Olivia was tired.
Completely drained of everything but could she sleep, of course not!
After she'd suggested a girls night plus boy band, Flynn had come straight over and they'd ordered all the pizza they could possibly eat to make Olivia feel a little better about her disaster of a performance.
They all hung out in the studio and she'd explained as much as she could to Julie and Flynn about what had happened while the boys listened in. She left out one very important detail of what Caleb had said, she didn't tell Julie that the reason she could see that boys wasn't her parents. She thought it might make her think her mum wasn't connected and she didn't want that.
It was hard having the boys talk and her and Julie having translate everything back to Flynn but it seemed to work in some weird way, although she did feel bad for Flynn.
She told them what had happened when Caleb took her and everything she'd found online, which of course hadn't been a lot. Seers were people who were believed to have come back from the dead meaning a little part of them was on the other side which is why they can see ghosts, she found that on some ghost hunters website that looked super sketchy but it kinda sounded right.
She was met by a lot of blank stares which she had expected apart from Reggie who still looked at her all she was the most beautiful girl in the world even thought she felt like the strangest.
"I think it's so cool!" Flynn said cursing everyone laugh even Olivia who thought she might think she was a freak.
Everything seemed ok after that, they all watched Dirty Dancing, because they knew it would make her feel better but really it just made her think about to the date day she'd had with Reggie, it seemed like a million years ago now. Also in that moment just made it worse, she felt like she'd lost it him, all of them really.
If she couldn't work it out then maybe she wouldn't ever be able to feel them again, never be able to get a brother hug from Alex or Luke and never be able to feel Reggies lips on her again or his hand wrapped around hers.
As it got later they went back up to the house to go to sleep in Julies rooms. As she stepped foot into her room she just burst into tears again causing the other girls to pull her into a warm group hug.
"Girl whats up?" Flynn said only pulling away slightly to see the red heads face as Julie wiped some of her tears away.
"I've really fucked up!" She said in between sobs. She pulled them over to the bed and they sat down. She pulled one of Julies pillows into her chest and hugged it.
"I know the audition didn't go how you wanted but they'll be others, you'll get another chance." Julie said putting an arm around her shoulder, Olivia let her head fall on her shoulder as Flynn sat looking at her taking her hands in hers.
She felt really lucky in that moment, if she hadn't made it back from England she wouldn't have this, real friends, real friendship. She'd do anything for these girls.
"I mean yes I'm sad about that but" Letting out a shaky breather as she stopped crying she looked at her hands intwined with Flynns.
"Reggie?" Flynn said causing Olivia to look up at her nodding her head.
"Look, I know you think this is all you but you couldn't touch them before and then you could, so don't you think that maybe you can get it back." Flynn said it as almost a question rather than a statement but Olivia knew what she meant and she guessed she was right too.
"Flynns right, this can't be it." Julie said as Olivia sat up running her hands thought he hair and over her face.
"I guess your right it's just... I guess I was..." She hugged the pillow tighter to her body and thought her legs to her chest shoving her face into her knees. "Maybe starting to I don't know." It was muffled but Julie and Flynn looked at each knowing what she meant.
"You know Alex told me that he called you this girlfriend earlier." Julie said smiling poking at her side making her bring her head up.
She let out a sad laugh. "Of course he bit the big idiot." In any other instant she'd be happy about it, she felt ridicules but she'd be happy about it, of course she would, even if they hadn't really talked about what they were.
"You love him don't you?" Flynn blurted out, Olivia's eye went wide. The last boy she thought she'd loved was the biggest mistake of her life she wasn't sure if she could let herself fall that hard again even if she knew deep down that was a lie.
She kept opening her mouth to say something but nothing come out. "Oh...I mean...I don't know about that." She finally said as she felt her cheeks get hot.
"To change to subject and make Liv feel better, when you going to tell Luke you love him Juls?" Flynn said bring the attention to Julie. Flynn really had a way with her words Olivia thought laughing.
"What?!" Julie said hitting Flynn with one of her pillows causing Olivia to break out into a fit of laughter.
And now Olivia was laying on Julies bed, listening to the two girls breathing in their sleep as she laid there staring at the ceiling.
Her brain was exhausted and yet it wouldn't switch off. She kept thinking about how she'd messed everything up, how really it was all on her. If she'd just told them then maybe this wouldn't be happening, and even if she had told them Caleb would still be after her, she knew he'd still want her.
She pulled herself from the bed being careful not to wake the girls sprawled across it. She slipped a big hoodie over her leggings and a pair of shoes and made her way to the back garden.
She couldn't hear anything coming from the studio and even though the boys didn't sleep she hoped their where just as exhausted as her and where some how passed out or had gone out somewhere.
Pulling herself up on to the rooftop she didn't sit down straight away, she stood there for a minute feeling the wind whip thought her hair, she was thankful she had good balance. She looked out over the city like she always did seeing all the lights on, the light of the people who like her couldn't sleep.
All the lights made her think how everyone was a life, a life that had nothing to do with the one she was living, all with their own problems. It made her own seem smaller same how.
An unexpected poof sound behind her made her lose her footing for a second as she turned around falling onto the roof with a thud. She let out and loud laugh as her body hit the roof. "Shit! Reggie!" She said in between laughing trying to distract her self from the fact her body now hurt.
"Well what were you doing standing like that when you knew your boy...I mean I couldn't catch you." He sat down next to her as she sat up looking over at him.
A beat of silence fell upon the pair as they looked over each other. If you'd looked at them in that moment you wouldn't have thought they'd already told each other everything, that they'd already kiss, they looked like pair who were too afraid to speak to each other.
"I'm not sure what I'm meant to do Reggie." She broke the silence between them but kept her eyes on his. "I'm not sure I'm ready to lose this." She was too tired to cry but if she hadn't of been she would be crying.
He looked at her confused. "Wait so you don't hate me, us?" He was the one to look away this time. He couldn't look at her any long without wanting to hug her, or kiss her or just cry. It was all a bit much for him.
"Christ no Reggie! I don't think you could ever do anything to make me hate you." She said still looking at him hoping he'd look at her, but he didn't. "If anything I kinda thought you'd hate me?" She questioned looking away from him as he turned his head to look at her.
"Olivia." He said waiting for her to look at him. She let out a shaky breathe and turned to him. "I just wish you'd told me, but I don't hate you." He laughed as a smile finally creeped onto her face.
"But I don't think you trust me." He look at her confused again and waited for her to continue. "I didn't stop trusting you, I was mad at you but I didn't stop trusting you but I think maybe you stopped trusting me, maybe just a little cause I didn't tell you."
She watched as his eyes flitted around thinking for a minute. "I might be a seer or whatever but I imagine if you don't trust me either it dosen't work." She spoke again just trying to get all her thoughts out.
"But I do." Was all he said as he looked back over at her "Maybe it's you thinking I don't trust you, and me thinking you don't trust me even if we do trust each other, maybe we don't trust ourselves." They both let out a laugh.
"Well that's maybe the most complicated and profound thing you've ever said to me." They locked eyes as they smiled at each other. She always knew he was the smartest out of all of them.
"I didn't think being in lov..I mean." He looked away from her quickly finding his hand very interesting all of a sudden.
"It's ok Reggie I understand." They both sat there as the silence fell around them again.
Either of them wanting to try. They both still knew how the other felt that hadn't change it was just the situation.
Either of them could deal with it in that moment, both where exhausted, both were longing for the love the other could give them. But both where just happy to have each other near in that moment even if they couldn't hold each other.