WARNING YOU NOW THIS IS GOING TO BE SHORT AS F%^&--- I realllyyy dont feel like writing aha, i just wanna play guitar tn- but i promised so....heres a short a$$ chapter!!
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_Louis_
Huh, this isn't that bad actually. I could handle this no problem! Granted if I hadn't chugged back a 26er of whiskey before coming here...maybe this would be a little scarier.
I mean, I am ending my entire life right now.
That's some pretty heavy shit. But...numb. Nothing. A little dizzy, a little scared, but who wouldn't be?
This was it. After this, I would finally be happy. Well, can you be anything after you're dead? At least I wouldn't be so sad, hurt, broken. What happened? Was it black nothingness after life...or was all that 'white light holy presence golden gate' thing real? I guess I was about to find out, but not knowing was a little unerving. For all I knew, once I died, I could be wiped off the face of existence forever. I would be nothing, no one.
I guess that's where I was at now, anyways. Ahaha. Funny. I kill myself sometimes. Hahah! PUN UNINTENDED BUT WORKED NICELY! Wow, I was drunk. I looked down at the glass bottle in my hand- a little left, might as well finish it off before all this went down. I looked down at the ground far below where I intended to throw myself in a moment. That last pun was a little less funny, a little too real. I polished it off, cringing as the burning sensation met my throat again, ending somewhere in my stomach. If I didn't end this soon, I was going to have to take a quick pee break....
beep! beep! beep!
I clicked the button on my phone to turn off the alarm I had set- it was five minutes to 6:49- which, this morning, was the exact time of sunrise.
And, also, a little less than coincidentally the time I had chosen to die. Ironic- the dawn of a new day, the end of my time here. But at least the last thing I saw would be beautiful. I looked up at the slightly pink, extremely blury sky, hoping I would be able to see it properly in my intoxicated state.
beep! beep! beep!
That, would be the four minute mark. I wanted to make sure I got it right. This, I wanted to be the one thing at least that went according to plan in my life, that I was happy with. I sighed, as I climbed, unsteadily, up onto the railing of this stupid bridge.
This bridge meant a lot to me. It was where I had been most happiest in my life- where all the best memories happened. I wanted this to be the place.
My stepdad had taught me to jump off this bridge into the water below. I had been absolutely terrified, 100% sure if I did it I was going to die. He had laughed good naturedly, diving in first to show me it was okay, and that if anything happened, he would be there to catch me and pull me back to safety. He may not be with my mum anymore, but he was a good man, and I really trusted him.
I had jumped. And, surprisingly, lived. I saw Mark smile, looking proud, which made me happy, and I grew proud of myself also, in having made him happy. He had always been really happy when we did father son stuff together. He took me fishing here almost every night in the summer, mom, the girls and I had picnics along the edge of the water in the shade of the trees- it was a place that meant most to me in my childood.
beep! beep! beep! Three minutes. I sighed, holding onto the metal shooting up to the top of the bridge to keep stable.
Especially when I took Harry here when we were eight. I had taught him to jump off the bridge, the day after my dad took me here. He had looked as scared as I had probably looked, but I laughed it off, and pretended it was the easiest thing in the world, and I hadn't even flinched. He looked at me in awe, and I had blushed- I was usually the one looking at my best friend like that, not the other way around. Harry was always the brave one. That day, I had taken his hand, and we had plunged into the cold still spring temperature water. From then on, we went there a million times every summer, spring, even the fall, if only to talk and laugh.
It was 'our' place. It was here that I had gained every one of my favourite memories. So naturally, it was here that I wanted to lose them all also. Symbolic, I guess. I am truly a mastermind. Maybe I should have made a blog, given people some tips- I'm quiet the poet. I went to take another sip of the amber liquid, only to groan in dissapointment, it wall all gone. I chucked it down below me, watching with a shiver as it shattered below.
Because obviously, I wasn't going to jump where the small creek was- that would defeat the purpose. I had slid over to the edge of the bridge, where down below, was nothing but dirt, and rocks and the reason I had come here, which wasn't to fool around.
I was here to die. The thought made me cringe- what an aweful thought, but I was ready for it, and I deserved it. Harry was right about it all- why was I even alive all these years? I felt like my life had ended the day Harry had ran away from me in the park. How melodramatic, but how true.
beep! beep! beep! Two minutes, better get ready. I slowly got up, leaning on the bridge for support as I wobbled my way up. I nearly tipped over- whoa, close call. It would be awkward to have this all planned and then end up ruining it. Not that I would care one way or another once all this was over, I guess.
I closed my eyes.
"LOUIS GET THE FUCK DOWN!" A voice sounding a lot like Harry's pierced my drunked state. I thought maybe it was my subconscious, trying to stop me? Maybe I had schizophrenia? Hallucination?
"No." I mumbled back to myself. Damned if I was going to ruin this for me.
"Louis, pleease!" The voice begged, sounding closer. Was the voice that sounded like Harry...crying? I opened my eyes, trying to focus. Oh my God, Harry was here. "How...what are...you doing here? How did you find me?" I slurred out, my focus on my words causing my focus on balancing to slip, nearly making me fall. "LOUIS!" Harry screamed out in between tears.
_Harry_
I was panicking. I was a fucking blubbering mess, bordering on hyperventilating.
I think I was maybe having a heart attack. My heart was beating incredibly fast, painfully so. I needed him to get down, he was swaying, and every moment he was up there he was closer to slipping off. I felt tears block my view of them and I swiped them away as I carefullly walked closer- I didn't need him jumping because he thought I was going ot pull him away.
