelessness, and guilt.
A couple of disclaimers: Anything said in a reply to a question is from the characters' perspectives. It does not mean that I necessarily agree with these things-- especially not the homophobic, negative, hateful things.
With that being said, let's get the most dreaded character out of the way first:
JADEN
Q: Why are you so fkn mean?
A: It's not mean to remind someone of their place in this world. It's better they know now instead of feeling attacked and hurt later. If anything, I'm the only one being completely honest and authentic.
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Q: Do you really judge by looks?
A: What else is there to judge on? Also, who the hell doesn't? If you're referring to that freak with the scars, then I'm not judging. I'm simply letting him know what he already knows. That he's disgusting to look at and should probably think seriously about investing in a mask to cover up his horrendous mess of a face.
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Q: Why are you so mean? You call Liam ugly but really you are. People who bring people down are ugly.
A: Whatever you say, I suppose. I don't think many people would agree. They can't even stand to look at his face.
--
Q: Just f--- yourself
A: I don't need to. Plenty of girls available who are more than willing to do it.
--
Q: Why are you mean to lima? Are you jealous?
A: Why would I ever be jealous of Payne? What is there to be jealous of? His fucked up face? His mentally insane mum? His dad who begs my dad for me to leave Liam alone instead of doing something about it? He has no future and no worth. He's probably better off joining his mum six feet under, if you ask me.
--
Q: Did you used to get bullied?
A: No. Never. People know not to mess with me.
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Q: Are you hiding under a mask or are you really mean?
A: Not mean. Real.
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Q: Why do you feel the need to humiliate people. Is that like some kind of a way to prove your existence?
A: I don't have to prove my existence to anybody. They all see me and know that I'm here. I don't humiliate people, I just let them know what everyone else is thinking but not saying. In Liam's case, he's a fucking nobody who should do us all a favor and just give up.
--
Q: TPWK motherf*cker
A: I don't even know what the hell that means.
--
Q: Can you kindly yeet yourself off a cliff?
A: Can you kindly shut the fuck up and mind your own business?
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NIALL
Q: Captain Nialler do you ship larry and ziam, too?
A: I'm not sure what those are, mate. 😂 Sorry.
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Q: Are you interesting in writing or painting?
A: I'm more interested in acting or just being the funny guy, but I do find writing fun. Unfortunately, I'm shite at it.
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Q: Do you want to be friends with someone who is hard to talk to / reach out to (like lee)?
A: I'd gladly be friends with anybody. Even if someone doesn't want to talk, I'll handle the talking for the both of us. Liam seems chill, and Louis enjoys his company, so why not?
--
Q: Is it ok if I call you princess nialler?
A: Call me whatever you like!
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NICOLA
Q: What kind of hurt do you feel when Liam told you that he does not want to be your patient when all you wanted to do was take care of him?
A: I don't know if I felt hurt. Maybe regretful. I should take his emotions into consideration, but it is a bit difficult for me to do when I know that there is something wrong underneath the surface. I will wait, however, until he is fully ready to open up about anything with me.
--
Q: Was there a time in your life where you wanted to shut everything down and keep your distance to everything and everyone?
A: Definitely. After the accident, being the oldest, it felt like a lot was placed upon my shoulders. I dealt with a lot before leaving for college, and when I finally got there, I felt free from the burdens back home. I will admit, I almost didn't go back to visit, but my family matters more to me than anything in the world.
--
Q: Is there someone special in your life?
A: Maybe! Nothing is official yet, but I definitely am interested in someone, and my family can never know until we do become something more than hopes and dreams! Ruth would be relentless with the teasing!
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RUTH
Q: Can you explain what kind of hurt you felt when Liam would always shut himself out?
A: It's definitely a feeling of hopelessness. Watching him close in on himself and hurt internally, trying to hold everything inside, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. He's my little brother, and I always promised to take care of him. Not being able to do anything is truly its own form of torture. It's like watching someone drown and not knowing how to swim to save them. I'll admit, I've stayed up at night just to check on him and make sure he was okay. My father as well.
--
Q: Didn't you feel lost like lee? Did you ever wish to be in lee's place, like with the accident?
A: I think we all felt a little lost in the beginning. It was a dramatic change in our dynamic, and it was a terrible loss. But I have always found my comfort in caring for others. If others are happy and well, then I will be, too. As for Liam's situation, of course. I would do anything to take his pain away, even if that meant feeling it all myself.
--
Q: Do you blame yourself because of what happened to lee?
A: No. I don't believe in placing blame on anybody. What was mean to happen, happened. Does that mean I'm okay with it? No, but I'm trying to be.
