My Professor's Secret

49|

"I'm alright—I'm sure," Lorelei says. "Where's my phone? I need my phone."

When I turned back to look at my brother, there was an immediate drop in my belly. Almost as if my subconscious knew something I hadn't learned yet. But the tears running down his cheeks meant two things could be sure. One, our father had woken up. Two, and the most unbearable option, he'd finally given up. The world is silent, and I'm on my butt before my eyes blink. This was it. My brother and I were now orphans—a fear I dreaded more than anything. Tears well in my eyes as the voices of those around me distort into uncomprehensive chatter. Trinity's voice is calm and manages to keep me somehow centered, though the taste of salt and the moisture dampening my lips inform me that my emotions are again getting the best of me.

"It's okay, Mom. Your phone is right there. Christian has it. Why are you so adamant? We need to make sure you're okay. Help is coming. You took a pretty hard tumble."

"We don't have the time. They said he's awake," Lorelei cries. "We have to go. Now!"

It's only then that sob emerges from my lips, and my brother rushes to my aide to comfort me, but my emotions have me too far gone, and I melt into his arms. Somehow that news sent an even additional giant wave of fear over me. I don't want ever to imagine a world without my father. I can't. But it hurt more genuinely realizing that I couldn't leave with them. Even in the weeks that managed to pass without hearing his voice, I could vividly hear his response to the guilt beginning to suffocate the breath from my body. He'd tell me I needed to handle my responsibilities like adults should. I couldn't do that by leaving Trevor here to stifle through the mess the both of us caused.

It takes us all five minutes to get our emotions under control before we return inside Hinkhouse to take our food to go. The health center van arrives shortly after, but Lorelei shoes them off instantaneously, claiming she'd been fine. Christian, Trinity, and Lorelei had a long journey ahead of them that would require sustenance. Mainly because if Chris got ahold of the wheel, he'd do no less than ninety to get to our father. Christian urges them to the car while he and I wait for the waitress to return his bank card.

Without needing a mirror to check my appearance, I know exactly what it would reflect—an emotional young woman trying to pull herself together and handle her business. If I couldn't be there for my Dad when he woke, I at least wanted a clean name and a clear conscience for him to wake up to. My brother frantically tapped his foot against the floor in anticipation of the return of his card so we could leave while I'd been trying to come up with a way to tell him I wouldn't be joining them. There is no right way for this conversation, and maybe my brother would never be able to forgive me, but it had to be done.

"I'm not going with you when you leave," I say lowly, though it's loud enough for him to hear with clarity because he turns to me with that same scrunched-up brow and straight-lipped expression. "There are things that must be handled here that can't wait."

He doesn't respond—not that he warranted one anyway when his expression told everything his tongue held back. He turns to me, nods once, then turns his face forward as if to end the conversation. That's when I know I can't keep the truth from him a secret anymore. Christian has always had a clue about my involvement with Trevor, and If the heated argument at the theater didn't serve as evidence, I don't know what would. I couldn't ignore how it must have looked from my brother's perspective, though. I stayed here to stick up for a man my brother would also say took advantage of me over being with my father, who had just awakened from a coma after attempting to end his life.

That's not it. Not in its entirety, at least. Sure, that might have been the perception of our situation, but there was more to the story. It wasn't just his reputation at stake here. What would happen if word did get out and I was nowhere to be found? I'd have no way to defend my side of this, and being away would only solidify my guilt. The future I wanted for myself wouldn't start well if I'd been expelled during my first semester of college. What agent would like to work with someone openly content with breaking the rules? That wasn't the woman I wanted to present myself as; I had the right to defend that.