2.0 The Chronicles of Us - Shame & Blame

Chapter thirty-five

*♡ Ellie ♡*

Faster.

I need to go faster.

In a haze, I run through a neighborhood. A familiar one I haven't been for quite some time. The spray-painted murals look the same. A little weathered, maybe. The old man with the cowboy hat still plays a sad tune on his harmonica. The music stays with me while I run in the opposite direction, toward the apartment block. Why am I running? There's a sense of urgency in my belly, fuelling my sprint. I'm only a flight of stairs away from seeing Tex.

Out of breath, I reach the floor of his apartment. I still have the key. Stupid, perhaps, but I simply couldn't chuck it out. How could I throw away the key to my home? To him?

Cold shivers travel down my spine when I swing the door open and haste inside. Am I too late? I can't be too late. Not again!

Tex stands in the middle of the living room, doing nothing in particular. A frown appears when he sees me. "What are you doing here?"

The tone of his voice is not one of pleasant surprise. It's one annoyance. He's not happy to see me. Carefully, I say, "I came back for you."

His face remains cold and void of any affection. "A little too late, don't you think?"

"It's not too late. I'm here." A gasp of fear leaves my mouth when I notice the items in his hands. How did I miss the unscrewed bottle and open container? I take a step forward, reaching out my hand. "Please, don't take those pills!"

"Why not?" Genuine surprise strikes his facial features. "What have you ever done for me?"

In an instant reaction, I speak the only truth I know. "I love you."

He scoffs as if my words are laughable and takes a swig of alcohol. "What else? Your love alone is not enough. In fact, your love is poison."

Think! What good did I add to his life?

Happiness? No.

Stability? No.

Safety? No.

My silence makes him huff out an empty laugh. Tauntingly, he shakes the orange container, causing an ominous rattling sound. "You don't mind, right? I mean, you weren't gonna take your sleeping pills anyway. You're a mess. You can't even help yourself."

I know I'm a mess.

I know I'm helpless.

Big teardrops fall from my eyes. "Please, stop! I can't bear this."

He brings the pills to his lips and then halts, smiling as if an evil plan just came to mind. "I'll make you a deal. If you can name one positive thing you contributed to our relationship, I'll give you back the pills."

My mind is going a mile a minute, searching for an answer, but finds none. Fear runs so deep, it tightens my throat, making it almost impossible to speak. Defeatedly, I manage to whisper, "I don't know."

"Thought so." He grins wickedly before emptying the container of pills in his mouth and swallowing them all down with big chugs of whiskey.

No! I trash, kick and scream, hoping to stop him. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. Nothing happens. My limbs are frozen, rendered utterly useless. No matter how much willpower I use to move, I'm stuck in place. "Why?" I cry out. Why are you doing this yourself?"

"Me? I'm just finishing what you started." Unable to hold his own weight, he crashes down, landing flat on his back. The empty bottles roll away, but my eyes are on him. His face falls to the side and his disdainful gaze shatters my soul. With his last, ragged breath, he says, "I always knew you'd be the death of me."