"I- I'm here because I need you. I nee-need you alive Louis Tomlinson. A-and I found you because it was obvious where you would be." I answered, sniffling, trying to calm down. Louis scoffed, laughing a bit. Laughing.
"You need me alive for what- so you can hate someone. Harry...can't you see I'm tired of being your punching bag?" He said, looking... exhausted; I could see it, there in his eyes. I felt guilt tear through me again. "I love you, but there is only so much I can take. Whatever I did wrong by you...hate me from the grave."
beep! beep! beep! I looked down at his phone, and so did he. He smiled again, which scared me- there was nothing humorous about this. He tossed his phone and it landed with a thud far below him.
"That's the one minute mark mate. Well...ex mate I guess." He said, shrugging. He looked calm, and it scared me. this scared me so much. This was all my fault. He couldn't die. The exact same thoughts kept whirring around my head, making me insane. I think I was truly going insane. I grabbed at my hair, wishing I could tear myself up for ever having brought him to this level of pain.
"Louis...please... I need you alive. I need you here. I can't live without you!" I begged.
"Sure you can, just don't forget what I wrote in the letter- please don't hurt Niall anymore, he deseves happiness....take him in your group, please? Promise me?" He asked, his voice faltering as he looked down below.
"LOUIS! I will, I promise, please get down!" I shouted, sobbing. He closed his eyes, and I fucking panicked. I leapt at him, grabbing his waist and pulling him towards me. He shouted out in mild surprise, landing with a thud on top of me.
"HARRY- NO! Let me go- you'll ruin everything!" He said, sounding pissed off.
"I already have!" I answered, as he pushed me, trying to get up. I smelled the alcohol on his breath, and I winced. Apparently he was incredibly strong when he was drunk, and he whaled me right in the jaw with a strong left hook, making me see stars just long enough for him to jump up, stumbling back to the railing.
"LOUIS I LOVE YOU!" I screamed, just as the sun came up, making the pink sky turn a blood red.
It made him stop, and I breathed out a sigh of relief. He didn't turn to me though, and for a long while, everything was still, silent, the weight pressing down on me.
"No you don't, you just don't want this on your hands." He answered, still not looking at me. I shot up, walking over to him, turning him around. There were tears in his eyes.
"No- I love you Louis Tomlinson, I always have." I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. I hadn't been able to say these words to him in all my life, but now, with this, looming in front of me, the words came easy, like I had been dying to say them to him for ever.
"You hate me-"
"I lied too." I answered, pressing my lips to his. Nothing, all was still, and then, all was bliss. I felt his lips move in sync with my own, his cold hands resting on my neck. This was...everything I was hoping it would be. Warm, honest, perfect. I loved this boy with all my heart. Why had I waited so long to tell him? Why had I let all that time slip by? Why was I so stupid? I separated our lips, with extreme regret, but things had to be said, he had to understand.
"That day at the park when we were kids...Louis, you told me you loved someone else, and I couldn't take that. I am a selfish, cruel, horrible person, I couldn't stand the thought of you loving another boy. I was so...angry, so hateful . I'm so sorry. I took it out on you, and you never deserved it. You are the kindest, most amazing man in the entire world, I can't live without you anymore. I can't do it." I rambled on. Louis stared at me, his blue eyes looking even more amazing than usual in the morning light. Or maybe it was just because I hadn't been this close to him in a very long time.
"Harry...I don't understand. Why would you care who I liked... when I told you... you ran away, you hated me. Now you're saying all this...I don't understand..." Louis asked, faltering. New tears formed in his eyes, but I noticed he didn't back away from me, his hands were resting on my waist. This made me blush, feeling brave enough to continue. Louis was always the one that made me feel strong, courageous, always.
"I cared because I had loved you, even then- months before you told me you were gay." I answered. "I ran away because... I'm a heartless asshole. I know I am, but I'll change, I swear. I'll be a better person, and maybe one day, you can...love me again. I know its a lot to ask for, but please, I'll try, I swear I will." I pleaded. Louis looked dazed, staring into my eyes in a way that made me feel like he was reading me like a book, seeing if I was lying right now. He must have found the sincerity in my words, because he timidly pecked my lips again.
"I wasn't lying when I said it a couple minutes ago, or in my letter- I have always loved you Harry...." He said, blushing and looking away.
His words filled me with this happiness and warmth that I hadn't realized I had been missing from my heart since that day at the park. His words reinforced my own feelings for him. I hugged him, not pulliing away for an incredibly long time.
"I love you. But if you ever... do something like....Louis, I will kill you myself... I need you. I'm too selfish to let you go. I'm sorry for that. " I whispered to him, making him smile and cry at the same time. He nodded, and I grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the trail where the bridge led into the woods.
"Where..where are we going?" He asked, confused.
"Let's make up for some lost time, shall we?" I asked, "There's a lot in your life I've missed, and I want to know it all." He blushed, looking down.
I loved him so much, and I know I didn't deserve him, but... I wouldn't let go this time, nor ever again. He was mine, and he would always stay that way.
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Lol okay...longer than I thought it would be. When I sit down to write...lol i don't even know what happens, my fingers just fly around till somethings written. Maybe I should come up with plans from now on...lol or at least edit my chapters aha I'm so sorry for people who have to decipher them!
Vote, comment, anything if you liked it, please and thank you :D