--
Q: Do you think zee is a good influence on lee?
A: Honestly, I was a little wary of Zayn at first. I mean, he's older than Liam, and I thought he was someone who would just make fun of him or hurt him like the kids at school. But, now that I've seen how they are together and how kind Zayn is, I do think that he is a good influence. He's a friend to Liam, and I think Liam could really use a friend right now.
--
Q: Don't you want a relationship? A partner?
A: I haven't given much thought to it. I believe in going with the flow. If something is meant to happen, then it will. Simple.
--
Q: What about your friends? Do you hangout with them?
A: I don't really have many friends, but I do have lunch dates with my co-workers at times. There are just not enough hours in the day, you know?
--
Q: Do you want to be a nurse because of the accident or because you want to take care of people? Be honest.
A: I always had a fascination in healing others. I have always been one to take care of other people, so becoming a nurse or a doctor, or even just a hospice worker, would be wonderful. Anything to help people. I do think that the accident did have a profound effect on me, however. It made that urge stronger. I never want to see anybody look so helpless the way Liam did in that hospital bed. I want to save them.
--
Q: How do you feel about all that's happening with Liam? Do you think he'll ever be happy and accept the scars?
A: I feel terrible. I wish that there was something more I could do for him, maybe take all of the suffering for him, but I know that there isn't anything more to do. I do hope that he can learn to accept his scars and understand that they do not make him look horrendous. If anything, they make him strong and lovely. I will do anything to help him become happy and to love life.
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LIAM'S DAD
Q: Would you blame Liam's mum for making Liam feel this type of pain? If not, who would you blame?
A: I blame myself. I blame myself for not pushing my wife to actually get the help she needed, for not driving that night, for not protecting my children better. Even now, I'm away from them so often that I can't care for them how I need to. I feel like a failure most of the time, but Ruth is always telling me that I'm doing my best. She thinks I'm the best dad ever. I'm not sure Liam agrees, but I won't give up.
--
Q: Do you feel like Liam is becoming distant towards you?
A: Yes, but I don't think it's his fault. He's going through something that I can't understand fully, but it hurts to see him so down. I feel like I could be there for him more often, but work does take up a lot of my time. I just miss having casual conversations with him. He hardly looks at anyone in the eyes anymore, and I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw him smile. Breaks my heart to know he isn't happy.
--
Q: Do you ever feel guilty after "pressuring" lee to tell you about something?
A: Often, I do. I know that he doesn't particularly enjoy discussing these things will me or anybody else, but I don't know how else to reach him. I try to back off and give him space, but seeing him just shit down isn't what I want. It's difficult to find the perfect balance between being there and giving him space.
--
Q: Do you know that it gets worse when you talk to Jaden's dad?
A: Liam has told me as much. I try not to, but when his parents don't do anything about it and the school does nothing about it, I feel so lost. I'm thankful that he has someone like Zayn around. Jaden doesn't seem to come up as often now.
--
Q: What's your favorite part about your job?
A: At the moment I would have to say that it's the distraction. It's doing something with my time besides worrying about how we'll pay rent or where our next meal will come from. It's an edge off of my shoulders.
--
Q: How did the accident impact your life, your relationship with your children?
A: With Nicola, since she's away at college, it's really made me proud of her for being able to leave and do something with her life. She's not being held back by the past, and I am grateful for that. We talk nearly every day on the phone when I'm home from work because it's morning where she goes to school. The time difference certainly helps. With Ruth, she's been like a rock through this whole experience. She's so caring and a definite fighter. She's the one who pulls me back on my feet when I feel down on my knees, tired and wanting to give up on trying to provide. It's an endless loop, but she's a great motivator.
With Liam, we have become distant. He's my only son, and I love him beyond words, but he's going through something traumatic. He doesn't even let me look at him sometimes. I mean, really look at him. I miss him.
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ZAYN'S UNCLE (LAURENCE)
Q: What are your thoughts on Liam?
A: He's a wonderful lad! Bright and brilliant, and a right great baker!
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Q: If Zayn and Liam end up together, would you accept it?
A: Of course I would! I would accept anything that made Zayn happy. But why the question? Is there something I should know about?
--
Q: Do you ship Ziam, too?
A: To be right honest, I'm not sure what a "Ziam" is. But I'll go with yes.
--
Q: Are you proud of zee?
A: Definitely! He's doing art, which has always been his passion since he was a little kid. He's sold his work at some pretty outrageous prices, in my personal opinion, but people love his stuff. It makes me so proud to just see him thriving and doing what he loves.
--
Q: Do you have kids and if no, do you want to have kids?
