In Love With My Gay Best Friend

More Than Enough

I leaned in for a kiss, but I didn't kiss him. Once I opened my eyes, I wanted it to be Alex.

For a moment, I remember all of the memories that I shared with Ryan. But then the stories I'd hear about him and Sean as Ryan retold them to me... I wanted that with Alex.

I like Alex.

"You were my first choice." I smiled and let go.

I chuckled, "Did I scare you? I'm sorry I didn't mean to."

He didn't say anything. He was very stunned.

"Hey, can you come into my room in like 20 minutes? I need to talk to you about something important." I smiled, grabbed my bags, and opened the car door.

I entered into my house like someone new. Today was a lot. But I learned about myself more than before.

For once I felt okay almost. But now is the time to tell Ryan everything... I just get scared if this will change our friendship. Because thats the last thing I want.

After 20 mins, he knocked on my window. I'm glad I didn't scare him off.

I opened up the window for him to come in, "Hey. I guess we have a lot to unpack here." I chuckled.

"I guess we do." He said.

"Come sit." I patted down the bed while hugging my favorite fluffy pillow.

"Ava... about earlier-"

"Save it, I really want to tell you everything off my chest first. Once I do, everything will make sense." I said.

He sighed, "Okay lay it on me."

"First thing I wanted to say is that. Even when I tell you this, my most feared thing to come from us having this conversation, is that we will no longer be... friends." I began to tear up, "That's what I'm so terrified of happening, because you are so important to me."

"Whoa, whoa. No matter what you tell me, we can get through it. That doesn't mean the end of our friendship." He gave me a hug, "You don't have to be scared."

He let go as I wiped away my tears.

"It's okay, you can tell me, what is it?"

I took a deep breath, "I was in love with you." I chuckled, "Like romantically in love with you."

"Oh my god, Ava... I-"

"No, no it's okay. We can't choose who we fall in love with. For me it was you. And for you it was Sean. Which I know my actions early on, when you came out to me, seemed so bad and cruel. I swear I wasn't trying to seem homophobic, or even seem against you at all. I was just so shocked and more or less sad that we could never be together, and the fact that I was the only one who didn't know for so long."

"Let me stop you right there before you spiral..." He said, "It was partially my fault that I hid something like my sexuality from you, something that is very important, even though we're best friends who tell each other everything. Your reaction is understandable. I wish I was more honest with you, and it's not your fault that you didn't know. That much is on me."

I smiled, "I never wanted you to feel as if you weren't accepted, because you are 1000% you are more than perfect to me, no matter whose ass you eat."

We both laughed.

"But, I was in love with you for a while. When we were younger, and I was nearly abducted by my former music teacher. You saved me, and I saw you in a whole different light. I was madly in love with you. I planned to confess, but then you came out to me. And my heart was honestly pretty broken. The guy I loved, will never see me in that way ever. And yeah, sure you hear those rare occasions where the gay guy falls for a girl, but thats just all fantasy. Because I knew when you looked at your boyfriend, that was how I use to look at you. And as much as I desperately wanted you to look at me that way. There was no going back, you can't choose who you fall in love with. And that light in your eye when you looked at your boyfriend filled me with more happiness than you can imagine. I knew it wasn't a phase, it was genuine emotion and love you felt for him. No one can take that away from you. Not even me."