I decided to switch this chapter and let it happen after the big revelation. I think it would hit more this way. Additionally, those who read this first still had that surprise right?
....or had you figured this all along? Let me know!
Earlier...
I sat in my room, dried tears streaming down my cheeks.
The room felt like it was caving in on me, or was that just my life?
The thick curtain kept the light out of the room, darkness surrounding me. The vents pushed cold air into the space, the microclimate freezing yet I welcomed the chill.
I was to marry in the next few hours to a man I despised... A man that wanted me only for my body, for what I could offer him...for riches.
I ran a hand down my face, my chest heaving as I sobbed. I had no choice, no will... I was always an object to them, something to own... something that could never stand on its own.
If I tried to defy them, my life as I knew it would cease...If this could even be considered a life. I had no freedom, no real life...
Knock, knock...
I looked at the door but didn't voice a reply to the calls Thelma issued. She would come in either way; they had gotten used to my withdrawal.
The door opened, light filtering into the room and my stomach growled as the scent of eggs and bacon fill the space. Thelma walked in, shivering at the temperature but never commented on it.
She was in a blue square neck dress with sleeves and had a white apron. Her hair in a tight bun and a shiny tray in her hands.
"Good morning, Miss Ryder," she said before placing the tray on my nightstand.
She didn't wait on a respond as she wasn't getting one. Thelma opened the curtains and I closed my eyes at the brightness.
"Your dress has been delivered and Mr. Alberstein has employed a few persons to do your makeup and they will be here in half an hour. The wedding is in three hours so we have time to make you look presentable..."
I drowned out her next words, my mind wallowing in the misery I live.
Nicalus. At first, I thought of him as my saviour and my young, foolish heart wished that maybe he would be the one to care and love me. I was wrong. He was as conniving as my foster parents...
For years, I had been living in a cage, restricted and alone. The only love I knew was my mother, her memory and a few trinkets were all I had... She cherished me, accepted me as I was. No one has ever done that...not until him...
Jovaughn.
Those evergreen eyes, his dark locks, angular face, luscious lips, his humour, his assertiveness, his gentleness, his versatile personality...everything about him... I missed him.
He always made me smile and laugh, being around him was like a breath of fresh air. I enjoyed every moment with him whether we were just talking or doing more...
His touches always caused my heart to flutter, his kisses always made my head lighten, and my toes curl. Jovaughn wasn't perfect and neither was I but I adored him... so much...
I never wanted to get him into trouble... I tried so hard to stay away but he was so tempting. He was wild, beautiful, charismatic, and free. His mischievousness pulled me in and then, I was a goner...
"I will return shortly to administer your medication," Thelma stated before looking towards me with a faint smile before leaving.
Word had spread throughout the mansion about my affair with Jovaughn and Thelma had been one of the few to reach out to me about it. She had it in her mind that Troy seduced me and used me as he had many of the other women here.
Naturally, I would be jealous of the fact he had been with so many women but I noticed they didn't know him as I did. They saw him as a good time sexually, I found everything about him enjoyable and while they only knew him under the sheets, I got something deeper and purer...
I got him, wholeheartedly... yet, I hurt him.
I got him fired, screwed up his mission, and left him feeling used. Carmen had told me enough to know what he was going through and it pained me to know I caused this. He was wallowing, besides himself...all because he fell for me and as much as I felt the same; we couldn't be.
His sister didn't have to tell me how he felt. I saw it in his eyes each time we touched and kissed... I wanted to tell him but it wouldn't change the situation I was in.
My stomach grumbled and I sighed before rising from the thick brown duvet before digging in.
My appetite had been non-existent over the last couple days and now, I barely managed to eat a single toast and piece of bacon. Liquids however, went down easily and as such, they made some nutritious concoction so I wouldn't wither away.
After pecking at my breakfast, I made my way to the bathroom and stared at the woman in front of me. Her brown hair was knotted and dull, her eyes droopy with bags and her face shrouded in misery. My heart clenched in my chest as I remembered how I glowed when we were together ... when he was here.
The bracelet he had bought me, sat upon my wrist burning into my skin and I fought back tears. I loved him so much yet I couldn't have him and he would forever hate me...
...for using him and costing him his mission.
***
"There. We're finished," my adoptive mother stated as she stepped back and observed me in the mirror.
She was in a flattering, figure hugging, blue dress with silver heels and matching diamond jewellery. Her hair was in a tight bun, accentuating her sharp, cold features.
"You look presentable...as a Ryder should," she stated stonily. Believe it or not, that was the closest thing to a complement I had ever received from her.
My dull eyes sweep over my figure. An off-the-shoulder design with a sweetheart cut and a skirt that stopped above my knees with a gentle flow to it. The dress was plain and white. The shoes where white wedges and white veil held in place by a small, diamond studded tiara.
