10 things I love about you - Hotchniss

the truth

Emily already knew who was knocking on the door of her apartment before even looking through the door viewer.

She had actually handed in her resignation that morning and had also made a short process of telling Hotch. Garcia had actually found out beforehand and tried to talk her out of this decision, but it had been too late and Emily had no other choice - but nobody apart from her and Strauss knew that.

"I think this is a mistake", were the words that had left Aaron's mouth and Emily found it quite ironic; after all, he hadn't wanted her on his team in the beginning.

To her luck, he had actually been in a conversation in that moment, so she had been able to cut things short and had quickly left again.

The box, which she had unpacked in the bullpen just a few weeks ago, stood now packed in her flat, and her heart sank every time she looked at the box again. Oh, how badly she had wanted this to work out, to be a part of the BAU, to be close to Aaron again and to work in the field she lived for.

There was another knock on the door, and as Emily took a glimpse at Hotch through the door viewer, her heart felt even heavier. Why was he here? Reluctantly, she opened the door.

"Can I come in?"

No 'hello' or any other form of greeting, and it didn't even surprise her; that was just so him. A small smile formed on her lips and she quickly let her head drop, eyes glued to her ground, so he wouldn't see it.

Then she stepped aside and he entered the flat, his eyes wandering around. Hotch had always wondered what her personal space would look like, and he knew that he should stop taking in all the details, or otherwise he was going to try and profile her involuntarily. However, this was kind of exactly what he had expected: the flat was mostly modern and clean, yet somehow filled with a familiar feeling, a cozy and welcoming one.

"I didn't unpack everything yet", Emily said, knowing what he was thinking of. "But I guess there's no need to that anymore."

Hotch's eyebrows furrowed and he remembered why he had shown up at her flat in the first place. He kept his eyes focussed at hers as he spoke: "I need your help on a case."

"You still have the rest of the team at the BAU.", she simply replied.

"Yes, but I need your opinion on it", he insisted, not taking his gaze off her. "You should head back to the head quarter with me."

"I'm sorry, Hotch", Emily sighed. "But I resigned. I can't go."

"Right", the Unit Chief said through gritted teeth. "Sorry I barged in."

He was about to walk towards the door again, but the brunette stopped him.

"Wait - wait - can I ask", she spoke too quickly for her own mind to follow. "Why are you really here?"

Hotch moved between the fridge and the kitchen island, just like he was trying to keep a certain distance again. Only Emily was able to put him in such situations, where he behaved completely differently, where he'd show the real him. Nobody had ever managed to do that to him; not even Haley.

"I told you", he shrugged, but he immediately knew that she wouldn't buy it. The way she raised her eyebrows at him confirmed this thought.

Taking a deep breath, he then said: "I think Strauss came to you and asked for dirt on me."

Emily swallowed. So he knew. Of course she had known that it would only be a matter of time until he'd find out, but she didn't want to give in that quickly. Furthermore, she wanted to know more about the situation between Aaron and the Section Chief.

"Why would she do that?"

"I think if you have your eyes on top leadership of the FBI you want to know who might stand in your way", Hotch explained, not taking his eyes from her.

"And", Emily took a step closer. "What could I have told her?"

"That one of my agents might have murdered a suspect in cold blood or another might have a serious drug problem which I didn't report", he replied. "And if Strauss had any evidence my career would be over. I think she put you on our team and expected something in return and to your credit, you quit, rather than whisper in her ear."

Emily broke the eye contact again and looked away. She still couldn't believe that he was really there, standing in her flat, wanting her - out of all people - to come back to the BAU. In that exact moment, she recognized how her heart was still aching for him, even after all these years.

"I told you", she then whispered. "I hate politics."

"I know", he nodded, content that she had finally given in. "Did you really think that I would forget that?"

"Well, you actually suspected me to be a spy a few weeks ago", Emily smirked. "So yes, I strongly believe that you forgot a lot of things."

"I didn't", Hotch replied and he meant it. He still remembered everything, every second spent with Emily and every word exchanged with her. "But you know me. I distrust everyone I'm not close to."

"Especially women, that hasn't changed", she added. This was one of the first things she had ever noticed about him: his distrust towards women. Both of them still remembered how she had confronted him about that on his first day at the Prentiss' mansion.

"I think it's impossible for me to deny that", Aaron admitted. "So, are you in? Ready to get back to the BAU?"

"I can't", Emily sighed. "You were right about everything, but that doesn't change the fact that Strauss is expecting me to help her. If I don't help her, she is going to take me off the team anyway, so what's the point in going back?"

"I won't let that happen", he replied, his look growing sterner again. "I promise, you will stay on the team."

"How can you be so sure about that?"

"Just trust me."

Emily could've sworn that she had heard a slight sound of despair in his voice. The look on her face grew softer at his words. Oh, how could she not trust him? He was probably the person she had always trusted the most.

"I already handed in my resignation, badge and gun.", she then pointed out.

"You're still hung up in the system", Hotch shrugged. "Garcia is already taking care of that. As soon as she's done you'll get your badge and gun back."