Rewind

XXV: Feelings

      His face now is in my neck, barely brushing the skin with his nose and I think I’m trembling, even if I’m far from being cold. I don’t know what to do with my limbs or my hands, I only move because he guides me and if I look around I can notice the other people are dancing at a different beat, not like us.

I wonder if Zeke can feel my heart beating as strongly as I do. Isn’t he freaked out? Am I the only one feeling this agitated?

And then the song changes and it’s definitely more upbeat so I pull away, trying to catch my breath but I don’t exactly escape him, his hands still rest on my waist and he is looking at me with a smile that is kind and soothing, a smile that is willing me to relax.

I close my eyes for a few seconds and take deep breaths, by when I open them again his smile is wider and he takes one of my hands to make me swirl twice before we start dancing again, this time at the beat of the song—kind of. We don’t have the ability to dance, we are rather awkward and stiff, but I think that makes it more fun. We end up colliding many times, bumping into each other, stepping on each other’s toes and just failing. And instead of feeling mortifying, we both laugh and that attracts people’s attention, I notice them watching us even if Zeke is ninety per cent of my focus of attention.

The awkwardness of that embrace is gone by the fifth song and because I have no stamina and I’ve never done this before, when we finish dancing the seventh song I ask Zeke to take a break.

“Want something to drink?” he asks, leaning closer to my ear so I can hear him above the noise.

I nod and give him a thumb-up so he puts his hand on the small of my back and guides me back to the bar where we asks for two cans of Pepsi. I normally wouldn’t have carbonated drinks when I’m thirsty, but this is a party and we are already standing out for not drinking—among other reasons.

“Wanna go somewhere a bit more quiet?” he inquires once again leaning closer to my ear. Since we arrived the music has become louder and louder so we can barely talk.

I nod once again and he smiles at me before his hand rests on the small of my back once again and I’m led through the crowd, away from the house in the backyard. We find a small playground at the end of the property, with two old swings and a small merry-go-round. I rush to one of the swings and claim it, then look up at Zeke who keeps the smile as he watches me before he finally joins me on the other swing.

“So, are you having fun?” he questions after a few seconds, we swing back and forward softly, without out feet leaving the ground, just as far as the length of our legs allow us to go.

“Yeah, I mean it’s not like it’s the most amazing experience of my life, but I’m glad I came. It’s definitely louder than I expected,” I chuckle. The music is still loud, but we can talk without shouting or being in each other’s ears. “And I’ve learnt I suck at dancing, too.”

“You’re not that bad,” he says and I look at him with an are-you-for-real kind of look and he laughs out loud. “Okay, fine. You’re really bad, but that’s not a crime. I think it’s actually cute that you can’t coordinate your feet.”

“Says the guy who stepped on me on every song,” I mumble but I can’t look him in the eyes because he says he thinks I’m cute—because I can’t dance but cute nonetheless—and that makes my heart race all over again like when we were dancing.

I don’t know why I’m reacting like this, it’s not like Zeke being kind to me is something weird. I mean, since we started talking he’s always being honest and has let me see his true colours, and he’s always said what he thinks. He’s not afraid of complimenting me or Sam we he thinks we do something outstanding or nice, so him saying I’m cute when horribly dancing shouldn’t make me react like this. But it does, my heart is beating like when I go jogging and I feel nervous, like I’ve never felt before. I’ve always been confident because I’ve only faced situations in which I’m comfortable: studies. But now I don’t know where to look at, what to say or what to do with my hands! Do I keep them on the chains or on my lap? Should I shove them in my pockets? Why is this even relevant?