My hair was in an up do; curly strands framing my face. The makeup artists did a wonderful job covering up my bags and the paleness of my face but the sadness still lingered in my eyes.
"We may have had some bumps in the road but we are finally here," she continued, narrowing her eyes at me. Jovaughn was this bump she spoke of. "Thankfully there is more in this rather than your virtue or Nicalus would have backed out... leaving us high and dry."
The disgust lining her tone no longer had any effect on me. Michele was just a self-righteous pretender who projected her disgust onto others because her own flaws disgusted her.
"What could you have been thinking fucking the help? In your fiancé's office, in his house?!" she uttered with her nose high up in the air like a snobby bitch.
"This may be hard for you believe but I actually loved him, Michele and I wanted to be selfish for once. I wanted to feel before you sold me to Nicalus like cattle!" I exploded turning to glare at her, the condescending tone in her voice fuelling my anger. "I am already condemned to both of you! Don't I deserve a moment of happiness, you wrench?!"
My hand moved before her, snatching her wrist before she could hit me. I smiled emotionlessly, gazing into her dark, hateful and conceited eyes.
"Careful, you don't want to scar the bride on her wedding day. Her buyer might reconsider," I gritted out before releasing her hand with a swing. "I am already going through with this. There is no need to try and intimidate me. After all, if I don't go through with this the treatments stop and I die."
There were many things to gain from this marriage. Nicalus was paying the Ryders a large amount to have me and because of the debts the family was in over the years, they found me a suitable trade to ensure their riches. They had been working with Nicalus for years, loaning my body for Nicalus' scientific exploits, a price for their secrecy.
I had lung cancer at a young age. It was due to overexposure to second-hand smoking from when I was on the streets with my mother to most of the foster homes I had been to. I didn't know it then but my foster family did not take well to me vomiting blood on their carpet. They had been hitting me now and again and they had thought their blows fucked me up somehow. So, they waited until my bruises healed before getting rid of me.
They sent me back to Child Services not wanting my death on their hands. The agency had me checked up and found out about my illness. They had me sent to a children's hospital to be treated but I knew it was to wait until I died...
That was where they found me, The Ryders. They took pity on me and adopted me, saying they wanted to make my last few months the happiest I have ever had. Of course, the agency didn't argue with them and agreed to keep my condition silent, after all, the Ryders didn't want me to subjected to public scrutiny when news got out.
They brought me to their home, treated me like royalty and had me believing in their rouse before bringing me to him, Nicalus.
They brainwashed me, told me these tests were the only way to save me so I could be with them forever as a family. For years, they experimented on me and I suffered, I lost so much... I yearned for death so many times but they wouldn't allow it. I was their test dummy...
The day they had a breakthrough was the day my physical suffering ceased. The cure worked but it had a short live span within the body. Within ten minutes, it was completely destroyed by the white cells and the symptoms would come back in waves.
They formulated drugs to keep the cure alive, alive within me. The pills, they help to sustain it within my body and keep me alive. Nicalus had been working for years to fix this defect and he was almost there...but before he could present it, he needed security.
He needed me, the host to his cure in his palms. Marriage placed legal ownership over me in a sense, giving him control over his cure.
He knew even if I wanted out, I couldn't. I had no real proof of his actions, my family and Nicalus were powerful people with connections and without them, I would die.
Sometimes, I wondered if life was ever really worth it...
"Your turn Troy," I stated as I ran her hands over his bare chest. The warmth of him, comforting to me.
"I see a bunny," his husky voice replied and fight a shiver.
I looked up excitedly, happy he was taking time out to play this silly game with me. "Where?"
"Look somewhere in there," he said, pointing at a cluster of stars and I mentally giggled at him.
I leaned back on his chest and smiled. "You're lying."
The nervous smile on his face made him look so adorable and I found myself momentarily distracted from his words but as they register my heart fluttered at his silliness.
"I see bunnies in your eyes."
"You're not enjoying this are you?" I asked staring into his beautiful eyes.
He shook his head. "Nope, all I see are clusters."
I giggled, finding his will to play my silly game though he doesn't like it endearing.
I was taken aback as he reached down and pecked my lips, sparks igniting through the faint touch. I smiled against his lips and kissed him harder. He cupped my cheeks, moaning at the feeling of our lips mending together.
The memory disappeared and I sighed. It was worth it. I would live and find a way out of this. Even if I failed...If I only got to only see him from a far... It wouldn't be as bad as never seeing him again...
With that thought, I reached down and grabbed the bouquet of white roses. Squaring my shoulders, I faced Michele once more, noting the blank look she wore.
"I am read—" I started to say only to be interrupted by a bang and screams.