Rem's POV
...
'Hello, may I sit?'
'Sure.'
'You seem quiet.' A boy with long black hair said as he entered the compartment Remus was sitting in, and plopped down in front of him.
'And you seem posh.' Remus noted, looking up from his book, and seeing his fancy dress robes, tidy hair, and perfect posture.
The boy with long black hair cracked a smile. 'Hardly. My family makes me be all posh and proper. Now that I'm going to Hogwarts I can do whatever I want.'
'Hm.'
'What about you mystery boy? Being all quiet and reading.' The boy smiled.
Remus laughed, 'Reading is fun—ever tried it?'
'I've read a lot, actually. Or forced to, more like. I don't really enjoy it.' He shrugged.
Remus didn't actually want to talk at first, but this boy already seemed to be more interesting than he had originally thought—so he did.
'Your family sounds strict.' Remus noted.
'S'enough about me.' The boy said, shaking his head, 'what about you?'
'What about me?' Remus smiled.
'Your story. Y'know, ambitions, hobbies—darkest secrets.' The boy laughed.
'I don't know you well enough to tell you my darkest secrets.' Remus joked.
'Shall we change that then? I'm Sirius Black.' The slender boy said, reaching his hand out.
Remus extended his out to reach his, and they shook. 'Remus Lupin.'
'That's a weird name.' Sirius smiled.
'One might say the same about yours, you know.' Remus grinned.
'What?' Sirius gasped, mock-offended, 'how could somebody? It's SIRIUS-ly the best name ever.'
Remus couldn't help but let out a laugh at that.
'You're an odd ball, Remus Lupin.'
'Gee thanks.'
'But I can tell we're going to be the best of friends!' The small boy smiled, as he kicked off his shoes and handed Remus a chocolate bar. 'Chocolate?'
Remus Lupin's eyes shot open at once, and he sat up quickly, fumbling around for his wand on the bedside table.
'Lumos.' He panted.
The wand light illuminated his sleeping quarters, and as he caught his breath and his breathing evened out, he got up and using magic, made himself a cup of tea.
As he crawled back into his bed, with a tea up in hand, he absentmindedly took a bite of a chocolate bar that he had left on his table the previous day.
Nightmares had become a more regular occurrence for Remus John Lupin; not just leading up to the full moons, but every night it seemed. Every night since the news about Sirius Black had gotten out.
He wasn't a stranger to nightmares. He got them as a boy, and as a teenager; about the full moon. He got them frequently after James and Lily had died, he got them when Ophelia was sick and he was worried and he got them in the days leading up the full moons when his mind was not his own. He wasn't a stranger to them, that didn't make them any easier though.
In the days, he taught classes. It was truly a dream; he had always hoped of being a teacher. Making a difference in a child's life the way his Professors', like Minnie and Dumbledore, had done for him was always an ambition of his since he was just thirteen. But in the nights, in his sleeping quarters he was very much alone. And when he dozed off into a sound sleep, the demons in his mind took over—tormenting him.
They weren't nightmares, not really. But it felt a look like they were. They were memories, things he had already experienced long ago—moments he had been happy in then, but reliving them now was pure torture.
All of them included Sirius.
The latest being the time he had first met Sirius Black, as a lanky, awkward, quiet and tall eleven year old boy with straw-like hair . Sirius had seemed so impressive; so posh, so put together. With his expensive dress robes, neatly done hair, and perfect posture Remus remembered how jealous he was; that Sirius Black probably had money, and a family that cared about him.
Remus did as well though, he had Hope, his mother. She was an angel on earth; she had loved Remus with her everything. His father, Lyall, was a different story. He never did quite accept Remus, not since Remus had been bitten at five. He tried to hide it, but he was never as close, never as loving as he had been before. And especially not after he learnt of Remus' true sexuality—that he was gay, and madly in love with Sirius Black.
Sirius' story wasn't quite as perfect as it had seen to that eleven year old Remus on the Hogwarts Express however. Compared to Sirius, Remus had a perfect family.
All the news about Sirius surfacing this year had brought back feelings Remus had pushed away long ago. He was livid; how could Sirius have done this to them? He hadn't been this angry in a while. He went periods of time where he was fine, and others where the anger and pure sadness about James and Lily—and Sirius—was overwhelming, this was one of them.
His mind, or the demons in it more like, knew what they were doing when they tormented Remus this way. Showing him precious memories he once treasured above anything else; but now brought him the most unimaginable pain—it was cruel, but Remus' mind was often cruel to him. He had grown used to it.
It didn't take long for Remus to fall asleep again. He was startled, but still exhausted after all; and the moment his eyelids slipped close he was brought back into another memory—this time much later, when they were fourteen and in their fourth year;
'Rem please wake up.' Sirius sobbed, as he gently shook a battered, beaten and bloody Remus Lupin that was on the floor of the shrieking shack.
