Always The Same (Larry fanfic)

Chapter 8

last one was longer than I thought. This one, I promise, will be short, but I didn't wanna put it with the last chapter cuz... idk xD

vote and comment please, if you think this is any good xP

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_
Louis_ 

I read them all through once more, minus Ryan's who I had already mailed to the address he had given me. I hoped it was the right one, and I didn't mess up.

Mum

You mean everything to me, and I am so happy to be blessed with someone as patient and loving and accepting as you to have given birth to me. Thank you for everything. Know I tried, but it all fell apart, as it always does. The irony is I was just telling you how everything was finally coming together in my life. And you told me you always knew it would- I'm sorry you were wrong. At least.  I'm sorry I'm not sticking around to find out how long it takes. Stay the way you are now, take care of the girls, though of course I know you will. 

I love you with everything I have to give,

Your Loubear

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Charlotte, Felicite, Daisy, and last but never least Phoebe

I love you, and don't argue with mom- she's always right- about everything. Even if she doesn't even know what your talking about. I love you, I'm always there for you if you need me. 

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Niall

I need you to know how sorry I am that I''m leaving you here alone to deal with all this. That high school- that horrible food. I know you'll be fine without me, know that I'll have a hard time without you there with me. I miss you already, you're the best friend anyone on the entire face of the planet could ask for. Seriously. Be happy and do well in school for the both of us. 

Yours truly

Lou

P.S. when mom finds that weed we tried once in my room, tell her I was keeping it for  a friend, kay? I'd take it out myself, but I forgot, and I can't go back, or I might stay.

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****

Harry... I leaned his against his door, my fingers shaking and making this one little task incredibly difficult.

Now, I just had to make it in time, and everything would be set.

_Harry_ 

I woke up, groaning. I had a massive headache. Niall sure did a number on me- I looked at my alarm clock on my nightstand. The glowing too-bright numbers said 4:39 a.m. Ugh, wayyy to early. But I couldn't sleep, and I was parched and needed Tylenol. Now. 

I got my fatass out of bed, walking slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen, turning every light on in the house as I walked by. I grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and some pills and sat at the breakfast bar. I heard the front door close, and sat up so I looked less like a goof for when my dad walked in. He worked nights, so I wasn't overly surprised to see him home. 

"If your mother wakes up, she'll kick your ass. You know she doesn't like it when you leave all the lights on." He said, walking into the kitchen. He put his keys and suitcase down, heaving a sigh. "Here, this was on the door for you, I'm tired, night kiddo." He said, ruffling my hair as he walked by. For me? What the hell? Late cell phone bill or something?

I got up and opened the letter that had my name scrawled on it in messy writing. Guess that rules out the cell phone bill, unless Koodo has recently taken to getting really personal with thier millions of customers. I ripped it open and pulled at the lined sheet of paper. Instantly I could tell something was off...the ink was smudged in some places, blurring. 

Whoever wrote this had been crying. I slowly began to read it, the ink blurring even more when I started crying too.

Harry

You are going to have no idea what the fuck this is, and if you look down at who its from and see my name, you might even just throw it away. I understand.

Well, actually, no, I don't. I don't understand much anymore. I don't know why you hate me so much. If I could go back to that day at the park six years ago, I would. I would give anything to reverse all this pain and go back to being your best mate- because honestly, I have yet to feel completely whole since then. 

But since I can't go back, and you already hate me, I feel like I should tell you what I had intented to tell you at the park all those years ago when we were twelve or thirteen or whatever. I know this sounds like drunk gibberish and you don't give a shit about what I have to say, but I'm going to write about it anyways, because I feel like that is where everything in my life started going wrong. 

I lied to you. 

That day, when you sat there with your cute curly hair and perfect green eyes, and asked me if you knew who it was, I lied to you. Of course you did. I lied when I told you, and I'm sorry. But I guess if you reacted this badly for that, telling you the truth would have been a thousand times worse- though, honestly, I don't see how. 

The person I liked then- now- have always loved, and always will love, is you, Harry Styles. There I said it. You can hate me even more, it's fine, it won't matter to me one way or the other by the time you read this. I just felt like you should know the truth. 

I also would like to say its not you, its me, but, I think we both know that would be a lie. At least, to an extent. It is me, my fault this is happening, because I'm weak, and I'm tired, and I'm just plain done. It's you because...well, I think its obvious why. I'm sorry- for whatever I did to make you hate me so much. I'm sorry we could never go back to being friends. I ruined it, and I'm sorry.

I didn't write this to make you feel guilty- well, yes, I guess I did. Wow, this must be so confusing to read. I wrote that last bit up there so that you would know that your words- your actions- they affect people more than you realize. I know you never meant things to get to this level, but they have officialy reached it. When you go through your life, just remember that. What you do, affects people.

And you were right- about Ryan, about me, about everything. I'm useless. I'm disgusting. I'm the reason Ryan left, and so much more. You're right, and I'm tired of fighting with the truth- it's hopeless.  

To end on a brighter note (considering the situation) I just want to say that I know you are a good person. Please stay that way.

I love you,

Louis Tomlinson

P.S. Leave Niall alone or I swear I will haunt you in the afterlife- I'm on my way there now.

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I read the note three more times, kneeling on the cloor, before my tears were flowing to much for me to see the paper anymore. I needed to find him. I needed him now. I ruined everything, I always do. 

I knew where he would be, where he would do this, end this.

I knew I had to get to him now, to save him. Or, if not, to die too.

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Yeah. soo.... kinda dramatic... lol I was freaking out writing it xD AAMidnightDirection- this okay? :S