A: I do not have biological kids. My wife and I were unable to have kids, and we just never got around to adopting either. I think of all of my nephews and nieces as my extended children. They're all great company to keep, even if they drive me a bit mad at times!
--
Q: What are your thoughts on Liam?
A: Liam is a kind soul. He's a wonderful lad who got dealt a bad hand in life. I know he's strong enough to get through this bout, though, and I will support him no matter what.
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THERAPIST (DR. PHILLIPS)
Q: Do you think that it is hard to reach out to Liam?
A: It's no harder than reaching out to anyone who is receiving therapy for the first time. I understand that it is a difficult process, and I want to make Liam aware that he is allowed to feel whatever he feels, even if that is uncertainty. This process takes time, and I am willing to stick it out for him.
--
Q: Do you enjoy your job?
A: Yes! I absolutely adore my job! I enjoy helping people through their difficult times, whether it be something like grieving the death of a loved one, feeling anxious constantly, depression, or just something as simple as someone needing to vent their feelings out. I love getting to help people navigate through their thoughts and helping them become happier and healthier. Mental health is such a big part of what makes a person who they are. It is just as important as physical health.
--
Q: Do you think that Liam is depressed?
A: It's hard to say, as I have only had two sessions with him, but I do think he is exhibiting symptoms of depression. It's why I want him to get screened by a psychiatrist so that we can work through a new routine to help if he is depressed.
--
Q: Do you think that someone could have saved Liam's mom?
A: I think that mental disorders are difficult at times. I don't think it's really anybody's fault, what happened to his family, but I do think that psychologists and therapists, especially those who had her in their care, should have noticed signs of psychosis. Some sort of action should have been taken to prevent the accident, and she should not have been allowed to drive in her state. There are many things that could have been different, but changing the past is not something we can do. All we can do it rationalize it, learn from it, and move forward.
--
Q: Why did you choose to become a therapist?
A: I first became interested in therapy when I attended an AA meeting with one of my exes. Even though it was a self-help group, the lady leading it was a registered therapist. The meeting went well, and I enjoyed the atmosphere of no judgment because I feel that is a very important part of healing and telling others your story. I wanted to help people through things as well, so I decided right out of high school that I wanted to become a therapist. Of course, I don't really do group therapy, but the one on one stuff helps me know my patient better and work with them based on their needs.
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HARRY
Q: Do you think Liam's writing skill are good? How so?
A: Well, I've never read or heard any of Liam's works, but Louis has, and he told me that he was very impressed by it. I also don't know if I would dare call somebody's writing skills "bad," when really it's just a lack of practice that others have. I believe every one can hone their writing skills. ☺
--
Q: Do you love lou?
A: Definitely. 🙈 We don't talk about our relationship often to others, but when it's just us, it's magical. I think I love him far more than I could have ever imagined.
--
Q: Are you really happy or do you hide yourself under a mask, Hazza?
A: Great question! I think it was once written by Douglas McGrath that "happiness is a gift and the trick is not to expect it but to delight in it when it comes." I don't know if there's any such thing as "being happy." I feel it is rather finding yourself in happiness. We all hide under various masks depending on who we are with, though I can argue that we are not 'hidden' as much as careful of our tones and actions. For instance, I am not the same me with my parents that I am with friends. Topics are different, but I always try to be as authentic with myself and others. Authenticity is the key to finding yourself in an instant of happiness. ☀
--
Q: Are you a good dancer?
A: I think I have two left feet. Dancing is not my strong suit, but it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it! 💃
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LOUIS
Q: What made you talk to Liam? What did you see in him?
A: I talked to him because we just bumped into each other, and I wasn't going to sit there in silence. But once I sort of got to understand his hesitance, I guess I saw someone who just needs a friend. I would love to help him out of his shell because I bet he's got loads of jokes just waiting to pour out! I'll get it out of him one day!
--
Q: Do you love hazza?
A: Yes! And he is my hazza and my hazza only, thank you very much. 😡😜
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Q: Do you want to be friends with Liam?
A: Yes! I would love to be friends with Liam. He seems pretty chill, so that means that he must have a fun and wild side. My intentions are to uncover that. 😈
--
Q: What do you think about people like Jaden?
A: I've known Jaden since middle school. Everyone pretty much knows everyone here, and I have always thought he was a little twat. That's all I have to say about that....
--
Q: Is your mom in this story?
A: Yes, she is. My whole family is, and perhaps they will be featured eventually-- if even for a small moment.
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ZAYN
Q: Who's taller? You or Liam?
A: I am a few inches taller than Liam. Whether it's because of my shoes or not, that's another story.