Remus' eyes fluttered open at the sound of Sirius' voice. It was comforting, familiar; he felt safe when Sirius spoke to him, and held him close and didn't let go for hours.
'Sirius?' Remus murmured weakly.
'Oh thank goodness.' Sirius cried, his head on Remus' ripped t-shirt as he sobbed into it.
Remus weakly hugged Sirius back with all the strength he had left in him. 'I'm alright, Siri. I'm alright.' He murmured.
The dim light from the sun rising shone over the two boys. Even sweaty and crying; Sirius was effortlessly beautiful. Gods, Remus fell for his best friend.
'I-I should get Madam Pomfrey-' Sirius stuttered, as he had come back to reality and realized Remus was hurt. Very hurt.
'She'll come on her own, she comes when the sun rises fully.' Remus whispered as strongly as he could.
It was light out, but the sun was nowhere near fully risen.
'You could have died.' Sirius trembled.
'But I didn't.' Remus smiled weakly, still laying on the floor with Sirius sitting close next to him.
'Yeah, thank Merlin for that.' Sirius said breathily.
'Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?' Remus worriedly asked. He had done the transformation with Sirius alone this time, not with James and Peter also.
'I'm fine Moons, I'm always fine. I'm just worried about you.'
'No need to be worried about me, Pads.' Remus replied, softly, to which Sirius smiled at.
Remus smiled back, as he absentmindedly played with Sirius' hair. Sirius had his head pressed against Remus' chest, clinging as close to his friend as possible. He didn't want to get that close to loosing him again.
'Sirius?' Remus said suddenly.
Sirius looked up, 'hmm?'
'I like you, Sirius.' He blurted. It was likely the full moon that made him so impulsive, but he didn't care. He had felt this way for months, but forced himself not to. He didn't want to be gay. It was the 70's, he wouldn't be accepted. And Sirius was always getting with girls; Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, the lot of them. He had forced himself a long time ago to never admit this.
But he just did.
Sirius made him feel safe, wanted and loved; Sirius made his life worth living.
'I like you too, Moons. Obviously.' Sirius smiled.
'No.' Remus shook his head. 'I don't mean it the way you do. I mean...I like you as more than a friend. I like you and I can't keep doing this.' He gestured to the two of them cuddling (as 'friends') , 'if you don't feel the same way.'
'Who says I don't?' Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.
'W-What?'
'Are you oblivious, Moons? I like you too, as more than friends. I have for a while now—is it not obvious I'm completely mental about you?'
Remus blushed. 'I-'
'You're cute when you're nervous.' Sirius smiled, as he knelt down and kissed Remus' forehead. 'But I like you too.' Remus tried not to relish in this too much, it was probably a dream—his mind tormenting him, Sirius Black would never like him—not this way. Was this a sick joke?
'But Marlene, I mean, weren't you dating her like a week ago?' Remus blurted.
Sirius laughed. 'Broke up. And I don't actually have feelings for any of them.'
'But-'
'I started going out with them to convince myself I didn't like guys.' Sirius said, very plainly.
Remus admired his ability to be so confident on such a serious subject.
'But gods, Moons. You've got me wrapped around your finger. I'd do anything for you.'
Remus blushed, and Sirius laced their fingers together.
'You're a prat , Sirius Black.' Remus blushed, smiling.
'Yes, but I'm your prat.'
Remus awoke again, panting. He took a sip of tea from the teacup he had abandoned when he fell asleep last time, it was cold; but it was a drink and it soothed his dry throat.
This memory was worse; harder to think about. Had Sirius really been planning on betraying him all along? He found it hard to believe, but then again if anything was clear he clearly didn't know Sirius Black as much as he claimed to when they were younger. He remembered when he was in that memory, in the present. How happy he had been to hear that Sirius felt the same way, that anybody could feel that way about him for that matter— he thought it was a dream then.
But here, it was a nightmare. A reminder of what he lost, and who had betrayed him. A reminder of how foolish he had been to trust him, to accept his love.
Sleep had always been foreign to Remus Lupin. He never got enough of it, nightmares about full moons crept up on him—and he was an overthinker. A terrible habit he had gained from his father, Lyall, who was always working; which made it all the harder to sleep. The only time he had ever been able to sleep, properly, was when he was with Sirius; or when Ophelia was in the room after a full moon.
Lack of sleep didn't stop Remus Lupin from functioning—it never had. Sirius had always called him nocturnal, as a joke because he could work all throughout the night, and be just as efficient the next day; perhaps more grumpy, but efficient still.
This was too much to handle. The nightmares were too much to handle. Gods, he wished more than anything they'd find Sirius and take him away again; so he could get back to their normal life.
With a pained expression, and a heavy heart from the enormity of re-living these memories; he summoned over a book and began to read.
If he couldn't sleep, he would at least read.