2.0 The Chronicles of Us - Shame & Blame

Chapter four

•★ Tex ★•

The garden behind the rehab center has a Japanese theme. Pink cherry-blossom petals are scattered on the ground. A white gravel path circles around a small pond. On the other side of the path grow some sphere-shaped bushes. There are even some miniature temple-like birdfeeders placed at random spots. It is supposed to be peaceful, but there is a war raging in my head.

Unsurprisingly, I've been an uncooperative asshole so far. I haven't shared anything and sat around with a look of absolute annoyance on my face. I'm pretty sure everyone is getting sick of me already. I know I am. Roy came by the other day and gave me an ultimatum. I either start taking this seriously or I'm off the band. Naturally, I slammed the door is his face.

With a sigh, I lean my arms on the balustrade of the wooden bridge that crosses the pond and look down at the big orange Koi. Being a fish doesn't sound too bad right now. Just mindlessly swimming around with nothing to do but gulp for some food every now and then.

And here I am. Not only do I have to deal with losing Ellie but also with the possibility of losing the band. Oh, and let's not forget about the fact that I was almost dead. Besides that, I have a feeling they will force me to deal with the loss of my mother and every other dark moment from my past. That makes me anxious as fuck. It seems my life is nothing but loss and misery.

Getting tired of my melancholic mood, I throw a little stone in the pond and watch the ripples grow larger. The carp mistake it for food. Fucking Idiots. There are no handouts in life and every time you think you have something special, disappointment slaps you in the face.

Group therapy starts in five minutes. Should I go or stay here with my orange companions? When Roy's serious faces comes to mind, I reluctantly move myself toward the building. I'm the last as always and sit down in the seat I usually do. The group greeted me at first but not anymore.

Steve enters the room, wearing that gross smile. "Welcome all, who will begin?"

Paul raises his hand politely. "Today will be my last day and I really think I'm going to do better this time. Reuniting with my daughter made me realize I have to try harder for her. This is my last chance to be part of her life."

Too bad. He's the only person here who deserves some respect. At least he is owning up to his mistakes. I'm not sure he will be able to lay off the booze but for his daughter's sake, I hope he does.

Steve apparently speaks for all of us. "That's great to hear. We wish you the very best and if you keep the steps in mind, you will succeed."

After a round of applause, Paul leans back in his chair with a proud look on his face.

"Who's next?" Steve looks my way, but I shake my head. What the fuck do they expect me to say? Talking to strangers won't clear that mess in my head. Talk won't change a goddamn thing. It's too late for that. I let fear take the wheel and steer me straight off a fucking cliff.

Thankfully, Sheila flips her hair back in flirty manner like she's probably used to. "I think I had a breakthrough."

Mesmerized by her beauty, Steve shifts his weight and looks at her as if she's about to reveal some of life secrets. "Tell us about that."

She crosses her legs and folds her hands on her knees. "I think the reason for my addiction and the fact that I have cheated on my husband has something to do with the absence of my father. Maybe if I still had him in my life, I wouldn't be this way." 

Steve nods in agreement, but I can't listen to this bullshit any longer. If they want me to open up—fine—I will open the fuck up.

"That's not the reason." They all snap their heads my way, surprised to hear me speak. "The reason you're an addict is because your doctor was tired of hearing your bullshit, so he prescribed you pills, and the reason you cheated on your husband is because you are bored with your empty fucking life."