In Love With My Gay Best Friend

More Than or Just Friends

After all these years... never have I realized something like this would ever happen. To think my very own best friend would be gay. How could I not even notice!? Considering I'm the ONLY one who is the closest to him. In a matter a fact, he doesn't even sound gay nor LOOK like a gay person. Sorry but I am going off of stereotypes, but this was unexpected.

He is the most average teenage guy ever! Dirty blonde hair, Jordan's, Snapbacks, ripped washed out jeans, and a tank top or a v-neck! My head is literally going in circles, I mean.. I can't be mad at him of anything, to be honest I was way more disappointed than I thought I would be. 

Also.. the guy that my best friend likes is actually extremely hot. "So.. um.. uh.. sin-since when h-have you..um.. been.. uh.. yo-you know.. uh.. g-gay?" I stuttered.

He puckered up his lips a bit and was pondering to himself, "Maybe since the 5th grade?" he said nonchalantly.

"Since the 5th grade?" My heart shatters all over the ground. "When were you planning on telling me?" I asked.

"I kind of thought that... you already knew." 

"Oh." 

Oh, was all I could say. I can't tell him that I was in love with him right then and there. In fact, I wanted to scream and yell... but that won't help anyone but hurt us all.

"Can I have a hug?" I asked him. 

"Sure?" He sounded confused. 

I laughed, "You're such an airhead." I gave him a hug. My heart was beating out of my chest. 

"I really hate you..." I started crying. 

He chuckled, "Why? Because I like dick?" 

"No, because..." I let go of him, "I lo-" I couldn't say it.. "I don't want to lose you to another man. I'm not that pretty, or cool, or funny, or anything. But why the hell didn't you tell me before?" 

"Like, I couldn't care less that you're gay, you're still Ryan Knight. You're still the dumbass kid that lives right next to me." I said.

"I felt like it wasn't that necessary?" He said.

"Are you kidding?? Are you saying that I'm not that important for you to tell me? Come on Ryan. I could never be cruel to you... I could never hate you." More tears fell.

"Maybe I was just thinking how stupid you may react, so I kind of hid it from you!" He yelled at me.

"Are you fucking kidding? So you think I'm fucking stupid, that I wouldn't accept you!? Were you making dumb shit up in your head? Assuming that I would act a certain way? That's fucking cruel! God, to think you know your best friend." I scoffed and wiped a tear from my eye.

He was quiet.

"I got to go..." I told him. 

I walked off.  

Then I ran off.

More heartbroken than hateful. I felt more regretful that I never told him, or that I may never love someone how I loved Ryan.

I was walking alone, thinking to myself. Am I now a homophobe? I don't want to be, I'm scared to be... people will hate me. People will think of me as disgusting. I don't hate gay people, I love them. It's just that the man I love happens to be one. 

But no, the guy I like thinks I'm too stupid to be accepting!

"God! To think I was gonna say 'I love you' to him!" I yelled. To think that we had a chance...

"Then why don't you?" a deep voice came about from behind me.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Alex." He smiled and kept walking towards me. 

Some weird kid, got with that long hair of his. Makes me wanna chop it off. 

"Back off." I sniffled, from crying so much.

"Why don't you tell him that you love him?" He asked.

"Because! He'll never love me the way I do!" I yelled out. 

Fuck! Did I really just admit that to this creep?

"Get the hell away from me." I back up onto a brick wall.

Goddamnit! Out of all places, a brick wall has to be right here!

He stopped in front of me, "Your name?" 

"Ava." I said.

Oh my god, did I just do it again!?

I hit my mouth, I'm a dumbass... maybe Ryan was right. I am stupid.

"Look here Alex, get the fuck away from me before I call the cops." I told him.

He grinned at me, "I'm not gonna touch you, nor hurt you. Calm down. You just seem sad that's all." 

I started tearing up again, god... I'm such a crybaby.

"Hey! Get the fuck away from her!"

That voice, I knew that voice. 

"Ryan!" I was so relieved to see him.

Ryan took my hand and we ran off.

It was like everything was in slow motion. My heart kept being at 100 mph. The warmth of his hand, the way he came running to me to save me. 

I love him.

"So... that's the guy you wanted to say 'I love you' to... hm, interesting." Alex got up and left.