10 things I love about you - Hotchniss

the empty house

A few weeks had passed and the team had been really, really busy with many cases. When they came back that night, they all felt like gasping of relief. Everyone wanted to get home as quickly as possible and to Emily, it seemed like they all were gone within a minute, leaving her sitting alone at her desk in the bullpen.

It was the first time in a long that her thoughts caught up with her again and she thought of Hotch, of how they were ignoring each other unless they had to talk to each other because of a case. She knew that he didn't trust her, and it hurt, it really did. After all, he should know her well enough to be aware of the fact that she would never betray him. Never in a billion years.

Taking a deep breath, she got up and collected the others' reports in order to give them to him before leaving. As there was no reply to her knock on the door, she slowly opened it, just to discover the Unit Chief asleep at his desk. The past few days had been tough on him, too, and Emily doubted that he had even slept at all.

Trying to make no sound, Emily carefully placed to files on his desk. She should've known better, because the next thing she knew was Hotch startling up.

"I'm sorry", she immediately said. "I didn't want to wake you."

"It's fine", he muttered, quickly rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Nearly 9.30 pm", his subordinate replied. "You should head home."

"Work", Hotch just sighed. "A lot of work."

"Yea, but you also missed sleep", Emily added. "A lot of sleep."

"I don't need you to look out for me", he mumbled, probably slightly offended.

"I'm not looking out for you, rather for my team", she stated. "And we cannot work with a tired Unit Chief."

A slight smile formed on Hotch's lips: "You've got a point."

Emily couldn't help but smile as well. He still had this effect on her, she just wasn't able to change it.

"You should head home, too", he then added. "You're exhausted."

"I don't need you to look out for me", the brunette threw his words back at him, which made him smile even more, playing with the golden ring on his finger. Emily slightly furrowed her eyebrows at this sight, a question burning at the tip of her tongue, but she had to hold it back.

"I was actually on my way out, I just wanted to bring you these before I go", she then explained, pointing at the files which had pulled Hotch out of his sleep.

"Thank you", he nodded. Emily nodded, too, and turned around to leave.

"Emily", Hotch then said and she turned around again, a shiver running down her spine at the sound of her first name coming out of his mouth.

"Yes?"

"You did great work during the past few days", he stated. "You were right. You are a very good agent."

A proud smile formed on Emily's lips: "Thank you." Hotch just slightly nodded again, and she walked towards the door. In the doorframe, she stopped. Her look dropped to the floor and she clutched to the doorframe with her left hand. She just had to ask. Turning back around, she asked: "She left, didn't she?"

She saw how Hotch gave everything to hold it together, whereas internally, his jaw and heart dropped.

Emily had recognized the first changes in his behavior on the last case, after the heated discussions with Haley on the phone had suddenly stopped. She knew that he loved his work very much, but even Hotch would've headed home after nearly a week on a case, at least to see Jack. But he was still here, sleeping in his office, playing with his wedding ring.

There was a moment of silence, and Emily didn't bother to say anything. She knew that he maybe needed a moment, just like she used to do when she was considering to open up to a person. It was a trait they both had in common; neither of them liked to show their weaknesses.

"I had it coming", he then said, his voice completely calm and under control. "Before we left for the case, she told me that she wouldn't be there when I return. I guess she wasn't bluffing."

"And Jack?"

"She toon him with her, of course. They're at her sister's place."

"I'm sorry", Emily sighed.

Hotch didn't reply.

"But you should head home. I know that being greeted by an empty house is not the nicest thing, but you cannot stay here 24/7. That won't make it any better", she added. "Go home, Aaron."

At the sound of his first name, he looked up and their eyes met for a brief second.

He was a broken man, and Emily knew that. On the outside, he always remained calm and collected, but on the inside he was a mess. He blamed himself for not being able to keep the relationship with his wife going and for not being there for his son, however, his work was what kept him sane and he needed it. He would never dare to say this out loud, afraid that no one would understand.

But Emily understood, more than anyone else.

After he had left 19 years ago, she had been alone for most of the time, afraid of being hurt again. Her work was everything her life revolved around ever since and it allowed her to be herself.

It was so obvious that they still needed each other, however, they both knew that too much had already happened between them.