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Q: Do you ever just really want to cuddle Liam? (That was kinda random sorry)
A: He is pretty cuddly-looking, isn't he? I do just want to hug him sometimes and remind him that things are going to be okay, but I don't think those words will mean much to him. Still, I'll just be here for him. :)
--
Q: What made you see something in Liam? Do you feel something for him?
A: He seemed so down in the dumps from the very first moment we met. I guess I saw a bit of myself in him. I just knew he felt alone, just as I did when I thought I had no one to turn to. Liam's a brilliant person, and he has so much talent and potential. I just want to help him find his smile. I'll be an acquaintance, a friend, a supporter, or whatever he needs in the moment. That's what I feel for him.
--
Q: What was your first impression of Liam?
A: Obviously I was shocked by the scars, but it wasn't a big deal to me, and I didn't understand why it was such a big deal to him at first until I saw how others treated him. I am being completely honest when I say that I think he's beautiful. The scars don't matter. They are a part of him, and I really like that part of him. He's stronger than he knows-- I've always believed that. Also, he has the prettiest eyes, just as a side note.
--
Q: What do you see if you look him in the eyes?
A: A majority of the time all I see is his deep sadness at what he lost. It's like he's never living in a moment because he's always stuck in the past. Oftentimes there's also fear and uncertainty. He's terrified of the world and of what people will say when they see him; of letting others close. Every now and then I see a slight shimmer of amusement behind his eyes, when I say or do something to make a light blush coat his cheeks. That's probably my absolute favorite look.
--
Q: What is your favorite painting and why? What is the story you had while painting it?
A: My favorite painting at the moment is actually one that I have yet to finish. I have been working on it for a minute, and I am really pushing myself to get it perfect. I've already gone through three canvases because of a small error in each one, but I am getting close to finishing. My only thoughts while painting it was to get it right. I want to show it to Liam and see his reaction because I thought of him a lot while painting it. Still have more work to do first, though.
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Q: How do you feel about Liam? Do you think your friendship with him would develop to romance?
A: I haven't quite felt a connection like what I feel with Liam. It's just like we're on the same wavelength or summat. He's such a wonderful, bright, smart human being, and I really hope he can see that someday. As for the second question, I am a strong believer of fate. Whatever is meant to happen will happen whether you expect it to or not, so I can't really say. But I did mean what I said earlier. I will be whatever Liam wants. No questions asked.
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LIAM
Q: Do you ever imagine yourself waking up next to Zayn?
A: No. I'm not going to fool myself into believing something that can never be.
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Q: I just wanted to say ur beautiful. We all have scars you just can't always see them <3
A: I'm sorry for the scars that others have. I don't think anybody deserves to go through anything, but I've heard people say that the scars make you stronger. Funny. I know what I look like, and I know that I'm not beautiful. The scars are rather... intense. But sometimes, when Zayn says it, I want to believe it.
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Q: What do you feel when you're with Zayn?
A: Too many things. Um... an intense fear. Letting him close is quite scary, but pushing him away is as well. Sometimes, when he holds my hand or calls me "love" I feel hopeful for a short second. Then, reality comes rushing back, and I know that we are in two different leagues. Zayn would be more than enough for anyone while I am hardly enough at all. But he makes me want to try to feel better. It's all so confusing and terrifying and it makes me want to cry and just run away. But being with him, in the moments when he shares parts of himself, it makes all of that ache and pain worth it.
--
Q: Do you have a crush on Zayn ;)
A: Yes. I realized my feelings for him a while ago, but I'm not naive, and I will not get my hopes up nor expect anything to be reciprocated. He's better off with someone less damaged anyways.
--
Q: Also, you're beautiful. We all have something that makes us insecure, but we're all human. Love you, Liam. ❤
A: I guess I'm still trying to learn that. I'm not sure I ever will feel that way.
--
Q: What do you feel when you write deep poems? Do you cry?
A: It's sometimes calming, like words just flowing onto the page in a rush of relief. Sometimes it's all a bit more daunting. It's reading out thoughts that I never even knew I had until I put them down on a page. That's the worst kind of confrontation, I feel. Sometimes, there may be tears. Most times I try to ignore it and lose myself in the numbing.
--
Q: Since you learned to trust Zayn, how is it that you trust him? I want to know how I can start to trust and open up to people. I'm actually a pretty positive person, and I'm currently really happy, but I still keep everything to myself bc I can't start to trust people.
A: If I'm being honest with myself, I don't know if I even had the choice in whether I trusted Zayn. I just did. He proved time and time again to be someone genuine and real. He was kind to me when the whole world seems to find it easier to ignore me. He became a sort of constant in my life faster than I think I was even ready for. I'm not one to ask about trusting others. I can hardly trust myself, but Zayn just settled over me like a warm blanket, not at all like a wrecking ball.
