Evelyn.
I hate the way things get out of our control. 'Some things are within our power, while others are not,' wrote Epictetus, the Greek Stoic, in a line you'd be justified in dismissing as obvious, if it weren't for the fact that we ignore its ramifications every day, and suffer as a result.
In every situation, there are things we can control and things we can't, and struggling to control the latter is a recipe for anxiety and stress.
Yes- there are a lot of things out of our control.
I bit my lip, signing off on the release of our suspects into federal jail- placing all the paperwork into a folder, and laying them out of my way.
I yawned, stretching my arms above my head. Deciding to take off my suit jacket, I leave it on my seat.
Standing up, I decide to walk down the hall. I observed people working in their various offices, mostly fooling around.
I turned a corner when I felt someone pull me into a side room. I was pushed against a wall, strong hands next to my head.
Luke.
I definitely felt out of control.
"Agent Hemmings," I breathlessly murmured as he smoothed his hands across the wall, effectively making him closer to me.
Luke's navy suit top was tight around his biceps, the tie dangling slightly. His face leaned in close to me- in fact, I was started by how close he was, his lips only inches from mine.
He tilted his head, leaning closely towards me. There was no sign of him stopping the movement, something that dropped my heart to my feet. I closed my eyes as he bumped his nose against my cheek, his lips almost brushing up against mine.
If I moved any closer, they would touch. If I moved any closer. They ghosted mine in a way that made us share the same breath, the same air.
I sighed, swallowing, and tearing my eyes away from his pink, parted lips and back to his eyes.
With a soft whimper escaping my throat, I imagined what would happen if I leaned in- just a little. Just enough to touch his lips to mine.
But I can't. He knew it and I knew it.
I managed to mumble, voicing that opinion, "We can't." I pressed my hand lightly against his chest, not really to push him away but to keep myself in check.
There is only so much self-control to go around.
He chuckled lowly, "I know I know, you're an agent, I'm an agent."
I nodded, exasperated, and out of breath. Luke didn't move away from me, despite his words.
"We can't do this," I swallowed, holding the edges of his suit with a tight grip.
He closed his eyes with a breathy laugh, turning his head for a moment and then back towards me. Something in his voice was full of desire, full of a tone that I could only pinpoint as lust.
It was clear on his face- the struggle to hold himself back from me. It mirrored mine, replicated the emotion written all over my face.
It was a craving, an unfulfilled desire that I could not fill no matter how hard I tried.
I could right now, but I would rather not.
He opened his eyes back towards me as I noticed him clench and unclench his fists, trying to hold himself back.
"Then you better walk away," He bit his lip, his hands still next to my head. The small smile dropped from his face, a look of tension written all over it.
I swallowed, nodding extra, "Yeah I better walk away."
It felt like hours before I finally moved, ducking my head slowly under his arm and walking out of the room.
I patted down my button-up shirt, walking in large strides as my head moved around the area fast.
Ashton stopped me, "Have you seen Luke?"
I stuttered, "Uh no I h-haven't seen Lu-I mean Agent Hemmings. Sorry I have to go."
He watched me bewildered as I walked past him quickly, my face paling as I finally made it to my office.
I locked the door behind me quickly, turning to my seat and pulling out my phone.
In most cases- I would never talk about personal business with people.
But Hailey isn't just some person.
The phone only rang a few times before it was picked up.
"Hey Hailey," I mumbled into the phone.
I heard a voice that was most definitely not hers, "Hey Eve!"
"Kate?" I sat straighter in my seat, "What are you doing with Hailey's phone?"
"Well," I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone, "She's pretty busy with an angry customer. A Karen, you know the type."
I laughed, trying to shake the nervousness and pounding in my chest, "Alright well I'll call later-"
"No no!" Kate stopped me, "Just tell me- I can help."
I bit my lip, leaning back in my seat, "Oh I don't know Kate."
"Oh come one," He whined, "Let me help you."
I rolled my eyes, "Alright."
I took a breath, throwing a bunch of words out, "Luke and I maybe almost kissed."
"What?!" Kate screamed as I pulled the phone from my ear momentarily. He and Hailey were so alike it was insane.
"You're going to burst my eardrum Kate," I groaned.
"I knew something was happening between you two!" Kate ignored my request, screaming in my ear, "I knew it!"
"Nothing is happening because I said it couldn't happen," I hissed into the phone.
Kate let out a laugh, "You know you always do this."
I paused, switching the phone from the left hand to the right, "What do you mean?"
"Just think about it Eve," Kate sounded distracted, "Ever since your dad died, you stopped letting yourself be happy."
"I am happy," I defended myself.
"Are you?" There was a momentary pause, Kate responding, "Look I have to go, but just... let yourself enjoy this. It's what you deserve."
I nodded, though he couldn't see. I guess he was right, though I would deny it to the day I die.
"Oh and, you've been single for far too long," I could feel Kate's smirk on the other side, "You need to get laid."
Before I could defend myself, he hung up.
I rolled my eyes, clenching my fists before putting my phone down on the desk and falling back into my seat.
Whether or not Kate's assessment was completely right, I couldn't help but think that maybe there was truth to his words.
Nighttime came too soon, my mind distracted with the events of the day. I cursed myself for not getting done as much work as I usually do.
Though, an hour of my time has the same weight as a week from these other bozos.
I exited the office, making it down the silent building and down the elevator. My eyes shut for a moment, tired from the long day I had.
I left the building, watching the dark night.
Then, I saw Luke and Ashton, standing outside the building with their hands in their pockets.
Well if it isn't Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum.
They turned their attention to me, smiles on their face. Ashton's was far wider, more innocent in execution.
Not like Luke's. The intention behind his perking lips wasn't something that could easily be repeated out loud, as if there was a secret among us that nobody else knew.
It dizzied me in ways I could never explain.
"Hey Fitzgerald!" Ashton exclaimed, waving at me. I smiled small at him, my eyes not on him but on Luke. With a swallow, I turned back to Ashton.
"Hi Agent Irwin," I softly mumbled, now avoiding Luke's gaze.
"We were just waiting for Chief Hood to come down for drinks," Ashton wrapped an arm around Luke, nudging him into his side.
"Wanna join?" Ashton continued his sentence.
I froze, my eyes widening.
Tentatively, I shook my head, "I should get going."
"Well," Luke's drawl thickened in the air, making me heavy. My eyes nearly rolled back at the smirk on his face. He rubbed his thumb against his lip.
"Then you better walk away."
I bit my lip, my eyes hooded as my breath quickened. Instantly, my mind flashed back to earlier that day, when he had said that exact same thing.
It was weird- I had expected it to be weird, awkward between us all. I had expected him to avoid me.
But no. He was right in front of me, a smirk plastered on his face with his eyes trailing over me like he wanted to eat me alive.
Luke probably did.
It probably ran through his mind a few times.
"Uh, yeah," I turned around, waving the boys goodnight, "I'm going to walk away now. Goodnight."
"Goodnight!"Ashton called out before turning to Luke.
I heard his low voice, "She's acting weird isn't she?"
Luke chuckled, his voice far but still in earshot, "I wonder why."
//
i WoNdEr WhY
luke can be so awful. and awful i mean a tease. though we like teases here- to some extent? he acts like he does not know the effect of himself on evelyn, though i would be such a tease too.
mwah, luke forever.
-m <3