Rewind

XXXVII: Talk

The morning after that talk with my parents, they start a new conversation.

“Allison,” Father says. “We first want to apologise. We discussed further the issue last night and realised we only put more pressure on you. We are trying our best to keep up with you, but as all this is new to you, it’s even newer for us because we are not feeling like you do.” I blink in surprise at his words and then just nod, still listening. “You are indeed against the clock but this is an important decision so you can’t rush and make a mistake.”

“Experiments must be carried with precision and precaution,” Mum adds and I smile. The science analogies are always so useful between us. “What we want to tell you, after a night to think about it, its that you can take your time until you find what you want, but please, keep us up to date. And if you think we can help you, we will try. We’ve known you with only one goal in mind so it’s hard for us to picture you in any other job, but we’ll try. If you want to visit the campus and other faculties, we’ll talk to other professors and even the dean. Don’t you worry about that.”

I take a deep breath, grateful. They can’t give me options, but they want to help in what they are capable of.

“Do you still want Cambridge? We are not forcing you, Allison, please understand that,” Dad insists and I nod.

“I know, Dad. You’ve never imposed a dream on me, you’ve just pushed me to work hard. And I appreciate that!” I hurry to say because I don’t want it to sound like an accusation. “Just be patient, okay? I’ll try my best to come up with what my true calling is and I want Cambridge, but I’ll choose not the best university out there, I’ll choose the best option for what I want. If it’s not Cambridge, then so be it.”

My parents smile because they like that I want the best, even if it’s not the plan we always knew. I haven’t thrown everything to the rubbish bin, so that puts them at ease and knowing they’ll wait and be patient helps. Not as I expected, but it helps nonetheless.

So no, the problem is not solved, but at least it is not as terribly as it was and I don’t feel like I’m choking every passing second. I know I’m running out of time, but I need to think of this calmly and rationally or I’ll make a mistake and I think that if I can’t come up with anything that really excites me, then I guess I can continue with my previous plan and maybe study something else after that. Biochemistry doesn’t have to be all I want to dedicate my life to.

“Allison, another topic we want to discuss is regarding the following convention we have to attend. We’ll be out of the country for five days.”

Oh right, I remember they mentioned a convention in Germany a few weeks ago, I just had forgotten about it. In this convention, several doctors will share their new discoveries regarding their studies in genetics and their advances in their projects.

“We are not worried about leaving you alone because you are capable to fence yourself for a week,” Mum states and I smile proudly. “What concerns us this time is that now you do have a boyfriend and we are aware that you two might use this opportunity to spend time alone.”

I think about it. Yes, we probably will spend time alone here. He probably won’t want me to be all alone and even Sam will come.

“And we know you’re almost eighteen, still young and your hormones are going crazy. All this is new to you and I guess… well, I guess,” Dad rambles and that fact that he does that shocks me more than the fact he might be implying something very, very awkward to talk about with my parents. “I guess it’s time we talk about… well… about…”

“About intimacy,” Mum supplies, saving Dad and my eyes widen when I see how stressed he is. He pushes his breakfast aside, as if this repulses him and I think I’ve lost my appetite, too. “You’re clever and probably this is uncalled for, but we as your parents need to have this talk, Allison.”