MY RESPONSE: Hey, love. I completely understand not being able to trust others. I have a really difficult time trusting people, and I often try to avoid letting others in because of this. It's one of the reasons I have commitment issues. I think that one thing that has helped me is realizing that you can trust people without giving them all of you. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but I will let people in and tell them my truths, always knowing that things could go south or break or they could disappear, so I reserve a part of myself for myself. I do not lean too heavily on others. It's all about balance, as most things in life are. Also, realize that maybe others are wary of trusting as well. If we're all guarded, trying not to feel or love too deeply, then it creates for a miserable and lonely life. Getting hurt or betrayed is scary, but it's better to have those experiences that wondering "what if" if you don't allow people closer. Not sure if this helps, but it's what I feel.
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Q: Do you think that you can forgive your mom someday?
A: I don't know. I don't know if I... if I even want to. Everyone tells me I should or that it wasn't her fault, but I just can't.... I don't know.
--
Q: How do you feel about more people trying ot talk to you? And will you ever be able to trust any of them?
A: It's all so sudden and terrifying. I'm more surprised that they don't all just turn away from me. Even I can't stand looking at me. And I don't know if I can trust them. I trust Zayn, and I am trying to trust Louis. I haven't spoken to Harry much, and I just met Niall and Jasmine. It's all so confusing.
--
Q: And you are absolutely beautiful.
A: It seems some people think so, but I just can't see what there is to even call beautiful. All I see is the damage done that cannot be fixed.
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ME
Q: Do you have any motivational/inspirational song you hear or any routine you do when you're writing?
A: I don't listen to music too often when I write-- I used to but I stopped somewhere along the way because I just end up singing and not paying attention-- but I do have a "routine." I try to imagine myself in my character' situations. I try to think about all of the possible ways a person can react to something, and I choose the one most fitting for the story. I try to think about how I felt during my lowest points, how I still feel, how I want to feel, and I use that to create something (hopefully) authentic in my characters. I sometimes write a thought I know makes me upset so that others can feel that emotion. In case you are wondering and I have no made it clear enough, I am quite big on emotion! 😄 I always allow myself to feel what my characters feel, which makes writing some chapters of certain stories rather difficult.
Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE metaphors. They are my absolute favorite thing in the world. And for this story, I love writing the poems for it. I don't write poems often, but I do enjoy writing them, and I am glad this story gives me that opportunity to write more of them.
One last thing, when I finish writing a chapter, I immediately go to create the next one and get at least one sentence down so I know and have inspiration for the following chapter.
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Q: I'm starting to write more often, so do you have any advice?
A: I do, actually, so get ready for a numerical list. 😅
1) Have a vision for where you want your story to go. You do not have to know every single detail about the story yet, but I think it's important to at least know which direction you want to to go in. Beginning, middle, end. Also, know what kind of conflict you want to have the characters face. It's important that all things lead/deal with that conflict.
2) Dialogue. Dialogue does not have to be perfect. Real people aren't perfect, and sometimes we don't know what to say or do in certain situations. It's why Liam seems so stunted or lost for words at times and why Zayn is simply just there for him without words when he needs it. Real people do not always talk in lovely metaphors, so don't use one in every single line of every single chapter.
3) Take notes on major events and important details. I cannot tell you how many times I have forgotten things about characters and had to search through all of my chapters to find out if I talked about it or not. Writing down small character sheets and details you have discussed is very helpful!
4) Do not become so attached to your vision that you are unwilling to bend. If the story begins to take a turn you didn't expect, sometimes that turn is for the better. If it feels like a natural flow to all that has been happening, let it flow. Do not try to break out of that box in order to fit the narrative you want unless it works with what you have. Sometimes what you didn't think of at first works so much better and creates a better reveal. Just be flexible, I guess I'm saying.
5) Research. If you are talking about topics you know nothing about, try to at least do a little research or leave a disclaimer stating that you are not an expert in that area. For this story, I am researching therapy techniques and what to expect in sessions because I have never personally been to a therapy session, though I really think it would be good to go to therapy. This is especially important if you are taking on particularly heavy topics because you want to be accurate and as sensitive to the topic as possible.
There are probably more that I will think of later, and I will add them along the way in the comments lol
Thanks for this question, and good luck with your writing!
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Alright! That was all of the questions for this character ask. I will probably do one or two more in the future (probably one) so think up questions for the next one!
If you have any additional questions now, feel free to ask them in the comments. 😘
New chapter soon and character ask coming for Guns & Roses as well! :)
Take care, loves!