Peaches

Twenty Eight

Not anymore.

I don't want to be here.

With Momma gone- 

Fear meant something entirely different now. It wasn't fast-paced and crippling anymore, that spine-tingling, crippling feeling had gone away.

I'm afraid that I've lost all hope.

"Can I put bubbles in the bath for you?" Chris was watching me, trying to read me, trying to understand. The desperation to help was almost palpable, aching for some sort of response. Could he ever understand me again?

I gave a small nod and forced my neck to turn towards the bathtub where the water was slowly rising, now mixing with blossoming suds of mint and lavender. The smell was so pungent, so different than what I had begun to grow used to, clouding my nostrils with its calming aroma. I wanted to feel the benefits it had to offer but-

"I can help you in, if you'd like," Chris cleared his throat,  managing a soft tone to speak at over the loud rush of the bathtub faucet. 

"Slowly," I murmured, grabbing the elastic band on my sports bra to ease it up over my head. "My skin hurts."

Responding with a hum, he nodded and rose to his feet, holding his arms out to help me from the cold porcelain seat. "I figured. The lady at the store said somethin' about this kinda scent bein' good for your muscles. Eucalyptus?"

As he lowered me into the water, I winced in pain, a gravelly moan leaving my throat. My limbs tensed as the shock of the temperature change stung me down to my bones. "Too hot," I hissed through my teeth, meeting his apologetic eyes.

"Should I-"

"I'll be alright, just leave me."

A distant expression clouded his focus and he pulled his arms away, watching the bubbles sud up above my chest with the gentle sway of the water around me. "Will you eat somethin' tonight?"

Sickness rose in my stomach at the very idea of food, a nearly unbearable feeling that never seemed to let up. Like a stone wall, I sat still with a stare directed at the faucet in front of me. "No."

"I won't fix you a plate," he said after a thoughtful pause. "But I want you to try for a few bites. Do you think you can do that for me?"

"I suppose so."

Moving a fresh sponge languidly up my arms, Chris began to wash me and for a moment a small twitch of a smile crossed his lips. "I tried to pick out some comfortable clothes for you to wear after the bath. I swear you got so much in that closet of yours, I can hardly move the hangers. Shit, half the stuff in there don't even look like clothes."

"I'd be happy wearing your shirt."

I could tell that he tried to conceal the excitement in his eyes, perking up a little in his spot with my answer. "You can always do that, princess."

"You don't have to do all of this, you know."

"Yeah, I know it." His hand tightened around the sponge, draining it of the warm water so that it could cascade over my shoulders. "Won't stop me though, and I know that you know that."

"I do."

There was no denying that this bath was in fact something even I didn't know I needed. The smell was no longer as pungent and overwhelming as before, and I could feel the tension in my muscles releasing with every soft rub of the sponge. This was a feeling I should allow myself to enjoy more often.

"I miss you, I miss talking with you and seeing you smile and it breaks my heart to see you go through the hell I had to. It's a dark place, Bri, and it's lonely. I don't want to see you lose yourself when you have-"