Winter Wind (YiZhan)

29. Earnest

"H-here it is. Don't. B-be. Earnn...nest."

He acts slightly startled at this statement, and then watches as her eyes begin to somewhat clear.

"Don't," she breathes and Xiao Zhan feels the admonition in the depths of his very soul.

This was one of the scenes in the script that made him completely fall in love with it. But at the time, it only registered in his heart but couldn't make sense to his head. Now however, he can begin to feel the stirrings of exactly how this correlates to his present life. In a split moment, he thinks of his father and then of Yibo, and things begin to click into place.

"What do you mean?" he asks quietly. She is still slightly inclined and resting in his arms, and it seems as though she never wants to leave. She shuts her eyes and smiles.

"In myyy l-life, I. Was. Earnest," she says "And it cost me... eeeveryyy-thing; the person that I wanted to protect... a-and the things that I was aaaaalways too afraid, to ask for."

Her eyes reopen then, and they are glistening with tears.

"Do you understand me?" she asks.

Xiao Zhan remains still.

She pokes at his chest. "When... you're earnest, peeeople will tell you how... you should l-live your life and you! Will believe them! They will tell you... whaaat you can and cannot have! What youuu deserve and... do not deserve. And... you, you will believe them. If you're earnest, other people's opinions will become more important to you than your own. Other people's approval... will," she breathes. "W-will become more important to you, than your own."

She shakes her head in a plea. "Don't... don't be earnest," the tears roll down her cheeks.

"It's a trap!" her voice trembles. "It'll make you f-feel like you're doing the righhht thing but you're not, because all... because what you're doing is sentencing yourself, to a life of obligation... a-and denial... and regret."

"So don't be earnest. Be selfish! Go after what... you want! Aaaand, doooo the things that you want. Oh... I'm drunk. I think I'm d-drunk."

With a giggle, she finally struggles out of his arms and tries to right herself. It is as she is trying to find her balance once again that he asks.

"Can I kiss you?"

At this, she stops and turns to him, and a few seconds later her eyes seem completely clear.

"What," she breathes, her reaction a mix of surprise and an extreme flush.

"I want to kiss you," Xiao Zhan says. "But it is the wrong thing to do isn't it?"

She stares at him for a long time, and then slowly her lips curl into a smile.

"Says who?" she asks.

At this, he slides his hands into his pockets and shrugs. "Who knows."

"Exactly," her smile widens even further.

She takes a wobbly step towards him. "If you're seen," she asks. "Won't you get fired?"

He holds her gaze and shrugs again, this time slowly and more deliberately. "Who cares. It's what I want so why should I be earnest and deny myself?"

She breaks out into a full grin and he shows that it completely mesmerizes him, because for the first time that evening there is pure delight on her face.

"You listened," she says.

"I did," he replies.

The world seems to freeze in time as they stare at each other, until suddenly there is a movement by their side. This startles her a few steps away and breaks her gaze from his. They find that it is just a male patron that has come out from the adjoining restroom.