"Put it into reverse," I instruct Blondie. She's looking a little nervous which makes me 10x more nervous.
"I know how to drive," she argues back. I raise both my hands, letting go of the situation.
Her tiny hands put the car into reverse the car starts to roll backward. Blondie turns the wheel as slow as she can. I roll my eyes and grab the wheel, turning it faster. "Now put it into drive," I say extremely nervous.
Blondie follows my instructions and eases onto the gas pedal. As long as she stays in her lane I think we'll make it out with our lives. I slip a cigarette into my mouth and crack the window for the smoke to escape.
"You'll never let me try one will you?" Blondie asks, looking at me momentarily.
"Why should I?" I ask, shaking my head. I smoke because I'm addicted. I'm addicted to the calming sensation that rushes over me. I'm addicted to the taste. Why would you want to get yourself hooked?
"I just want to try," Blondie urges. I shake my head 'no' more sternly this time.
"Eyes back on the road before you kill us," I growl. Her blue eyes snap back to the road. Good girl.
After 15 minutes of Blondie taking wide turns and blowing stop signs, we finally make it to the destination. It's in the middle of the fucking woods?
"Blondie you're not going to murder me out here, are you?" I joke. It would make sense if she did want to kill me.
"No, silly. If I wanted to kill you I would have run us off the road a while ago," Blondie smiles at me. She's beyond beautiful.
Blondie pushes open her door and I follow her actions. The smell of pine needles swirls in the air. I almost feel relaxed. "Follow me," Blondie says and disappears into the trees.
I always liked the outdoors. When I was little, dad and I would take camping trips. We would fish, go hiking, and he would tell me scary stories around the campfire. I would lie and say I wasn't scared, but then I would lay my sleeping bag next to him at night.
Blondie stops walking and I look at her puzzled. Before I could walk further than her she pushes me back. "Be careful, if you fall there, you're dead." I look at the ground to find what she's talking about. There's a steep drop off and at the bottom is a river. Then it's a drop off on the other side. It's like a V in the ground. And the V goes on for miles.
It's quite amazing. I can't see the roots of trees and what lies beneath the soil. I gulp remembering when I almost just walked off the cliff. "This is my favorite spot. It's beautiful here and my thoughts seem more clear," Blondie says looking down the large trench. "When I die I want to be buried by a place like this. It just seems so peaceful. I mean, who wouldn't want to be laid to rest in an amazing place like this?" Blondie says looking up at the tall trees.
I stare at her like a stalker. Her blue eyes are filled with wonder and beauty. "If you walk any closer we might be planning your funeral for next week," I growl, pulling her away from the steep drop. She lets out a laugh. Her laugh sounds like a symphony.
Blondie stands incredibly close to me. I look down at her with my stone-cold expression. Trying to cover up my actual feelings. Her lips are plump as she licks them and her blue irises are wondrous.
I lean in, unable to hold back any longer. My eyes close as my lips make contact against hers. Blondie pushes her mouth against mine, but I ignore her need as I kiss her slowly. Her arms wrap around my neck and my hands cup her cheeks. A warm feeling wraps around me. I've never felt this before. Tingles dance all over my body as a fire erupts in my chest.
After a couple of seconds, I pull my lips away. "Jackson," her voice coos me. My thumb unconsciously runs against her bottom lip. Nadia's eyes close in response, enjoying my touch.
"Nadia," my husky voice growls. I'm hungry for more, but for now, I need to control myself. I remove my hands from her face and she unwraps her arms from my neck. I suddenly feel colder. "I'm bad for you," I sigh. We don't belong together.
"I don't care," she breathes with a ghost of a smile on her pink lips. I want to rip my hair out. The shit she does to me.
"You should," I growl, turning away from her. I can't feel these feelings for her. It won't end well for her.
"You know, ever since I was little this was my favorite place. I can't feel anger or resentment here," Blondie says pulling me out of my dark thoughts. I turn back to face her. Her dirty blonde hair cascades down her back as she sits, look down into the abyss. "Do you have a place like that?" She asks me.
"No, a place like that doesn't exist in a world like mine." The wind blows through the trees. I want one. Maybe I'm just not lucky enough to have a place like that.
"Everyone has a special place, I guess you haven't found yours yet," Blondie smiles at me. I shrug, walking to sit by her.
"When I was younger, I was completely different than how I am now. I had a bright future and I was completely animated," I sigh, feeling completely exposed.
"What happened?" She asks. I gulp nervously. I don't want to tell anyone. Nobody knows here. Why would I ruin that?
"Life's a bitch," I say, shying away from the actual answer.
"You still have a bright future," Blondie says giving me her toothy smile. At least someone is hopeful about my future.
"Thanks, Blondie." I sigh, popping a cigarette into my mouth. A moment of silence passes.
"Guys scare me, men scare me. But for some reason, you don't," Blondie says hugging her knees. Men used to scare me too. The world is a dark place I wish I was told that.
"Are you going to come back to school?" Blondie asks with her tiny voice. I hum before shrugging. I haven't thought about going back to school. I didn't go to because I had to stay away from Blondie, but I don't know if that's possible anymore.
"When you were sleeping, what were you dreaming about?" I ask curiously. I constantly wonder what's going on in that head of hers.
"It wasn't a dream... it was a nightmare," Blondie says quietly and hugs her knees to her chest. "I was outside my mom's house. The house was on fire and I could hear her screaming. I ran inside and the flames burned me... it felt so real. When I got inside it wasn't my mom's house anymore... I was at the party last night. Nobody could hear me and my hands would float right through them. You could hear me and I could touch you... but you were so angry at me," Blondie gulps anxiously.
"I'm sorry," I blurt out, surprising myself and Blondie. "What else happened," I say changing the subject.
"I tried to apologize, but then you couldn't hear me anymore. And my hands went right through you as if you were a ghost." I grab Blondie's pointer finger and stick it to my cheek.
Her tiny finger pokes my porcelain face. "Nope, not a ghost," I joke and she breaks into laughter. Her smile alone causes me to grin, showing her my pearly teeth.
"Definitely not," she giggles, scanning me up and down.
After Blondie calms down, I break the silence. "Do you get nightmares a lot?" I ask.
"Yes, every night." I frown at her answer. How does she get any sleep? "Do you get any?" She asks.
"All the time when I was younger. Now I get them off and on. When I sleep alone it feels like there are bricks on my chest." I get anxious when I sleep alone. I don't need protection from the monsters on the night, though my mind does. I'm more comfortable with someone by my side. When I was found, I slept in my parent's room until I realized I needed to protect Charlie. So I ditched my parents and slept in Charlie's room.
"How did you get them to stop?" Blondie furrows her brows at me.
"I figured that the monsters are more afraid of me. I'm not a child anymore. My mind doesn't allow me to be scared anymore." I explain to Blondie, who's staring at me with diligent blue eyes. "Oh and drugs," I say and she swats at my arm. I chuckle at her and catch her hand before it can slap me again.
"I need serious ideas!" Blondie laughs, trying to punch me with her other hand. I clutch her tiny fist before it can make contact.
"I told you how I don't get them anymore. Maybe you should drink warm milk before going to bed, or maybe you need a damn nightlight," I chuckle, gripping her wrists tighter so she can't escape and hit me again.
Her hands wiggle in mine, but I don't let go. She does the thing I didn't expect her to do. Her lips attack mine. Her soft lips glide against mine. She tastes as good as she did the last time. I entwine one of our hands and my free hand wraps around her back, holding up her body that's hovering over mine.
The feeling that I feel is pure bliss...